7 Quick Takes- pondering joy (and publishing early)

Dedicating these takes to the topic of Joy.  I blogged about lost joy recently and had some fantastic comments and insights.

1. It is super interesting to hear different perspectives on the topic.  For me the height of (what I call) my joy, in my my perhaps juvenile understanding, was the end of high school & college, when I fell in love with Christ and the Catholic Church.  Steubenville retreats, college retreats...I even gave up dating during this period to focus on the Lord.  It was sunshine & flowers.

2.  Falling in love with my spouse was also pretty fantastic.  I know there is a difference between happiness & joy.  I don't think happiness adequately describes falling in love.

Of course the feeling of love is very different than actual love.  On our first date my husband went into a dissertation on this followed by the comment "I choose to love you." Yes, he said that on our first date.  Kat's wise comment was that "maybe joy, like love, matures and does not look the same as it once did."  I think there is something to that.

Mrs. Mike continued with "It was explained to me that happiness is a fleeting emotion but the Christian virtue of joy gives us the ability to smile through our tears when that happy state ceases. It's what sets Christians apart from the rest of the world. But it requires a repeated and conscious choice of the heart. Even for the more sanguine type, it takes years to develop the habit of living a joyful life."  

3. After college and falling in love...came marriage.

We were so excited to start our family that pretty soon after marriage came the realization of infertility.  I have had challenging periods in my childhood...but infertility was the first time I really suffered as an adult. That suffering did something to my joy.  After years of crying out to God and wondering if He heard me, my faith, my trust...my joy was tarnished. 

4.  The day my daughter was born was ah-mazing.  Answered prayers.  Being a participant in a miracle.  Knowing those tears were not for nothing.  

5.  And then...blessed parenthood.  With secondary infertility we became foster parents and two more quickly followed.  

So so so so so blessed that this was God's amazing plan for my life.  Looking back could I have imagined??  No!  But, it was a bit like being thrown into boiling water.  Suddenly everyone thought I was super fertile.  It was a drastic change from the first five years of married life.  And the reality of what it took to pull it off...enter the second phase of suffering.  Suffering sounds like such a selfish word to use here.  I think my children were the ones who started to suffer.  As the tidal wave of parenthood roared over my head...I became a mom far far from what I ever hoped I would be.  Enter favorite meme (adjusted as you see fit): 

6. The last year has been time to put on my big girl pants and really try to figure this out.  How do I reclaim joy?  Well...I have a feeling it has something to do with relearning the true meaning of joy.  Joy is not a feeling, it is a choice.   I was pleased to link back to one of Jennifer Fulwiler's blogs yesterday and find her thoughts on the topic.  "Joy is something different than happiness, and it’s a whole lot different than surface-level pleasure or physical comfort. It’s something divine in origin, not subject to the ups and downs of human emotions, a kind of ecstatic contentment and explosive peace that can only come from contact with the Source of all life and love himself."  It is crazy intriguing that she is finding her joy in the midst of family life.  

7.  I SO enjoyed 31 days of blogging last October.  I may be partially insane to imagine that I can pull it off again...but my heart is being pulled (obviously) to the topic of Reclaiming or Rediscovering Joy.  

Jennifer also said "the more intimately we know Christ, the more joy we’ll have…but Christ is the very embodiment of self-sacrifice, of pouring out oneself for the sake of others."  I hope to recognize this joy in my life.  Lord, help me learn to suffer well...so that I may be a light, rather than an extinguisher of light.  

on lost joy

(Started writing on Thursday)

I am sitting in the quiet of the house.  Having just loaded Rosie on the bus and not yet awakened my two little crazies.  A theme has been circling my brain recently...a theme that comes up repeatedly in my life.  Joy.  Even trying to title this blog leads me to reflect on joy?  What is it?  Why did I have it once?  Where did it go?  How can I find it again? 

As I sat down to type, I decided upon a quick google search for quotes and stumbled upon many from CS Lewis.  A man who has clearly thought significantly more about this topic that I have.   In his book, Surprised by Joy, he writes:
"it is that of an unsatisfied desire which is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction. I call it Joy, which is a technical term and must be sharply distinguished both from Happiness and Pleasure. Joy (in my sense) has indeed one characteristic, and one only, in common with them; the fact that anyone who has experienced it will want it again. Apart from that, and considered only in its quality, it might almost equally well be called a particular kind of unhappiness or grief. But then it is a kind we want. I doubt whether anyone who has tasted it would ever, if both were in his power, exchange it for all the pleasure in the world. But then Joy is never in our power and pleasure often it."

Thank goodness for philosophers to make more sense of these things.  Joy is something I feel I once had and have since lost.  Being named Elisabeth I have always loved the image of the Visitation.  Within Elizabeth's womb, the infant, "leapt for joy."  Two years ago I had the opportunity to attend a conference and be prayed over by Neal Lozano.  He is an incredible man.  In his blessing over me, he brought forth that image and prayed for joy over me.  

(Returning to this writing on Saturday)

So, the elusive joy.  When I became a mother there was definitely a honeymoon period where I was so filled with joy.  I remember being tired...but I don't remember anger until my newborn became a toddler.  She was very VERY loud. I recal posting on an online forum about her manipulating behaviors.  Another mother challenged me that perhaps I was perceiving her as more advanced than she was.

With the transition to toddlerhood, came the loss of control.  With the loss of control, I began to experience the loss of joy. 

In my 6 years as a parent, there have been profound moments of gratitude...but limited moments of joy.  I could go back to giving birth vs adopting (where there were no happy hormones flooding my body)...but ultimately, I think if all my babies were from my womb, I would still struggle with anger & pine for joy.

It has been awhile since I spoke with Dr D.  As I mentioned the cost of two private schools has taken control of those funds in our budget.  One of the themes I was most interested in was the idea to "make your house a cloister".  The image of a cloister is one of peace, order, joy.  Perhaps the peace & order are impossible with children?  But I am for sure trying.  

Nesting is helping us declutter and bring peace to areas of our home that have been in chaos.  The energy to keep things clean is not present...but it is a prayer.  So...the home, is a big source of stress...but then, the kids.  

I so long to find joy in my children. I long to see them as God sees them.  I long to live in peace with them.  I long for them to have a mama that is filled with joy.  This...is where I pray for my miracle.   Parenting is suffering.  Parenting is laying down your wants, your life, for your children.  So...this elusive joy is only going to come from learning to suffer well.  

I am not quite sure how to do that...but every single day I have another opportunity to try.  I am a mama that is going to stay put.  And keep trying.  And...if joy is not meant for me in this life, I am so grateful it is available in heaven.