Have you ever been shocked by your reflection?
I was shocked on Sunday. That happened as my family was walking into Mass on Sunday morning and saw our reflection in the glass doors.
It is one thing to be mama to this family....to be inside and living the everyday. It was completely shocking to see what everyone else sees when they look at us. Family of five with back to back babies.
I relived this experience on Tuesday when I took my daughter to ballet class. I had taken her twice previously, leaving the babies at home. Tuesday, I brought the babies. As I walked in, I can't even begin to tell you the looks I received. It actually makes me laugh. I can't even describe the feeling of being infertile and looking uberfertile. I caved and explained to the two women that Augie was flirting with that I was a foster mom. I am not quite sure why I felt the need to offer a disclaimer, but I did.
I remember having Augie as a baby and the feeling of being satisfied with our family size. My hands were full. My hands are full again. Five years ago I had no idea if we would be blessed with the gift of parenthood. Today, we are blessed!
I have been busy on the name hunt and finally dragged hubby into the search. As of tonight I have my top pick. Hopefully we can confirm within the next week or two. :) If all goes well with the TPR, I hope to announce sometime next month.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
they signed
Today I brought Baby Love in for her normally scheduled visit with bio parents. When I waked in, they walked out (did not see me). I saw my social worker and asked "what is going on?!" She mouthed "they signed."
WHAT???
I was blindsided. I know dad has talked about it...or I should say has threatened it. I had no idea mom was on the cusp as well. It may not be until December that everything goes through (not quite sure why...waiting on a court date??) but if we get through the next 30 days, we will be well on our way to a second adoption.
Mom and Dad were very uncooperative, refusing to even provide pictures of themselves or BL's half-sibs for BL in the future. It breaks my heart for her. All I can do is look at my sweet sweet girl and love her and pray over her.
I remember the day Augie's parent's signed. It was as if he was a little more mine that day. We were prepared for the long transition into becoming BL's parents. Suddenly...she is much closer to being ours. I called Paul and said "we have to start thinking of a name!"
This case is so tough. How will I explain to her why Augie has visits with his bios while she does not? How will I fill this void in her life? In the words of a friend...I am going to begin to pray out the spirit of rejection.
Given the circumstances and the parents attitudes...I just keep thinking...how incredibly miraculous it is that she is here. I have done my share of sidewalk counseling and her parents could have very easily made the choice to abort her. For the fact they choose life, I will be eternally grateful. I pray for them and I pray that somehow they realize that they just did an amazing thing.
WHAT???
I was blindsided. I know dad has talked about it...or I should say has threatened it. I had no idea mom was on the cusp as well. It may not be until December that everything goes through (not quite sure why...waiting on a court date??) but if we get through the next 30 days, we will be well on our way to a second adoption.
Mom and Dad were very uncooperative, refusing to even provide pictures of themselves or BL's half-sibs for BL in the future. It breaks my heart for her. All I can do is look at my sweet sweet girl and love her and pray over her.
I remember the day Augie's parent's signed. It was as if he was a little more mine that day. We were prepared for the long transition into becoming BL's parents. Suddenly...she is much closer to being ours. I called Paul and said "we have to start thinking of a name!"
This case is so tough. How will I explain to her why Augie has visits with his bios while she does not? How will I fill this void in her life? In the words of a friend...I am going to begin to pray out the spirit of rejection.
Given the circumstances and the parents attitudes...I just keep thinking...how incredibly miraculous it is that she is here. I have done my share of sidewalk counseling and her parents could have very easily made the choice to abort her. For the fact they choose life, I will be eternally grateful. I pray for them and I pray that somehow they realize that they just did an amazing thing.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Home School, 3 days in
Today was day 3 of my homeschooling career (pre-school). I was super resistant, especially in light of the placement of baby love. I had not prepared much at all (with the exception of thinking about decorating a home school room). The day before my planned start date I sat down at the computer and spent an hour looking through resources, including more decorating ideas. <--- self admittedly, this is my biggest draw to home school right now.
After three days, I must admit, I enjoy this dedicated time! For Rosie, right now school is mostly about role playing. She loves to play the part of the student (including wearing a back pack and school shoes) and she loves to call me "hey teacher". Our goal is mild, one hour, three days a week. We do lunch, put the babes to bed and come downstairs.
In our hour, we start with the Lords Prayer, say the Pledge of Allegiance, spend time reading a bible story, talking about a virtue or the saint of the day; move into handwriting/letter recognition and close with an activity/song or story.
Based on a recommendation, I am using ideas from Handwriting without Tears for the teaching order and multi-sensory learning ideas (letters out of play dough, in chalk and today...shaving cream). I love printables from Homeschool Creations and I have pulled some faith study ideas from Lisa Hendey.
Today, my ideas were pulled from Shower of Roses. Since we did not have school on Mary's birthday, we made a big deal out of today's feast...Holy Name of Mary. It was wonderful. I notice that after our homeschool hour Rosie is extra snuggly and loving. She loves the time together as much as me.
While the jury is certainly out on how long this will last, for now...we enjoy our time playing school.
 |
| Day 1 |
 |
| Here we go! |
After three days, I must admit, I enjoy this dedicated time! For Rosie, right now school is mostly about role playing. She loves to play the part of the student (including wearing a back pack and school shoes) and she loves to call me "hey teacher". Our goal is mild, one hour, three days a week. We do lunch, put the babes to bed and come downstairs.
In our hour, we start with the Lords Prayer, say the Pledge of Allegiance, spend time reading a bible story, talking about a virtue or the saint of the day; move into handwriting/letter recognition and close with an activity/song or story.
Based on a recommendation, I am using ideas from Handwriting without Tears for the teaching order and multi-sensory learning ideas (letters out of play dough, in chalk and today...shaving cream). I love printables from Homeschool Creations and I have pulled some faith study ideas from Lisa Hendey.
 |
| Feast of the Holy Name of Mary |
 |
| Ave Maria! |
 |
| Crowning Mary..with flowers from our garden |
Friday, September 09, 2011
more thoughts on open adoption
Fostering to adoption, by it's nature, is significantly more "open" than most adoptions (kinship aside). At least, that has been our experience.
From day one, we know the situation with the family (in other words...we know their dirt). During visits, there is time to see biological family for drop off and pick up. Interaction is hoped for and encouraged.
In our first round of fostering, my relationship with Augie's parents grew and developed over time. While there were uncomfortable moments, we grew to like one another. During TPR, my husband and I took bio mom out for coffee, presented her with a gift and opened up about our family (just enough so she would understand the kind of life her son would have). Since then, I have felt pulled towards a greater level of contact (than our agreed upon twice a year updates, once a year visits). I spoke with her by phone recently, just to say "hello".
In THIS situation, with baby love, it was looking like the judge may mandate visitation. She did not. She did, however, talk at length about Act 101. You can read more about that here. It is essentially a binding agreement about visitation. After multiple discussions during our first adoption, we choose not to sign this as we still want to make decisions we feel are in the best interest of our child (if his parents went off the deep end, for example).
It was very clear from listening to this "pro-bio family" judge, that the tide is turning in the adoption scene. We have been grateful to have the time to allow our hearts to warm to the idea of open adoption. I am grateful for a good relationship with Augie's bios to set the stage. That said. If we are so blessed to keep baby love, I do not see an ongoing relationship with the bio parents going as well. So here, I am grateful that the aunt will remain in the picture for baby love to maintain a connection to her bio family.
To close, I had a play date this morning with another foster mom. I am so sad (for her) that she did not have the same guidance about boundaries as I received. She mentioned it is almost a bio-parent "free for all" and discussed struggling with the impact of visitation on her children. I urged her to set boundaries.
Open adoption and ongoing visitation. It is an issue that we have struggled with from the beginning. What is right for the children? I don't know. But I am glad that the days of adoption secrets are behind us.
From day one, we know the situation with the family (in other words...we know their dirt). During visits, there is time to see biological family for drop off and pick up. Interaction is hoped for and encouraged.
In our first round of fostering, my relationship with Augie's parents grew and developed over time. While there were uncomfortable moments, we grew to like one another. During TPR, my husband and I took bio mom out for coffee, presented her with a gift and opened up about our family (just enough so she would understand the kind of life her son would have). Since then, I have felt pulled towards a greater level of contact (than our agreed upon twice a year updates, once a year visits). I spoke with her by phone recently, just to say "hello".
In THIS situation, with baby love, it was looking like the judge may mandate visitation. She did not. She did, however, talk at length about Act 101. You can read more about that here. It is essentially a binding agreement about visitation. After multiple discussions during our first adoption, we choose not to sign this as we still want to make decisions we feel are in the best interest of our child (if his parents went off the deep end, for example).
It was very clear from listening to this "pro-bio family" judge, that the tide is turning in the adoption scene. We have been grateful to have the time to allow our hearts to warm to the idea of open adoption. I am grateful for a good relationship with Augie's bios to set the stage. That said. If we are so blessed to keep baby love, I do not see an ongoing relationship with the bio parents going as well. So here, I am grateful that the aunt will remain in the picture for baby love to maintain a connection to her bio family.
To close, I had a play date this morning with another foster mom. I am so sad (for her) that she did not have the same guidance about boundaries as I received. She mentioned it is almost a bio-parent "free for all" and discussed struggling with the impact of visitation on her children. I urged her to set boundaries.
Open adoption and ongoing visitation. It is an issue that we have struggled with from the beginning. What is right for the children? I don't know. But I am glad that the days of adoption secrets are behind us.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
and the verdict....
Baby love is staying put!!
I can't believe I haven't updated the blog yet. We got the call as we were driving to our vacay weekend on Thursday. I love that I can update FB from my cell. I haven't figured out how to update the blog this way yet.
The judge entered the verdict. It is in baby loves best interest to stay put with our family. No visitation was mandated.
PRAISE THE LORD!!!
This is such a relief. I have been trying to write a blog on open adoption that shall get published eventually. For now, it is just us and baby love. Literally. The last two weeks of family visits have been cancelled by BL's bio parents.
So, I am looking to the fall and scrambling to make adjustments to be full time mama to 3. I had a tricky evening last night trying to bring the kiddos out in public by myself. Praise God for Augie's guardian angel because I can not keep him safe on my own!
A friend on another forum mentioned "it is raining babies at your house." This phrase is echoing through my head. It indeed feels this way. I am truly truly blessed!
I can't believe I haven't updated the blog yet. We got the call as we were driving to our vacay weekend on Thursday. I love that I can update FB from my cell. I haven't figured out how to update the blog this way yet.
The judge entered the verdict. It is in baby loves best interest to stay put with our family. No visitation was mandated.
PRAISE THE LORD!!!
This is such a relief. I have been trying to write a blog on open adoption that shall get published eventually. For now, it is just us and baby love. Literally. The last two weeks of family visits have been cancelled by BL's bio parents.
So, I am looking to the fall and scrambling to make adjustments to be full time mama to 3. I had a tricky evening last night trying to bring the kiddos out in public by myself. Praise God for Augie's guardian angel because I can not keep him safe on my own!
A friend on another forum mentioned "it is raining babies at your house." This phrase is echoing through my head. It indeed feels this way. I am truly truly blessed!
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