court

We had a review hearing today.  It was the biggest wait for the least dramatic 2 minutes of my life. 

The last week has been insanely crazy:
Tuesday Feb 14- Foster Care home re-evaluation by our social worker.  We stink at homestudies these days.  I will just say our 5th home study is SO different than our first. This is the picture - messy rooms (forgot she had to look in them), plugging the outlets as we walked by them, locking the cabinets as we walked by them, oh yeah...I forgot we happen to have electrical wires hanging from our downstairs ceiling at the moment, I printed out our escape chart as she waited...the kicker, I had to send my BIL to the store to buy another smoke detector (during the home visit!).

Wed Feb 15 - Closing visit with bio mom...see previous post for details on that one (big kids at sitters)

Thursday Feb 16 - Social worker visit (by Catie's social worker).  Later our adoption social worker came over to have us sign papers and pick up what she needs for our adoption home study, PLUS, OT for Catie.

Monday Feb 17th - Creighton appointment - (kids at sitters)

Tuesday Feb 18th - Creighton appointment, followed by court (big kids at sitters).  We arrived at 3pm.  We sat in the waiting room until 4.45pm.  Evidently you NEVER want to have court scheduled for the day after a holiday.  We waiting downstairs another 10 minutes before we went into the "makeshift court room" for literally 2 minutes.  The master said "you're still here?  You didn't have to stay for this."  Um, yeah.  Wish someone would have told me that a few hours ago.

Tomorrow is Mass followed by a family visit with bio-aunt, followed by OT.  And then, I think we can breathe for a few days. 

I will say...for the record - sitting in the waiting room of CYS for an extended period of time is gut wrenching.  I got involved with two other families and their CYS drama.  One sibling group of four.  The mom came back from court and sat in the room in tears hugging all her kids as foster mom explained that mom is sad because they can not go home yet.  Second was a sibling group of five, split among three foster families.  Parental rights were terminated.  No resource available to take all five.

For so long we waited for a child.  We prayed, we begged God.  I was unsure if I would ever be so blessed.  Now, I am so blessed to be a mom.  And I see SO many kids who need a family.  Sitting in the waiting room is so different than browsing photo listings on your state website.  I know families that want kids and I see kids that need families.  And I can't do much more than pray they find each other somehow.

Home Studying - take 3

As I mentioned last month, we have begun the process of our adoption home study (different than a foster home study). Officially, this is now our third home study...the first before we conceived H.

I sent an email to our references stating "it is that time of year again for our family." It seems as if they have done this a zillion times already for us. Well, just three, but still! We are grateful they keep saying nice things about us.

Tonight were the interviews. I am so glad it was much easier than the last two rounds. Usually they turn me into a blubbering fool. Tonight, my sticking point was when she asked me to describe my personality. I absolutely couldn't! Honestly, I gave her a dissertation about how being a parent was a total wake up call and I am struggling to find balance and coming to terms that I will never by the parent I always hoped to be, etc etc etc. It was a bit ugly. She asked if I considered myself organized. Humph. Well...I completely forgot I had incorrectly recorded our last appointment and she came to an empty house. Later in the conversation Paul mentioned my business and I said "oh yeah! I think I am good at that...and relatively organized." A little too late.

So, we handed over the packet. Everything about our lives, including our updated autobiographies. I think this was supposed to be a walk through visit and I am SO glad she said she trusted our other social worker. I didn't even think I would be showing our house.

Being gifted with our children, this home study is completely different than our first. If you follow my homestudy label, I am sure you can find that post. In a nutshell, I got up at 6am to bake "Homestudy Cinnamon Rolls" back then. Tonight's homes tudy, at 6pm...I am feeding my children at the table and we are munching pretzels for our own dinner. She declined the pretzels.

So, we found out that her absolute deadline to complete our homestudy (per our county) is Jan 27th. TPR is scheduled for Feb 28th. A closing visit, the last visit for mom, will happen before the end of Feb. Thinking of having that tearful visit around the corner (I witnessed another closing visit) is a reality check. My heart does go out to his mom.

Right now there is a definite possibility that one of the parents will appeal the TPR. I did find out from tonight's social worker that she has never heard of TPR being overturned. But, if that happens, our case could potentially drag out another year before finalization. I will be reminding you of that prayer request again closer to the time.

AND, we have had discussions about what type of contact we hope to have after TPR. I will have that for a later blog.

This morning, I spent a good bit of time shopping for first birthday supplies. We are having a small first birthday party "gymboree style" for SBR. I can't believe he is almost one! He has truly become a tremendous source of joy in our life.

The Parade of Social Workers

The parade continues. Last night we began our adoption home study...and specifically, the child profile. We have added another organization and social worker to our lives. Gearing up for the individual interviews in two weeks (Paul loves these, me...not so much!).

Homestudy Rescheduled

So, the last couple days have been a bit of a slump, as in nothing is going on in our process of moving closer to fostering. I know this will resolve soon and I am sure the next couple of months will be gone in a flash. For now, we are just waiting.

The night before our almost homestudy, Paul and I had a wonderful talk about fostering. What will our lives be like with another child in the house? How will H react? Paul tossed around the ways he can be more present at home (while I assured him how much the 2nd job is needed right now). We are back in that "how do you prepare for the unknown" phase. At least, having had an infant a few short years ago, we are good on the gear and basic necessities.

The monthly financial commitment to fertility medications is starting to become a little much. So we face the prospect of letting go of that journey for a bit. To be honest, I am always quick to volunteer shedding the shots and pills. It is disappointing that the birth of our first child did not miraculously resolve our infertility, as many first births often do. However, we trust in God's greater plan. As of now, the difference from our first adoption attempt, is if we are so blessed to conceive in the process of fostering, we won't be forced to quit the process.

Next week we start training classes. Two weeks from that, we will prepare for the home visit again. I was blessed to speak to someone yesterday who adopted three before miraculously conceiving two. They are a beautiful family and adoption advocates. She lifted my spirits by sharing stories of several friends blessed by the foster to adopt program. My prayer is 6 to 12 months from now I will be looking back at the beginning of the year and seeing how much has changed.

Our Foster Care Timeline

Tuesday morning we had our initial visit with the social worker - she was wonderful! We scheduled our next appointment (start of home study) for this coming Tuesday. I have been working to complete the application and collect some of the necessary paperwork. We should start our 5 weeks of training Wed, Jan 20th (ending on Ash Wednesday).

I know the training and home study have to be wrapped up before we can receive a placement. I asked our social worker about typically how long before placement. She said it could be that day (she could be finishing home study paperwork for us to receive placement) or it could be a couple weeks or a couple months. We are open to any child younger than H and placement of any race (the latter which could mean an earlier placement).

It is seeming more real and crazy to think of being back in this process. I have started praying for the child that will be coming into our home, where ever they are.

OFFICIALLY approved

Well, this homestudy process lasted much longer than we thought, but as of yesterday, we are OFFICIALLY approved. Technically, according to our agency's policy, we have been waiting 7 months and 3 weeks; But now, if a girl comes to the agency and asks to see all the profiles, we could be in the running.

There is no word on how long (before we receive a placement) it just depends on girls coming forward. Please pray for women that may be struggling with the decision to place their babies for adoption. Please keep in mind that though we have an agency, an independent adoption can still be facilitated. We hope to send out our "Dear Birthmother" letters to friends and family before the end of the year. The purpose is that if you come across someone hoping to adopt, you can share our profile with them. We will keep you posted. Thank you again for all your prayers and support.

I don't want to think about it...I just want a baby!

I want to be a mommy! With all the excitement of the homestudy now over - and just waiting to start the waiting, the ebb has gone out and I feel it may be forever until we have a child. Of course the tide will come in again and I will freak out that it could be any day now.

One of my buds from the www is currently visiting her soon-to-be son in another country. The pictures of her and her husband holding their baby...well, it makes me wistful. So close, but yet, so far. As I type this a song on the radio is singing "hold on."

Home Visit Report

Yawn! Well, this was the morning. After a night of cleaning...and staying up to get dough to rise for the "Homestudy Cinnamon Buns" and a morning of anxious preparations...well, the home visit is completed. She came at 9, just as we were serving up the Cinnamon buns. It started with the tour - main floor, back deck, basement, office, upstairs bedrooms and bathroom. So that took about 3 minutes. I guess it takes a social worker looking over your shoulder to realize all the places where wires are exposed in our house (and there are a lot). I think our next major home improvement project will revolve around recovering our electrical box, and putting the light switch boxes back in the walls, etc. :)

We sat down at the table to talk. First question, so what are you going to do about a baby's room? Paul's response was "we are not doing a baby's room!" We discussed that our idea has been to keep the guest room as such and have the baby in our room through infancy. It is our hope that as they grow, maybe Paul will build a crib, or we will buy a crib and then have a guest room/toddler room. Of couse I didnt mention any of that and didn't think out how this would sound, but now I envision her saying to herself "they don't want to give the child a room?" Next question, so will you send your child to the Catholic school? "Well, we were thinking about homeschooling." (now I am thinking she thinks we are nuts) Paul explained his rationale, "I went to Catholic school and the theology was just off a bit and I know at public schools they usually just get this unnecessary stuff, we want to teach our children the truth." I followed up that we are not sure yet about schooling. :)

And then down the line comes the question of accepting a child of a different race or nationality. She asks "will you incorporate your child's customs into your family?" Should I give the response from the man who regularly sings "I am proud of my polish heritage!" After he explained the biblical idea of full inculturation into the family, I added that I have an eclectic background and do bring new traditions to the family. When she asked for questions, I decided not to mention anything yet about considering adoptive breast feeding. Enough nuttiness for one day!

Okay - so now I am busy reflecting on what we could have or should have said. Honestly, it was a good visit. I know that she can see we both so excited to welcome a child into our house and lives. Though I keep feeling the need to explain why we aren't "baby ready" - but she has done this for 16 years and probably knows. She said there is no reason we won't be approved. We still have to attend the adoptive parent panel, which will be held towards the end of September...and she needs to write up our homestudy report for approval. She thinks that our profile will be ready to be shown in October. We won't know when our profile is being shown - unless it is a circumstance that would require our approval. So - that is the update. Thanks to all for the prayers!!

One more check off the list!

Adoption Interview Meetings - Check
Home Visit - 21 days to go
Home Study Approval - looks like September

We had our interviews on Monday. They were much less dramatic than we expected. More just the collection of our history. The focus was on questions like "What was your best childhood memory" and "what was the worst?" "How were you disciplined" and "how do you plan to discipline?"

In the meantime I found out that Paul and Fr. Keith seem to have been raised by two different sets of families (maybe the reason for his post below). :-) It is interesting what we remember about our upbringing vs what our siblings remember. I look forward to talking to my brother.

For the first time we are scratching our head about the discipline our children. I wonder how many people talk about this before they actually have children. Can't we just do what Supernanny does? Well, the dog whisperer techniques haven't worked on our dog...and I am tired of hearing Paul make the "SHHH" "SHHH" sounds to him. We are looking forward to the real life experiences of child rearing. One month to approval - YEAH!

Homestudying (still)

Yes, after 3 months we are still in the Home Study process. Here is the run down:
Orientation Meeting - Check
References - Check
Background Checks - Check
Financial Reports - Check
Fingerprints - Check
Autobiographies - Check
Birthmother Letter - Check
Individual Interviews - 4 days to go
Home Visit - Not Done
Adoption Ready - Not Done

Though we don't yet have an estimated date of completion, the countdown is on. 4 days till the interviews, ? days till homestudy, ? days until we are considered "Adoption Ready." When we are adoption ready...then really everything depends on God and the decision of the birth mother of the child God has planned for us. After almost 4 years of infertility - hope is starting to return.