Quick Takes Friday; learning from therapy

---1---

Since I have "gone there" {to bare-your-soul-blogging} it seems I can't go back.  Try as I may, I have been called to this transparency.  If the Lord can use this for his glory, then I am at His service.

---2---
I am settling into a routine of twice a month skype sessions with Dr. D.  Unfortunately my insurance is not providing coverage because he is considered out of network.  My next steps are to a) fight for coverage and/or b) see if he can come into network.  In the meantime and fortunately, Dr D has placed twice a month appointments as greater priority than payment in full.  A little thanks inserted here to my prayer buddy.

---3---I have been accused of scrupulosity.  I have been reminded by many that I am a good mother to my children.    While I know that I am a good mother...what kind of mother am I if I am not trying to overcome this anger that comes out in this form of a beast in front of my children?  I do not want to spew venom.  This is not why God has entrusted His children to my motherhood.  I am learning that instead of showing anger in response to the inevitable poor choices of my children, I need to learn to show sorrow.  This is one way we can meditate upon & invoke Mary.  Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us.  When our children write on the walls, pee on the carpet, tear up a book, push their siblings, help us to have a sorrowful heart, rather than an angry heart.

---4---
On Tuesday, when faced with a screaming toddler refusing to nap, I had a come to Jesus moment.  This scenario of screaming & refusing to nap is the greatest instance, with this particular child, that causes my anger to manifest.  Twice I repeated the following: walk into room, offer threat of spanking, leave room, return and deliver spanking.  Twice this did nothing but bring about more screaming (of course).  So I went into my room, put in my ear plugs, covered my head with a pillow (one of my usual attempts of coping with this scenario).  Then...I began to pray.  I prayed "Jesus, rock her to sleep.  Jesus rock her to sleep," And you know what???  He replied "That is why I have given her to you.  To be me.  To rock her to sleep."  Okay, hello Jesus.  Truth verified.  I begrudgingly went into her room, picked her out of her crib, returned to my room, put her in my bed, turned my back to her and laid down with her.  And she fell asleep.  Not an extreme act of charity on my part, but a step in retraining myself of be the mother I was created to be.

---5---
The generational curse.  I have a challenging relationship with my mother.  She had a challenging relationship with her mother.  As did my grandmother with her mother.  It is something that I have believed as an inevitable truth for myself.  I had feared having a daughter for this reason.  God sent me my first born, a daughter, for this reason.  To teach me that He is greater than a generational curse.  This was my latest God-given insight, one that has not been unwrapped yet.

---6---
"The mind assents before the heart surrenders."  DP Slattery

This is what is going on with me these days.  My mind is learning, being retrained and assenting to these truths I am learning.  My heart is still in need of surrender.  Conversion.  This is, in a certain sense, overcoming my Dark Night.  This is where I choose to parent as God intends.  To choose the high road, over the weak response.

---7---
I am happy to share my insights.  Please don't let these replace a step that you need (or feel called) to take in your own life.  God intends to meet each of us very personally and care for us where we are and call us forth individually.  As I said, I am humbled if God can use my writing to work on another mother's heart.    That said, I can not imagine benefiting from reading an account to the extent that I am benefiting from my personal  surrender in this form of therapy.

Pray for me.  I will pray for you.