Reflections from Adoration

Every October our parish hosts a month of adoration.  Today I had the great privilege to attend, thanks to the fantastic idea of a friend who suggested a kid-swap.  In this little chapel, I have prayed through many years of struggles.  Due to the blessing of my children, this is the first time I have been able to attend in a few years. 

I had a fantastic time of reflecting upon the goodness of the Lord.  As I was wrapping up my time, I felt the Lord calling me to Psalm 13.  In my bible it was entitled "Prayer in Time of Illness".  "Ummm, God?"  But I read through.

Psalm 13
I

2How long, LORD? Will you utterly forget me?

How long will you hide your face from me?^a

3How long must I carry sorrow in my soul,

grief in my heart day after day?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

II
4Look upon me, answer me, LORD, my God!
Give light to my eyes lest I sleep in death,
5Lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed,”
lest my foes rejoice at my downfall.^b

III
6But I trust in your faithfulness.
Grant my heart joy in your help,
That I may sing to the LORD,
"How good our God has been to me!"^c

* [Psalm 13] A typical lament, in which the psalmist feels forgotten by God (Ps 13:2–3)—note the force of the repetition of “How long.” The references to enemies may suggest some have wished evil on the psalmist. The heartfelt prayer (Ps 13:4–5) passes on a statement of trust (Ps 13:6a), intended to reinforce the prayer, and a vow to thank God when deliverance has come (Ps 13:6b).

At part III it started to make sense.  I reread it a couple of times and then my time in this little chapel made even more sense.   For so many years I felt forgotten by God.  I was carrying sorrow in my soul from the burden of Infertility.  That particular cross shook my faith to the core.  Through the years my husband and brother in law (a priest) would try to offer encouragement and words of inspiration.  I did not see the face of God in my suffering.  I was mad. 

I struggled, truly struggled through this.  I wanted to find God but WHY would He make the greatest desire of my heart to be a mother and then withhold from me that ability, that gift. 

My all time favorite verse, as I matured in my struggle, was from Genesis.  The story of Jacob wrestling with the angel.  If you have not read it, go!  It is from Genesis 32 verse 25-29.  The line...my life line: "But Jacob said, “I will not let you go until you bless me.”

Tonight we celebrated our anniversary with a lovely evening out.  I am SO blessed with my children and it is SO nice to have a night with out them with the man who started it all.

For me, it did take being blessed to truly speak that last verse.  I can look in reflection and pray "I trust in your faithfulness. Grant my heart joy in your help, That I may sing to the LORD,"How good our God has been to me!"