1. So my lent commitment was to stay off facebook and try to avoid excess Internet as much as possible. I am failing miserably. I have been spending lots of time in bed since my wonderful news, and especially in the past week.
I had been replacing fb time with my news apps. And then, between a friend having twins (had to stalk on fb) and then the pope, and then I have just down spiraled from there. Not sure what I need to do, but I need to do something to make the most of the final two weeks of lent.
2. Thank you to everyone for your prayers. My two complications are "tilted uterus & can't pee" and a fibroid (or fibroids), which seems to make the matter worse. I have been catheterized for a week and am trying to offer my sufferings constantly. The last couple days have been pretty darn uncomfortable. I am ready to rip that thing out. Ultrasound at 2.30pm today. My greatest prayer is that my uterus has returned to the correct position - Sts Gianna & Gerard, pray for me! I need a break from this bag.
3. Recently we added sensory therapy to Catie's PT & OT schedule. It sounds like she may need speech as well. At 2 years, 3 months she is not identifying animals or animal sounds. She has a great ability to communicate, but there are some gaps missing in her speech. While her OT is excited about her progress, add this to the list of things I am not thrilled to add to our schedule. I feel selfish to say this, but three services a week as we add a new person to our family....this is what I signed up for when I adopted my special needs babe.
4. Adoption and motherhood. Okay....super honest quick take here. I know adoptive parents so often talk about how there is no difference between their feelings towards their adopted children and their biological children. From a supernatural faith based perspective, absolutely, this is/should be true. Adoption is a higher calling than becoming a parent the old fashioned way. From a natural perspective (and I know I may be in the minority here, but still feel this on my heart to say) there is a difference, for me, that I connect to the lack of bonding through maternity & nursing. My adopted children have special needs and they happen to be aged two and three (read: very difficult ages). I am sure parents of all biological children have toughies that they struggle to love the same way as the easy ones. In saying that, perhaps adoption becomes a moot point, BUT...I feel the need to meditate on and pray for a supernatural love for my children.
At a natural level, our love is imperfect. We should love as God loves. And our relationship to God is as His adopted children. He has TOUGH children. But HE loves us all perfectly, no matter where we came from or what challenges we present.
Adoption is a higher calling than becoming a parent the old fashioned way. This statement came up by my therapist. On a biological level, we have biological bonding agents - hormones during pregnancy, delivery and nursing that bring about the maternal instincts. (Note: men do not have this same biological experience and my husband has not had the same bonding challenges as me). With my adopted kids, I lacked those experiences and that natural/hormonal type of bonding. So now, in my parenting experience, I am trying to rise above what is lacking and be as maternal as I would be to my biological child. This can only happen with supernatural grace. I am on the long road to processing and hopefully changing this in my life.
5. For the record, I know plenty of biological parents who have admitted to me struggles with not being maternal. In that, I mean relating to my struggles with anger and personal restraint in punishment, etc. The above is specific to my experience with parenting. So again, this could be very common in parenting in general. And, in which case, completely wipes out the struggle in my head about adoption as a reason for the chance in my maternal feelings. Can you tell this is all just being processed?
6. My favorite Francis meme:
7. Okay, I will close with a netflix recommendation that has been taking up my time (read #1!). My mother in law recommended "Call the Midwife". Very good series. But someone needs to have words with these British film companies that think 6 episodes constitutes a season!
Happy Weekend!
5 comments:
Hilarious meme! My family is very German, so we found it amusing that Pope Benedict was more expressive upon his election to the papacy than was Pope Francis. I love them both, though! I'm even doing a giveaway on my blog in honor of Pope Francis' election! (theselittleblessings.blogspot.com).
God bless you!
I tried to give up Facebook too, then our family was sick for 2 weeks and we got a new Pope and I just gave up :( It's so hard!
I can't imagine having a 2yo AND 3yo. They are definitely the most difficult ages for me, and to deal with special needs and pregnancy and everything else, that is a VERY difficult Lenten cross for you!
I think sometimes we just have to follow Jen's advice about taking on “Really, Really Tiny Sacrifices for When Your Life is Already Lent.”
#4 This is exactly what we were talking about at our last IF support group meeting.adoption and foster care are callings! Not all IF couples feel called to either of those. They have their own challenges like bonding that no one really talks about, so thank you for sharing and being honest!
Let me just add to this that my adoption experience was from foster care where bonding must be slow & your heart must be guarded. All adoption experiences are different and often there is a chance of loss. I don't know how other domestic or international adoptive parents would speak about the bonding process.
There is also a good in that supernatural love always is better than natural love. We are all called to this love, regardless of who is in our life.
Dear Elisabeth,
Regarding your honest feelings about bonding with your adopted children, I think that is perfectly natural.
First of all, it does make a difference when you adopt an infant, which you had not. Even though Blaise and Caitlin were babes when you were fostering them. I think that not knowing they would eventually be your adopted ones, there is a natural cautious feeling bf the final adoption becomes a reality which is probably a good think for folks who end up not getting to keep their foster children. Just a thought.
Post a Comment