I read this quote from Foster2Forever and it struck a chord, especially in light of my Quick Take #4. Two days before I lamented about bonding, I was telling someone I was going to pray for them to consider foster care.
A blog is essentially a public journal. While I may be very open about my feelings and the challenges, please don't mistake that for lack of gratitude. I can not for one second imagine my life without each of my blessings.
Parenting is hard as hell. Some of what I am trying to accomplish in therapy is the transition from the romantic ideas of what kind of parent I thought I would be to becoming the parent God is challenging me to become. That idea and the "ideal" (ie romanticized notions) are no where near the reality. This has to be true for every parent...even if their life looks perfect on a blog.
But the thing is, parenting has nothing to do with how pretty your house looks or how perfect your crafts/snacks/parties are. That type of parenting is rooted in pride & self love. That type of parent says it is all about how I look. I am learning the parent God wants me to be is the one who says it is not about me, it is all about God. Help me decrease so He may increase. I embrace the fact that my house is a mess. God you have lent me these children, your children, help me be the kind of mother that desires their holiness above all else. Above all images of perfection, above desiring to be the perfect mother, above my unworthiness....let me focus on them...and what it takes to get them to heaven. That is all I seek.
I feel that I type this out every year, but here goes again.
When we were struggling with infertility, and treatment after treatment did not bring about a positive pregnancy test...all I knew was adoption was so darn expensive. Why did I have to have 10 or 20K to become a mother? And when I became a foster mom, I learned that foster care is essentially the American Orphanage. Except, to adopt from this orphanage costs not a cent. There is no foreign travel, there are no dossiers, no weeks away from your family, no fundraisers, home equity loans or financial set backs. This orphanage is fully funded by an in debt government. And for whatever it is worth...well, I can see why the government is so freakishly in debt...this is a viable option for many couples. But many of those couples...most of those couples...are too afraid to try.
What if we didn't try?
I can not, not for one second, imagine my life without these two most incredible beautiful gifts. As much as I lament the chaos, I would not trade it for the world. These two beautiful kids were meant just for me.
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I can not imagine my life without the gift of knowing them and the privilege of raising them. Augie can light up a room like no one else. He is truly a crowd magnet as I watched tonight at a party. Seriously everyone loves this kid. Catie is spunky like no one's business and I get to see her overcome her challenges every day. If I sit back and think about her, I am sure I could come up with a very long list of how she inspires me.
I am so eternally grateful that we signed up to be foster parents and didn't look back.
Psalm 27:10 "Even if my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will take me in."
Matthew 18:5 "And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me."
To spiritually consider adoption, to wrap your brain around rescuing an orphan, is to see how you have decreased and He has increased in you. Adoption is truly so supernatural. Adoption is truly allowing God control of your life and to offer what you have to His child that is most in need. I get so caught up in wiping bums, that I forget to consider finding joy in the mundane. I forget that I am like Mother Theresa on the streets of Calcutta with my own poor & needy. Insight is everything.
With such a beautiful new pope who cares so deeply about the poor...I pray that his leadership allows you to consider how you can help the poor. Adoption....adoption through foster care....is certainly answering that call.
It is not about me, it is all about you. Lord Jesus, take control.
7 comments:
Beautiful post--I so admire your strength. I don't know if I could do foster care, but I definitely think we'll consider it if we end up trying to adopt... thank you for your witness!
Beautiful! You are so inspiring! And praise God your anatomy is working! ;)
What an awesome post! I have gone from totally paranoid about foster care to craving it from the depths of my soul :)
I will challenge you on one thought, and would love your thoughts in return (and you know I love you, so this is not meant to be controversial)- but you say those children were "meant to be" yours... I would challenge this and say they were meant to be conceived in love, in marriage, and raised in a loving healthy environment of their birth parents... but that when "shit happens,". God brings absolute beauty from darkness. But, the fact remains, as with all adoption, the children were actually "meant" to be conceived, birthed, and raised by the birth parents... right?
Amy, thanks for asking that question.
When I wrote those words...of course I know the truth. I did not choose them as carefully as I should have.
In a perfect world, adoption would not exist. Parents would raise their children in loving two parent homes. Because of sin and death and our crappy world, we have orphans.
It is more accurate to say that God hand picked us to be their parents.
Great post! I guess the thing about foster care that both DH and I struggle with, especially in CA, is they tend to favor reuniification with the birth parents even if it is not in the best interest of the child. We also struggle with having these children "on loan" to us for who knows how long. I know that our children are never really our own and we don't know how long they will be with us but that is the hardest part for us about foster care. We have considered it but it is more in the back of our mind right now. I also think the call to foster care or adopt are different callings. Right now we are not pursuing either but adoption(not going through foster-adopt) sounds most attractive to us. I also think that maybe we are just not ready for it all adoption or foster care, it all sounds very daunting especially the homestudy and waiting part. We also might still be holding onto biological children too tightly. Who knows?! Sorry for the rambling comment it is a lot to ponder.
Beautiful post!!
So many people forget the american orphans! All children need the love of a forever family!!
Hi Kat, I do understand. While waiting to become first time parents we pursued domestic infant adoption through catholic charities. When we conceived we were in eligible to continue with their program) and lost our home study. But that experience paved the way for us to waste no time in signing up to be foster parents when secondary IF struck. Everything you do know is a part of the Master Plan. Font shy away from info meetings though! No obligation and they led us to some important conversations.
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