Have you ever been shocked by your reflection?
I was shocked on Sunday. That happened as my family was walking into Mass on Sunday morning and saw our reflection in the glass doors.
It is one thing to be mama to this family....to be inside and living the everyday. It was completely shocking to see what everyone else sees when they look at us. Family of five with back to back babies.
I relived this experience on Tuesday when I took my daughter to ballet class. I had taken her twice previously, leaving the babies at home. Tuesday, I brought the babies. As I walked in, I can't even begin to tell you the looks I received. It actually makes me laugh. I can't even describe the feeling of being infertile and looking uberfertile. I caved and explained to the two women that Augie was flirting with that I was a foster mom. I am not quite sure why I felt the need to offer a disclaimer, but I did.
I remember having Augie as a baby and the feeling of being satisfied with our family size. My hands were full. My hands are full again. Five years ago I had no idea if we would be blessed with the gift of parenthood. Today, we are blessed!
I have been busy on the name hunt and finally dragged hubby into the search. As of tonight I have my top pick. Hopefully we can confirm within the next week or two. :) If all goes well with the TPR, I hope to announce sometime next month.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
they signed
Today I brought Baby Love in for her normally scheduled visit with bio parents. When I waked in, they walked out (did not see me). I saw my social worker and asked "what is going on?!" She mouthed "they signed."
WHAT???
I was blindsided. I know dad has talked about it...or I should say has threatened it. I had no idea mom was on the cusp as well. It may not be until December that everything goes through (not quite sure why...waiting on a court date??) but if we get through the next 30 days, we will be well on our way to a second adoption.
Mom and Dad were very uncooperative, refusing to even provide pictures of themselves or BL's half-sibs for BL in the future. It breaks my heart for her. All I can do is look at my sweet sweet girl and love her and pray over her.
I remember the day Augie's parent's signed. It was as if he was a little more mine that day. We were prepared for the long transition into becoming BL's parents. Suddenly...she is much closer to being ours. I called Paul and said "we have to start thinking of a name!"
This case is so tough. How will I explain to her why Augie has visits with his bios while she does not? How will I fill this void in her life? In the words of a friend...I am going to begin to pray out the spirit of rejection.
Given the circumstances and the parents attitudes...I just keep thinking...how incredibly miraculous it is that she is here. I have done my share of sidewalk counseling and her parents could have very easily made the choice to abort her. For the fact they choose life, I will be eternally grateful. I pray for them and I pray that somehow they realize that they just did an amazing thing.
WHAT???
I was blindsided. I know dad has talked about it...or I should say has threatened it. I had no idea mom was on the cusp as well. It may not be until December that everything goes through (not quite sure why...waiting on a court date??) but if we get through the next 30 days, we will be well on our way to a second adoption.
Mom and Dad were very uncooperative, refusing to even provide pictures of themselves or BL's half-sibs for BL in the future. It breaks my heart for her. All I can do is look at my sweet sweet girl and love her and pray over her.
I remember the day Augie's parent's signed. It was as if he was a little more mine that day. We were prepared for the long transition into becoming BL's parents. Suddenly...she is much closer to being ours. I called Paul and said "we have to start thinking of a name!"
This case is so tough. How will I explain to her why Augie has visits with his bios while she does not? How will I fill this void in her life? In the words of a friend...I am going to begin to pray out the spirit of rejection.
Given the circumstances and the parents attitudes...I just keep thinking...how incredibly miraculous it is that she is here. I have done my share of sidewalk counseling and her parents could have very easily made the choice to abort her. For the fact they choose life, I will be eternally grateful. I pray for them and I pray that somehow they realize that they just did an amazing thing.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Home School, 3 days in
Today was day 3 of my homeschooling career (pre-school). I was super resistant, especially in light of the placement of baby love. I had not prepared much at all (with the exception of thinking about decorating a home school room). The day before my planned start date I sat down at the computer and spent an hour looking through resources, including more decorating ideas. <--- self admittedly, this is my biggest draw to home school right now.
After three days, I must admit, I enjoy this dedicated time! For Rosie, right now school is mostly about role playing. She loves to play the part of the student (including wearing a back pack and school shoes) and she loves to call me "hey teacher". Our goal is mild, one hour, three days a week. We do lunch, put the babes to bed and come downstairs.
In our hour, we start with the Lords Prayer, say the Pledge of Allegiance, spend time reading a bible story, talking about a virtue or the saint of the day; move into handwriting/letter recognition and close with an activity/song or story.
Based on a recommendation, I am using ideas from Handwriting without Tears for the teaching order and multi-sensory learning ideas (letters out of play dough, in chalk and today...shaving cream). I love printables from Homeschool Creations and I have pulled some faith study ideas from Lisa Hendey.
Today, my ideas were pulled from Shower of Roses. Since we did not have school on Mary's birthday, we made a big deal out of today's feast...Holy Name of Mary. It was wonderful. I notice that after our homeschool hour Rosie is extra snuggly and loving. She loves the time together as much as me.
While the jury is certainly out on how long this will last, for now...we enjoy our time playing school.
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| Day 1 |
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| Here we go! |
After three days, I must admit, I enjoy this dedicated time! For Rosie, right now school is mostly about role playing. She loves to play the part of the student (including wearing a back pack and school shoes) and she loves to call me "hey teacher". Our goal is mild, one hour, three days a week. We do lunch, put the babes to bed and come downstairs.
In our hour, we start with the Lords Prayer, say the Pledge of Allegiance, spend time reading a bible story, talking about a virtue or the saint of the day; move into handwriting/letter recognition and close with an activity/song or story.
Based on a recommendation, I am using ideas from Handwriting without Tears for the teaching order and multi-sensory learning ideas (letters out of play dough, in chalk and today...shaving cream). I love printables from Homeschool Creations and I have pulled some faith study ideas from Lisa Hendey.
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| Feast of the Holy Name of Mary |
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| Ave Maria! |
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| Crowning Mary..with flowers from our garden |
Friday, September 09, 2011
more thoughts on open adoption
Fostering to adoption, by it's nature, is significantly more "open" than most adoptions (kinship aside). At least, that has been our experience.
From day one, we know the situation with the family (in other words...we know their dirt). During visits, there is time to see biological family for drop off and pick up. Interaction is hoped for and encouraged.
In our first round of fostering, my relationship with Augie's parents grew and developed over time. While there were uncomfortable moments, we grew to like one another. During TPR, my husband and I took bio mom out for coffee, presented her with a gift and opened up about our family (just enough so she would understand the kind of life her son would have). Since then, I have felt pulled towards a greater level of contact (than our agreed upon twice a year updates, once a year visits). I spoke with her by phone recently, just to say "hello".
In THIS situation, with baby love, it was looking like the judge may mandate visitation. She did not. She did, however, talk at length about Act 101. You can read more about that here. It is essentially a binding agreement about visitation. After multiple discussions during our first adoption, we choose not to sign this as we still want to make decisions we feel are in the best interest of our child (if his parents went off the deep end, for example).
It was very clear from listening to this "pro-bio family" judge, that the tide is turning in the adoption scene. We have been grateful to have the time to allow our hearts to warm to the idea of open adoption. I am grateful for a good relationship with Augie's bios to set the stage. That said. If we are so blessed to keep baby love, I do not see an ongoing relationship with the bio parents going as well. So here, I am grateful that the aunt will remain in the picture for baby love to maintain a connection to her bio family.
To close, I had a play date this morning with another foster mom. I am so sad (for her) that she did not have the same guidance about boundaries as I received. She mentioned it is almost a bio-parent "free for all" and discussed struggling with the impact of visitation on her children. I urged her to set boundaries.
Open adoption and ongoing visitation. It is an issue that we have struggled with from the beginning. What is right for the children? I don't know. But I am glad that the days of adoption secrets are behind us.
From day one, we know the situation with the family (in other words...we know their dirt). During visits, there is time to see biological family for drop off and pick up. Interaction is hoped for and encouraged.
In our first round of fostering, my relationship with Augie's parents grew and developed over time. While there were uncomfortable moments, we grew to like one another. During TPR, my husband and I took bio mom out for coffee, presented her with a gift and opened up about our family (just enough so she would understand the kind of life her son would have). Since then, I have felt pulled towards a greater level of contact (than our agreed upon twice a year updates, once a year visits). I spoke with her by phone recently, just to say "hello".
In THIS situation, with baby love, it was looking like the judge may mandate visitation. She did not. She did, however, talk at length about Act 101. You can read more about that here. It is essentially a binding agreement about visitation. After multiple discussions during our first adoption, we choose not to sign this as we still want to make decisions we feel are in the best interest of our child (if his parents went off the deep end, for example).
It was very clear from listening to this "pro-bio family" judge, that the tide is turning in the adoption scene. We have been grateful to have the time to allow our hearts to warm to the idea of open adoption. I am grateful for a good relationship with Augie's bios to set the stage. That said. If we are so blessed to keep baby love, I do not see an ongoing relationship with the bio parents going as well. So here, I am grateful that the aunt will remain in the picture for baby love to maintain a connection to her bio family.
To close, I had a play date this morning with another foster mom. I am so sad (for her) that she did not have the same guidance about boundaries as I received. She mentioned it is almost a bio-parent "free for all" and discussed struggling with the impact of visitation on her children. I urged her to set boundaries.
Open adoption and ongoing visitation. It is an issue that we have struggled with from the beginning. What is right for the children? I don't know. But I am glad that the days of adoption secrets are behind us.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
and the verdict....
Baby love is staying put!!
I can't believe I haven't updated the blog yet. We got the call as we were driving to our vacay weekend on Thursday. I love that I can update FB from my cell. I haven't figured out how to update the blog this way yet.
The judge entered the verdict. It is in baby loves best interest to stay put with our family. No visitation was mandated.
PRAISE THE LORD!!!
This is such a relief. I have been trying to write a blog on open adoption that shall get published eventually. For now, it is just us and baby love. Literally. The last two weeks of family visits have been cancelled by BL's bio parents.
So, I am looking to the fall and scrambling to make adjustments to be full time mama to 3. I had a tricky evening last night trying to bring the kiddos out in public by myself. Praise God for Augie's guardian angel because I can not keep him safe on my own!
A friend on another forum mentioned "it is raining babies at your house." This phrase is echoing through my head. It indeed feels this way. I am truly truly blessed!
I can't believe I haven't updated the blog yet. We got the call as we were driving to our vacay weekend on Thursday. I love that I can update FB from my cell. I haven't figured out how to update the blog this way yet.
The judge entered the verdict. It is in baby loves best interest to stay put with our family. No visitation was mandated.
PRAISE THE LORD!!!
This is such a relief. I have been trying to write a blog on open adoption that shall get published eventually. For now, it is just us and baby love. Literally. The last two weeks of family visits have been cancelled by BL's bio parents.
So, I am looking to the fall and scrambling to make adjustments to be full time mama to 3. I had a tricky evening last night trying to bring the kiddos out in public by myself. Praise God for Augie's guardian angel because I can not keep him safe on my own!
A friend on another forum mentioned "it is raining babies at your house." This phrase is echoing through my head. It indeed feels this way. I am truly truly blessed!
Friday, August 26, 2011
all i know
All I know is that God has brought us in this little girl's life to fight like hell for her. When I first fell in love with her sweet face and called our social worker, I had no idea what I was signing up for. That said, I would not trade this position for anything. I am happy to fight.
We arrived to the courthouse fifteen minutes early. Our social worker saw us and pulled us aside "we need to talk." "We need to put you on the stand." Well, I am glad we dressed nicely, though I would have traded out my fancy flip flops for a nicer shoe. We were asked to testify about our relationship with her, how much we love her, how we understand her health risks and are willing to be a part of her life long term. After several rounds of testimony, including my own, the judge asked the lawyers to join her out of the court room. Everyone came back in. "Please Rise." The judge explained that she is unable to make the decision today and said she would need a "long while" to mull over this case.
"Mrs BHB" (me) she said (the caseworker leans back and said "stand up"). "When you express your willingness to have an open relationship with the family, what does that look like to you? How often would you have contact?"
Having not thought this through nor discussed with my husband I replied "I could see visitation happening at least monthly, depending on how everything is going."
"And do you see yourselves being involved with them to celebrate holidays and birthdays? What might that look like?"
"Our families are out of state and we often travel for the holidays, but I am willing to have visits around those times or certainly share birthdays."
This judge seriously SERIOUSLY values OPEN family relationships and went on and on and ON about the importance of close contact with the family. I felt that she essentially wanted us to adopt them and them to adopt us. She discussed new laws and how the times are changing and how family relationships are SO important to maintain.
Then she looked at the aunt. This aunt who has basically said she wants all or nothing. She is the caretaker/adoptive mother of this child or she does not want contact. The judge asked her, begged her really, to reconsider. She tried to empathize with the emotional aspect and difficulties of this situation. She said she feels that it would be best for baby love to remain in our care and maintain a close relationship with her aunt. This would be "the best of both worlds."
She explained that she would need time to think and would enter her verdict some time next week. As we all left the court room, you could cut the tension with a knife. I held the door open as the family exited. I saw baby love playing with my husband across the room. The only one who came to say hello to BL was bio-mom. Then the barrage of "family" left to continue conversation with the lawyer. Our social workers made sure we got on the elevator. The doors closed. And that was that.
All in all, I have now offered far more testimony in the case of baby love, then in the case of Augie (where I said maybe 10 emotional words at his adoption hearing).
We continue to wait...and pray.
We arrived to the courthouse fifteen minutes early. Our social worker saw us and pulled us aside "we need to talk." "We need to put you on the stand." Well, I am glad we dressed nicely, though I would have traded out my fancy flip flops for a nicer shoe. We were asked to testify about our relationship with her, how much we love her, how we understand her health risks and are willing to be a part of her life long term. After several rounds of testimony, including my own, the judge asked the lawyers to join her out of the court room. Everyone came back in. "Please Rise." The judge explained that she is unable to make the decision today and said she would need a "long while" to mull over this case.
"Mrs BHB" (me) she said (the caseworker leans back and said "stand up"). "When you express your willingness to have an open relationship with the family, what does that look like to you? How often would you have contact?"
Having not thought this through nor discussed with my husband I replied "I could see visitation happening at least monthly, depending on how everything is going."
"And do you see yourselves being involved with them to celebrate holidays and birthdays? What might that look like?"
"Our families are out of state and we often travel for the holidays, but I am willing to have visits around those times or certainly share birthdays."
This judge seriously SERIOUSLY values OPEN family relationships and went on and on and ON about the importance of close contact with the family. I felt that she essentially wanted us to adopt them and them to adopt us. She discussed new laws and how the times are changing and how family relationships are SO important to maintain.
Then she looked at the aunt. This aunt who has basically said she wants all or nothing. She is the caretaker/adoptive mother of this child or she does not want contact. The judge asked her, begged her really, to reconsider. She tried to empathize with the emotional aspect and difficulties of this situation. She said she feels that it would be best for baby love to remain in our care and maintain a close relationship with her aunt. This would be "the best of both worlds."
She explained that she would need time to think and would enter her verdict some time next week. As we all left the court room, you could cut the tension with a knife. I held the door open as the family exited. I saw baby love playing with my husband across the room. The only one who came to say hello to BL was bio-mom. Then the barrage of "family" left to continue conversation with the lawyer. Our social workers made sure we got on the elevator. The doors closed. And that was that.
All in all, I have now offered far more testimony in the case of baby love, then in the case of Augie (where I said maybe 10 emotional words at his adoption hearing).
We continue to wait...and pray.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
pray for us
So...if you are not a foster parent...let me just clue you in on something I have learned. The only thing predictable is foster care is unpredictable!
Tomorrow is our second round of unnerving, nail biting, could-go-either-way-will-we-see-this-baby-again court. The first, we were not actually present during. Tomorrow, I will have my husband by my side.
I spoke with our case worker to inquire that if the aunt does in fact get custody, how soon would we handing baby love over. I received further encouragement, mixed with an extra batch of complication. Complication first. Per the supervisor, transition would entail visits becoming longer, progressing to overnights, etc, etc, etc. Basically, if the judge says yes to the kinship family, we will likely continue to be involved with baby love's life for some time before her transition. What is the encouragement, you ask? Well, bio aunt refused to cooperate with the recommendations of the visit coordinator and said "if this is going to be my last visit, I want it to be a good one."
Court starts at 10.30am EST. Please pray this is quick and easy (two words that never apply to foster care, but I can hope) and for our strength. THANK YOU!!
I spoke with our case worker to inquire that if the aunt does in fact get custody, how soon would we handing baby love over. I received further encouragement, mixed with an extra batch of complication. Complication first. Per the supervisor, transition would entail visits becoming longer, progressing to overnights, etc, etc, etc. Basically, if the judge says yes to the kinship family, we will likely continue to be involved with baby love's life for some time before her transition. What is the encouragement, you ask? Well, bio aunt refused to cooperate with the recommendations of the visit coordinator and said "if this is going to be my last visit, I want it to be a good one."
Court starts at 10.30am EST. Please pray this is quick and easy (two words that never apply to foster care, but I can hope) and for our strength. THANK YOU!!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
hump day
What a week this is turning out to be. We are scheduled fairly tightly. As a matter of fact, I have about 30 minutes to sit down here before our next appointment, then dinner and off to teach an Into Session tonight.
Quick Update - Monday went well. I took baby love for her doctor's visit and sat in the waiting room with BA (bio aunt) and BU (bio uncle) for enough time to break the ice. While waiting in the doctor's office, I had a chance to bring up Friday, mention that we are praying for God's will and express that we would not hinder a kinship relationship if BL remains with us.
Meanwhile, BL has decided to give up eating all together. I finally realized last night she is teething. Which translates to not sleeping in addition to not eating. Desperate, I actually fed her formula + oatmeal through a syringe last night. Today was mommy helpers, family visit, meet with child profile SW...throw 3 babies in bed and hope they sleep before 4.15pm therapist appointment.
Tomorrow is...what I will just lovingly refer to as "hell day". Thursday's seem to be that way for BL. It is 6 hours of visits where she does not sleep or eat. I get to deal with the repercussions.
And then...well...then there is Friday. Friday August 26th. Court is scheduled in two sessions, late morning and late afternoon (should more time be needed). I am dragging my husband with me for moral and emotional support.
I was reassured by another foster mom who is certain she will remain with us. I wish I could be so positive. Counting down. Two days to go.
Quick Update - Monday went well. I took baby love for her doctor's visit and sat in the waiting room with BA (bio aunt) and BU (bio uncle) for enough time to break the ice. While waiting in the doctor's office, I had a chance to bring up Friday, mention that we are praying for God's will and express that we would not hinder a kinship relationship if BL remains with us.
Meanwhile, BL has decided to give up eating all together. I finally realized last night she is teething. Which translates to not sleeping in addition to not eating. Desperate, I actually fed her formula + oatmeal through a syringe last night. Today was mommy helpers, family visit, meet with child profile SW...throw 3 babies in bed and hope they sleep before 4.15pm therapist appointment.
Tomorrow is...what I will just lovingly refer to as "hell day". Thursday's seem to be that way for BL. It is 6 hours of visits where she does not sleep or eat. I get to deal with the repercussions.
And then...well...then there is Friday. Friday August 26th. Court is scheduled in two sessions, late morning and late afternoon (should more time be needed). I am dragging my husband with me for moral and emotional support.
I was reassured by another foster mom who is certain she will remain with us. I wish I could be so positive. Counting down. Two days to go.
Friday, August 19, 2011
preparing a talk
We have decided to pray for Padre Pio's intercession for the cause of Baby Love. We are praying the same novena he prayed nightly while interceding for those who asked for his prayers. Our fervent prayer is "God's will be done." I love how the bottom of this novena begs prayers from St Joseph, foster father of Jesus.
Today, while cleaning, I got to the bottom of a pile and suddenly, this little prayer book falls to the floor in front of me. My mother picked it up for us last year and I had forgotten all about it. At the same time, I saw a prayer card to St Gianna. Blog followers know she plays a part in this story as well. It is great to know these fantastic saints have our back!
Today is one week until court.
Visit drop offs with Bio Aunt have been a little stressful. We don't have much of a report. I fear she is caught up in an "us against them" mentality. I am sure, if our places were reversed, I would possibly feel the same way. I am contemplating "the talk". It feels a little early to do so. I would love to pour out my heart and tell her how much we love and adore this little girl. But, I know it is better to leave that unsaid this early. I am hoping for the grace and opportunity to reassure her that IF baby love remains with us, we will allow the aunt/niece relationship to continue. I am hoping such reassurance might put our relationship on a better path.
Today, while cleaning, I got to the bottom of a pile and suddenly, this little prayer book falls to the floor in front of me. My mother picked it up for us last year and I had forgotten all about it. At the same time, I saw a prayer card to St Gianna. Blog followers know she plays a part in this story as well. It is great to know these fantastic saints have our back!
Today is one week until court.
Visit drop offs with Bio Aunt have been a little stressful. We don't have much of a report. I fear she is caught up in an "us against them" mentality. I am sure, if our places were reversed, I would possibly feel the same way. I am contemplating "the talk". It feels a little early to do so. I would love to pour out my heart and tell her how much we love and adore this little girl. But, I know it is better to leave that unsaid this early. I am hoping for the grace and opportunity to reassure her that IF baby love remains with us, we will allow the aunt/niece relationship to continue. I am hoping such reassurance might put our relationship on a better path.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
the little girl with four mamas
(and four dads for that matter).
The other day when I was picking up baby love from her visit, her BA (bio aunt) kissed her good bye and said "mama loves you." It was at that moment I realized, this sweet angel girl has four mamas. While it is sweet she is and has been loved on by so many families, enough is enough.
So we have:
#1. Bio Mom and Bio Dad
#2. Bio Aunt and Bio Uncle
#3. Foster Mom and Foster Dad #1 (recently out of her life)
#4. Foster Mom and Foster Dad #2 (us)
Add to that the first several months of her life were in the NICU. I am sure many of those nurses loved on her as if she was theirs.
Oh...and before I forget, Rosie often is petitioning that she BLs mama. This one I will let slide, because I am constantly talking her out of this idea.
This poor sweet girl has had more change in her eight months. In ten days we should know. We are counting down. That means tomorrow is Novena day 1. We continue to pray, God's Will be Done!
The other day when I was picking up baby love from her visit, her BA (bio aunt) kissed her good bye and said "mama loves you." It was at that moment I realized, this sweet angel girl has four mamas. While it is sweet she is and has been loved on by so many families, enough is enough.
So we have:
#1. Bio Mom and Bio Dad
#2. Bio Aunt and Bio Uncle
#4. Foster Mom and Foster Dad #2 (us)
Add to that the first several months of her life were in the NICU. I am sure many of those nurses loved on her as if she was theirs.
Oh...and before I forget, Rosie often is petitioning that she BLs mama. This one I will let slide, because I am constantly talking her out of this idea.
This poor sweet girl has had more change in her eight months. In ten days we should know. We are counting down. That means tomorrow is Novena day 1. We continue to pray, God's Will be Done!
Friday, August 12, 2011
our timelines collide
While we became foster parents, your parents were becoming better acquainted
While we were becoming acquainted with our foster son, you were conceived
While we celebrated Holy Week, you began to grow in your mother's womb
and about the same time, we were presented with an adoption opportunity...but it wasn't right for us...that little girl was meant for friends....as we prayed about her...you were nestling warm in your mother's womb, your tiny beating heart, God knew then we would hold you one day
While our case was transferring to the adoption unit, your mother was entering her third trimester
While we were celebrating a first birthday, you were preparing for birth
the day you were born, we were just steps away at a doctor's appointment
While we were completing our adoption home study, you were fighting with the new world around you
While we were counting the days until Termination of Parental Rights was finalized, you were leaving the hospital for the first time
as our case moved closer to finalization, God drew you closer to us
While I prayed for intercession to St Gianna, you were right around the corner
7 days later I saw your beautiful smile for the first time and fell in love
While I was calling our social worker about you, your foster mom was calling the same social worker about us
While we waiting anxiously for an adoption date, we began learning to care for you
Then we learned that you would be going to live with your relatives...and then we learned you were not
While we were waiting, you continued to find your way back into our home
While we were waiting, your foster sibling got sick and your foster mom needed you to stay with us
When we found out we had an adoption date, we also found out your aunt was going to fight for you
Moments before we were standing outside the court room preparing to adopt our son, I was dropping you off for a visit and meeting your parents for the first time
Moments after we officially became a family of four, I was picking you up and going to our adoption party as a family of five
As we were leaving for vacation, we said goodbye, unsure you would be in our life again
As we were returning from vacation, we were nervously waiting news from the judge...and the verdict
You became our second placement that same day
And now, we wait.
In two weeks we should know if you will remain in our lives a bit longer
While we are waiting, we will pray
"I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience"
"..I will serve you, ...I will worship, ...I will not fail, ...I'll be running the race, even while I wait."
"I am peaceful, though it's not easy, faithfully I will wait"
While we were becoming acquainted with our foster son, you were conceived
While we celebrated Holy Week, you began to grow in your mother's womb
and about the same time, we were presented with an adoption opportunity...but it wasn't right for us...that little girl was meant for friends....as we prayed about her...you were nestling warm in your mother's womb, your tiny beating heart, God knew then we would hold you one day
While our case was transferring to the adoption unit, your mother was entering her third trimester
While we were celebrating a first birthday, you were preparing for birth
the day you were born, we were just steps away at a doctor's appointment
While we were completing our adoption home study, you were fighting with the new world around you
While we were counting the days until Termination of Parental Rights was finalized, you were leaving the hospital for the first time
as our case moved closer to finalization, God drew you closer to us
While I prayed for intercession to St Gianna, you were right around the corner
7 days later I saw your beautiful smile for the first time and fell in love
While I was calling our social worker about you, your foster mom was calling the same social worker about us
While we waiting anxiously for an adoption date, we began learning to care for you
Then we learned that you would be going to live with your relatives...and then we learned you were not
While we were waiting, you continued to find your way back into our home
While we were waiting, your foster sibling got sick and your foster mom needed you to stay with us
When we found out we had an adoption date, we also found out your aunt was going to fight for you
Moments before we were standing outside the court room preparing to adopt our son, I was dropping you off for a visit and meeting your parents for the first time
Moments after we officially became a family of four, I was picking you up and going to our adoption party as a family of five
As we were leaving for vacation, we said goodbye, unsure you would be in our life again
As we were returning from vacation, we were nervously waiting news from the judge...and the verdict
You became our second placement that same day
And now, we wait.
In two weeks we should know if you will remain in our lives a bit longer
While we are waiting, we will pray
"I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience"
"..I will serve you, ...I will worship, ...I will not fail, ...I'll be running the race, even while I wait."
"I am peaceful, though it's not easy, faithfully I will wait"
Saturday, August 06, 2011
exhausted
This is not the first time we have had sweet baby love, but this is the first time it is official. That combined with returning from vacation (including having a wrecked house) plus end/beginning of new cycle. I am exhausted. And SOOOO blessed!
Tonight we brought the family to mass at a retreat center. There was one other well behaved child. Then there were our kids. I felt like a complete mess passing children back and forth and trying to scold our poorly behaved (almost) 4 year old. I was not the picture perfect Catholic mom with pleasant children. I was one of those moms.
I thought I was ready for this. I have to remember that family transition is not easy. Clean clothes and clean house are not my priorities. (I am typing this out as a visual note to myself). As I write I can see that this is really Satan feeding me thoughts of doubt, self pity, lack of parenting skills, etc.
Next week will be my first full week of visit drop off/pick ups. She has a pretty big list of visits. Two four hour visits and two one and a half hour visits. This is more than Blaise had. How on earth foster mom #1 kept up with this is beyond me.
The good news, I honestly think she is the best behaved of my 3. She is such an easy baby. We splurged last week on pictures and a nice baby book (heralding her official entrance to our family).
While I try to speculate the "what if's"; I think it wise just to enjoy our time together. I can't imagine her transferring though I have to be emotionally prepared for that possibility. Three more weeks until our next hurdle (court on 8/26). I take consolation in the knowledge that God has brought her into our lives for a reason. Everything has been miraculously and systematically orchestrated by His hand.
Tonight we brought the family to mass at a retreat center. There was one other well behaved child. Then there were our kids. I felt like a complete mess passing children back and forth and trying to scold our poorly behaved (almost) 4 year old. I was not the picture perfect Catholic mom with pleasant children. I was one of those moms.
I thought I was ready for this. I have to remember that family transition is not easy. Clean clothes and clean house are not my priorities. (I am typing this out as a visual note to myself). As I write I can see that this is really Satan feeding me thoughts of doubt, self pity, lack of parenting skills, etc.
Next week will be my first full week of visit drop off/pick ups. She has a pretty big list of visits. Two four hour visits and two one and a half hour visits. This is more than Blaise had. How on earth foster mom #1 kept up with this is beyond me.
The good news, I honestly think she is the best behaved of my 3. She is such an easy baby. We splurged last week on pictures and a nice baby book (heralding her official entrance to our family).
While I try to speculate the "what if's"; I think it wise just to enjoy our time together. I can't imagine her transferring though I have to be emotionally prepared for that possibility. Three more weeks until our next hurdle (court on 8/26). I take consolation in the knowledge that God has brought her into our lives for a reason. Everything has been miraculously and systematically orchestrated by His hand.
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
and the verdict is...
And, so, before you get your hopes up, the only verdict was that she was to be moved to our home. The verdict regarding the kinship situation was continued to the end of August. Basically, she is still in the picture, for now. One step at a time. One day at a time. I should know more tomorrow.
Thank you to all who have prayed!! Time to adjust our schedule so I can be a full time mamma to three!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things
1st Corinthians 13:7 is the verse echoing in my head today. "(Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
Last month, when we knew baby love's BA (biological aunt) would be fighting for her, we made the decision to continue our relationship with her, no matter the cost. Since then our weekend visits have progressed to week long visits. We have had the joy of having baby love in our home for 15 our of the 31 days this month. At the same time, BA, made the decision to discontinue her visits with BL. A dear friend on an infertility board pointed out that I am the true mother in this case. While humbled and grateful for her words, I am even more grateful to have this baby to love.
She truly is the sweetest thing. A couple things I have learned; she is most content when being held, sleeps best when sleeping next to me (naps included), is content even when she is not meeting her sleep quota. She is adored by all our family. Even Augie, 19 months old, loves to shower her with kisses and love. I also know she (and we) have had enough of this back and forth thing. It is difficult to co-parent when the other parents are in a different house with a different schedule.
August 3rd is court. Today will either be the last day we see her or the last day we have to pass her back to her other foster family. Tomorrow we leave for vacation and will return on the 3rd. We will return to good news or heart breaking news. As I reflected on this point this morning at breakfast, Paul commented that he was grateful to have the opportunity to love her as much as we have.
Please join us in praying that God's will be done for this sweet girl and that August 3rd brings some consistency to her life.
Last month, when we knew baby love's BA (biological aunt) would be fighting for her, we made the decision to continue our relationship with her, no matter the cost. Since then our weekend visits have progressed to week long visits. We have had the joy of having baby love in our home for 15 our of the 31 days this month. At the same time, BA, made the decision to discontinue her visits with BL. A dear friend on an infertility board pointed out that I am the true mother in this case. While humbled and grateful for her words, I am even more grateful to have this baby to love.
She truly is the sweetest thing. A couple things I have learned; she is most content when being held, sleeps best when sleeping next to me (naps included), is content even when she is not meeting her sleep quota. She is adored by all our family. Even Augie, 19 months old, loves to shower her with kisses and love. I also know she (and we) have had enough of this back and forth thing. It is difficult to co-parent when the other parents are in a different house with a different schedule.
August 3rd is court. Today will either be the last day we see her or the last day we have to pass her back to her other foster family. Tomorrow we leave for vacation and will return on the 3rd. We will return to good news or heart breaking news. As I reflected on this point this morning at breakfast, Paul commented that he was grateful to have the opportunity to love her as much as we have.
Please join us in praying that God's will be done for this sweet girl and that August 3rd brings some consistency to her life.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Answering the Adoption FAQs
Fellow blogger, Grace in My Heart recently asked the following questions. As a 2 day new adoptive mama, I am happy to answer!
Questions for Adoptive Mother's for those Discerning Adoption:
(Please feel free to copy and paste and then leave the post link with your answers!)
1. How did you know when to begin the adoption process?
I remember struggling with infertility and wondering about this question for so long. I have heard that most husbands are dragged into the process...and that was pretty true for us. In 2005 I had my first and second surgeries with Dr Hilgers at the Pope Paul VI Institute. I had been inquiring to others about their adoption stories for some time. After our second surgery and several months of not conceiving, I started contacting agencies and getting information packages. We went to two different information sessions and decided on an agency within a couple months. It was a one step at a time process and we know God used each step very deliberately to prepare us for our future.
(for those new to our story, you can see our timeline on the side bar or check out the about us tab)
2. Did you ever feel like you failed at TTC (and were giving up "trying") so that's why you adopted? What suggestions do you have for those working through these emotions?
I would not say we felt we failed TTC; more that adoption was something new to hope in. It was a tremendous relief for me to give up the large amounts of medication, the charting, the timing...the overall stress of TTC.
3. Were you and your husband on the same page about adoption? What suggestions do you have for a spouse who may not be as excited as the other about adoption?
In my experience, husbands have a more difficult time with the idea of giving up on TTC. My suggestion, one step at a time. Each step provided us with such an important opportunity to discuss our feelings and emotions over the adoption process. It was difficult to get my husband to look at the agencies and the paperwork, but I insisted he did. He came to the meetings with me and we had so many difficult conversations following these sessions. Those conversations prepped our hearts.
4. How did you work through figuring out where to adopt from, how open to be, and what type of communication to have with your child's birthparents?
Conversation after conversation after conversation. We decided on domestic adoption due to cost. Our openness grew over time and we learned about the benefits of open adoption from the information sessions we attended. The concept of open adoption was possibly the toughest issue for my husband. He still struggles with the idea of "another parent" out there. I was told, the benefit for the birth parents is they get to know their child is well taken care of (what they truly want). The benefit for the child (in the case of visitation) is they understand who their parents are and they don't fantasize that life would be better with birth family.
5. Adoption can be really expensive. What recommendations do you have to work through the financial aspect of it all?
I can not say enough how thrilled we are for the GIFT of foster care as an avenue to adoption. So many people are afraid of this route. I honestly and truly can not see why people struggle so much with this route. Pregnancy, International/Domestic Adoption, Fostering. Yes, they are all different experiences. They all involve risk. In any of these circumstances, you can loose a child. In our experience with fostering, God prepared our hearts and the training process prepared our minds. The extent of our financial responsibility was providing our background checks (~$150). Foster care provided us with a budget for clothes, monthly stipend (=huge blessing), WIC paid for formula and food, medical assistance covered all medical expenses, and the county covered all our adoption costs. Add to that we will continue to receive a stipend, until Augie is 18 and we are eligible for the adoption tax refund. Honestly, they have paid us to adopt this precious child.
(side note, during our first adoption process, we were committed to debt free adoption and had raised almost 10K through hard work and gifts)
6. Do you truly feel like a mother even though you didn't give birth?
Yes. Ten thousand times yes. Perhaps this is where fostering might be a bit different. With Augie the process of bonding was a balance between bonding and guardedness. It was a slow and deliberate path towards complete and unconditional love. In the beginning, it felt as if I was taking care of someone else's child (I was!). Today, there is not an ounce of difference between my love for Augie and my love for Rosie (who I gave birth to). AND, adding baby love into the mix....as a foster mama you just become a mama. When she is in my care, I am mama.
7. What prayers and/or books do you recommend for those discerning whether or not to pursue adoption?
Hopefully others' will have more helpful answers. Personal witness was key for us. I spoke with many adoptive mamas and then a fantastic foster mom who all helped give me the courage to move forward. I just got the book "Adoption" by Ray Guarendi, but I haven't even opened it yet. We were also just gifted with "God Found us You" which is a melt your heart tear-jerker you will want to share with your child one day.
8. What has been the best part about being an adoptive mother?
Wow. Not sure how to answer this yet. I am such a new one! I am in awe of the process. I am in awe of just how much a gift our son is to our lives. I am still shaking at the thought of sitting in the witness box attempting to tell the judge (through my tears) why I wanted to adopt this child. I guess, in a nutshell, just being able to see God's plan unfolding around me. Through all the painful years of infertility, I was in the dark. Receiving the GIFT of a child is seeing my tears and prayers finally being answered.
Questions for Adoptive Mother's for those Discerning Adoption:
(Please feel free to copy and paste and then leave the post link with your answers!)
1. How did you know when to begin the adoption process?
I remember struggling with infertility and wondering about this question for so long. I have heard that most husbands are dragged into the process...and that was pretty true for us. In 2005 I had my first and second surgeries with Dr Hilgers at the Pope Paul VI Institute. I had been inquiring to others about their adoption stories for some time. After our second surgery and several months of not conceiving, I started contacting agencies and getting information packages. We went to two different information sessions and decided on an agency within a couple months. It was a one step at a time process and we know God used each step very deliberately to prepare us for our future.
(for those new to our story, you can see our timeline on the side bar or check out the about us tab)
2. Did you ever feel like you failed at TTC (and were giving up "trying") so that's why you adopted? What suggestions do you have for those working through these emotions?
I would not say we felt we failed TTC; more that adoption was something new to hope in. It was a tremendous relief for me to give up the large amounts of medication, the charting, the timing...the overall stress of TTC.
3. Were you and your husband on the same page about adoption? What suggestions do you have for a spouse who may not be as excited as the other about adoption?
In my experience, husbands have a more difficult time with the idea of giving up on TTC. My suggestion, one step at a time. Each step provided us with such an important opportunity to discuss our feelings and emotions over the adoption process. It was difficult to get my husband to look at the agencies and the paperwork, but I insisted he did. He came to the meetings with me and we had so many difficult conversations following these sessions. Those conversations prepped our hearts.
4. How did you work through figuring out where to adopt from, how open to be, and what type of communication to have with your child's birthparents?
Conversation after conversation after conversation. We decided on domestic adoption due to cost. Our openness grew over time and we learned about the benefits of open adoption from the information sessions we attended. The concept of open adoption was possibly the toughest issue for my husband. He still struggles with the idea of "another parent" out there. I was told, the benefit for the birth parents is they get to know their child is well taken care of (what they truly want). The benefit for the child (in the case of visitation) is they understand who their parents are and they don't fantasize that life would be better with birth family.
5. Adoption can be really expensive. What recommendations do you have to work through the financial aspect of it all?
I can not say enough how thrilled we are for the GIFT of foster care as an avenue to adoption. So many people are afraid of this route. I honestly and truly can not see why people struggle so much with this route. Pregnancy, International/Domestic Adoption, Fostering. Yes, they are all different experiences. They all involve risk. In any of these circumstances, you can loose a child. In our experience with fostering, God prepared our hearts and the training process prepared our minds. The extent of our financial responsibility was providing our background checks (~$150). Foster care provided us with a budget for clothes, monthly stipend (=huge blessing), WIC paid for formula and food, medical assistance covered all medical expenses, and the county covered all our adoption costs. Add to that we will continue to receive a stipend, until Augie is 18 and we are eligible for the adoption tax refund. Honestly, they have paid us to adopt this precious child.
(side note, during our first adoption process, we were committed to debt free adoption and had raised almost 10K through hard work and gifts)
6. Do you truly feel like a mother even though you didn't give birth?
Yes. Ten thousand times yes. Perhaps this is where fostering might be a bit different. With Augie the process of bonding was a balance between bonding and guardedness. It was a slow and deliberate path towards complete and unconditional love. In the beginning, it felt as if I was taking care of someone else's child (I was!). Today, there is not an ounce of difference between my love for Augie and my love for Rosie (who I gave birth to). AND, adding baby love into the mix....as a foster mama you just become a mama. When she is in my care, I am mama.
7. What prayers and/or books do you recommend for those discerning whether or not to pursue adoption?
Hopefully others' will have more helpful answers. Personal witness was key for us. I spoke with many adoptive mamas and then a fantastic foster mom who all helped give me the courage to move forward. I just got the book "Adoption" by Ray Guarendi, but I haven't even opened it yet. We were also just gifted with "God Found us You" which is a melt your heart tear-jerker you will want to share with your child one day.
8. What has been the best part about being an adoptive mother?
Wow. Not sure how to answer this yet. I am such a new one! I am in awe of the process. I am in awe of just how much a gift our son is to our lives. I am still shaking at the thought of sitting in the witness box attempting to tell the judge (through my tears) why I wanted to adopt this child. I guess, in a nutshell, just being able to see God's plan unfolding around me. Through all the painful years of infertility, I was in the dark. Receiving the GIFT of a child is seeing my tears and prayers finally being answered. Thursday, July 14, 2011
Adopted!!!
It was an amazing day. I cried through the whole 10 minutes of court. We were so blessed to have family and friends supporting us and loving us through every aspect of this process and celebrating with us today.
My dear friend gave us the book "God Found Us You". It was our bedtime story tonight. I completely recommend it to other adopting mamas out there!
Thanks to all for the love and prayers and support through the last 16 plus months!
With love
elisabeth
ps - 20 minutes before our adoption I was dropping off baby love for a visit (first time I have done the drop off). Interesting family, to say the least. It was very amusing to be entering a new chapter with foster situation #2 while literally in the midst of adopting from foster situation #1. stay tuned for details. ;-)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Adoption Eve
My husband's aunt is upstairs bathing Rosie & Augie. Baby Love is asleep in her crib. Our house is a bit busy so this will be a quick reflection.
Tonight is our adoption eve! Tomorrow we will celebrate a moment that we have anxiously awaited for 16 months and 2 weeks (the moment we first met "SBR"). It has been a relatively smooth roller coaster and we are so thrilled to finally make our son an official member of our family. I have been so touched the past weeks by watching family bonds deepen. He loves his Uncle KiKi!
Tomorrow the judge will ask us to verify our information. Then he will ask us individually "why do you want to adopt this child?". I am not sure my eyes will be dry at the end.
Long ago I had wonderful hopes of celebrating this moment with a compliation video of all the moments I couldn't share over the past year. No compilation video set to music (yet) - but I will share a couple of our favorite moments.
Blaise Augustine, we love you so much and we could not imagine our lives without you. Welcome to the family!!! XOXOXO
Tonight is our adoption eve! Tomorrow we will celebrate a moment that we have anxiously awaited for 16 months and 2 weeks (the moment we first met "SBR"). It has been a relatively smooth roller coaster and we are so thrilled to finally make our son an official member of our family. I have been so touched the past weeks by watching family bonds deepen. He loves his Uncle KiKi!
Tomorrow the judge will ask us to verify our information. Then he will ask us individually "why do you want to adopt this child?". I am not sure my eyes will be dry at the end.
Long ago I had wonderful hopes of celebrating this moment with a compliation video of all the moments I couldn't share over the past year. No compilation video set to music (yet) - but I will share a couple of our favorite moments.
 |
| Coming Home, March 1 2010 |
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| Sweet Sweet Baby! |
 |
 |
| Kisses from Sissy |
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| Kisses from Cousin |
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| Happy 1st Birthday Happy Boy! |
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| My dirt eater...he is such a boy!! |
Saturday, July 09, 2011
foster to adopt resources
On this topic, I would also like to direct anyone who may consider fostering to an awesome blog. Immediate Mom has a beautiful and inspiring story. I hope she doesn't mind a plug. :)
Friday, July 08, 2011
vote for our gerber baby!
I am petitioning for votes, and you can vote every day!
Vote for our Gerber baby!
6 days to adoption and counting down!!
Vote for our Gerber baby!
6 days to adoption and counting down!!
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