It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things

1st Corinthians 13:7 is the verse echoing in my head today.  "(Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Last month, when we knew baby love's BA (biological aunt) would be fighting for her, we made the decision to continue our relationship with her, no matter the cost.  Since then our weekend visits have progressed to week long visits.  We have had the joy of having baby love in our home for 15 our of the 31 days this month.  At the same time, BA, made the decision to discontinue her visits with BL.   A dear friend on an infertility board pointed out that I am the true mother in this case.  While humbled and grateful for her words, I am even more grateful to have this baby to love.

She truly is the sweetest thing.  A couple things I have learned; she is most content when being held, sleeps best when sleeping next to me (naps included), is content even when she is not meeting her sleep quota.  She is adored by all our family.  Even Augie, 19 months old, loves to shower her with kisses and love.  I also know she (and we) have had enough of this back and forth thing.  It is difficult to co-parent when the other parents are in a different house with a different schedule. 

August 3rd is court.  Today will either be the last day we see her or the last day we have to pass her back to her other foster family.  Tomorrow we leave for vacation and will return on the 3rd.  We will return to good news or heart breaking news.  As I reflected on this point this morning at breakfast, Paul commented that he was grateful to have the opportunity to love her as much as we have.

Please join us in praying that God's will be done for this sweet girl and that August 3rd brings some consistency to her life.   

Answering the Adoption FAQs

 Fellow blogger, Grace in My Heart recently asked the following questions.  As a 2 day new adoptive mama, I am happy to answer! 

Questions for Adoptive Mother's for those Discerning Adoption:
(Please feel free to copy and paste and then leave the post link with your answers!)


1.  How did you know when to begin the adoption process?
I remember struggling with infertility and wondering about this question for so long.  I have heard that most husbands are dragged into the process...and that was pretty true for us.  In 2005 I had my first and second surgeries with Dr Hilgers at the Pope Paul VI Institute.  I had been inquiring to others about their adoption stories for some time.  After our second surgery and several months of not conceiving, I started contacting agencies and getting information packages.  We went to two different information sessions and decided on an agency within a couple months.  It was a one step at a time process and we know God used each step very deliberately to prepare us for our future.  

(for those new to our story, you can see our timeline on the side bar or check out the about us tab)

2.  Did you ever feel like you failed at TTC (and were giving up "trying") so that's why you adopted?  What suggestions do you have for those working through these emotions?
I would not say we felt we failed TTC; more that adoption was something new to hope in.  It was a tremendous relief for me to give up the large amounts of medication, the charting, the timing...the overall stress of TTC. 

3.  Were you and your husband on the same page about adoption?  What suggestions do you have for a spouse who may not be as excited as the other about adoption?
In my experience, husbands have a more difficult time with the idea of giving up on TTC.  My suggestion, one step at a time.  Each step provided us with such an important opportunity to discuss our feelings and emotions over the adoption process.  It was difficult to get my husband to look at the agencies and the paperwork, but I insisted he did.  He came to the meetings with me and we had so many difficult conversations following these sessions.  Those conversations prepped our hearts. 

4.  How did you work through figuring out where to adopt from, how open to be, and what type of communication to have with your child's birthparents?
Conversation after conversation after conversation.  We decided on domestic adoption due to cost.  Our openness grew over time and we learned about the benefits of open adoption from the information sessions we attended.  The concept of open adoption was possibly the toughest issue for my husband.  He still struggles with the idea of "another parent" out there.  I was told, the benefit for the birth parents is they get to know their child is well taken care of (what they truly want).  The benefit for the child (in the case of visitation) is they understand who their parents are and they don't fantasize that life would be better with birth family. 

5.  Adoption can be really expensive.  What recommendations do you have to work through the financial aspect of it all?
I can not say enough how thrilled we are for the GIFT of foster care as an avenue to adoption.  So many people are afraid of this route.  I honestly and truly can not see why people struggle so much with this route.  Pregnancy, International/Domestic Adoption, Fostering.  Yes, they are all different experiences.  They all involve risk.  In any of these circumstances, you can loose a child.  In our experience with fostering, God prepared our hearts and the training process prepared our minds.  The extent of our financial responsibility was providing our background checks (~$150).  Foster care provided us with a budget for clothes, monthly stipend (=huge blessing), WIC paid for formula and food, medical assistance covered all medical expenses, and the county covered all our adoption costs.  Add to that we will continue to receive a stipend, until Augie is 18 and we are eligible for the adoption tax refund.  Honestly, they have paid us to adopt this precious child.  

(side note, during our first adoption process, we were committed to debt free adoption and had raised almost 10K through hard work and gifts)

6.  Do you truly feel like a mother even though you didn't give birth? 
Yes.  Ten thousand times yes.  Perhaps this is where fostering might be a bit different.  With Augie the process of bonding was a balance between bonding and guardedness.  It was a slow and deliberate path towards complete and unconditional love.  In the beginning, it felt as if I was taking care of someone else's child (I was!).  Today, there is not an ounce of difference between my love for Augie and my love for Rosie (who I gave birth to).  AND, adding baby love into the mix....as a foster mama you just become a mama.  When she is in my care, I am mama. 

7.  What prayers and/or books do you recommend for those discerning whether or not to pursue adoption?
Hopefully others' will have more helpful answers.  Personal witness was key for us.  I spoke with many adoptive mamas and then a fantastic foster mom who all helped give me the courage to move forward.  I just got the book "Adoption" by Ray Guarendi, but I haven't even opened it yet.  We were also just gifted with "God Found us You" which is a melt your heart tear-jerker you will want to share with your child one day. 

8.  What has been the best part about being an adoptive mother?
Wow.  Not sure how to answer this yet.  I am such a new one!  I am in awe of the process.  I am in awe of just how much a gift our son is to our lives.  I am still shaking at the thought of sitting in the witness box attempting to tell the judge (through my tears) why I wanted to adopt this child.  I guess, in a nutshell, just being able to see God's plan unfolding around me.  Through all the painful years of infertility, I was in the dark.  Receiving the GIFT of a child is seeing my tears and prayers finally being answered. 

Adopted!!!

It was an amazing day.  I cried through the whole 10 minutes of court.  We were so blessed to have family and friends supporting us and loving us through every aspect of this process and celebrating with us today.

After the ceremony a friend had us over for an amazing party, which also included a surprise baby shower.  We are blessed.  Augie is forever ours and we are eternally grateful! 

My dear friend gave us the book "God Found Us You".  It was our bedtime story tonight.  I completely recommend it to other adopting mamas out there!

Thanks to all for the love and prayers and support through the last 16 plus months!

With love
elisabeth

ps  - 20 minutes before our adoption I was dropping off baby love for a visit (first time I have done the drop off).  Interesting family, to say the least.  It was very amusing to be entering a new chapter with foster situation #2 while literally in the midst of adopting from foster situation #1.  stay tuned for details.  ;-)

Adoption Eve

My husband's aunt is upstairs bathing Rosie & Augie.  Baby Love is asleep in her crib.  Our house is a bit busy so this will be a quick reflection.

Tonight is our adoption eve!  Tomorrow we will celebrate a moment that we have anxiously awaited for 16 months and 2 weeks (the moment we first met "SBR").  It has been a relatively smooth roller coaster and we are so thrilled to finally make our son an official member of our family.  I have been so touched the past weeks by watching family bonds deepen.  He loves his Uncle KiKi! 

Tomorrow the judge will ask us to verify our information.  Then he will ask us individually "why do you want to adopt this child?".  I am not sure my eyes will be dry at the end.

Long ago I had wonderful hopes of celebrating this moment with a compliation video of all the moments I couldn't share over the past year.   No compilation video set to music (yet) - but I will share a couple of our favorite moments.

Coming Home, March 1 2010

Sweet Sweet Baby!

Kisses from Sissy

Kisses from Cousin

Happy 1st Birthday Happy Boy!

My dirt eater...he is such a boy!!

 

 

Blaise Augustine, we love you so much and we could not imagine our lives without you.  Welcome to the family!!!  XOXOXO

foster to adopt resources

Thanks to Foster 2 Forever and the guest post by the "Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption" CEO.  I was unfamiliar with their foundation and they have a great website. 

On this topic, I would also like to direct anyone who may consider fostering to an awesome blog.  Immediate Mom has a beautiful and inspiring story.  I hope she doesn't mind a plug.  :)

vote for our gerber baby!

I am petitioning for votes, and you can vote every day!

Vote for our Gerber baby!

6 days to adoption and counting down!!

it appears that bio aunt wants to fight

At the end of the day I called foster mom (FM).  I was dreading that no news is not good news.  Apparently social worker (SW) was supposed to call us with the update this morning.  Thankfully FM gave me the update.  Bio-Aunt (BA) cancelled her visit (not sure why) and told FM she would be hiring an attorney to fight for baby love (BL). 

While I am saddened....I trust in God's will for sweet BL. 

The county will be petitioning the court (date to be scheduled) over the matter.  For the time being, she will continue to reside with FM. 

Last night I was stressing out a little bit about how I would do everything this month (Augie's adoption, baptism, hosting a reception, hosting family, etc) with a baby in arms.  I am choosing to look at this as a blessing in disguise.

I have yet to discuss details with SW about continuing a relationship with BL over the next month.

Lord, may your will be done!  

baby love's status

Here are the players in our drama:
BL = baby love, the beautiful little 6mo who all this revolves around
SW = social worker for BL
FM = current foster mom (who is our current point of contact)
BA = biological aunt

Monday morning BA was essentially a no-show for her scheduled visit, so that visit was cancelled (good for us).  Everything, including important conversation was moved to Thursday.  Thursday evening I called FM to check in and got the following report:
The visit happened as scheduled and SW sat down with BA to inform her of their concerns about her raising BL.  Primary concerns are BA's health issues and BL's medical needs.  BA was very upset.  This was the first time she was informed of the possibility BL may not be moving to her house.  Incidentally, we have known this since mid-May when we were asked to be a back up family.  Essentially, the county was trying to build a case during that time so they have more to hold up in court later if needed.  Back to BA.  She feels discriminated against related to her age and she is upset because she is kinship while another family (us) are not.  She was told she had two options.  1. She can fight, which essentially means being prepared to go to court against the county.  2. She can let go, come to terms with not raising baby love but still maintain her status and relationship as BA.  She has until Monday to decide what she wants to do.

As Monday is a holiday, I probably will not know more until Tuesday....and taking into account this is foster world we are talking about, it could even be longer than that.

What I imagine happening....if they choose option 1,  BL probably will remain with FM indefinitely.  If they choose option 2, BL would probably be transitioning to our home before too long.   

We will be picking up BL on Saturday morning and have her through Monday night.  Which means I need to get working because I am not going to be getting much done after tomorrow.  :) 

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!  Will keep y'all posted!  Thanks for the prayers.  Oh, and a friend asked who she should pray to for intercession.  St Colette of Corbie came to my head, so I am praying for her intercession.  AND, it is possible St Gianna has her hand in this too.  I met BL for the first time 1 week after praying at her shrine. 

a weekend with baby love

Captivated.  In love.  My heart has gone. 

This weekend we had the immense and unexplainable JOY of being parents to 3!!!  I can't even believe it to write it. 

We had baby love for the weekend and oh, what a love she is! 

I was asked by a friend if this is the way that foster care worked.  You met and fell in love with a child, asked about them and they were potentially yours.  The answer is no...most of the time.  God allowed us a back door to this sweet girl. 

At mass I was contemplating that at my 29th birthday, after many years of trying, I was expecting my first.   On Thursday I turn 33.  I informed the social workers that baby love would be such a gift!  Tomorrow morning an important conversation should be going down to reveal more about where things stand.  If you could spare a prayer....
:)

(oh, and back to the drawing board for hubby's job - but thanks for all who prayed for God's will on our behalf for that intention!) 

she is way loved by these two

first bath at our home

babe in arms

we have a date!

I feel as if we have been waiting forever.  Waiting for the phone to ring with the announcement that we have a date.  It finally did.  Praise the Lord...we have an adoption date!!  Thursday July 14th, Blaise Augustine will officially and forever be ours!  The little boy who stole our heart and made us foster parents.  The little boy who was known by God and planned for our family long before he was known by us.  The crazy love of our life who keeps us on our toes, scales our furniture, brings a steady flow of rocks inside and gives the sweetest kisses ever...we are so grateful for him and SO SO glad to make this thing official! 

Because of him our hearts are so wide open to fostering again.  We have baby love with us this weekend, currently she is asleep in a bassinet next to my bed.  Thanks to our Augie, we are foster parents with no plans of quitting. 

not of my womb

I am falling!

Here's the deal. Current foster mom is so fed up with the situation she has offered us as much visit and bonding time as we would like. Current foster mom is the president of the Foster Parent Association and medical coordinator. She has been involved with fostering for a LONG time and has adopted 7, has 4 grown bio children and fostered endless more. She is very knowledgeable of the system. But we all know she is not in control. None of us are.

So, essentially, we are working through a back door here and a "bond at your own risk" sort of formula. We had baby love for two days of respite last week. Last night was our first overnight. She is doing wonderfully! There is something about holding her and rocking her. Last night it was as if she might as well have come straight out of my womb. It is like she is making up for not having had that place in my life. She loves to curl up in a fetal position nestled on my chest, listening to the sound of my heart. I was contemplating her snuggling and just felt as if she was a part of me.  These are indeed the words of a foster mama falling completely in love. And we will have her again this weekend.


She has come so far in the two months she has been in care with current foster mom. She is no longer classified as failure to thrive and her GJ feeding tube will be switched to a G tube, which is much easier for everyone to deal with. She seems as if she is getting a little more acclimated to our family, and the kids to her.

I was talking to current foster mom who is dreading saying goodbye to this beautiful love. We talked about fostering and good byes. She has had her share of them. She discussed how we take the "hit" for the kids. If baby love is not meant for us, it will be difficult, but we will take the hit. But I know I will be forever glad for this small opportunity to love her. These beautiful children take away the sting of years of infertility. It is God's grace healing my wounded heart.

i wish you could see her face!

We spent the day with "baby love" yesterday.  I so can't take just how adorable she is!  This teenie little one has a smile that will light up a room.  She glows.  She did so well with us at the park.  I felt like an insanely fertile person the two separate times I was asked how close in age BL and Augie are.  "12 months", I replied.  We spent the day rotating carrier to stroller and tag teaming.  It was so sweet to watch my husband cuddle and talk to her.

Paul spent most of the day with Rosie who went on her first roller coaster and two log flume rides.   My heart was probably racing more than hers was!  Augie got to play in the ball pit, which, at this point I am sure is what his heaven would look like.  He was so mad that we took him out he screamed for 10 minutes. 

We had a pretty good ride home..and then, madness descended.  It started with Augie and then spread to BL.  Over stimulating a "normal" baby would cause a great disruption.  I remember those days with Rosie.  Baby Love has had a rough life so far.  Between me (new person), not being on a nap schedule, not being in home environment, etc etc etc, it got a little hairy around the end of the day.  The most difficult part was not knowing how to soothe her and figuring out how to manage other children.  

Like so many foster kids, her story is a tough one.  The more I research about her obstacles, the more difficult her little life seems.  With regards to our family, I hold on to the confidence that God has everything in control.  And, we get to spend the day with her again tomorrow.  This time, completely on my own, without the support of my husband.  The reality of parenting +1 is not without challenge.  More that a few occasions I have asked myself "am I nuts for wanting this?".  Again, I trust in the story of how God has woven our lives together.  For whatever the future holds, Jesus, I trust in you!

and me of little faith

This morning God showed up.  We thought we had two no's to two separate prayer requests.  Within 5 minutes, we got two "maybe's".

Baby Love on Thursday!
Job Interview on Friday!

"Baby Love" is the name I have decided to give to the sweet little girl we met in May (more details here).  She is now almost 6 months old.  Things are back to rocky with the kinship family and we are still needed as a back up for her.  Well, we will have her for the whole day, this Thursday, at an amusement park (foster care event we had planned to attend).  I am so trying to not get my hopes up.  The county will be going to court to discuss their concerns with the identified kinship family - not sure when.

AND, this morning we got a call we have been waiting for, job interview!  Friday at 8am for my husband.  Please pray! 

Thank you Lord for the dose of humility and the reminder that I am not in control!  I trust in you!

oh what I would give for a mustard seed of faith

Do I believe in God?  Yes!
Do I believe that God loves me, cares for me?  Yes.
Do I believe He has plans for my welfare?  ummmm....
Do I believe that God is extravagant in His blessings?  I would really love believe that.  It sounds so beautiful.

Me, of little faith, mustered what I had to celebrate St Gianna's feast day at her shrine.  I placed her glove on my abdomen and prayed with faith for her assistance.  I have known so many blessings who have come directly after contact with her relics.  Two cycles of opportunity have come and gone with no miracle conception.

Around the same time we prayed a double novena; our lady undoer of knots and divine mercy.  So far, no response to our petitions for those novenas.  Just crickets.  And struggles.

A few months back I thought I could possibly have another foster babe in my arms and potentially a miracle conception.  My husband tries to remind me that some times God answers "not yet".  I have to remind my self continually that others stories' are theirs, not mine.  We look so often to how God has blessed others for our own hope.  But His plan is so unique and perfect to us.

Secondary IF is much less dramatic than the first go around.  I am SO grateful for my blessings.  I recognize God has appeared.  He HAS answered prayers.  He HAS listened.  But my faith is still weak.  Forever battered by the waves of primary infertility.  I am much quicker to say "well...no one was listening to THAT novena."  Much quicker to give up.

I see this summer as a turning point.  I hope for it to be.  We need for it to be.

Am I being called back into employment?  Are more kids around the corner?  Only God knows.  We are just waiting over here for revelation.

hello my name is elisabeth and I am addicted to second hand shopping

Seriously.

I have shopped through cgslist for many years and scored all kinds of deals.  I could do a whole post on our cgslist finds.  Yesterday, my husband completely indulged me.  I needed to get out of the house.  We drove 30 minutes to a 40,000 sq ft used furniture warehouse with the most amazing prices. 

Find #1: I found this adorable vintage desk set (and I was really just after the chair) for $20. 

I am in the process of doing some refinishing to what was a laminate top.  If I can convince my husband, that will be his bedside table. 

 As I said I was just after the chair. I originally got the idea from Restoration Hardware who lists this chair at $119.

  

And I found this guy on Etsy selling a similar set for 295!

Find #2, I was looking for a night stand and found this vintage desk for $15.  

Suddenly I think I have a thing for collecting vintage desks.  This is my fourth in a month!  I think I will refinish this one.  

I wanted to find some cute shutters to make a head board for our guest room.  This used furniture store had shutters in seriously used/weathered condition for $15 each.  I didn't love any of them.  On the way home we stopped at the ReStore.  Habitat for Humanity's resale outlet.  In love, again!

I found these shutter doors for $5.

I am not sure yet if I want to leave them vertical or turn them horizontal (cutting off the bottom).  The ReStore also had solid wood doors in the $20 range.  We totally need to replace our hollow core bedroom doors.  And we may be redoing our bathroom from the ReStore!

Tomorrow, if we have a few extra minutes, I am dying to check our our city's historical district.  They have a architectural salvage of building materials from older buildings.  While I understand second hand decorating may not be for everyone, I am so excited about it!  New does not work with our cash only debt-free plan.  Vintage and I are new BFFs.

not meant for us

A month ago I was helping out at a foster care fundraising event.  I met (and fell in love with) the most precious little baby girl.  She was smiley, cooey and so tiny for 5 months old.  What she lacked in size, she made up for in utter sweetness.  I knew the foster mom she was placed with was not an adoptive resource.  I went home, talked to Paul and called our social worker to inquire about her.  The social worker mentioned a kinship resource was being considered, but she would mention us to her supervisor.  A week later we got a call asking if we were serious about our interest in this little girl.  We were asked to attend a hospital training to learn how to care for her. 

We attended and Paul met her for the first time.  Beautiful smile.  Sparkling blue eyes.  A complete joy.  The kinship family showed up and we were trained together (they did not know we were there as a back up for them).  Initially my heart broke watching this older couple with her.  The woman was not able to comfort her and the man did not seem interested one iota.  The idea of her growing up in a family that was not utterly in love with her was tough. 

It seemed an easy, obvious choice to me.  God had other plans.  I found out today she is going with  her kinship family.  Evidently they have improved, man seems interested, woman is able to care for her.  I am glad for them.  We remain a back up family...but most likely, she is not intended for us.

I had mentioned her to Rosie and every so often she would bring up her name.  I told Rosie today that baby was going to stay with her family.  I was promptly informed that she would still like a sister.  I told her she has to pray to God for that.  Evidently she is already on the case.  She said she prayed for that when she was outside. 

It is relatively easy to let go of a babe that you have not yet fostered.  I fell in love but I did not bond.  We would have been delighted to parent her - but we trust in God's plan for our family.  That plan which right now includes anxiously awaiting an adoption date (hopefully within two weeks we will have a date and it will likely be in July).  One miracle at a time. 

petition to adopt

is Signed Sealed and Delivered!  This is a picture of us at the notary.  I asked the attorney to contact us asap as the announcements I hope to purchase are only on sale until Tuesday. :)

painted furniture

Recently I am in love with painted furniture.  I have decided my style is cottage.  I am slowly adding to our theme on a budget by converting, yard sailing, flea marketing, etc to adjust our decor.     I love how easy it is to paint furniture and how cheap you can find awesome pieces on craigslist.  

{before}

this is furniture I inherited from my grandparents years ago (as pictured in our old home).  Nothing fancy, broyhill circa 60s or 70s I suppose.  The table was so water stained and ugly I would not allow it to see the light of day.

{after}

pretty painted legs and natural finish top

the chairs were a craigslist find from a restaurant

painted and scuffed hutch and buffet

 

 

{before}

old electrical wire spool, purchased in yard sale last week for $4

{after}
Painted spool converted to coffee/play table
Pottery Barn Rug on Craigslist $100; Sofa on Craigslist $100

And a few more "before" yard sale finds:

Highchair purchased in yard sale for $2;
to be used as doll chair/high seat for table

Apple crate purchase for $3 - will not be painted

Pair of school desks purchased for $20