Our 3rd Rodeo!

The Lord has his ways of moving us in directions we didn't quite anticipate.

14 years married.  Two miraculous conceptions.  Two miraculous adoptions.  Our lives were quite full with four kids,  but we had room in our heart for one more. 

In December when one door closed, the foster care door opened.  I was fine to take it nice and slow.  We wrapped up training are were recertified in May.  We were presented with a case that made my soul uneasy.  I declined.

After a quiet few months, we checked in with our social worker.  We received a call about an emergency placement,  but we were on vacation.   We came home and were told to be on standby. 

And then we got the call.  Tuesday at 4:30, while my brother in law prepared our dining room table to be an altar for a home Mass.  A 3 month old and a 20 month old, would we be a back up if a kinship family fell through?  

I fought through my insecurities, confessed them to my husband...he said he believed in me...in us.  After Mass we said yes..but it looked like thry would be going with a kinship foster family.   Then, at 6.30pm,  while having dinner and preparing for an interview on local TV (about foster care & adoption) we got the call asking if we could get them.

After our interview,  at 9pm we took the boys into our care. 

And just like that we have 6 kids under 9.  I don't know how long these sweet souls will be under our roof.  The goal is they will be returned to the care of a parent.  But, with this, our 3rd rodeo, we know that bio parents have a long road ahead.  If they can't climb this mountain, we hope to be there for the boys.  But, we are rooting for them, praying for the boys, praying for the best possible outcome for all involved. 

and the verdict....

Baby love is staying put!!  

I can't believe I haven't updated the blog yet.  We got the call as we were driving to our vacay weekend on Thursday.  I love that I can update FB from my cell.  I haven't figured out how to update the blog this way yet.

The judge entered the verdict.  It is in baby loves best interest to stay put with our family.  No visitation was mandated.

PRAISE THE LORD!!!

This is such a relief.  I have been trying to write a blog on open adoption that shall get published eventually.  For now, it is just us and baby love.  Literally.  The last two weeks of family visits have been cancelled by BL's bio parents.   

So, I am looking to the fall and scrambling to make adjustments to be full time mama to 3.  I had a tricky evening last night trying to bring the kiddos out in public by myself.  Praise God for Augie's guardian angel because I can not keep him safe on my own! 

A friend on another forum mentioned "it is raining babies at your house."  This phrase is echoing through my head.  It indeed feels this way.  I am truly truly blessed! 

exhausted

This is not the first time we have had sweet baby love, but this is the first time it is official.  That combined with returning from vacation (including having a wrecked house) plus end/beginning of new cycle.  I am exhausted.  And SOOOO blessed! 

Tonight we brought the family to mass at a retreat center.  There was one other well behaved child.  Then there were our kids.  I felt like a complete mess passing children back and forth and trying to scold our poorly behaved (almost) 4 year old.  I was not the picture perfect Catholic mom with pleasant children.  I was one of those moms. 

I thought I was ready for this.  I have to remember that family transition is not easy.  Clean clothes and clean house are not my priorities.  (I am typing this out as a visual note to myself).  As I write I can see that this is really Satan feeding me thoughts of doubt, self pity, lack of parenting skills, etc. 

Next week will be my first full week of visit drop off/pick ups.  She has a pretty big list of visits.  Two four hour visits and two one and a half hour visits.  This is more than Blaise had.  How on earth foster mom #1 kept up with this is beyond me. 

The good news, I honestly think she is the best behaved of my 3.  She is such an easy baby.  We splurged last week on pictures and a nice baby book (heralding her official entrance to our family). 

While I try to speculate the "what if's"; I think it wise just to enjoy our time together.  I can't imagine her transferring though I have to be emotionally prepared for that possibility.  Three more weeks until our next hurdle (court on 8/26).  I take consolation in the knowledge that God has brought her into our lives for a reason.  Everything has been miraculously and systematically orchestrated by His hand. 

and the verdict is...

we have a new placement!!  I brought our sleepy little girl home tonight, about 5 minutes after we came home from vacation.  My apologizes to baby love, who had to ride in a poopy seat to get back here.  :)

And, so, before you get your hopes up, the only verdict was that she was to be moved to our home.  The verdict regarding the kinship situation was continued to the end of August.  Basically, she is still in the picture, for now.  One step at a time.  One day at a time.  I should know more tomorrow.

Thank you to all who have prayed!!  Time to adjust our schedule so I can be a full time mamma to three!

a weekend with baby love

Captivated.  In love.  My heart has gone. 

This weekend we had the immense and unexplainable JOY of being parents to 3!!!  I can't even believe it to write it. 

We had baby love for the weekend and oh, what a love she is! 

I was asked by a friend if this is the way that foster care worked.  You met and fell in love with a child, asked about them and they were potentially yours.  The answer is no...most of the time.  God allowed us a back door to this sweet girl. 

At mass I was contemplating that at my 29th birthday, after many years of trying, I was expecting my first.   On Thursday I turn 33.  I informed the social workers that baby love would be such a gift!  Tomorrow morning an important conversation should be going down to reveal more about where things stand.  If you could spare a prayer....
:)

(oh, and back to the drawing board for hubby's job - but thanks for all who prayed for God's will on our behalf for that intention!) 

she is way loved by these two

first bath at our home

babe in arms

not of my womb

I am falling!

Here's the deal. Current foster mom is so fed up with the situation she has offered us as much visit and bonding time as we would like. Current foster mom is the president of the Foster Parent Association and medical coordinator. She has been involved with fostering for a LONG time and has adopted 7, has 4 grown bio children and fostered endless more. She is very knowledgeable of the system. But we all know she is not in control. None of us are.

So, essentially, we are working through a back door here and a "bond at your own risk" sort of formula. We had baby love for two days of respite last week. Last night was our first overnight. She is doing wonderfully! There is something about holding her and rocking her. Last night it was as if she might as well have come straight out of my womb. It is like she is making up for not having had that place in my life. She loves to curl up in a fetal position nestled on my chest, listening to the sound of my heart. I was contemplating her snuggling and just felt as if she was a part of me.  These are indeed the words of a foster mama falling completely in love. And we will have her again this weekend.


She has come so far in the two months she has been in care with current foster mom. She is no longer classified as failure to thrive and her GJ feeding tube will be switched to a G tube, which is much easier for everyone to deal with. She seems as if she is getting a little more acclimated to our family, and the kids to her.

I was talking to current foster mom who is dreading saying goodbye to this beautiful love. We talked about fostering and good byes. She has had her share of them. She discussed how we take the "hit" for the kids. If baby love is not meant for us, it will be difficult, but we will take the hit. But I know I will be forever glad for this small opportunity to love her. These beautiful children take away the sting of years of infertility. It is God's grace healing my wounded heart.

not meant for us

A month ago I was helping out at a foster care fundraising event.  I met (and fell in love with) the most precious little baby girl.  She was smiley, cooey and so tiny for 5 months old.  What she lacked in size, she made up for in utter sweetness.  I knew the foster mom she was placed with was not an adoptive resource.  I went home, talked to Paul and called our social worker to inquire about her.  The social worker mentioned a kinship resource was being considered, but she would mention us to her supervisor.  A week later we got a call asking if we were serious about our interest in this little girl.  We were asked to attend a hospital training to learn how to care for her. 

We attended and Paul met her for the first time.  Beautiful smile.  Sparkling blue eyes.  A complete joy.  The kinship family showed up and we were trained together (they did not know we were there as a back up for them).  Initially my heart broke watching this older couple with her.  The woman was not able to comfort her and the man did not seem interested one iota.  The idea of her growing up in a family that was not utterly in love with her was tough. 

It seemed an easy, obvious choice to me.  God had other plans.  I found out today she is going with  her kinship family.  Evidently they have improved, man seems interested, woman is able to care for her.  I am glad for them.  We remain a back up family...but most likely, she is not intended for us.

I had mentioned her to Rosie and every so often she would bring up her name.  I told Rosie today that baby was going to stay with her family.  I was promptly informed that she would still like a sister.  I told her she has to pray to God for that.  Evidently she is already on the case.  She said she prayed for that when she was outside. 

It is relatively easy to let go of a babe that you have not yet fostered.  I fell in love but I did not bond.  We would have been delighted to parent her - but we trust in God's plan for our family.  That plan which right now includes anxiously awaiting an adoption date (hopefully within two weeks we will have a date and it will likely be in July).  One miracle at a time.