Quick Takes Friday

1.  So my lent commitment was to stay off facebook and try to avoid excess Internet as much as possible.  I am failing miserably.  I have been spending lots of time in bed since my wonderful news, and especially in the past week.

I had been replacing fb time with my news apps.  And then, between a friend having twins (had to stalk on fb) and then the pope, and then I have just down spiraled from there.  Not sure what I need to do, but I need to do something to make the most of the final two weeks of lent.

2. Thank you to everyone for your prayers.  My two complications are "tilted uterus & can't pee" and a fibroid (or fibroids), which seems to make the matter worse.  I have been catheterized for a week and am trying to offer my sufferings constantly.  The last couple days have been pretty darn uncomfortable.  I am ready to rip that thing out.  Ultrasound at 2.30pm today.  My greatest prayer is that my uterus has returned to the correct position - Sts Gianna & Gerard, pray for me!  I need a break from this bag.

3.  Recently we added sensory therapy to Catie's PT & OT schedule.  It sounds like she may need speech as well.  At 2 years, 3 months she is not identifying animals or animal sounds.  She has a great ability to communicate, but there are some gaps missing in her speech.  While her OT is excited about her progress, add this to the list of things I am not thrilled to add to our schedule.  I feel selfish to say this, but three services a week as we add a new person to our family....this is what I signed up for when I adopted my special needs babe.

4. Adoption and motherhood.  Okay....super honest quick take here.  I know adoptive parents so often talk about how there is no difference between their feelings towards their adopted children and their biological children.  From a supernatural faith based perspective, absolutely, this is/should be true.  Adoption is a higher calling than becoming a parent the old fashioned way.  From a natural perspective (and I know I may be in the minority here, but still feel this on my heart to say) there is a difference, for me, that I connect to the lack of bonding through maternity & nursing.  My adopted children have special needs and they happen to be aged two and three (read: very difficult ages).  I am sure parents of all biological children have toughies that they struggle to love the same way as the easy ones.  In saying that, perhaps adoption becomes a moot point, BUT...I feel the need to meditate on and pray for a supernatural love for my children.

At a natural level, our love is imperfect.  We should love as God loves.  And our relationship to God is as His adopted children.  He has TOUGH children.  But HE loves us all perfectly, no matter where we came from or what challenges we present.

Adoption is a higher calling than becoming a parent the old fashioned way.  This statement came up by my therapist.  On a biological level, we have biological bonding agents - hormones during pregnancy, delivery and nursing that bring about the maternal instincts.  (Note: men do not have this same biological experience and my husband has not had the same bonding challenges as me).  With my adopted kids, I lacked those experiences and that natural/hormonal type of bonding.  So now, in my parenting experience, I am trying to rise above what is lacking and be as maternal as I would be to my biological child.  This can only happen with supernatural grace.   I am on the long road to processing and hopefully changing this in my life.

5.  For the record, I know plenty of biological parents who have admitted to me struggles with not being maternal.  In that, I mean relating to my struggles with anger and personal restraint in punishment, etc.  The above is specific to my experience with parenting.  So again, this could be very common in parenting in general. And, in which case, completely wipes out the struggle in my head about adoption as a reason for the chance in my maternal feelings.  Can you tell this is all just being processed?

6.  My favorite Francis meme:

When I first saw Pope Francis standing there I was like "wave, Dude!!"  When you see this picture, it brings out the humility of our new Holy Father.  It makes me chuckle.

7.  Okay, I will close with a netflix recommendation that has been taking up my time (read #1!).  My mother in law recommended "Call the Midwife".  Very good series.   But someone needs to have words with these British film companies that think 6 episodes constitutes a season!

Happy Weekend!

why..hello there!

I have dropped off the face of the blog world...and not because I gave blogging up for lent.

I have been busy doing lots of sleeping, eating and otherwise baby growing.  Thank you so much for your wonderful and celebratory words.  Tomorrow I am 9 weeks and "timber" is doing really well.  My 8 week progesterone level came back high, between zones 2 & 3.  Add to that I feel very pregnant...hello stretchy pants.  I am so grateful....SO GRATEFUL to have been given the blessing of maternity again.

I am intensely working on my maternal heart with my therapist.  I had two very very lows in parenting this past month.  An ugly bout of pregnancy hormones led to an ugly bout with anger.  As God's timing and providence would have it, I had a therapy session coinciding with a very bad day.  It is frustrating that my behavior is not changing as fast as I would like.  My mind and heart are definitely being converted and my prayer is that what I am learning will come to mind when it is most needed.

I have recommitted to giving up spanking.  This time no spanking and no yelling for lent.  I read a good article by Dr Sears about avoiding hand spanking as it discourages a natural and healthy curiosity.  This is something my husband had adopted and has agreed to give up, again, as well.

Therapies for my children are on my heart.  We have increased OT services for Catie and began a "sensory diet".  She is deathly afraid of all things fun (sledding, sliding, high swinging, exploring, etc).  I became aware of her height terror recently.  I am hoping the addition of the sensory training will be beneficial.  Meanwhile, I feel Augie is slipping backwards in speech and language.  I keep thinking of Williams Syndrome.  Many of these kids are missed because their personalities shine above their weaknesses.  This is so the case for him.  I am hoping to reopen his case with the therapist that cleared him.

In other news...we just booked a two week vacation to Florida in the mid-spring.  We had hopes of traveling south for Christmas, but with baby due a few months prior, I was not sure about that trip.  Plus I have been dying to visit during the beach months.  One week with hub's family and one week with mine and lots of time with the family in the pool and at the beach.  So. Excited!

Sorry for the hodgepodge.  I have had some beautifully deep thoughts and insights, but am never awake or coherent enough to blog them out.  This post comes courtesy of insomnia.  So, with that, good night/good morning.  I hope to see you again soon.  :)

keeping vigil by candlelight

While life outside is normal and kids are playing on their spring break, inside our home is different.  It is a place of respite.  It is dark and lit only by candlelight.  It is Holy Thursday, we are making space in our lives for the Lord.  We are fasting from artificial light. 

Parenthood is stressful.  The most stressful period of my life thus far.  For me, adolescence was a time of restlessness and rebellion.  Young adulthood was a sort of quiet waiting with an anxiousness to know the future.  As a young married dealing with five years of infertility was pure anguish.  And  now, here I am.  Blessed parenthood.  And I am stressed.

This opportunity for peace  is a welcome moment in our life.

Today I was hoping to bring our family to the Vigil.  Two sick children plus one husband who needs to study means our life got in the way of our plans.  We watched a bit of the vigil on EWTN and now I am keeping vigil at home by candlelight.

Lord, be with us.  Helps us to enter in.

I am going dark.  Stopping only to share our experience by blog.  We are adopting this (read #2) wonderful suggestion and will be dark until Easter Sunday.

Happy feast day to my wonderful brother in law and all our clergy!

From the Chrism Mass (the bishop addresses the people):
My brothers and sisters, pray for your priests.  Ask the Lord to bless them with the fullness of his love, to help them be faithful ministers of Christ the High Priest, so that they ill be able to lead you to him, the fountain of your salvation.  Lord Jesus Christ, hear us and answer our prayer.

27 hours...

Thankfully I have been busy.  So busy, in fact that the last two weeks have flown by.  Now, suddenly I am about 27 hours away from end end of the FWW (four week wait).  Pretty soon we can file petitions to adopt!  I am so thankful we have had a much swifter process with Catie.  All the adoption drama with her case happened right up front (check out the archives for May-Aug 2011). 

We are looking at an April or May adoption.  Her baptism date is scheduled and a park pavilion is booked for the par-tay. 

I don't have to look back too far to remember when parenthood seemed impossible.  I have learned so much in the last few years.  Literally, every tear led us to this place of readiness to be "showered in babies."  I am in awe of God and blessed to see His plan for our family being revealed.

Last night I hosted "Living Out Lent" at our parish.  We had 22 tables and about 160 women.  It was beautiful.  As this is my third time as host and emcee of this event, I figured it was time I introduce myself properly to these women.  I put up a picture of my kids.  I explained that someone had stopped me and stated they did not know I was pregnant when I hosted the first event.  I laughed.  To an outsider, I am a woman who keeps having babies....but never seems to be pregnant.  Well...once (thanks be to God).  So I explained that my kiddos are coming to me by way of foster care adoptions.  The response was a lovely round of a applause.  AMDG. 

"Reclaim your Joy"

This is what the Lord spoke to me tonight in adoration.

I thought I was driving to bible study but since it study was cancelled on account of the holiday, it ended up being "date night with Jesus."  It was kind of like when you are dating and your boyfriend does something really cool to surprise you.  Monday night. I am sitting at the Church parking lot and Jesus was waiting for me inside.  "Surprise!"

I LOVED THAT!  When I walked in, the only other person in the chapel walked out.  I was alone before the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament.  I think He planned this.  :)

I prayed for you!!  By name I prayed for everyone who has requested prayers, newly had a baby, newly adopted, painfully waiting.  You were all on my heart.  I prayed three fervent Hail Marys for my brother in law.  I prayed for my in laws.  I prayed for my family.

Intercessory prayer led me deeper and the Lord started talking.  I had a couple of things I was looking for inspiration on:
1. Living Out Lent night for women I am running next month
2. Theology of the Body retreat that I am doing with teen girls
3. Personal life, prayer life, etc.

I believe I have a theme for #1 "Lead Me to the Cross" and I ended up reading the Crucifixion accounts in all four gospels to see the role of women at the cross. 

I hope God can rock the girl's socks off for #2.  I was contemplating how a teenage girl could live "Free, Total, Faithful and Fruitful."  Cool stuff!  I am also so psyched about this opportunity and totally bringing "Rosie" dressed up in princess garb to remind the girls of when we all truly believed we were princesses.   

#3.  God led me to a verse.  Psalm 13.  My bible practically fell open to it.  I actually had a pencil resting in the page.  Surprise surprise.  Ummm, so I totally forgot, but this is the SAME VERSE God sent me to the last time I was in adoration.  I think He was trying to make a point!  Underlined, circled and verse that is going on my kitchen window: "Grant my heart JOY in your help."

I LOVE the word Joy.  At an Unbound conference in the Spring I was blessed to receive the Father's blessing via Neal Lozano.  His prayer was about the blessing of my name, Elisabeth and how during Mary's visit to Elizabeth the infant lept in her womb (for joy).  The blessing was for joy within me.  During adoration tonight I felt the Lord urging me to "reclaim joy in (my) life."  Lately, as a wife and mother I am more tired and less enthusiastic.  So, I am holding on to this new blessing and will be seeking my JOY.

Finally, my marching orders for the Month (from this post).
S (spiritual) - offer up my little sufferings for my husband
P (physical) - morning exercises with the kids
I (intellectual) - read one book, any book, this month
C (creative/communicative) - to try to have post-bedtime (=kids in bed) dinner with my husband 1x week
E (emotional) - speak words of affirmation to fill hubby's love tank

Returning to the WWW

With my husband away...all day at work....I have lots of time to return to the www.  I have so many blog subjects floating through my head.  First, as far as we know...Confirmation of Consent (TPR) happened two weeks ago.  That said...we are in a new kind of 2ww.  Please keep us in prayers.  May 12th we should be in the clear!   That will be our date to breathe (not that I am holding my breath).  Overall, this whole process has been pretty non-dramatic, thanks to God. 

Subjects running through my head that I hope to come back to later:
- Parenting with Grace (boy do I need more)
- What I missed least about being off line...facebook = how to save time by avoiding fb
- More thoughts on homeschooling
- 1000 reasons why I love and adore being a Fertility Care practioner
- On having more children...an infertile girl contemplating when to say yes to more (foster kids)
- Contemplating the return to pro-life work
- The Unbound conference we attended....the gift of Neal Lozano
- St Gianna Shrine feast day meet up...anyone? 
-And my new found friend....THE FLY LADY!  I am certain many of you have heard of her already, but if not, please go to www.flylady.net.  I am on day 8 and totally being renewed by the gift of FLYing.  I hope to blog about this very soon!

Yesterday we attended the foster care egg hunt.  Most of the festivities were under the pavilion but I stepped outside for a few minutes to let the kids run around in the wet grass.  I ended up throwing a football with a precious 8 year old boy.  He totally won my heart and I contemplated asking someone about him.  Photo profiles of kids are okay, but spending 10 minutes with any of these kids is a different story.  The world of fostering has opened my heart in ways I never thought possible.  What I imagine our family looking like has changed.  Even though I feel completely inadequate as a mother, we truly have so much love to give.  Alright...so there is my blog post.  When my brain refocuses, I will return with some specific thoughts.  Now...back to sink shining (fly lady). 

I wish a wonderful, blessed Easter season to all my family and blog friends. 

Rosie with her cousins.  AND THE most adorable homemade gift we have received.  A pillow case dress made by Rosie's godmother!  Love it!!

My attempt at a picture before the Easter Vigil.  We will have to get dressed up a stage some lovely Easter pictures later (oh and my camera totally stinks lately!).  

Blog Closed for Lent

As I mentioned earlier I am going Unplugged for Lent.  Prayer buddy...I will be offering my off-line sacrifices for your intentions!!  God bless you wonderful blogging ladies!  You will all be in my prayers.  I will remain hopeful for those in need of Hope! 

For my prayer partner, here are our important dates on our road to adoption:
March 22nd - court permanancy hearing for Augie, we don't expect surprises
EDIT April 11th - confirmation of consent hearing, where termination of parental rights will take effect
then 30 days of prayer that this is not appealed.
By then I will be back on line.  Thank you!!!

Helping women enter lent

This year I am involved with coordinating an event for women of our parish.  I think it is such a great event I am just adding it here to spark the idea for other women. 

The concept is simple.  You recruit women to host tables.  They provide the table set up; linens, dishes, glasses, etc.  They provide a crock of soup, bread, butter, wine, fruit.  They decorate their tables for lent (grapevine crown of thorns), candles.  They provide a small token gift, I am making rosaries.  Then they invite 7 friends and host them as if they were having them over for dinner.

We provide the spiritual setting to enter the season. 

In our case we have a priest who will be speaking, followed by a woman offering her testimony and life through the lens of Our Lady of Sorrows. We will conclude our evening with Stations of the Cross. 

Two girlfriends are helping me coordinate.  This is our first event.  We have recruited 25 table hostesses through various women and parish organizations.  This is a potential of 200 women attending.  Down the line if anyone wants more information, please feel free to contact me.  I am happy to share files.  :)  God bless.

Advent by Candlelight from the Web

Unplugged for Lent

Just an FYI to blog readers, I am closing shop for lent.  I will be doing the same for facebook and to the best of my ability, for email. 

Since we don't expect to have any news on the adoption front, I don't suppose I will have much to share.  Update on that topic, April 22nd is our "new Feb 28th" - meaning TPR will not happen until then, because they signed.  

I will be praying for my prayer buddy and all others I have promised to pray.  I may use Sunday exception and in limited doses.  

I will post again before then, but just a week until warning.