Chrismas Wishes

First, please let me extend our wishes to you for a very Merry Christmas. We hope the birthday of our savior brings renewed joy into your homes. This year, Paul and I wanted to wait to celebrate the liturgical Christmas season. We waited to purchase a tree, set up decorations, do baking, etc. And now, today is the first day of Christmas! This was, of course, preluded by wonderful family gatherings and meals. But we look forward to the days ahead to celebrate and reflect on our blessings.

What a year. And hopefully one year closer to the blessing of a child. We recieved several wonderful baby-wishes this year. Especially in the breaking of Oplatek. Every year we follow the polish custom of breaking bread (chrismas wafers pronounced oh-pwah-tek). This is a custom where those gathered have a chance to express well wishes to one another. The theme for us this year was "may all your baby dreams come true." In addition to oplatek, this was expressed in gifts received. Thank you for all that have us in their thoughts and prayers. It means so much!

I am very tempted to do a "year in review" type blog...but we will wait until next week for that!! Love you all!

no news is no news

So, yup, posts have been much less frequent lately. There is not much going on in the adoption front. We are still approved, we are still waiting. Generally, we don't hear anything unless we ask...and we have been too busy to ask these days.

Dec 1st I started my new position as the Campus Minister at the catholic high school. It has been a very busy week (two weeks) trying to learn the ropes and learn the inner workings of high school life. I think once it starts rolling things will pick up. It is just these darn ropes that are so tricky. Someone told me they thought the new job would be a good distraction for us in this wait. It is certainly a distraction...but it also adds a new dimension in our road to parenthood. To daycare or not to daycare. We have always discussed that I would be a stay-at-home-mom. God knows (and hopefully He will let us in on the secret soon) - what will happen. Perhaps a modified version of staying home & working. Perhaps job sharing? Perhaps in-home care? A whole 'nother world of discussion to discuss!

Set your DVD to Record...or Watch Dr Hilgers this Friday night!

From an Email:
"I am so pleased to announce to you that Dr. Hilgers will be the feature of a one hour interview on national television beginning Friday, December 8, 2006 at 7 p.m.CST. This interview was taped about two weeks ago with Raymond Arroyo of EWTN at Christendom College at Front Royal, Virginia. It was taped in their library with a student body live audience.

I hope that you will put this on your calendar or set your Tivo so that you don't miss this important interview. Please also let everyone associated with your center know and your clients as well. It helps spread the message of our work."

Tis the Season to Be Jolly (Paul)

As this season of advent approaches it is a time of preparation I teach my 8th grade CCD students. Some of them get it and others look surprised. Its kind of funny. This year I was one of the surprised ones. It hard to believe that it is already this time of year. Getting so wrapped up in work and estimates and Elisabeth's new job and normal responsibilities the idea that this is a time of preparation slipped my mind. We are supposed to be preparing our homes and our hearts for the arrival of a baby. A king is promised to come. One who will bring peace to the world and to us individually. Although Christmas time may come and Go I am choosing this advent to prepare my mind and heart for a baby that is promised. One that will be ours. Maranatha Come Lord Jesus and See the blessing you have created for us some where.

May your Advent be a fruitful one and may the Lord's coming fill your home with Joy.

An EXCELLENT article on Infertility

Dear Family & Friends,
PLEASE READ THIS!!!! Someone on my infertility board posted a link to this article. It is, perhaps, the most comprehensive and honest look at what we go through. I hope that it brings you insight on the struggle of Infertilty. God Bless You All & Happy Thanksgiving!

Adoptive Search Panel

So, last night I was on my own to attend the Search panel discussion (while Paul was teaching). This is where we hear from "the triad." The triad consists of the adoptive parent(s), adopted child and birthparent(s). The search panel consists of one of each of these that have searched and found someone in the last couple years.

The first was an adoptive parent. Her son sought and found his birthmother when he turned 18. Since her son was 7 when he was adopted he did have a memory of his birthmother. In this case the mother and the birthmother formed a friendship and now refer to him as "our son" and joke about how he has two mothers. There always seems to be one case that is a little over the top.

The second was a daughter and birthfather that were reunited last year. This case was unique because it is very rare that a birthfather will keep the agency updated hoping to one day reunite with his child. Hearing from this man gave good insight. He was 15 when his daughter was born. His parents wanted to adopt and raise the baby - he was the one who talked everyone into giving the baby up for adoption. He was very respectful to the desires of the parents - to wait until their daughter turned 18 for her to search. She wanted to wait until she was out of college. Now they both speak of the relationship, the challenges and brought thoughts such as what happens after the reunion. Hearing from the daughter really helped me see that her parents are her parents, regardless of what happened with the search. She also helped me see that some degree of openness (letters, pictures) is not a bad thing. She didn't have any of that and said it has been overwhelming trying to learn names and relationships in her new extended family.

Also, the idea of the fact that the child is going to want to search was addressed. It is not a bad thing. It seems to just be a necessary, "finding oneself" right of passage for a child that is adopted. Even though a percentage of reunions never happen, or rejection may occur, the child will know and have closure on that part of their life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On another note...I just accepted a new job as the Director of Campus Ministry for a catholic high school. I am thrilled to finally have the opportunity to do what I want (full time ministry) - but nervous as to how the adoption will play into this change. I know God has this plan that is slowly unrolling. It is just difficult to see directly in front of you when you want to know the big picture. Hopefully the job will be a good distraction from the wait.

Reproductive Medicine & Catholicism

Yesterday there was an article published in the Washington Post about NaPro Technology and Dr. Hilger's work with the Pope Paul VI Institute. Read the article by clicking here. The only argument from the Institute was that it was published in the religion section rather than the health & medicine section. While we were pursuing treatment with Dr. Hilgers there were concerns because we were pursuing "catholic" treatment. No, we were pursuing morally acceptable treatment.

Overall, the article is pretty balanced. Of course there are some ridiculous comments: "They might as well be advocating prayer for infertility," said Richard Paul, a fertility expert at the University of Southern California. "The reason that this is dangerous is because women have a biological clock, and while they are using up time with less effective therapies, time may run out." Though we are not (yet) in the statistical success rating, I think it would be quite difficult to find a woman who considers her treatment a waste of time.

I am glad to know that it is causing a little controversy out there. For two reasons, 1) if there is controversy others will know about it. 2) I would love to have other people studying & challenging the research. Really, their success and patient load should be saying something to mainstream docs. Please spread word of this article!

OFFICIALLY approved

Well, this homestudy process lasted much longer than we thought, but as of yesterday, we are OFFICIALLY approved. Technically, according to our agency's policy, we have been waiting 7 months and 3 weeks; But now, if a girl comes to the agency and asks to see all the profiles, we could be in the running.

There is no word on how long (before we receive a placement) it just depends on girls coming forward. Please pray for women that may be struggling with the decision to place their babies for adoption. Please keep in mind that though we have an agency, an independent adoption can still be facilitated. We hope to send out our "Dear Birthmother" letters to friends and family before the end of the year. The purpose is that if you come across someone hoping to adopt, you can share our profile with them. We will keep you posted. Thank you again for all your prayers and support.

Please pray for this family...

We just received news of the death of one of Paul's former classmates. What makes this so tragic is his wife delivered their first child on Friday night via C-section. On Sunday she was expecting to see him at the hospital...but he didn't show. The police were called and found him dead at their house. It is moving us because Paul recently re-connected with him. We were invited to their baby shower. Paul and he spoke just a few weeks ago.

I absolutely cannot fathom becoming a mother and a widow in the same weekend. Please pray for the "W" family, and the repose of this young man's soul.

The Events of last Friday....

Friday night we thought we were going to Fr. Keith's church to surprise their cousin for his 30th birthday party. When we went to meet him in the chapel, they opened the doors and the chapel was FILLED with our bible study friends (around 30 people). I almost had a heart attack!! I was ushered to the front of the room as all was quickly prepared for Mass. Fr. Keith led a Mass to start our time of waiting with prayers and lift us up with hope. The gospel read was of Mary's fiat and visit to Elizabeth who conceived in her old age. The homily was lovingly directed to us and I cried the WHOLE time. Thank goodness someone had a tissue, because I was not prepared for this!

After the Mass everyone migrated to the church hall which was beautifully decorated, a full spread of yummy food all prepared by Becky. As we walked in she was selling raffle tickets and people started to play shower games. The first was a quiz about us. Where were we born, what was our adoption agency, what was the name of our dog, etc. Some of the answers were quite creative.

Another game was the baby word unscramble. As this particular group of friends is very "fruitful" and are quite current on their baby shower games, I think Aleeca unscrambled all 10+ words in less than a minute.

These pictures were cutting the cake and giving out the raffle prizes (while holding our goddaughter, M):


Other local family friend's showed up and through out the night we got to update our friends and recieve congratulations. During the car ride home I had the opportunity to hear Paul's reflections. In additon to what I posted previously, he said "I feel like I am on the other side of the fence now and this feels like it is becoming more real." When we got home we took time to open the gifts and cards. Once again, overwhelming. We were grateful for the opportunity to opt out from doing this at the party. But, from all the resulting generosity, we now have a stroller, car seat, pack and play, BRU gift cards and HALF of our adoption fund raised!!!!!!! I agree with Paul, looking at the baby gear makes it seem more real. Now, all we need is a little bum to fill that seat!

Again, we just feel so incredibly blessed. Another god-incidence part of this whole thing was that last week was the week for our homestudy report to be written up & approval granted. So, officially, literally, we are started our wait time surrounded by friends and family lifting us up in prayer at the Lord's table. I am confident this prayer is helping us prepare and surrounding us with grace needed. We don't know how long the wait will be, we don't know what little soul God has to bless us with...but we are so grateful that we can relax in being more prepared for whatever surprises lie ahead.

"God has given YOU to us!"

It is 2:30am the morning of October 7th. I have jotted down our thoughts and hope to post the full report soon (with pictures - Becky, can you email me a few :) . As some of you may check the blog later, I wanted to write something.

We are just about speechless. Certainly we are overwhelmed at the outpouring of love, support and generosity. As Paul said "when we began the process, we entrusted everything over to God...and now God has given us You (becky, steve, keith, all our family and all our friends) to pray for us and give us strength in this journey."

Thank you. Everyone, thank you.
We love you and are so grateful for your friendship and love.

(((Keith, Becky and Steve. we are speechless. we love you. we are so thankful God has given us you!)))

Adoptive Parent Panel

Paul:
Monday we attended a workshop and the panel of speakers had 4 new parents who adopted and one gentleman whose adoption fell through (a very sad story). The great thing was that all these couples, who held babies in their arms, previously had the same struggles that Elisabeth and I deal with. They had moments of doubt, some lost hope, and yet in the end they became parents by receiving a gift they had waited so long for. Their blessing had come and their suffering ended. I was filled with excitement while at the same time Elisabeth was filled with fear and trepidation (this is consistent with all our meetings, we leave on opposite ends of the emotional spectrum). We ask for your continued prayers as we struggle through this time of waiting.

Elisabeth:
I asked Paul to write the above to let everyone know about the panel. I will just add that the reason for my fear is the reality of the fact that it could still be 3 years before we are so blessed with a child. This reality made me feel like we jumped the gun on registering, starting this site, sharing the fact we are adopting, etc. The other thing is that 3 of the 4 couples found out about their babies just days before they brought them home, again to reiterate that we really could get the call at any time. The unpredictability of adoption is terrifying!

i walked the line

Tonight, I did it. With "gun" in hand and friend at my side...i walked the aisles of Babies R Us. Paul and I have gone back and forth about the registry. Since we don't or won't know what we will need and when we will need it....it took a long time to decide...it is okay...we WILL have a baby!

We tried to do Babies R Us once before but failed miserably. After that attempt we perused the internet and established the first inklings of a registry. Tonight (bru take 2) has been on the calendar for weeks. With Paul out of town it was the perfect time for a girls night. It was wonderful to have a supportive, loving friend to lead me in to this vast abyss of crazy baby world and help me know what I will need and not need. Jen is so practical that Paul put his trust in her as a stand in. She did great and when she called later to make sure she wasn't too practical, I assured her that I still registered for a few things I wanted (over needing). :)

There is certainly no manual on how to do this the adoption way...but, it is a worry out of the way so that when the time comes - we can expend all our energy fussing over the gift that God has in store.

I don't want to think about it...I just want a baby!

I want to be a mommy! With all the excitement of the homestudy now over - and just waiting to start the waiting, the ebb has gone out and I feel it may be forever until we have a child. Of course the tide will come in again and I will freak out that it could be any day now.

One of my buds from the www is currently visiting her soon-to-be son in another country. The pictures of her and her husband holding their baby...well, it makes me wistful. So close, but yet, so far. As I type this a song on the radio is singing "hold on."

Home Visit Report

Yawn! Well, this was the morning. After a night of cleaning...and staying up to get dough to rise for the "Homestudy Cinnamon Buns" and a morning of anxious preparations...well, the home visit is completed. She came at 9, just as we were serving up the Cinnamon buns. It started with the tour - main floor, back deck, basement, office, upstairs bedrooms and bathroom. So that took about 3 minutes. I guess it takes a social worker looking over your shoulder to realize all the places where wires are exposed in our house (and there are a lot). I think our next major home improvement project will revolve around recovering our electrical box, and putting the light switch boxes back in the walls, etc. :)

We sat down at the table to talk. First question, so what are you going to do about a baby's room? Paul's response was "we are not doing a baby's room!" We discussed that our idea has been to keep the guest room as such and have the baby in our room through infancy. It is our hope that as they grow, maybe Paul will build a crib, or we will buy a crib and then have a guest room/toddler room. Of couse I didnt mention any of that and didn't think out how this would sound, but now I envision her saying to herself "they don't want to give the child a room?" Next question, so will you send your child to the Catholic school? "Well, we were thinking about homeschooling." (now I am thinking she thinks we are nuts) Paul explained his rationale, "I went to Catholic school and the theology was just off a bit and I know at public schools they usually just get this unnecessary stuff, we want to teach our children the truth." I followed up that we are not sure yet about schooling. :)

And then down the line comes the question of accepting a child of a different race or nationality. She asks "will you incorporate your child's customs into your family?" Should I give the response from the man who regularly sings "I am proud of my polish heritage!" After he explained the biblical idea of full inculturation into the family, I added that I have an eclectic background and do bring new traditions to the family. When she asked for questions, I decided not to mention anything yet about considering adoptive breast feeding. Enough nuttiness for one day!

Okay - so now I am busy reflecting on what we could have or should have said. Honestly, it was a good visit. I know that she can see we both so excited to welcome a child into our house and lives. Though I keep feeling the need to explain why we aren't "baby ready" - but she has done this for 16 years and probably knows. She said there is no reason we won't be approved. We still have to attend the adoptive parent panel, which will be held towards the end of September...and she needs to write up our homestudy report for approval. She thinks that our profile will be ready to be shown in October. We won't know when our profile is being shown - unless it is a circumstance that would require our approval. So - that is the update. Thanks to all for the prayers!!

To Be a Father (paul)

a responsibility, a sacrifice, to live and die for another
what they turn out like
what choices they make
will all be based on what I've taught them and how they were loved
time spent, walks walked and talks talked
my dreams are not gone but have changed into hopes
for these young ones, how can i prepare?
what can I say...how can i live for them?
my job is not just for now - but for eternity
how may they come to know heaven through me?

I have found the "in"

Suddenly it as not as uncomfortable being the only woman without a baby in my crowd of friends. Well...It is still uncomfortable, but humorously when conversation turns to breastfeeding, I am participating. I was with the moms at the pool today (while our husbands are away together on a "men's camping weekend") and a Le Leche League instructor joined our group. One of the girls nudged me and I asked her about adoptive breast feeding. Before I knew it the words "nipples" and "breast pump" were flying around my head. I laughed and listened as 6 women spouted suggestions and encouragements. Paul and I have been discussing the idea of adoptive breast feeding and doing a little internet research. The idea of being able to bond with a baby & potentially lactate to provide for some of his or her nutritional needs is intriguing and exciting. Should I overwhelm everyone here and say that we are also thinking about cloth diapering?

One more check off the list!

Adoption Interview Meetings - Check
Home Visit - 21 days to go
Home Study Approval - looks like September

We had our interviews on Monday. They were much less dramatic than we expected. More just the collection of our history. The focus was on questions like "What was your best childhood memory" and "what was the worst?" "How were you disciplined" and "how do you plan to discipline?"

In the meantime I found out that Paul and Fr. Keith seem to have been raised by two different sets of families (maybe the reason for his post below). :-) It is interesting what we remember about our upbringing vs what our siblings remember. I look forward to talking to my brother.

For the first time we are scratching our head about the discipline our children. I wonder how many people talk about this before they actually have children. Can't we just do what Supernanny does? Well, the dog whisperer techniques haven't worked on our dog...and I am tired of hearing Paul make the "SHHH" "SHHH" sounds to him. We are looking forward to the real life experiences of child rearing. One month to approval - YEAH!

Paul's Ramblings: "I was adopted too"

I was born of parents, a father and mother. My parents experienced new life with the birth of my brother before me. Then I was put up for adoption. During my adoption ceremony I had water poured over my head. I was given new clothes, a candle, a new name. My new family was so big - I had brothers and sisters of all ages and sizes. They were adopted too.

I grew to know the love of my Father by having little talks with Him. The eternal question was always there. Father, do you love me as much as your real son? "Someday you will know how much I love you."

As I grew, I learned and wondered. I learned of what my brother did for me. Being older he saw the trouble that I would get into. He died to help me live. Oh I know my brother loved me.

Father, do you love me as much as your real son? Then I heard my brother's voice. "Not my will but yours be done." I realized how much I was loved. My Father gave of Himself, by giving His son, for me, His adopted son. I am His son and He is my Father. May I never question His love for me and May His love ever shine through me. May my children bask in His love through me.

Homestudying (still)

Yes, after 3 months we are still in the Home Study process. Here is the run down:
Orientation Meeting - Check
References - Check
Background Checks - Check
Financial Reports - Check
Fingerprints - Check
Autobiographies - Check
Birthmother Letter - Check
Individual Interviews - 4 days to go
Home Visit - Not Done
Adoption Ready - Not Done

Though we don't yet have an estimated date of completion, the countdown is on. 4 days till the interviews, ? days till homestudy, ? days until we are considered "Adoption Ready." When we are adoption ready...then really everything depends on God and the decision of the birth mother of the child God has planned for us. After almost 4 years of infertility - hope is starting to return.

We are Adopting!!

For those that don't know yet, please let this be an official announcement of our intent to adopt. We have been researching agencies since November 2005 and made the decision of which type of adoption and which agency in March 2006. We are pursuing domestic infant adoption. In late April we began the homestudy process, which takes several months (with our agency). We hope through this blog we will be able to keep everyone posted on our journey - it's starting to get exciting!!