mid week quick takes (aka late takes)

Mid week last week I wanted to blog...but decided to wait until Friday.  Then Friday came along and my inspiration had evaporated.  New inspiration has found its way back, so with that, here are my late-takes.

1. It is 12.19pm and I am sitting at my kitchen table.  My house is silent, except for the whirl of a lawnmower outside.  I am go grateful for Uncle K (our resident priest/brother/brother-in-law) who comes to save the day on his day off.  He took the kids out to the park and out for lunch.  I am so grateful for his vocation and the ways that it helps my vocation.

2.  Speaking of Uncle/Fr K...he arrived just in time to bless our first ever Mary garden!  I had been search for the perfect Mary for years.  The painted ones were never quite right.  The concrete ones were always so expensive.  I found this Mary at a Catholic bookstore.  She is heavy duty plastic, but you add concrete inside to weigh her down.  In front of her is a JPII rose bush in progress.  Our first one died and my mom lovingly cultivated and brought be a new clipping/bush.  I hope it likes it's new home better than the last one.

3. Timber Update.  We had the ultrasound.  It is a beautiful healthy baby!  We had the doctor write the gender down in an envelope to be revealed around DH & my birthday (end of June/beginning of July).  We hope to have a cake baked by someone who will make it blue or pink for us.  I am looking forward to finding out the news as a family (though we have a hunch).
Yesterday marked week 22.  I still can't believe the miracle that is this little life.  The doctor did our u/s and provided us with this face-on view (head on top, big belly on bottom)

4. Taking Kids to Mass.
This topic came up at a recent Marriage renewal program we are involved with.  The question was asked, by a deacon in training,  if he should say something to a woman with regularly misbehaving children who distracts him at daily Mass.  I didn't realize how emotional attached I am to the topic.  It is a tough subject and there is room for education on all fronts.  I believe I shared this articWhy we need kids at Mass."  It is excellent for the average person in the pew who may be irritated by the kids around them.  He then shared this article, "How to take young children to Mass" which is also excellent information for the parent.  We do try to utilize many of these techniques.  Ultimately, there is always room for education.  The idea of personally saying something to a particular woman or family makes me nervous.  One other mom suggested his approach be something like "do you need help?"  Proactive rather than reactive is a much better choice.


le before, "

5. If you missed my blog in the Mother to Mother series on discipline, here it is: Starting from Scratch.

6. My blessings on Mother's Day.

And a beautiful "letter to my pastor" on the topic of hurting women at Mass.  I loved this and shared it with a few priests.  One incorporated the prayer into his homily and was thanked by an infertile woman after the Mass.

7. If you have not yet been introduced to the musical goodness of Sarah Kroger, than please, let me introduce you!  My BFF is the youth minister at the Church she grew up.  While visiting, bff asked Sarah to play for us.  Sarah is incredibly talented and writes beautiful music.  Her second album will be no exception.  Check her out and if you are inspired, help fund her new project at SarahKroger.Com.

6.

Quick Takes Friday; learning from therapy

---1---

Since I have "gone there" {to bare-your-soul-blogging} it seems I can't go back.  Try as I may, I have been called to this transparency.  If the Lord can use this for his glory, then I am at His service.

---2---
I am settling into a routine of twice a month skype sessions with Dr. D.  Unfortunately my insurance is not providing coverage because he is considered out of network.  My next steps are to a) fight for coverage and/or b) see if he can come into network.  In the meantime and fortunately, Dr D has placed twice a month appointments as greater priority than payment in full.  A little thanks inserted here to my prayer buddy.

---3---I have been accused of scrupulosity.  I have been reminded by many that I am a good mother to my children.    While I know that I am a good mother...what kind of mother am I if I am not trying to overcome this anger that comes out in this form of a beast in front of my children?  I do not want to spew venom.  This is not why God has entrusted His children to my motherhood.  I am learning that instead of showing anger in response to the inevitable poor choices of my children, I need to learn to show sorrow.  This is one way we can meditate upon & invoke Mary.  Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us.  When our children write on the walls, pee on the carpet, tear up a book, push their siblings, help us to have a sorrowful heart, rather than an angry heart.

---4---
On Tuesday, when faced with a screaming toddler refusing to nap, I had a come to Jesus moment.  This scenario of screaming & refusing to nap is the greatest instance, with this particular child, that causes my anger to manifest.  Twice I repeated the following: walk into room, offer threat of spanking, leave room, return and deliver spanking.  Twice this did nothing but bring about more screaming (of course).  So I went into my room, put in my ear plugs, covered my head with a pillow (one of my usual attempts of coping with this scenario).  Then...I began to pray.  I prayed "Jesus, rock her to sleep.  Jesus rock her to sleep," And you know what???  He replied "That is why I have given her to you.  To be me.  To rock her to sleep."  Okay, hello Jesus.  Truth verified.  I begrudgingly went into her room, picked her out of her crib, returned to my room, put her in my bed, turned my back to her and laid down with her.  And she fell asleep.  Not an extreme act of charity on my part, but a step in retraining myself of be the mother I was created to be.

---5---
The generational curse.  I have a challenging relationship with my mother.  She had a challenging relationship with her mother.  As did my grandmother with her mother.  It is something that I have believed as an inevitable truth for myself.  I had feared having a daughter for this reason.  God sent me my first born, a daughter, for this reason.  To teach me that He is greater than a generational curse.  This was my latest God-given insight, one that has not been unwrapped yet.

---6---
"The mind assents before the heart surrenders."  DP Slattery

This is what is going on with me these days.  My mind is learning, being retrained and assenting to these truths I am learning.  My heart is still in need of surrender.  Conversion.  This is, in a certain sense, overcoming my Dark Night.  This is where I choose to parent as God intends.  To choose the high road, over the weak response.

---7---
I am happy to share my insights.  Please don't let these replace a step that you need (or feel called) to take in your own life.  God intends to meet each of us very personally and care for us where we are and call us forth individually.  As I said, I am humbled if God can use my writing to work on another mother's heart.    That said, I can not imagine benefiting from reading an account to the extent that I am benefiting from my personal  surrender in this form of therapy.

Pray for me.  I will pray for you.

Quick Takes Friday

-1-

This time last week I was presenting NaPro to a group of about 30 residents and physicians at our local catholic hospital.  Not the main presenter...I was the support crew for two amazing non-prescribing docs.  I was honored to watch them present about the risks of hormonal contraception, especially the BCP and breast cancer link.  It seemed like at least one resident was ready to stop taking the pill. 

We may never see the effects of that event but those residents think twice before pulling out their prescription pad, it will be a good thing.  It was wonderful and I hope the first of many more.  I am being more and more convinced about these sessions happening outside of the church and inside of the hospital.

-2-

Last week my big event was finishing the laundry room!  This week I am working on the downstairs play/living area.  Hoping I can make some big progress before back to back company arrives next Thursday.

-3-

 

Sleep dilemma.  If my 33 month old son takes a nap he is easily up until 10 or 11pm.  He goes into his room at bedtime, 7.30pm.  Then begins the cycle of door open until he drives us crazy.  Door closed, until we can't take the screaming.  Light on.  Light off. Door open again and repeat.  I am thinking that we should try to give up naps.  He only actually takes them following nights like this, and this it is a vicious cycle.  Hoping to find ways to settle a toddler for night time, because bedtime routine is not enough for this one.  

-4-

This last week was ROUGH.  Something not super good is going on with my cycles.  I think it is the absence of supplemental progesterone and estrogen in my post peak phase.  I will be resuming them for the next cycle in the hopes I don't turn into a raging lunatic again.  I have cried to more than a few people this week.  I am grateful it is in the "daylight", that I am talking about it, but just wishing I can figure this thing out and be rid of it.  I am not me and it makes me most sad for my kids. 

PMS is serious business.  Living in the mental asylum, aka staying at home with little children, is tough.  At some point you start to cross the border from sane to insane.  Usually it happens without warning.  I am dedicating October to dealing with this issue and hopefully help myself avoid the crashes.

-5-

If you did not yet read about a miracle in blogland that I discovered, please click here.  I am in awe of my beautiful friend Alison who truly truly is making something tragic into something beautiful.

-6-

Still hoping to connect these beautiful children with a forever family.  They live close to me.  Their foster mom was my daughter's first foster mom.  They have a unique case and for that reason need a family in the Eastern PA area.  I was told by a sweet couple that interviewed for them "It will take a special and anointed family to care for these little ones."   Please keep sharing the word until that couple is found!  If the geographical requirement changes, I will let you know! 

Oh my goodness, side note!  Check out this sweet angel! 

-7-

Two weeks from today I am skipping town for an anniversary trip.  Counting down!!

late night quick takes

1.  I am glad this week has come to a clothes close (leaving for posteriety because it speaks to my current state).  It is a week to go down in the history of our family.

2.  Tuesday (head injury at 2pm) to Wednesday (when my baby returned home at 9pm) were the longest 31 hours of my life.  Labor was easier, totally.
For those that are interested in the whole story - obviously not a quick take:
So this morning, after a good night sleep, I can probably share a bit more. After the injury (tues 2pm) we called our Ped. They scheduled us and saw us at 3pm then said they wanted us to be seen by a plastic surgeon. They sent us to the ER where we waited 2 hours until the plastic surgeon then asked us to come back the next day to his office the next morning (at this point feeling a bit stuck, I should have called back to our ped, but it was after 5pm). So...yall saw the posts about surviving the night with Augie and his head laceration. It was a long night. 8.30am arrive at doctors. 9am seen by doctor. he was very nonchalant. I am tired mom with son with lacerated head. Because I fed him breakfast (wish someone would have suggested i not do this) they could not schedule him until 8 hours after eating. He did offer to schedule him for Thurs morning but I did not want to wait another night. So...I choose to occupy my son and not feed him all day. 2:20pm - arrive at surgery center. Get checked in and start waiting. They bring us back to a long room of waiting people and stick us in a private room.  Augie begins to scream and tantrum (no sleep, no food...sort of understandable). He screams for at least 45 minutes straight. People are talking to me and I hear very little of what they are saying. Anesthesia doc comes in and I say "oh thank God". And then he tells me it is going to be a long wait. There are 15 patients in front of us. I beg him for anything and he orders Valium. This calms Augie down and I sit cry in this room alone for well over an hour while he colors on himself with highlighters in a cage-crib. My friend, a nurse, called. I answered accidentally. I am not sure how she heard anything through my blubbering, but she encouraged me to ask for a patient advocate. 5pm. I ask for a patient advocate, she returns and says they will now take him back for surgery. My much needed husband arrives for back up so I can go home.  9pm, the boys arrive home.  Augie looked wonderful, and happy and was eating everything in sight. So, we are doing better this morning. I just wished someone could have seen the whole picture and had compassion.

3. Picture proof. 

My sweet sleeping baby

Thankful for food and eating pizza crust after his arrival back home

4. I am so grateful for friends and prayers.  Without which I could not imagine what might have been.

5.  Next subject!  I am super excited to be "adopting" a friend's college bound "foster daughter".   This is a long story, but my college roomate took in a teenager who has flourished and managed to get herself a couple of full ride offers.  She choose a school very near me and we are happy to be a family away from home to her, since she is oh...about 20 hours from home.  I am so inspired by her story and looking forward to getting to know her better in the coming years.  Please pray for sweet E as she starts college in a land far away from anything familiar.  She will do great. 

6. My husband is starting a new job next week.  Same company, working his way up the ladder.  He will do so great!  We are in the middle of a life transtion.  He has given up his construction business to purse pursue a theology degree.  Along the way he is supporting our family and thankfully working just a few minutes from our house.  This new job means regular M-F hours and the return of a weekend, which will be so good for our family.
 
7. Immaculee Ilibagiza.  She is amazing.  If you have not heard of her, please check out her story via this brief interview.  I am presenting to our parish council about the possiblity of haing her speak in our Church.

Happy Weekend and cheers to the safety of our children and survival of their mothers.

 Jen's Quick Takes

 

adventures in mommyhood

What a crazy 48 hours! 

Sunday night I brought Catie to the ER for an infection on her leg.  She had some bug bites from 2 weeks ago that she had been scratching and suddenly she had hard swollen areas on her leg, arm and back.  This was my first ever trip taking a child to the ER.  I guess she managed to get an infection.  She is doing much better thanks to benedryl, antibiotic cream - and she was placed on antibiotics again. 

Oh and I forgot to mention, but Rosie is also being tested for Lymes.  She has abx prescription waiting for her at the pharmacy. 

So...today.  Augie slipped and fell into the bathtub and lacerated his forehead.  Thanks be to God my husband walked in the door 5 minutes later as I was sitting on the floor frantically trying to dial his number.  After a visit to the ped, we waited in the ER for the plastic surgeon...who was stuck in surgery and rescheduled us for 8.30am tomorrow moning.  So, now I sit...with a lacerated child, praying we make it through the night.

I had to bump back Catie's follow up appointment and Augie's speech therapy to accomodate our morning tomorrow with the plastic surgeon.

Thank goodness for a happy boy...who is watching all the "monkey george" he wants tonight.

the isolation of motherhood

I am a baby mama.  That was the label given to me recently after I poured out my heart to a beautiful group of mothers.  God willing I will meet with some of these women on a regular basis and god willing it will not be all about me.  They empathized with my position, reminiscing about just how difficult it is to parent little people.  They of course kept things real by telling me "little kids = little problems, big kids = big problems".  Ultimately, just sharing was hugely helpful.

I joined this group after reading half way through Suburban CEO an old website from my favorite blogger.  It is far time I return to the site and continue reading.

The idea of feeling fulfilled by motherhood is so so far away from me right now.  I read other mom blogs and the beautiful crafts, the beautiful pictures...the beautiful life of motherhood - just seem so far off.  Treading water and trying not to drown more adequately describes life. 

I could make a list of all the crazy things that my kids do for empathy or humor.  With Rosie approaching the age of five I am seeing the impact of every little thing I do upon her formation.  Let's just say that when I sin, that sin is multiplied.

Most days are rough.  Today was especially rough.  At the end of the day I called my husband at work and cried.  Then I hugged my daughter and asked if I am a good mom.  Not the answer I wanted.  :-/

I know in my heart there is good in my motherhood.  I have been called to the vocation of marriage and the desire for children was imprinted on my being.  I prayed and begged God for motherhood for 5 years before I was so blessed with the gift.  Now that gift sits on my chest like a massive weight, taking every ounce of my being.  I am being poured out and emptied beyond where I ever thought possible.

If it was just me an my motherhood, I would not survive.  I am fighting with everything inside of me.  Fighting to stay connected.  Fighting to stay accountable.  Fighting to let the good of my motherhood declare victory over the bad.  And most importantly, surrendering to God.