We are having a Clare Therese!
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Saturday, June 29, 2013
it's a...
yeah...not letting you off that easy. Birthday (reveal) cake is in the fridge for tomorrow (Sunday) night.
And...let us know what you think it is...Vote Please!
And if you are one of those belly analyzers, here is me at 27 weeks (yesterday):
And...let us know what you think it is...Vote Please!
And if you are one of those belly analyzers, here is me at 27 weeks (yesterday):
I will keep you posted. :-)
Oh...and for the record I did tell my hubby that if it is a girl, we may have to return to fostering one day to bring just one more boy into the house (though I am living with a floor peeing 3 year old danger boy right now, and sisters are just great!).
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
"God knew you needed a Catie"
Oh therapy, how I love thee.
Well...this is not entirely true, but how I need thee....at least right now. Perspective is everything.
Parenting children with special needs is tough work. Take the responsibilities of your average child, and multiply that by three, at least. Triple the doctors visits and add to that specialists, surgeries, therapies, tests, and more tests.
Before he turned three Augie had been under anesthesia three times. Twice for MRIs and once for plastic surgery related to an accident. Catie, now two and a half, just had her third surgery. All three directly related to maternal drug use.
We practically know every OT, ST and PT in town. And are well on our way to understanding the multiple levels of services from early intervention to the inner workings of the intermediate unit.
Would this be my life if I had birthed a child with special needs? Absolutely. But this is the life I choose....or rather, the life that choose me. When Augie was placed with us there were no special needs identified. We knew he was at risk of mental health issues (aren't we all?). Since his placement we have been on a wild goose hunt to figure out exactly what is going on in his little mind & body. Two steps forward, one step back. He recently re-qualified for services through our IU. Now we have to figure out whether to enroll him in preschool at age 3 to get him the services he needs.
Catie...we knew. I feel in love and all the discussion about what we were open to accepting went out the window for love of her.
In discussion with Dr D I confessed I struggled with compassion...before even having children. His immediate response was "God must have known you needed a Catie."
The paperwork, the appointments, the surgeries, the CONSTANT flow of therapists in and out of my house...it is a lot. It is tough. And then there are my children. The comprehension issues, the speech issues, the attention issues, the behavior issues, the eating issues...they all bring out my crazy.
But then. Then, there are my children. The ones whom I so rarely get to step back and see with perspective. These beautiful little souls that God sent into my life for very distinct purposes. If they were not bringing out my crazy, my crazy would not be in the process of being healed. It takes everything inside of me and step back to see them as God sees them. I fail in doing this every single day. And yet, God trusts me. God believes in me. He sent these poor, needy, struggling, abused little people to a mama who would love them until she had nothing left of herself. I confessed to a friend that I am not myself during the stressful times. I am not the person I thought I was. I am certainly not the mom I thought I would be. And every day I pick up my broken self and carry on, giving them everything I have within me. Making the calls, the appointments, scheduling the therapists, the surgeries. Trying to understand their special needs. Trying to overcome my inadequacies and frustrations.
And this is the life God choose for me. Because He knew I needed this. I needed them. Heaven ain't for those who just believe. This is my Mother Theresa journey. This is my Calcutta. And I cling to the hope that saints are just the sinners that fall down and get back up.
Well...this is not entirely true, but how I need thee....at least right now. Perspective is everything.
Parenting children with special needs is tough work. Take the responsibilities of your average child, and multiply that by three, at least. Triple the doctors visits and add to that specialists, surgeries, therapies, tests, and more tests.
Before he turned three Augie had been under anesthesia three times. Twice for MRIs and once for plastic surgery related to an accident. Catie, now two and a half, just had her third surgery. All three directly related to maternal drug use.
We practically know every OT, ST and PT in town. And are well on our way to understanding the multiple levels of services from early intervention to the inner workings of the intermediate unit.
Would this be my life if I had birthed a child with special needs? Absolutely. But this is the life I choose....or rather, the life that choose me. When Augie was placed with us there were no special needs identified. We knew he was at risk of mental health issues (aren't we all?). Since his placement we have been on a wild goose hunt to figure out exactly what is going on in his little mind & body. Two steps forward, one step back. He recently re-qualified for services through our IU. Now we have to figure out whether to enroll him in preschool at age 3 to get him the services he needs.
Catie...we knew. I feel in love and all the discussion about what we were open to accepting went out the window for love of her.
In discussion with Dr D I confessed I struggled with compassion...before even having children. His immediate response was "God must have known you needed a Catie."
The paperwork, the appointments, the surgeries, the CONSTANT flow of therapists in and out of my house...it is a lot. It is tough. And then there are my children. The comprehension issues, the speech issues, the attention issues, the behavior issues, the eating issues...they all bring out my crazy.
But then. Then, there are my children. The ones whom I so rarely get to step back and see with perspective. These beautiful little souls that God sent into my life for very distinct purposes. If they were not bringing out my crazy, my crazy would not be in the process of being healed. It takes everything inside of me and step back to see them as God sees them. I fail in doing this every single day. And yet, God trusts me. God believes in me. He sent these poor, needy, struggling, abused little people to a mama who would love them until she had nothing left of herself. I confessed to a friend that I am not myself during the stressful times. I am not the person I thought I was. I am certainly not the mom I thought I would be. And every day I pick up my broken self and carry on, giving them everything I have within me. Making the calls, the appointments, scheduling the therapists, the surgeries. Trying to understand their special needs. Trying to overcome my inadequacies and frustrations.
And this is the life God choose for me. Because He knew I needed this. I needed them. Heaven ain't for those who just believe. This is my Mother Theresa journey. This is my Calcutta. And I cling to the hope that saints are just the sinners that fall down and get back up.
Saturday, June 01, 2013
on communication & the faith
My mother has long told me that she admired my husband's and my ability to communicate. We are certainly not experts...but the longer I reside in adulthood, the more I realize how communication, especially between spouses, is an incredible gift...and one that is essential to practice & nurture.
I grew up in an extended family that did everything to avoid important or personal conversations. There were lots of surface conversations, lots of trying not to offend and lots of dark secrets, How do I know this all? Because my mom rebelled against that mold. She was a confidant to many and perhaps the only one who practiced faith as an adult. I think these two are related. Christ teaches us how to be a friend.
When I married into my husbands' family I saw the differences. Within their extended family, there are many political & religious differences (same as mine), but these are often topics of family conversation. I admire families that can respectfully engage in challenging conversation.
As Christians we are called, challenged, even required to share of our faith. For someone who loves Christ, what she wants most is to share Him, especially with those she loves most. However, in a family that does not communicate...this is a great challenge. I have extended family that are not only not Christian, some are anti-Christian. I love them. They are my family. I struggle with feeling judged...this feeling is rooted in pride. But the hardest is the name calling. When someone I love resorts to name calling, that is where respect goes out the window. And that is my opportunity to unite my little sufferings to Christ, who was called all kinds of names...and still died for those who hated Him.
How can we grow if we are not challenged? If everyone is to sit happily in their little bubbles and never be questioned, challenged or even called out....how do we become better human beings? I am so grateful for the priest who had the courage to challenge my in the confessional. I am on the road to becoming a better mother as a result of his challenge. I am also encouraging my husband to call me out when he sees me falling short. It is hard for him....I can't guarantee my response will be charitable....but we have to be able to help one another in our life's journey.
We have to take risks in life. Sometimes this means taking risks in family or with those we love. Perhaps, this is one of the most challenging calls of Christianity...at least for me. We love them, we accept them and ultimately we live by example.
I grew up in an extended family that did everything to avoid important or personal conversations. There were lots of surface conversations, lots of trying not to offend and lots of dark secrets, How do I know this all? Because my mom rebelled against that mold. She was a confidant to many and perhaps the only one who practiced faith as an adult. I think these two are related. Christ teaches us how to be a friend.
When I married into my husbands' family I saw the differences. Within their extended family, there are many political & religious differences (same as mine), but these are often topics of family conversation. I admire families that can respectfully engage in challenging conversation.
As Christians we are called, challenged, even required to share of our faith. For someone who loves Christ, what she wants most is to share Him, especially with those she loves most. However, in a family that does not communicate...this is a great challenge. I have extended family that are not only not Christian, some are anti-Christian. I love them. They are my family. I struggle with feeling judged...this feeling is rooted in pride. But the hardest is the name calling. When someone I love resorts to name calling, that is where respect goes out the window. And that is my opportunity to unite my little sufferings to Christ, who was called all kinds of names...and still died for those who hated Him.
How can we grow if we are not challenged? If everyone is to sit happily in their little bubbles and never be questioned, challenged or even called out....how do we become better human beings? I am so grateful for the priest who had the courage to challenge my in the confessional. I am on the road to becoming a better mother as a result of his challenge. I am also encouraging my husband to call me out when he sees me falling short. It is hard for him....I can't guarantee my response will be charitable....but we have to be able to help one another in our life's journey.
We have to take risks in life. Sometimes this means taking risks in family or with those we love. Perhaps, this is one of the most challenging calls of Christianity...at least for me. We love them, we accept them and ultimately we live by example.
But who are we as Christians if we are too afraid to invite them to join us in this incredible, blessed life?
While I can blog about this...please don't mistake that for being a stellar apologist. As Christians we should also be able to challenge one another....and this is so hard! It starts with recognizing in my own life how far I am from the goal. And in my weakness, I pray Christ can use me for the good of those I love.
God, give us the courage to live & die for you. Amen.
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