The Heart is Beating Strong!

12 Week Update:
okay, well really 11 weeks and 5 days...but close enough!

Today I had an appointment at the Birth Center for my first official check up. The best part, I got to hear the baby's heart beat!!! After a long appoinntment of paperwork and reviewing history and turning down all the genetic screening options (anmio, etc)...I finally got to sit on the table. The midwive put some jelly on my belly and within 30 seconds "woah, woah, woah, woah." She commented that the baby was very active because we kept hearing scratching noises. She said he or she was moving around. :) This all still seems totally unreal.

Unfortuantely, Paul was not able to attend. But I made sure to schedule the next appointment so he could. I need another person there to help remind me - this is real! Next appointment will be around 18 weeks, along with a level 2 ultrasound at that time. Every step is like a giant milestone. I am so blessed to not have ANY spotting or cramping. So far, all is good! Hopefully I can have Paul log an entry on our Birth Center tour soon. Thank you for all the prayers - they are clearly working and resulting in what I can say is a very easy pregnancy thus far! Again, MIRACLE!

And now, for those that wish to see my growth updates...here is the first Belly Shot:

Baby Update

Every Week I get an email update - which among other things, tells us about the baby. Thought I would share it with you. Check out the picture! It is really exciting.

Your Baby
Your baby weighs about 7 grams, is about 2 inches long, and in an ultrasound will look a bit out of proportion. He or she has toes, eyes, ears, fingernails and lips, but the head is still about one-half the total size of its body. Don't worry; this will change as your baby grows. Click here for an image of a baby at 11 weeks.

Everything looks good! I am starting to grow, just a little. My hormone levels have consistently been right around the "normal" line and as of today I am only one week from my SECOND trimester! :)

And - Paul and I toured the Birth Center yesterday. It is kind of crazy imagining giving birth outside of the hospital...but the idea is growing on us!!

adoption on hold

Paul and I told the agency. Their policy is that we go on hold until we have the baby. At that point we are no longer eligible for the infant adoption program. We would be eligible to continue towards a mixed race adoption, enter the foster program or pursue international adoption. We feel strongly that God has lead us to the adoption process. After the baby arrives we will pray about what direction God leads us.

Just a Quick Update

Things are still good! We praise every day we are one step closer to 2nd trimester (and a little more clear of risk of miscarriage). Every day is a blessing. The all-the-time sickness comes and goes, as does exhaustion - but what a gift. Today I hit 9 weeks and was amazed to see the little ticker (see two posts below). Our Maluski looks like a tiny person and no longer a tiny tadpole. We are so in love! Girl or Boy? You will have to wait till September to know that! ;-)

Our Miracle is doing good!

So Blessed

To All,
Thank you for the outpouring of love, support, encouragement, prayers and congratulations. We really are just marveling at this miracle...and still trying to believe it really is...we really are...pregnant! I received such a lovely note from a friend that helped me reflect, for the first time, on the fact that God has chosen to bless us. It is as if He has finally said "See, I have not forgotten you." After all the novenas we prayed, and our many, many attempts at surrendering the matter. And now, we are just in awe.

We LOVE reading the updates of our baby. It is amazing that it is growing so fast and developing so well. Occasionally, Paul or Uncle Keith will start talking in the room and I will realize they are talking to the baby. :) Keith made a special request that I start eating polish food. The baby might have to wait for that one, as I can only "stomach" so much now.

We decided to give the baby the nickname, "maluski." It is pronounced (ma-lu-shki) and means "little one." There is a Christmas carol, sung to the infant Jesus "O Maluski" which I have heard was one of John Paul II's favorites.

And, on another note...why this blog was started in the first place: We were recently notified by our adoption agency that there are two more potential "situations" on the horizon. We have much prayer to undergo to find God's will with regards to adoption. Certainly, we hoped we would have one or two kids by now. This would also us to grow our family pretty quickly...but it is such a different perspective from here. We will try to keep this in God's hands as much as possible. Right now, we are just trying to see what happens at the ultrasound (scheduled for Tuesday) before making any decisions. We will keep you posted on all fronts! ;-)

another update :)

It has been awhile, and I appologize for the delay in this update. We had several conversations before we decided to put this update online.

Paul and I recieved very good news. Before we say just what that is....here is the prelude. Our cousin's came over recently and delivered this very special toast. "And they went to visit their cousin, Elisabeth, who was found to be in her 6th week. She who was thought barren. For they know, all things are possible with God."

Reflecting on the scriptural meaning of my name, Elisabeth. Reflecting on the meditations of barren women in the bible - we were so blessed to recieve this toast. And we truly TRULY are blessed.

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So, certainly, this is the biggest surprsie of our married life. We are THRILLED. We don't know yet what it means for the adoption - and will continue to keep you posted via this blog. For now, I am under the care of Dr. Hilgers through the PPVI Institute for hormonal support. Thank you for all of you that have prayed us to this point!!! Please continue to pray for the Blessed Mother and St. Gerard's intercession for this new life inside of me! With all our love!

an update

At the adoptive parent panel, we were told by the couples to listen for our social worker to say she had a "situation." That was how she tended to introduce a possibility. A few weeks ago we got a call from our social worker. She had a "situation." So, the situation was that there was a 21 year old girl considering adoption. She was half hispanic and the race of the father was unknown. She also used crack in the first few months of pregnancy - but had stopped and was in rehab. I talked to Paul, we called a friend that is a pediatrician, and decided that we wanted our profile to be shown. We decided not to tell anyone, so as to avoid the infamous "have you heard anything yet?" question at each instance of communication.

It was a little bit of a rush, at first. But as we didn't hear anything for several weeks, we assumed we were not chosen. We just heard from the social worker today that the girl changed her mind. Please pray for this girl. We never got the overwhelming sense of "this is it." I guess the expectation is that we might get a few such phone calls before "the one." We are so glad we have this board to keep everyone updated. Thank you for your prayers for us as well. xoxoxo

Welcome 2007

What changes will this year bring? We are optimistic about 2007.
With regards to fertility - it is has been a long journey; here is the rundown:
10/2002 - married
10/2003 - began infertility testing
3/2004 - first surgery
6/2005 - second surgery
9/2005 - third & major surgery
12/2005 - began adoption research
3/2006 - choose an agency; started our wait
10/2006 - officially approved

As 2006 has been mostly "adoption focused" for us - we have been able to toss out the charts (temporarily) and forget about "trying to conceive." This has been a blessing. But, moving on from the dream of conceiving to the dream of adopting was interesting, to say the least. There are so many different emotions wrapped up with the adoption process. Having our parenting ability questioned, going through interviews, doctor's visits, background checks - all this to welcome a child into our house. One of the great lessons we have learned from others is that when we receive this great gift (and finalize the adoption), unquestionably, that will be our child. A child we have long awaited.

We are optimistic about 2007. That is not to say we will be blessed with a child by the close of the year, though hopefully that is the case. We are optimistic because, for the first time, we have no additional testing/poking/prodding/interrogating/interviewing to endure. We are as far as we can come on our journey to parenthood. The rest is completely out of our hands. Although I long to look into the future and see our family with a bustling house full of children, again, out of our hands. For the first time we look forward to our future, the one God has planned for us. We look forward not in expectation of the house full - but we look forward, one child at a time. Thank you all for your continued prayers and love. Happy New Year!

Chrismas Wishes

First, please let me extend our wishes to you for a very Merry Christmas. We hope the birthday of our savior brings renewed joy into your homes. This year, Paul and I wanted to wait to celebrate the liturgical Christmas season. We waited to purchase a tree, set up decorations, do baking, etc. And now, today is the first day of Christmas! This was, of course, preluded by wonderful family gatherings and meals. But we look forward to the days ahead to celebrate and reflect on our blessings.

What a year. And hopefully one year closer to the blessing of a child. We recieved several wonderful baby-wishes this year. Especially in the breaking of Oplatek. Every year we follow the polish custom of breaking bread (chrismas wafers pronounced oh-pwah-tek). This is a custom where those gathered have a chance to express well wishes to one another. The theme for us this year was "may all your baby dreams come true." In addition to oplatek, this was expressed in gifts received. Thank you for all that have us in their thoughts and prayers. It means so much!

I am very tempted to do a "year in review" type blog...but we will wait until next week for that!! Love you all!

no news is no news

So, yup, posts have been much less frequent lately. There is not much going on in the adoption front. We are still approved, we are still waiting. Generally, we don't hear anything unless we ask...and we have been too busy to ask these days.

Dec 1st I started my new position as the Campus Minister at the catholic high school. It has been a very busy week (two weeks) trying to learn the ropes and learn the inner workings of high school life. I think once it starts rolling things will pick up. It is just these darn ropes that are so tricky. Someone told me they thought the new job would be a good distraction for us in this wait. It is certainly a distraction...but it also adds a new dimension in our road to parenthood. To daycare or not to daycare. We have always discussed that I would be a stay-at-home-mom. God knows (and hopefully He will let us in on the secret soon) - what will happen. Perhaps a modified version of staying home & working. Perhaps job sharing? Perhaps in-home care? A whole 'nother world of discussion to discuss!

Set your DVD to Record...or Watch Dr Hilgers this Friday night!

From an Email:
"I am so pleased to announce to you that Dr. Hilgers will be the feature of a one hour interview on national television beginning Friday, December 8, 2006 at 7 p.m.CST. This interview was taped about two weeks ago with Raymond Arroyo of EWTN at Christendom College at Front Royal, Virginia. It was taped in their library with a student body live audience.

I hope that you will put this on your calendar or set your Tivo so that you don't miss this important interview. Please also let everyone associated with your center know and your clients as well. It helps spread the message of our work."

Tis the Season to Be Jolly (Paul)

As this season of advent approaches it is a time of preparation I teach my 8th grade CCD students. Some of them get it and others look surprised. Its kind of funny. This year I was one of the surprised ones. It hard to believe that it is already this time of year. Getting so wrapped up in work and estimates and Elisabeth's new job and normal responsibilities the idea that this is a time of preparation slipped my mind. We are supposed to be preparing our homes and our hearts for the arrival of a baby. A king is promised to come. One who will bring peace to the world and to us individually. Although Christmas time may come and Go I am choosing this advent to prepare my mind and heart for a baby that is promised. One that will be ours. Maranatha Come Lord Jesus and See the blessing you have created for us some where.

May your Advent be a fruitful one and may the Lord's coming fill your home with Joy.

An EXCELLENT article on Infertility

Dear Family & Friends,
PLEASE READ THIS!!!! Someone on my infertility board posted a link to this article. It is, perhaps, the most comprehensive and honest look at what we go through. I hope that it brings you insight on the struggle of Infertilty. God Bless You All & Happy Thanksgiving!

Adoptive Search Panel

So, last night I was on my own to attend the Search panel discussion (while Paul was teaching). This is where we hear from "the triad." The triad consists of the adoptive parent(s), adopted child and birthparent(s). The search panel consists of one of each of these that have searched and found someone in the last couple years.

The first was an adoptive parent. Her son sought and found his birthmother when he turned 18. Since her son was 7 when he was adopted he did have a memory of his birthmother. In this case the mother and the birthmother formed a friendship and now refer to him as "our son" and joke about how he has two mothers. There always seems to be one case that is a little over the top.

The second was a daughter and birthfather that were reunited last year. This case was unique because it is very rare that a birthfather will keep the agency updated hoping to one day reunite with his child. Hearing from this man gave good insight. He was 15 when his daughter was born. His parents wanted to adopt and raise the baby - he was the one who talked everyone into giving the baby up for adoption. He was very respectful to the desires of the parents - to wait until their daughter turned 18 for her to search. She wanted to wait until she was out of college. Now they both speak of the relationship, the challenges and brought thoughts such as what happens after the reunion. Hearing from the daughter really helped me see that her parents are her parents, regardless of what happened with the search. She also helped me see that some degree of openness (letters, pictures) is not a bad thing. She didn't have any of that and said it has been overwhelming trying to learn names and relationships in her new extended family.

Also, the idea of the fact that the child is going to want to search was addressed. It is not a bad thing. It seems to just be a necessary, "finding oneself" right of passage for a child that is adopted. Even though a percentage of reunions never happen, or rejection may occur, the child will know and have closure on that part of their life.
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On another note...I just accepted a new job as the Director of Campus Ministry for a catholic high school. I am thrilled to finally have the opportunity to do what I want (full time ministry) - but nervous as to how the adoption will play into this change. I know God has this plan that is slowly unrolling. It is just difficult to see directly in front of you when you want to know the big picture. Hopefully the job will be a good distraction from the wait.

Reproductive Medicine & Catholicism

Yesterday there was an article published in the Washington Post about NaPro Technology and Dr. Hilger's work with the Pope Paul VI Institute. Read the article by clicking here. The only argument from the Institute was that it was published in the religion section rather than the health & medicine section. While we were pursuing treatment with Dr. Hilgers there were concerns because we were pursuing "catholic" treatment. No, we were pursuing morally acceptable treatment.

Overall, the article is pretty balanced. Of course there are some ridiculous comments: "They might as well be advocating prayer for infertility," said Richard Paul, a fertility expert at the University of Southern California. "The reason that this is dangerous is because women have a biological clock, and while they are using up time with less effective therapies, time may run out." Though we are not (yet) in the statistical success rating, I think it would be quite difficult to find a woman who considers her treatment a waste of time.

I am glad to know that it is causing a little controversy out there. For two reasons, 1) if there is controversy others will know about it. 2) I would love to have other people studying & challenging the research. Really, their success and patient load should be saying something to mainstream docs. Please spread word of this article!

OFFICIALLY approved

Well, this homestudy process lasted much longer than we thought, but as of yesterday, we are OFFICIALLY approved. Technically, according to our agency's policy, we have been waiting 7 months and 3 weeks; But now, if a girl comes to the agency and asks to see all the profiles, we could be in the running.

There is no word on how long (before we receive a placement) it just depends on girls coming forward. Please pray for women that may be struggling with the decision to place their babies for adoption. Please keep in mind that though we have an agency, an independent adoption can still be facilitated. We hope to send out our "Dear Birthmother" letters to friends and family before the end of the year. The purpose is that if you come across someone hoping to adopt, you can share our profile with them. We will keep you posted. Thank you again for all your prayers and support.

Please pray for this family...

We just received news of the death of one of Paul's former classmates. What makes this so tragic is his wife delivered their first child on Friday night via C-section. On Sunday she was expecting to see him at the hospital...but he didn't show. The police were called and found him dead at their house. It is moving us because Paul recently re-connected with him. We were invited to their baby shower. Paul and he spoke just a few weeks ago.

I absolutely cannot fathom becoming a mother and a widow in the same weekend. Please pray for the "W" family, and the repose of this young man's soul.

The Events of last Friday....

Friday night we thought we were going to Fr. Keith's church to surprise their cousin for his 30th birthday party. When we went to meet him in the chapel, they opened the doors and the chapel was FILLED with our bible study friends (around 30 people). I almost had a heart attack!! I was ushered to the front of the room as all was quickly prepared for Mass. Fr. Keith led a Mass to start our time of waiting with prayers and lift us up with hope. The gospel read was of Mary's fiat and visit to Elizabeth who conceived in her old age. The homily was lovingly directed to us and I cried the WHOLE time. Thank goodness someone had a tissue, because I was not prepared for this!

After the Mass everyone migrated to the church hall which was beautifully decorated, a full spread of yummy food all prepared by Becky. As we walked in she was selling raffle tickets and people started to play shower games. The first was a quiz about us. Where were we born, what was our adoption agency, what was the name of our dog, etc. Some of the answers were quite creative.

Another game was the baby word unscramble. As this particular group of friends is very "fruitful" and are quite current on their baby shower games, I think Aleeca unscrambled all 10+ words in less than a minute.

These pictures were cutting the cake and giving out the raffle prizes (while holding our goddaughter, M):


Other local family friend's showed up and through out the night we got to update our friends and recieve congratulations. During the car ride home I had the opportunity to hear Paul's reflections. In additon to what I posted previously, he said "I feel like I am on the other side of the fence now and this feels like it is becoming more real." When we got home we took time to open the gifts and cards. Once again, overwhelming. We were grateful for the opportunity to opt out from doing this at the party. But, from all the resulting generosity, we now have a stroller, car seat, pack and play, BRU gift cards and HALF of our adoption fund raised!!!!!!! I agree with Paul, looking at the baby gear makes it seem more real. Now, all we need is a little bum to fill that seat!

Again, we just feel so incredibly blessed. Another god-incidence part of this whole thing was that last week was the week for our homestudy report to be written up & approval granted. So, officially, literally, we are started our wait time surrounded by friends and family lifting us up in prayer at the Lord's table. I am confident this prayer is helping us prepare and surrounding us with grace needed. We don't know how long the wait will be, we don't know what little soul God has to bless us with...but we are so grateful that we can relax in being more prepared for whatever surprises lie ahead.

"God has given YOU to us!"

It is 2:30am the morning of October 7th. I have jotted down our thoughts and hope to post the full report soon (with pictures - Becky, can you email me a few :) . As some of you may check the blog later, I wanted to write something.

We are just about speechless. Certainly we are overwhelmed at the outpouring of love, support and generosity. As Paul said "when we began the process, we entrusted everything over to God...and now God has given us You (becky, steve, keith, all our family and all our friends) to pray for us and give us strength in this journey."

Thank you. Everyone, thank you.
We love you and are so grateful for your friendship and love.

(((Keith, Becky and Steve. we are speechless. we love you. we are so thankful God has given us you!)))