dry

dry.

The house, my hands, my desire to blog....

I have sat at the computer with intent and left with regret several times in the last weeks.

What I would have shared in a couple quick takes:
1. Paul's 94 year old Busia passed peacefully in her sleep after attending mass and celebrating the Polish Christmas eve dinner with her family.  Seriously I can not imagine a more beautiful way to pass.  I was grateful to be able to make the quick trip with my husband to celebrate her life.  Quick thanks to the family who made it possible for us to attend.

Rosie enjoying time with her pra-busia in October.  A memory & photo I cherish.

2.  Christmas was wonderful, full of family.  We finished our guest room in the nick of time.  A reveal that will have to wait for another day.

3. New Years Eve.  I quote my mom who said "most fun new years."  Pinterest style, I went to Party City and had balloons blown up to help us count down the hours.  In each balloon was a note.  Each hour, my alarm went off to summon the kids to pop a new balloon.

7pm - Make Caramel Apples
8pm - Make Soap Clouds
9pm - Play a Game
10pm - Watch a Movie
11pm - Sing Karaoke
12 pm - Make a Toast and Go to Bed!

The babies made it almost to 10pm and Rosie made it to celebrate midnight.  The evening was a blast.

4. The day after my mom left, I threw out my back.  I have never done this before and holy smokes...I do NOT recommend it.  I spent the first day in tears and with the help of my husband's ingenuity, was only able to lay down or get up using a table leaf as a back board.  I am slowing regaining movement and coming out from under almost a week of muscle relaxers and naproxin.

5. I hate hate hate HMOs.  Just for the record.

6. I am grateful for the women who have come forward and told me how much they appreciate or relate to my 30 days series.  Being completely honest in the blog world is a risk.  Especially for a foster mom.  My struggles have not ended, but I am strengthened with new resolve.  And each time someone thanks me for writing those posts, I am reminded to go back and read them.  Something I need to do regularly.

7. Did I miss the birthdays???  I forgot the birthdays!  Augie turned 3 and Catie turned 2!  We celebrated at a bounce house.  Best birthday ever for Augie, worst birthday ever for Catie.  Fortunately she enjoyed her cupcake.  I am amazed to look at my babies growing and think of how far we have come.

I am truly blessed to be mamma to these special little ones.  For as much as they challenge me, they are beautiful miraculous gifts straight from God.  He knew I needed them to purify me and bring me to my knees.  He knew they needed me, a mamma who would love them and do anything for them.  Happy Birthday to my babies.  I am grateful for you.

today we marched for life

 and on a lighter note...yesterday we ate ice cream. 

today in pictures

Picking itty bitty flowers for mama

Doing whatever his big sister does...but he sure is cute

Sneak Peak

German Chocolate Cupcakes for our beloved uncle kiki

Reflections from Adoration

Every October our parish hosts a month of adoration.  Today I had the great privilege to attend, thanks to the fantastic idea of a friend who suggested a kid-swap.  In this little chapel, I have prayed through many years of struggles.  Due to the blessing of my children, this is the first time I have been able to attend in a few years. 

I had a fantastic time of reflecting upon the goodness of the Lord.  As I was wrapping up my time, I felt the Lord calling me to Psalm 13.  In my bible it was entitled "Prayer in Time of Illness".  "Ummm, God?"  But I read through.

Psalm 13
I

2How long, LORD? Will you utterly forget me?

How long will you hide your face from me?^a

3How long must I carry sorrow in my soul,

grief in my heart day after day?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

II
4Look upon me, answer me, LORD, my God!
Give light to my eyes lest I sleep in death,
5Lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed,”
lest my foes rejoice at my downfall.^b

III
6But I trust in your faithfulness.
Grant my heart joy in your help,
That I may sing to the LORD,
"How good our God has been to me!"^c

* [Psalm 13] A typical lament, in which the psalmist feels forgotten by God (Ps 13:2–3)—note the force of the repetition of “How long.” The references to enemies may suggest some have wished evil on the psalmist. The heartfelt prayer (Ps 13:4–5) passes on a statement of trust (Ps 13:6a), intended to reinforce the prayer, and a vow to thank God when deliverance has come (Ps 13:6b).

At part III it started to make sense.  I reread it a couple of times and then my time in this little chapel made even more sense.   For so many years I felt forgotten by God.  I was carrying sorrow in my soul from the burden of Infertility.  That particular cross shook my faith to the core.  Through the years my husband and brother in law (a priest) would try to offer encouragement and words of inspiration.  I did not see the face of God in my suffering.  I was mad. 

I struggled, truly struggled through this.  I wanted to find God but WHY would He make the greatest desire of my heart to be a mother and then withhold from me that ability, that gift. 

My all time favorite verse, as I matured in my struggle, was from Genesis.  The story of Jacob wrestling with the angel.  If you have not read it, go!  It is from Genesis 32 verse 25-29.  The line...my life line: "But Jacob said, “I will not let you go until you bless me.”

Tonight we celebrated our anniversary with a lovely evening out.  I am SO blessed with my children and it is SO nice to have a night with out them with the man who started it all.

For me, it did take being blessed to truly speak that last verse.  I can look in reflection and pray "I trust in your faithfulness. Grant my heart joy in your help, That I may sing to the LORD,"How good our God has been to me!"

 

Wedding Weekend

This weekend was my brother's wedding and we had a wonderful time. H was so grown up and so cute marching around with her purse (from aunt meagan) and her sunglasses and hair done. She did exceptionally well...except for the actual wedding. I spent most of the wedding trying to figure out the appropriate time for momma (a bridesmaid) to take the flower girl to the back to calm her down. In the end, we waited it out. Everyone loved meeting "SBR" and we get so many comments on what a great, laid back baby he is. Thanks be to God! I am so grateful we got a foster son with the personality of a number two. He IS great and it was so nice to be able to introduce him to everyone.

The night ended with the reception and the funniest moment was when someone suggested to H her basket would make a nice hat. She took her flowers right out of the basket, put it on her head and walked out into her introduction like the crazy kid she is.

inch by inch

"Cousin Love"

My parents were in town this weekend. We were able to spend Father's day with my parents and my Sister in law's family. It was wonderful for our daughter and foster son to get some cousin time. H is 2 years older than her cousin and SBR is 3 months younger. Not living close to my nephew it was sheer joy getting to see how much he has grown. He looks so much like my brother and makes the funniest grunting/laugh sounds. H had so much fun pushing her cousin on the swing and my sister in law overheard H say "he's my boy."

Meanwhile, SBR has won over my family. I am sure they are in love. We are going to my brother's wedding this weekend. SBR is coming along as family, of course. Apart from a baptism, this will be the first big event where we are introducing him. I know he will win everyone's hearts with the killer smile that he uses all the time. I was wondering what questions I may get this weekend. On quick reflection, I have actually already fielded questions such as "how on earth could you ever do that?" and heard numerous foster care horror stories. But so far our extended family is awesome and supportive about this.

And just a post script, every day he makes his way just a little deeper in my heart. Right now I would say we have a love love relationship...it helps when he is sleeping through the night! At one point I spent a few hours day dreaming about possible names, but I had to stop and decided to try not to be adoption minded until the courts are clearly adoption minded. Our next court date is in October and I know the next 4 months will reveal a LOT.

My Nephew

SR arrived by c-section on August 30th. Mom, Dad and S are doing well (after quite a laboring ordeal). H spent the day singing happy birthday to Simon and cheering for him and Aunt Meagan.

Summer Fun

Here are a few pictures of our summer fun - just in time for Fall!
I tried hard and long, but still can't get the captions to work out.

1. Pool time with Papa and Uncle Keith
2. A sprinkler playdate
3 & 4 - Backyard fun with cousin K
5. Potty training together with cousin G
6. Puzzels with god-sister C
7. My big girl who still thinks she can take a bath in the sink. :)

Camping in Deleware

Paul's request for Father's day was to go camping in Deleware. We went to Cape Henlopen....a wonderful place. I only managed to get about 10 minutes of good beach time (when we first arrived) but we still had a great time. The taste of yummy blue crabs still lingers!

Camping Time Again!

With a gorgeous weekend forecast, we jumped town and went camping.
It was wonderful. Except for the lack of sleep the first night. And the lack of nap the second day. You can see, though, we sufficiently tuckered H out for the second night. :) (and naps for the rest of the week...see evidence under the library book). We also got to attempt kite flying. Of course the wind didn't show up until we were leaving.

H is growing and changing so much, still. She continues to keep us in stitches. She loves to give kisses European style (back and forth from cheek to cheek). She is getting very good at potty training her baby doll (including singing the potty song to her) - while she still does not have much interest in learning herself. We are trying to learn some Disney characters for our summer trip. So far it is Winny the "poop" or Winny "pee-uuuuu." She also loves to use that sound in reference to her own diapers (learned from mama). She still loves to help empty the dishwasher and tells us "thank chew" as she hands us silverware. If I am not paying attention "mamma, mamma, thank chew." She is learning new words all the time, but it still can be quite difficult interpreting. My favorite thing is to listen to her sing the alphabet with me. She picks up lots of letters and is just adorable singing.

We discovered that H is not the fulfillment of our desire for children...but a taste of just how sweet it is to be parents. We long for more of this goodness...and while we wait, we savor our amazing little gift.