mid week quick takes (aka late takes)

Mid week last week I wanted to blog...but decided to wait until Friday.  Then Friday came along and my inspiration had evaporated.  New inspiration has found its way back, so with that, here are my late-takes.

1. It is 12.19pm and I am sitting at my kitchen table.  My house is silent, except for the whirl of a lawnmower outside.  I am go grateful for Uncle K (our resident priest/brother/brother-in-law) who comes to save the day on his day off.  He took the kids out to the park and out for lunch.  I am so grateful for his vocation and the ways that it helps my vocation.

2.  Speaking of Uncle/Fr K...he arrived just in time to bless our first ever Mary garden!  I had been search for the perfect Mary for years.  The painted ones were never quite right.  The concrete ones were always so expensive.  I found this Mary at a Catholic bookstore.  She is heavy duty plastic, but you add concrete inside to weigh her down.  In front of her is a JPII rose bush in progress.  Our first one died and my mom lovingly cultivated and brought be a new clipping/bush.  I hope it likes it's new home better than the last one.

3. Timber Update.  We had the ultrasound.  It is a beautiful healthy baby!  We had the doctor write the gender down in an envelope to be revealed around DH & my birthday (end of June/beginning of July).  We hope to have a cake baked by someone who will make it blue or pink for us.  I am looking forward to finding out the news as a family (though we have a hunch).
Yesterday marked week 22.  I still can't believe the miracle that is this little life.  The doctor did our u/s and provided us with this face-on view (head on top, big belly on bottom)

4. Taking Kids to Mass.
This topic came up at a recent Marriage renewal program we are involved with.  The question was asked, by a deacon in training,  if he should say something to a woman with regularly misbehaving children who distracts him at daily Mass.  I didn't realize how emotional attached I am to the topic.  It is a tough subject and there is room for education on all fronts.  I believe I shared this articWhy we need kids at Mass."  It is excellent for the average person in the pew who may be irritated by the kids around them.  He then shared this article, "How to take young children to Mass" which is also excellent information for the parent.  We do try to utilize many of these techniques.  Ultimately, there is always room for education.  The idea of personally saying something to a particular woman or family makes me nervous.  One other mom suggested his approach be something like "do you need help?"  Proactive rather than reactive is a much better choice.


le before, "

5. If you missed my blog in the Mother to Mother series on discipline, here it is: Starting from Scratch.

6. My blessings on Mother's Day.

And a beautiful "letter to my pastor" on the topic of hurting women at Mass.  I loved this and shared it with a few priests.  One incorporated the prayer into his homily and was thanked by an infertile woman after the Mass.

7. If you have not yet been introduced to the musical goodness of Sarah Kroger, than please, let me introduce you!  My BFF is the youth minister at the Church she grew up.  While visiting, bff asked Sarah to play for us.  Sarah is incredibly talented and writes beautiful music.  Her second album will be no exception.  Check her out and if you are inspired, help fund her new project at SarahKroger.Com.

6.

Quick Takes Friday

1.  So my lent commitment was to stay off facebook and try to avoid excess Internet as much as possible.  I am failing miserably.  I have been spending lots of time in bed since my wonderful news, and especially in the past week.

I had been replacing fb time with my news apps.  And then, between a friend having twins (had to stalk on fb) and then the pope, and then I have just down spiraled from there.  Not sure what I need to do, but I need to do something to make the most of the final two weeks of lent.

2. Thank you to everyone for your prayers.  My two complications are "tilted uterus & can't pee" and a fibroid (or fibroids), which seems to make the matter worse.  I have been catheterized for a week and am trying to offer my sufferings constantly.  The last couple days have been pretty darn uncomfortable.  I am ready to rip that thing out.  Ultrasound at 2.30pm today.  My greatest prayer is that my uterus has returned to the correct position - Sts Gianna & Gerard, pray for me!  I need a break from this bag.

3.  Recently we added sensory therapy to Catie's PT & OT schedule.  It sounds like she may need speech as well.  At 2 years, 3 months she is not identifying animals or animal sounds.  She has a great ability to communicate, but there are some gaps missing in her speech.  While her OT is excited about her progress, add this to the list of things I am not thrilled to add to our schedule.  I feel selfish to say this, but three services a week as we add a new person to our family....this is what I signed up for when I adopted my special needs babe.

4. Adoption and motherhood.  Okay....super honest quick take here.  I know adoptive parents so often talk about how there is no difference between their feelings towards their adopted children and their biological children.  From a supernatural faith based perspective, absolutely, this is/should be true.  Adoption is a higher calling than becoming a parent the old fashioned way.  From a natural perspective (and I know I may be in the minority here, but still feel this on my heart to say) there is a difference, for me, that I connect to the lack of bonding through maternity & nursing.  My adopted children have special needs and they happen to be aged two and three (read: very difficult ages).  I am sure parents of all biological children have toughies that they struggle to love the same way as the easy ones.  In saying that, perhaps adoption becomes a moot point, BUT...I feel the need to meditate on and pray for a supernatural love for my children.

At a natural level, our love is imperfect.  We should love as God loves.  And our relationship to God is as His adopted children.  He has TOUGH children.  But HE loves us all perfectly, no matter where we came from or what challenges we present.

Adoption is a higher calling than becoming a parent the old fashioned way.  This statement came up by my therapist.  On a biological level, we have biological bonding agents - hormones during pregnancy, delivery and nursing that bring about the maternal instincts.  (Note: men do not have this same biological experience and my husband has not had the same bonding challenges as me).  With my adopted kids, I lacked those experiences and that natural/hormonal type of bonding.  So now, in my parenting experience, I am trying to rise above what is lacking and be as maternal as I would be to my biological child.  This can only happen with supernatural grace.   I am on the long road to processing and hopefully changing this in my life.

5.  For the record, I know plenty of biological parents who have admitted to me struggles with not being maternal.  In that, I mean relating to my struggles with anger and personal restraint in punishment, etc.  The above is specific to my experience with parenting.  So again, this could be very common in parenting in general. And, in which case, completely wipes out the struggle in my head about adoption as a reason for the chance in my maternal feelings.  Can you tell this is all just being processed?

6.  My favorite Francis meme:

When I first saw Pope Francis standing there I was like "wave, Dude!!"  When you see this picture, it brings out the humility of our new Holy Father.  It makes me chuckle.

7.  Okay, I will close with a netflix recommendation that has been taking up my time (read #1!).  My mother in law recommended "Call the Midwife".  Very good series.   But someone needs to have words with these British film companies that think 6 episodes constitutes a season!

Happy Weekend!

why..hello there!

I have dropped off the face of the blog world...and not because I gave blogging up for lent.

I have been busy doing lots of sleeping, eating and otherwise baby growing.  Thank you so much for your wonderful and celebratory words.  Tomorrow I am 9 weeks and "timber" is doing really well.  My 8 week progesterone level came back high, between zones 2 & 3.  Add to that I feel very pregnant...hello stretchy pants.  I am so grateful....SO GRATEFUL to have been given the blessing of maternity again.

I am intensely working on my maternal heart with my therapist.  I had two very very lows in parenting this past month.  An ugly bout of pregnancy hormones led to an ugly bout with anger.  As God's timing and providence would have it, I had a therapy session coinciding with a very bad day.  It is frustrating that my behavior is not changing as fast as I would like.  My mind and heart are definitely being converted and my prayer is that what I am learning will come to mind when it is most needed.

I have recommitted to giving up spanking.  This time no spanking and no yelling for lent.  I read a good article by Dr Sears about avoiding hand spanking as it discourages a natural and healthy curiosity.  This is something my husband had adopted and has agreed to give up, again, as well.

Therapies for my children are on my heart.  We have increased OT services for Catie and began a "sensory diet".  She is deathly afraid of all things fun (sledding, sliding, high swinging, exploring, etc).  I became aware of her height terror recently.  I am hoping the addition of the sensory training will be beneficial.  Meanwhile, I feel Augie is slipping backwards in speech and language.  I keep thinking of Williams Syndrome.  Many of these kids are missed because their personalities shine above their weaknesses.  This is so the case for him.  I am hoping to reopen his case with the therapist that cleared him.

In other news...we just booked a two week vacation to Florida in the mid-spring.  We had hopes of traveling south for Christmas, but with baby due a few months prior, I was not sure about that trip.  Plus I have been dying to visit during the beach months.  One week with hub's family and one week with mine and lots of time with the family in the pool and at the beach.  So. Excited!

Sorry for the hodgepodge.  I have had some beautifully deep thoughts and insights, but am never awake or coherent enough to blog them out.  This post comes courtesy of insomnia.  So, with that, good night/good morning.  I hope to see you again soon.  :)

two more feet

Six and a half years ago if you would have told me this could be my life...I would not have believed you.  A few years into our infertility, I had to re-imagine what having a "big family" would look like.  I knocked my goal down to four children.  Still enough to pass the average 2.1 child household.

If it were left to my (in)fertility alone Rosie would not have 3 years of being a big sister under her belt.  Once upon a time becoming the mother of one seemed impossible.  When our first miracle arrived, after 4+ years  of trying, we were immediately ready for a second miracle.  My body, however, was not.  Without infertility round one we would not have been prepped and ready to adopt when infertility round two occurred. Thanks to the gift of foster care our family grew by two more miracles, or four more feet, despite infertility.

As Catie approached two my heart opened slowly to the idea of another child.  But foster care is a process that I was not quite ready to undergo again.  My desire for another chance to experience pregnancy was great.  The very recent loss of my maternity clothes opened a deep wound and the question, would I ever be so blessed to experience pregnancy again?  We have always been open to conceiving.  Even during the tough times of learning to juggle two, and then three.  But, as it turns out, God has planned our family all along.   He has spaced my children.  And He has recently granted the desires of my heart.

This miracle...this little miracle growing inside of me, is thanks, in part, to the St Andrews Novena.  Thanks in part also to the prayers of my prayer partner.  Thanks in part to years of lamenting, intercessory prayers to the saints and of course, to my God who knows the whens and the whats and the whys.

Being surrounded by beautiful women in the blog land and in real life who have suffered miscarriage makes the fragility of this life so real.  I am working with my NaPro doctor and am on supplemental progesterone.  These moments make my heart ache so much more for these women who have had and lost life in their womb.  My heart also aches for the many women who continue to suffer childlessness.  Especially those from my childless years that still remain infertile.  My prayers will always be with these women.

So, after 5 years of secondary infertility and with the greatest of hopes he/she will make it to birth day and beyond, please meet our newest addition.

also known as Timber, nicknamed by Rosie