all i know

All I know is that God has brought us in this little girl's life to fight like hell for her.  When I first fell in love with her sweet face and called our social worker, I had no idea what I was signing up for.  That said, I would not trade this position for anything.  I am happy to fight.

We arrived to the courthouse fifteen minutes early.  Our social worker saw us and pulled us aside "we need to talk."  "We need to put you on the stand."  Well, I am glad we dressed nicely, though I would have traded out my fancy flip flops for a nicer shoe.  We were asked to testify about our relationship with her, how much we love her, how we understand her health risks and are willing to be a part of her life long term.  After several rounds of testimony, including my own, the judge asked the lawyers to join her out of the court room.  Everyone came back in.  "Please Rise."  The judge explained that she is unable to make the decision today and said she would need a "long while" to mull over this case.

"Mrs BHB" (me) she said (the caseworker leans back and said "stand up").  "When you express your willingness to have an open relationship with the family, what does that look like to you?  How often would you have contact?"

Having not thought this through nor discussed with my husband I replied "I could see visitation happening at least monthly, depending on how everything is going."

"And do you see yourselves being involved with them to celebrate holidays and birthdays?  What might that look like?"

"Our families are out of state and we often travel for the holidays, but I am willing to have visits around those times or certainly share birthdays."

This judge seriously SERIOUSLY values OPEN family relationships and went on and on and ON about the importance of close contact with the family.  I felt that she essentially wanted us to adopt them and them to adopt us.  She discussed new laws and how the times are changing and how family relationships are SO important to maintain. 

Then she looked at the aunt.  This aunt who has basically said she wants all or nothing.  She is the caretaker/adoptive mother of this child or she does not want contact.  The judge asked her, begged her really, to reconsider.  She tried to empathize with the emotional aspect and difficulties of this situation.  She said she feels that it would be best for baby love to remain in our care and maintain a close relationship with her aunt.  This would be "the best of both worlds." 

She explained that she would need time to think and would enter her verdict some time next week.  As we all left the court room, you could cut the tension with a knife.  I held the door open as the family exited.  I saw baby love playing with my husband across the room.  The only one who came to say hello to BL was bio-mom.  Then the barrage of "family" left to continue conversation with the lawyer.  Our social workers made sure we got on the elevator.  The doors closed.  And that was that. 

All in all, I have now offered far more testimony in the case of baby love, then in the case of Augie (where I said maybe 10 emotional words at his adoption hearing). 

We continue to wait...and pray.