She is here!!

Born in the water after keeping her mama waiting!  Beautiful girl!  9/28 @ 10pm - 9lb 7oz - so far more peaceful...and more hungry than her big sister was.  

Overdue

Being on this side of a due date...the overdue side...offers a completely different perspective on the topic.  I heard someone say "library books are due...babies come when they come".

Being on this side of "due" there is lots of scary talk.  How many times have I heard "induction" this week?  Enough.  My midwives are  certainly in support of waiting - but are trying to prep me for everything the hospital staff will be saying (to scare me into induction) come Monday.  Also, if my water were to break without the start of labor...off to the hospital for...induction.

My husband mentioned that he had 9/27 in his calendar as due day.  That reminded me that 9/27 was my initial & LMP due date.  I wish I could have mentally prepared for that, rather than jumping on the 9/23 bandwagon after an early ultrasound.

Perspective is everything here.  

It is tough to check the days & nights off the calendar with no change...how many nights have I hoped?  Well, not going to lie, tonight I am going to bed hoping.

After many failed attempts with natural induction ideas...tonight I am trying something a bit more "aggressive".  Castor Oil.  Blech.  After discussing with two midwives...I am attempting a modified semi-gentle approach.  1 TB in OJ at 3.30 pm this afternoon.  I just downed my second helping a few minutes ago, at 10pm.  The first dose made me mildly sick.  So lovely that I should try again.

So, off to bed am I.  Hopefully a baby announcement will come before 10/7 (official induction date).  Thanks for the prayers!

due

Sep 23, 2013

The date I am due.  40 weeks of gestation, according to early ultrasound dating.  But early ultrasounds can be 5 days off.  If I had been charting...like a good practitioner...

So any how.  Some light contractions but no baby.

So...instead, happy feast of St Pio of Pietrelcina. I had the opportunity to visit his shrine with the family Saturday.

venerating the relic of his glove

He has been an intercessor in my life the last year +.  He has been my tough love in my journey.  If you are in need of some tough love...I highly encourage praying for his intercession. 

St Pio of Pietrelcina, pray for us!

7 Quick Takes- pondering joy (and publishing early)

Dedicating these takes to the topic of Joy.  I blogged about lost joy recently and had some fantastic comments and insights.

1. It is super interesting to hear different perspectives on the topic.  For me the height of (what I call) my joy, in my my perhaps juvenile understanding, was the end of high school & college, when I fell in love with Christ and the Catholic Church.  Steubenville retreats, college retreats...I even gave up dating during this period to focus on the Lord.  It was sunshine & flowers.

2.  Falling in love with my spouse was also pretty fantastic.  I know there is a difference between happiness & joy.  I don't think happiness adequately describes falling in love.

Of course the feeling of love is very different than actual love.  On our first date my husband went into a dissertation on this followed by the comment "I choose to love you." Yes, he said that on our first date.  Kat's wise comment was that "maybe joy, like love, matures and does not look the same as it once did."  I think there is something to that.

Mrs. Mike continued with "It was explained to me that happiness is a fleeting emotion but the Christian virtue of joy gives us the ability to smile through our tears when that happy state ceases. It's what sets Christians apart from the rest of the world. But it requires a repeated and conscious choice of the heart. Even for the more sanguine type, it takes years to develop the habit of living a joyful life."  

3. After college and falling in love...came marriage.

We were so excited to start our family that pretty soon after marriage came the realization of infertility.  I have had challenging periods in my childhood...but infertility was the first time I really suffered as an adult. That suffering did something to my joy.  After years of crying out to God and wondering if He heard me, my faith, my trust...my joy was tarnished. 

4.  The day my daughter was born was ah-mazing.  Answered prayers.  Being a participant in a miracle.  Knowing those tears were not for nothing.  

5.  And then...blessed parenthood.  With secondary infertility we became foster parents and two more quickly followed.  

So so so so so blessed that this was God's amazing plan for my life.  Looking back could I have imagined??  No!  But, it was a bit like being thrown into boiling water.  Suddenly everyone thought I was super fertile.  It was a drastic change from the first five years of married life.  And the reality of what it took to pull it off...enter the second phase of suffering.  Suffering sounds like such a selfish word to use here.  I think my children were the ones who started to suffer.  As the tidal wave of parenthood roared over my head...I became a mom far far from what I ever hoped I would be.  Enter favorite meme (adjusted as you see fit): 

6. The last year has been time to put on my big girl pants and really try to figure this out.  How do I reclaim joy?  Well...I have a feeling it has something to do with relearning the true meaning of joy.  Joy is not a feeling, it is a choice.   I was pleased to link back to one of Jennifer Fulwiler's blogs yesterday and find her thoughts on the topic.  "Joy is something different than happiness, and it’s a whole lot different than surface-level pleasure or physical comfort. It’s something divine in origin, not subject to the ups and downs of human emotions, a kind of ecstatic contentment and explosive peace that can only come from contact with the Source of all life and love himself."  It is crazy intriguing that she is finding her joy in the midst of family life.  

7.  I SO enjoyed 31 days of blogging last October.  I may be partially insane to imagine that I can pull it off again...but my heart is being pulled (obviously) to the topic of Reclaiming or Rediscovering Joy.  

Jennifer also said "the more intimately we know Christ, the more joy we’ll have…but Christ is the very embodiment of self-sacrifice, of pouring out oneself for the sake of others."  I hope to recognize this joy in my life.  Lord, help me learn to suffer well...so that I may be a light, rather than an extinguisher of light.  

7 Quick Takes

Hosted @ http://www.conversiondiary.com

1. So evidently after 38 weeks the clocks stop ticking & just move in sssssllllllooooowwwww motion. :-)  When I didn't think I could get bigger, I got bigger.  Just call me master of the waddle ...and a crane/forklift would be mighty handy for helping me us these days. Oh, blessed maternity!!

2. So, from the wisdom of other moms, I have learned that previous pregnancies are not the best predictors of when a labor will start or how it might progress.  In reflecting back, Rosie was due on 9/12.  On 8/31 my fluid began to leak.  She was delivered on 9/4.  (I did not realize I was leaking fluid until 9/2 & it was confirmed on 9/3).  The game changer between pregnancies was pertussis.  I suffered through my last trimester & there is a good chance all the coughing & vomiting weakened the sack.  So..who knows what things would have been like otherwise.  Who knows what lies ahead.  It is this unknown that makes us most crazy.  Who is good at waiting?  It must be a virtue.

3. I certainly feel like a watched pot right about now.  

4. Lets talk other kids.  They love school.  I am actually super pumped that Augie has this outlet right now.  He tells me far more about his time @ pk3 than I get from Rosie in K.  So far the  report from the teacher is positive.  It is amazing to watch them come from behind & do well.  Even Catie is doing well in therapy.  I am grateful she is overall an easier toddler than her brother was.

5. Getting the hang of early school mornings and the predictability of our weeks' schedule.  Glad to have a little normalcy before baby shakes us up.  

6. Netflix recommendation: In Plain Sight is what I have been killing time with lately.  There are several seasons a available so enough to keep me busy for a bit.  If not watching that, I am trying to listen to hypnobabies (not so much on board yet...it feels a little new agey) or trying to read a little Ina May birth prep.

7. 

while i'm waiting...

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord granted my request"

I still can't believe I get to do this all over again.  There is something so spiritual & beautiful about bearing new life.  To get to nurture someone straight from God...and to be able to nourish them from my body.  

I can look at this experience & reflect again on adoption as a higher calling.  It is challenging when you long to do these things for your child (or foster child, in our case).  The bonding has to take place in other ways.  More sacrifice & more supernatural grace are needed to forge that same bond.  

I watched this beautiful video sent by a friend today.  It brought tears to my eyes and I am so excited I get to share this new one with my big kids.  I am so excited they get to see nursing in action (a first for them all).   The beautiful thing is a new opportunity to teach them to love.  I pray that our love for baby C is a bit of a do-over.  Another chance to show then how to love better.  

In my husband's words...he is trilled our adopted kiddos will be sandwiched in love.  Lord, help us to love.  Teach is to love.  Teach our kids how to love. 

0-4 WW

Checking in at 38 weeks.  

Minus the random SHARP drops in patience, I have been doing pretty well.  The weather has been delightfully cool.  Tonight is the first night I have turned the AC on in a week.  

We just wrapped up the family celebration of Rosie's 6th birthday (a few days late).  Thinking back to her birth fills me with joy & hope for this next one.  I can only pray it goes as smoothly.

That said, there is some underlying fear of the worst case scenarios.  I offer my fears and little physical sufferings for all those longing for motherhood or praying to be blessed again. 

Sts Gianna & Gerard, pray for us!!