Adoptive Parent Panel

Paul:
Monday we attended a workshop and the panel of speakers had 4 new parents who adopted and one gentleman whose adoption fell through (a very sad story). The great thing was that all these couples, who held babies in their arms, previously had the same struggles that Elisabeth and I deal with. They had moments of doubt, some lost hope, and yet in the end they became parents by receiving a gift they had waited so long for. Their blessing had come and their suffering ended. I was filled with excitement while at the same time Elisabeth was filled with fear and trepidation (this is consistent with all our meetings, we leave on opposite ends of the emotional spectrum). We ask for your continued prayers as we struggle through this time of waiting.

Elisabeth:
I asked Paul to write the above to let everyone know about the panel. I will just add that the reason for my fear is the reality of the fact that it could still be 3 years before we are so blessed with a child. This reality made me feel like we jumped the gun on registering, starting this site, sharing the fact we are adopting, etc. The other thing is that 3 of the 4 couples found out about their babies just days before they brought them home, again to reiterate that we really could get the call at any time. The unpredictability of adoption is terrifying!

i walked the line

Tonight, I did it. With "gun" in hand and friend at my side...i walked the aisles of Babies R Us. Paul and I have gone back and forth about the registry. Since we don't or won't know what we will need and when we will need it....it took a long time to decide...it is okay...we WILL have a baby!

We tried to do Babies R Us once before but failed miserably. After that attempt we perused the internet and established the first inklings of a registry. Tonight (bru take 2) has been on the calendar for weeks. With Paul out of town it was the perfect time for a girls night. It was wonderful to have a supportive, loving friend to lead me in to this vast abyss of crazy baby world and help me know what I will need and not need. Jen is so practical that Paul put his trust in her as a stand in. She did great and when she called later to make sure she wasn't too practical, I assured her that I still registered for a few things I wanted (over needing). :)

There is certainly no manual on how to do this the adoption way...but, it is a worry out of the way so that when the time comes - we can expend all our energy fussing over the gift that God has in store.

I don't want to think about it...I just want a baby!

I want to be a mommy! With all the excitement of the homestudy now over - and just waiting to start the waiting, the ebb has gone out and I feel it may be forever until we have a child. Of course the tide will come in again and I will freak out that it could be any day now.

One of my buds from the www is currently visiting her soon-to-be son in another country. The pictures of her and her husband holding their baby...well, it makes me wistful. So close, but yet, so far. As I type this a song on the radio is singing "hold on."

Home Visit Report

Yawn! Well, this was the morning. After a night of cleaning...and staying up to get dough to rise for the "Homestudy Cinnamon Buns" and a morning of anxious preparations...well, the home visit is completed. She came at 9, just as we were serving up the Cinnamon buns. It started with the tour - main floor, back deck, basement, office, upstairs bedrooms and bathroom. So that took about 3 minutes. I guess it takes a social worker looking over your shoulder to realize all the places where wires are exposed in our house (and there are a lot). I think our next major home improvement project will revolve around recovering our electrical box, and putting the light switch boxes back in the walls, etc. :)

We sat down at the table to talk. First question, so what are you going to do about a baby's room? Paul's response was "we are not doing a baby's room!" We discussed that our idea has been to keep the guest room as such and have the baby in our room through infancy. It is our hope that as they grow, maybe Paul will build a crib, or we will buy a crib and then have a guest room/toddler room. Of couse I didnt mention any of that and didn't think out how this would sound, but now I envision her saying to herself "they don't want to give the child a room?" Next question, so will you send your child to the Catholic school? "Well, we were thinking about homeschooling." (now I am thinking she thinks we are nuts) Paul explained his rationale, "I went to Catholic school and the theology was just off a bit and I know at public schools they usually just get this unnecessary stuff, we want to teach our children the truth." I followed up that we are not sure yet about schooling. :)

And then down the line comes the question of accepting a child of a different race or nationality. She asks "will you incorporate your child's customs into your family?" Should I give the response from the man who regularly sings "I am proud of my polish heritage!" After he explained the biblical idea of full inculturation into the family, I added that I have an eclectic background and do bring new traditions to the family. When she asked for questions, I decided not to mention anything yet about considering adoptive breast feeding. Enough nuttiness for one day!

Okay - so now I am busy reflecting on what we could have or should have said. Honestly, it was a good visit. I know that she can see we both so excited to welcome a child into our house and lives. Though I keep feeling the need to explain why we aren't "baby ready" - but she has done this for 16 years and probably knows. She said there is no reason we won't be approved. We still have to attend the adoptive parent panel, which will be held towards the end of September...and she needs to write up our homestudy report for approval. She thinks that our profile will be ready to be shown in October. We won't know when our profile is being shown - unless it is a circumstance that would require our approval. So - that is the update. Thanks to all for the prayers!!

To Be a Father (paul)

a responsibility, a sacrifice, to live and die for another
what they turn out like
what choices they make
will all be based on what I've taught them and how they were loved
time spent, walks walked and talks talked
my dreams are not gone but have changed into hopes
for these young ones, how can i prepare?
what can I say...how can i live for them?
my job is not just for now - but for eternity
how may they come to know heaven through me?

I have found the "in"

Suddenly it as not as uncomfortable being the only woman without a baby in my crowd of friends. Well...It is still uncomfortable, but humorously when conversation turns to breastfeeding, I am participating. I was with the moms at the pool today (while our husbands are away together on a "men's camping weekend") and a Le Leche League instructor joined our group. One of the girls nudged me and I asked her about adoptive breast feeding. Before I knew it the words "nipples" and "breast pump" were flying around my head. I laughed and listened as 6 women spouted suggestions and encouragements. Paul and I have been discussing the idea of adoptive breast feeding and doing a little internet research. The idea of being able to bond with a baby & potentially lactate to provide for some of his or her nutritional needs is intriguing and exciting. Should I overwhelm everyone here and say that we are also thinking about cloth diapering?

One more check off the list!

Adoption Interview Meetings - Check
Home Visit - 21 days to go
Home Study Approval - looks like September

We had our interviews on Monday. They were much less dramatic than we expected. More just the collection of our history. The focus was on questions like "What was your best childhood memory" and "what was the worst?" "How were you disciplined" and "how do you plan to discipline?"

In the meantime I found out that Paul and Fr. Keith seem to have been raised by two different sets of families (maybe the reason for his post below). :-) It is interesting what we remember about our upbringing vs what our siblings remember. I look forward to talking to my brother.

For the first time we are scratching our head about the discipline our children. I wonder how many people talk about this before they actually have children. Can't we just do what Supernanny does? Well, the dog whisperer techniques haven't worked on our dog...and I am tired of hearing Paul make the "SHHH" "SHHH" sounds to him. We are looking forward to the real life experiences of child rearing. One month to approval - YEAH!

Paul's Ramblings: "I was adopted too"

I was born of parents, a father and mother. My parents experienced new life with the birth of my brother before me. Then I was put up for adoption. During my adoption ceremony I had water poured over my head. I was given new clothes, a candle, a new name. My new family was so big - I had brothers and sisters of all ages and sizes. They were adopted too.

I grew to know the love of my Father by having little talks with Him. The eternal question was always there. Father, do you love me as much as your real son? "Someday you will know how much I love you."

As I grew, I learned and wondered. I learned of what my brother did for me. Being older he saw the trouble that I would get into. He died to help me live. Oh I know my brother loved me.

Father, do you love me as much as your real son? Then I heard my brother's voice. "Not my will but yours be done." I realized how much I was loved. My Father gave of Himself, by giving His son, for me, His adopted son. I am His son and He is my Father. May I never question His love for me and May His love ever shine through me. May my children bask in His love through me.

Homestudying (still)

Yes, after 3 months we are still in the Home Study process. Here is the run down:
Orientation Meeting - Check
References - Check
Background Checks - Check
Financial Reports - Check
Fingerprints - Check
Autobiographies - Check
Birthmother Letter - Check
Individual Interviews - 4 days to go
Home Visit - Not Done
Adoption Ready - Not Done

Though we don't yet have an estimated date of completion, the countdown is on. 4 days till the interviews, ? days till homestudy, ? days until we are considered "Adoption Ready." When we are adoption ready...then really everything depends on God and the decision of the birth mother of the child God has planned for us. After almost 4 years of infertility - hope is starting to return.

We are Adopting!!

For those that don't know yet, please let this be an official announcement of our intent to adopt. We have been researching agencies since November 2005 and made the decision of which type of adoption and which agency in March 2006. We are pursuing domestic infant adoption. In late April we began the homestudy process, which takes several months (with our agency). We hope through this blog we will be able to keep everyone posted on our journey - it's starting to get exciting!!