Oh therapy, how I love thee.
Well...this is not entirely true, but how I need thee....at least right now. Perspective is everything.
Parenting children with special needs is tough work. Take the responsibilities of your average child, and multiply that by three, at least. Triple the doctors visits and add to that specialists, surgeries, therapies, tests, and more tests.
Before he turned three Augie had been under anesthesia three times. Twice for MRIs and once for plastic surgery related to an accident. Catie, now two and a half, just had her third surgery. All three directly related to maternal drug use.
We practically know every OT, ST and PT in town. And are well on our way to understanding the multiple levels of services from early intervention to the inner workings of the intermediate unit.
Would this be my life if I had birthed a child with special needs? Absolutely. But this is the life I choose....or rather, the life that choose me. When Augie was placed with us there were no special needs identified. We knew he was at risk of mental health issues (aren't we all?). Since his placement we have been on a wild goose hunt to figure out exactly what is going on in his little mind & body. Two steps forward, one step back. He recently re-qualified for services through our IU. Now we have to figure out whether to enroll him in preschool at age 3 to get him the services he needs.
Catie...we knew. I feel in love and all the discussion about what we were open to accepting went out the window for love of her.
In discussion with Dr D I confessed I struggled with compassion...before even having children. His immediate response was "God must have known you needed a Catie."
The paperwork, the appointments, the surgeries, the CONSTANT flow of therapists in and out of my house...it is a lot. It is tough. And then there are my children. The comprehension issues, the speech issues, the attention issues, the behavior issues, the eating issues...they all bring out my crazy.
But then. Then, there are my children. The ones whom I so rarely get to step back and see with perspective. These beautiful little souls that God sent into my life for very distinct purposes. If they were not bringing out my crazy, my crazy would not be in the process of being healed. It takes everything inside of me and step back to see them as God sees them. I fail in doing this every single day. And yet, God trusts me. God believes in me. He sent these poor, needy, struggling, abused little people to a mama who would love them until she had nothing left of herself. I confessed to a friend that I am not myself during the stressful times. I am not the person I thought I was. I am certainly not the mom I thought I would be. And every day I pick up my broken self and carry on, giving them everything I have within me. Making the calls, the appointments, scheduling the therapists, the surgeries. Trying to understand their special needs. Trying to overcome my inadequacies and frustrations.
And this is the life God choose for me. Because He knew I needed this. I needed them. Heaven ain't for those who just believe. This is my Mother Theresa journey. This is my Calcutta. And I cling to the hope that saints are just the sinners that fall down and get back up.
Showing posts with label Catie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Catie. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
why..hello there!
I have dropped off the face of the blog world...and not because I gave blogging up for lent.
I have been busy doing lots of sleeping, eating and otherwise baby growing. Thank you so much for your wonderful and celebratory words. Tomorrow I am 9 weeks and "timber" is doing really well. My 8 week progesterone level came back high, between zones 2 & 3. Add to that I feel very pregnant...hello stretchy pants. I am so grateful....SO GRATEFUL to have been given the blessing of maternity again.
I am intensely working on my maternal heart with my therapist. I had two very very lows in parenting this past month. An ugly bout of pregnancy hormones led to an ugly bout with anger. As God's timing and providence would have it, I had a therapy session coinciding with a very bad day. It is frustrating that my behavior is not changing as fast as I would like. My mind and heart are definitely being converted and my prayer is that what I am learning will come to mind when it is most needed.
I have recommitted to giving up spanking. This time no spanking and no yelling for lent. I read a good article by Dr Sears about avoiding hand spanking as it discourages a natural and healthy curiosity. This is something my husband had adopted and has agreed to give up, again, as well.
Therapies for my children are on my heart. We have increased OT services for Catie and began a "sensory diet". She is deathly afraid of all things fun (sledding, sliding, high swinging, exploring, etc). I became aware of her height terror recently. I am hoping the addition of the sensory training will be beneficial. Meanwhile, I feel Augie is slipping backwards in speech and language. I keep thinking of Williams Syndrome. Many of these kids are missed because their personalities shine above their weaknesses. This is so the case for him. I am hoping to reopen his case with the therapist that cleared him.
In other news...we just booked a two week vacation to Florida in the mid-spring. We had hopes of traveling south for Christmas, but with baby due a few months prior, I was not sure about that trip. Plus I have been dying to visit during the beach months. One week with hub's family and one week with mine and lots of time with the family in the pool and at the beach. So. Excited!
Sorry for the hodgepodge. I have had some beautifully deep thoughts and insights, but am never awake or coherent enough to blog them out. This post comes courtesy of insomnia. So, with that, good night/good morning. I hope to see you again soon. :)
I have been busy doing lots of sleeping, eating and otherwise baby growing. Thank you so much for your wonderful and celebratory words. Tomorrow I am 9 weeks and "timber" is doing really well. My 8 week progesterone level came back high, between zones 2 & 3. Add to that I feel very pregnant...hello stretchy pants. I am so grateful....SO GRATEFUL to have been given the blessing of maternity again.
I am intensely working on my maternal heart with my therapist. I had two very very lows in parenting this past month. An ugly bout of pregnancy hormones led to an ugly bout with anger. As God's timing and providence would have it, I had a therapy session coinciding with a very bad day. It is frustrating that my behavior is not changing as fast as I would like. My mind and heart are definitely being converted and my prayer is that what I am learning will come to mind when it is most needed.
I have recommitted to giving up spanking. This time no spanking and no yelling for lent. I read a good article by Dr Sears about avoiding hand spanking as it discourages a natural and healthy curiosity. This is something my husband had adopted and has agreed to give up, again, as well.
Therapies for my children are on my heart. We have increased OT services for Catie and began a "sensory diet". She is deathly afraid of all things fun (sledding, sliding, high swinging, exploring, etc). I became aware of her height terror recently. I am hoping the addition of the sensory training will be beneficial. Meanwhile, I feel Augie is slipping backwards in speech and language. I keep thinking of Williams Syndrome. Many of these kids are missed because their personalities shine above their weaknesses. This is so the case for him. I am hoping to reopen his case with the therapist that cleared him.
In other news...we just booked a two week vacation to Florida in the mid-spring. We had hopes of traveling south for Christmas, but with baby due a few months prior, I was not sure about that trip. Plus I have been dying to visit during the beach months. One week with hub's family and one week with mine and lots of time with the family in the pool and at the beach. So. Excited!
Sorry for the hodgepodge. I have had some beautifully deep thoughts and insights, but am never awake or coherent enough to blog them out. This post comes courtesy of insomnia. So, with that, good night/good morning. I hope to see you again soon. :)
Thursday, October 25, 2012
overcoming anger {day 25} on adoption
So today I want to share a question purposed by the priest in confession two weeks ago. When he asked, I recoiled. I did not want to blog about it because I was embarrassed he would even ask such a thing.
The question: "Are you angry with God for giving you a child with issues?" "Do you think that if that child was biological, they would have been perfect?"
When this was asked, nothing about the statement struck me as truth.
1. I did not feel angry at God.
2. (recited to myself) "I love all my children and there is no difference between them!"
Rosie, my 5 year old biological daughter, has excelled through her developmental milestones. She is the greatest joy and a beautiful, incredible miracle.
Augie is approaching 3. Catie is approaching 2. Both are adopted from foster care. Augie has speech delays, oral stimulation issues, chiari 1 malformation and possibly something else. He was clinically diagnosed with Williams Syndrome and we are still trying to figure out if he actually has this genetic condition. Catie was born drug addicted. She has struggled with feeding issues, feeding tubes, gross motor development, temperament and now eye issues.
Augie & Catie both receive early intervention (speech, ot, pt) and have been highly involved with doctors and specialists their entire little lives.
Am I angry with God for giving me a child with issues?
This is a heavy question. I love all my children desperately and I do not want to live my life without a single one of them.
Do I feel the same towards my biological child as I do towards my adopted children?
Heavier question.
I have spent a good amount of time wrestling with the facts. I did not get to nurse or co sleep with my adopted children. As a result we turned to cry it out, because I could not comfort them in the same way I naturally comforted my daughter. Was there early bonding differences? Absolutely. Bonding with a foster child takes time. It is often an arduous process while you are wondering if you can let your heart go there.
We have an open relationship with Augie's parents. I hear from her regularly. My heart is constantly wrestling with the fact that there is another mother out there. Another father who loves him. He is mine. But not quite entirely.
I am sure I will be dealing with this with Catie before long.
God has chosen me to be mama to these two special people. I am so thankful. I can not imagine a quiet life without them. I am SO SO SO grateful Rosie gets to be a big sister. She is an incredible big sister.
I can not answer the question, but it challenges my heart.
Adoption would not exist without sin.
To some degree or another this is all about dealing with the sucky brokenness of our world. I wish my children were not broken. I wish my children were all biologically mine.
Our God is a God of Redemption. Out of the ashes we rise. He has given me an incredible mission. To redeem my children*. That is my purpose.
* Theologically....I know it is God that is redeeming them. But when I look up the definition of redemption, it is beautiful. I am rescuing them and I am claiming them. I am giving them to God to do the rest.
~~~~~~~~
miracle alert: Yesterday I was talking about PMS knocking on my door. Today my period arrived. What??? Woah?? This evening I asked my husband, "did you notice my pms?" "No." And I am certain my children did not notice. For me, this is huge!
The question: "Are you angry with God for giving you a child with issues?" "Do you think that if that child was biological, they would have been perfect?"
When this was asked, nothing about the statement struck me as truth.
1. I did not feel angry at God.
2. (recited to myself) "I love all my children and there is no difference between them!"
Rosie, my 5 year old biological daughter, has excelled through her developmental milestones. She is the greatest joy and a beautiful, incredible miracle.
Augie is approaching 3. Catie is approaching 2. Both are adopted from foster care. Augie has speech delays, oral stimulation issues, chiari 1 malformation and possibly something else. He was clinically diagnosed with Williams Syndrome and we are still trying to figure out if he actually has this genetic condition. Catie was born drug addicted. She has struggled with feeding issues, feeding tubes, gross motor development, temperament and now eye issues.
Augie & Catie both receive early intervention (speech, ot, pt) and have been highly involved with doctors and specialists their entire little lives.
Am I angry with God for giving me a child with issues?
This is a heavy question. I love all my children desperately and I do not want to live my life without a single one of them.
Do I feel the same towards my biological child as I do towards my adopted children?
Heavier question.
I have spent a good amount of time wrestling with the facts. I did not get to nurse or co sleep with my adopted children. As a result we turned to cry it out, because I could not comfort them in the same way I naturally comforted my daughter. Was there early bonding differences? Absolutely. Bonding with a foster child takes time. It is often an arduous process while you are wondering if you can let your heart go there.
We have an open relationship with Augie's parents. I hear from her regularly. My heart is constantly wrestling with the fact that there is another mother out there. Another father who loves him. He is mine. But not quite entirely.
I am sure I will be dealing with this with Catie before long.
God has chosen me to be mama to these two special people. I am so thankful. I can not imagine a quiet life without them. I am SO SO SO grateful Rosie gets to be a big sister. She is an incredible big sister.
I can not answer the question, but it challenges my heart.
Adoption would not exist without sin.
To some degree or another this is all about dealing with the sucky brokenness of our world. I wish my children were not broken. I wish my children were all biologically mine.
Our God is a God of Redemption. Out of the ashes we rise. He has given me an incredible mission. To redeem my children*. That is my purpose.
* Theologically....I know it is God that is redeeming them. But when I look up the definition of redemption, it is beautiful. I am rescuing them and I am claiming them. I am giving them to God to do the rest.
~~~~~~~~
miracle alert: Yesterday I was talking about PMS knocking on my door. Today my period arrived. What??? Woah?? This evening I asked my husband, "did you notice my pms?" "No." And I am certain my children did not notice. For me, this is huge!
Friday, September 07, 2012
7 Quick Takes
1. This has been an exciting and wonderful week. Rosie turned 5! It is hard to believe. I am so grateful that God allowed me to experience pregnancy, childbirth and nursing (only after we had decided adoption was how we were meant to grow our family). She is a beuaituful little girl and an amazing big sister. She loves dress up and fairytales more than anything. She still winds up in our bed sometimes (last night). She says goodbye way too many times and is our girl, through and through.
This was just four hours after her birth center birth, as we prepared to go home.
This was her 5th birthday breakfast. Pancakes topped with whip cream and sprinkles.
2. As I sit and write this she is in day two of pre-k. She is a new 5 in a class of 4 year olds. She is the big kid and probably the oldest in her class. It seems that from the day your child turns two, people begin asking when are you sending you son/daughter to school. It is almost like a parental endurance race to see how long you can hold off (at least if you are a stay at home mom).
3. Suddenly I have two little kids and no big kid. Right now Augie is watercoloring next to me, something he has possibly never done before and Catie and I are working on potty training, as she is walking around leaving little puddles. On Wed (Rosie's first day) I took the babies to the library and the playground. Maybe not a big deal for a mom of one or two, but something I have never done with just them, and rarely do anymore as a group. I interupt this blog to say "Yay! Augie just peed in the potty for the second time in a row." I will consider this time of just us a gift.
4. I have a penchant for things free and cheap. If I see something on the side of the road, I always slow down. Last week I brought this baby home. She just needs to be cleaned up (covers were off to be washed) and I am thinking of painting the wood work, though hubby votes no.
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I think it was a pretty nice road side couch. It was nice of the family to send their teenage son to help when they saw me, this crazy momma, pulling out the car seats and (trying to) single handly stuff this thing in my SUV.
5. Car Shopping. My husband bought a very used conversion van a few years ago for work. I hate driving it for so many reasons. When he purchased it (off craigslist) I did not test drive. It was his car...but, sometimes spouses have to drive the other's car. Learning from that experience, I just took a potential next car for a test drive. His vote is for a minivan. A minivan is tempting me to do a car swap. Not sure what will happen next, we have the month to figure out. My greatest hope is we do this debt free...(which is why...dad if you are reading...we are not shopping dealerships).
6. Additional changes this week. I have joined the world of smart phone. Still getting adjusted. Still not a huge adovate. It will be nice for when we are on the road and need to look something up (AND I remember to bring it with me). Also, my husband started his new job and the hours are such an impovement. We had our first sunday sunday in ages. A trip to the zoo followed by a polish festival. Wonderful.
7. Here is the result of Augie's work.
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Happy Weekend. Thanks Jen!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
adventures in mommyhood
What a crazy 48 hours!
Sunday night I brought Catie to the ER for an infection on her leg. She had some bug bites from 2 weeks ago that she had been scratching and suddenly she had hard swollen areas on her leg, arm and back. This was my first ever trip taking a child to the ER. I guess she managed to get an infection. She is doing much better thanks to benedryl, antibiotic cream - and she was placed on antibiotics again.
Oh and I forgot to mention, but Rosie is also being tested for Lymes. She has abx prescription waiting for her at the pharmacy.
So...today. Augie slipped and fell into the bathtub and lacerated his forehead. Thanks be to God my husband walked in the door 5 minutes later as I was sitting on the floor frantically trying to dial his number. After a visit to the ped, we waited in the ER for the plastic surgeon...who was stuck in surgery and rescheduled us for 8.30am tomorrow moning. So, now I sit...with a lacerated child, praying we make it through the night.
I had to bump back Catie's follow up appointment and Augie's speech therapy to accomodate our morning tomorrow with the plastic surgeon.
Thank goodness for a happy boy...who is watching all the "monkey george" he wants tonight.
Sunday night I brought Catie to the ER for an infection on her leg. She had some bug bites from 2 weeks ago that she had been scratching and suddenly she had hard swollen areas on her leg, arm and back. This was my first ever trip taking a child to the ER. I guess she managed to get an infection. She is doing much better thanks to benedryl, antibiotic cream - and she was placed on antibiotics again.
Oh and I forgot to mention, but Rosie is also being tested for Lymes. She has abx prescription waiting for her at the pharmacy.
So...today. Augie slipped and fell into the bathtub and lacerated his forehead. Thanks be to God my husband walked in the door 5 minutes later as I was sitting on the floor frantically trying to dial his number. After a visit to the ped, we waited in the ER for the plastic surgeon...who was stuck in surgery and rescheduled us for 8.30am tomorrow moning. So, now I sit...with a lacerated child, praying we make it through the night.
I had to bump back Catie's follow up appointment and Augie's speech therapy to accomodate our morning tomorrow with the plastic surgeon.
Friday, August 17, 2012
7 Quick Takes
1. I have sat down in front of the computer so many times this past month and started a couple of unpublished drafts.
2. Will this get published?
3. Construction is moving SOOoooooo slow in our house. But for the first time ever, we are getting estimates to have a fence installed in our back yard. It is weird and wonderful to think of hiring someone to get something done around here. A fence will be heavenly.
4. Augie - does he or doesn't he have Williams Syndrome? Refresher, clinically diagnosed but the confirmation blood work has come back negative. Our pediatrician is sending him for an ECG and developmental pediatrician (on the wait list...it takes a year to get in) to be safe.
5. Catie...is FINALLY WALKING. You may remember I posted this a month+ ago. Well...she walked that day. Now, at 20 months, she has decided it is better to be upright. Praise the Lord. I am no longer scrubbing knees (hers and her clothes). Orthotic ankle braces coming soon.
6. What are you listening to these days?
Rosie and I are hooked on "Call me Maybe" and "Jungle Drum"
7. One more week of babysitting the 6 year old. The first half of our summer was good. The second half, much more challenging. Rosie and said 6 year old do not get along more often than not any more. It is a bit challenging on everyone. Counting down the days until the end of summer, one last/first beach trip and the start of Pre-K. Yes...we decided to enroll her at our parish school.
Quick Takes are brought to you by Jen.
2. Will this get published?
3. Construction is moving SOOoooooo slow in our house. But for the first time ever, we are getting estimates to have a fence installed in our back yard. It is weird and wonderful to think of hiring someone to get something done around here. A fence will be heavenly.
4. Augie - does he or doesn't he have Williams Syndrome? Refresher, clinically diagnosed but the confirmation blood work has come back negative. Our pediatrician is sending him for an ECG and developmental pediatrician (on the wait list...it takes a year to get in) to be safe.
5. Catie...is FINALLY WALKING. You may remember I posted this a month+ ago. Well...she walked that day. Now, at 20 months, she has decided it is better to be upright. Praise the Lord. I am no longer scrubbing knees (hers and her clothes). Orthotic ankle braces coming soon.
6. What are you listening to these days?
Rosie and I are hooked on "Call me Maybe" and "Jungle Drum"
7. One more week of babysitting the 6 year old. The first half of our summer was good. The second half, much more challenging. Rosie and said 6 year old do not get along more often than not any more. It is a bit challenging on everyone. Counting down the days until the end of summer, one last/first beach trip and the start of Pre-K. Yes...we decided to enroll her at our parish school.
Quick Takes are brought to you by Jen.
Friday, June 29, 2012
7 Quick Takes (v4)
1. The big news tonight is walking. Steps have officially been taken by our 18 month old, Catie. I am thrilled. She is pretty stiff legged and we have an appointment with an orthotist in two weeks for ankle braces. But I am so proud of her!!
2. PLEASE pray for my friend's unborn son Ryan. He is 22 weeks in utero and has been diagnosed with a life threatening lung condition. I am hoping to get his beautiful mom over to St Gianna's shrine to pray with her gloves. They are also praying for St Gerard's intercession. Two saints many of us know well.
3. Yesterday was a tough one. I joined a mom's spiritual support group. In the middle of our already emotional meeting, a phone call came in about the Supreme Court decision. So...whats the point in fighting for religious freedom? I tried to take it all in. It feels as if the hammer just came down and yesterday was a Roe v Wade type monumental day.
4. Today, I am thankful to see beauty rising from ashes. If you have not yet, please get thee to 1flesh.org. "Birth control has done nothing to reduce the rate of unplanned pregnancies, the Pill increases breast cancer risk, lowers female sex drive, and screws up the environment. We’re talking about how artificial contraception is one of the most falsely advertised products out there. We’re talking about how condoms ruin sex, how they’ve been remarkably ineffective in the fight against HIV, how they’ve done nothing to stop our modern explosion of STDs. We’re talking about the Pill and heart disease, about how the health benefits of oral contraceptives aren’t health benefits at all. We’re talking about the Pill’s potential to be an abortifacent, the bad philosophy behind artificial contraception, how contraception has increased the abortion rate, is linked to an increase in divorce, and how — in general — it’s been making relationships difficult for some time now.
Go here and Start Pinning!
5. Tomorrow is my 34th Birthday. I am having my daughter take me to the movies. We are going to see Brave. So excited! In the evening we will attempt a family dinner at my favorite (not so kid friendly) restaurant. Pray for us!
6. I love the 6 word love story. Check my last blog and add yours!
7. July 4th is a bit bittersweet this year. Happy Weekend.
2. PLEASE pray for my friend's unborn son Ryan. He is 22 weeks in utero and has been diagnosed with a life threatening lung condition. I am hoping to get his beautiful mom over to St Gianna's shrine to pray with her gloves. They are also praying for St Gerard's intercession. Two saints many of us know well.
3. Yesterday was a tough one. I joined a mom's spiritual support group. In the middle of our already emotional meeting, a phone call came in about the Supreme Court decision. So...whats the point in fighting for religious freedom? I tried to take it all in. It feels as if the hammer just came down and yesterday was a Roe v Wade type monumental day.
4. Today, I am thankful to see beauty rising from ashes. If you have not yet, please get thee to 1flesh.org. "Birth control has done nothing to reduce the rate of unplanned pregnancies, the Pill increases breast cancer risk, lowers female sex drive, and screws up the environment. We’re talking about how artificial contraception is one of the most falsely advertised products out there. We’re talking about how condoms ruin sex, how they’ve been remarkably ineffective in the fight against HIV, how they’ve done nothing to stop our modern explosion of STDs. We’re talking about the Pill and heart disease, about how the health benefits of oral contraceptives aren’t health benefits at all. We’re talking about the Pill’s potential to be an abortifacent, the bad philosophy behind artificial contraception, how contraception has increased the abortion rate, is linked to an increase in divorce, and how — in general — it’s been making relationships difficult for some time now.
Go here and Start Pinning!
5. Tomorrow is my 34th Birthday. I am having my daughter take me to the movies. We are going to see Brave. So excited! In the evening we will attempt a family dinner at my favorite (not so kid friendly) restaurant. Pray for us!
6. I love the 6 word love story. Check my last blog and add yours!
7. July 4th is a bit bittersweet this year. Happy Weekend.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Our Week in Pics
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| The Backyard Setup |
All in all it went well. My biggest complaint is having a non walker (note her PNP prison). She loves to roam free on hands and knees but will have to suffer confinement while camping. Complaint #2, Augie does not settle well to sleep and the tent was no exception. He was bouncing off the canvas walls until about 11pm. But, we have done our dry run and are looking forward to camping for real soon.
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| Cooking over the fire pit |
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| Happy Girl (for these 5 seconds at least) |
And just for kicks. Here is a picture of Rosie playing at the same place when she was >2.
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| Our little treasures that help us grow holier by the minute. |
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| Boys are gross! |
Monday, May 07, 2012
steeped in motherhood
When I had my daughter after 5 years of infertility, motherhood was sheer bliss. It was incredible! I was sleep deprived and it was challenging - but I WAS A MOM! I had given birth to a precious teeny little angel. I was the source of comfort, nutrition...love. I carried her in a sling. I used beautiful new cloth diapers. I nursed on demand. I co-slept. Attachment parenting to the fullest!
And then my beautiful, teeny angel became a toddler.
She was very loud. She did not love to sleep. She pulled out all the toilet paper, spilled out all the dog food and wrote all over herself...daily. At one point she even added a LARGE family portrait to her bedroom wall in marker. One of her many graffiti art projects. All the while, she was so precious and, though challenging, we wanted to add to our family more than ever.
After secondary infertility, we were so blessed to become parents again through foster care.
Augie came in with a bang. He was sick. He took out our whole family for the first month. As a foster mom the bonding came slowly. We were not permitted to co-sleep. Slowly, those not so new cloth diapers were more of an inconvenience when dropping him off for family visits. My hands were full. I was content and for the first time ever in my married life, I was not actively seeking to conceive.
After another year, I had another toddler on my hands. This one particularly loved to eat dirt. Also coal, stink bugs and dog food.
And slowly my desire for motherhood again grew stronger. I refused to get a family picture because it seemed a spot in our family was missing. Rosie was praying for a sister. My heart was open to another child. And with that, Catie arrived.
Catie can scream like nobody's business. Same as before, no co sleeping. By now cloth diapers are lucky to be used as rags once in awhile. Graffiti is a regular part of our home decor. And sadly, cry it out is often all we can manage. By bedtime, i am done.
With her recent adoption, following Augie's 2011 adoption, my hands and my heart are overflowing. Six years ago, I would not believe this could possibly be my future. I am so blessed. It is helpful for me to take a minute, sit back and see this.
And God trusts me quite a bit. Rosie is 4, Augie is 2, Catie is 1. All that suffice to say the glow of new motherhood has worn off and I am now fully steeped in motherhood.
When Augie reached that lovely age of toddler, I felt the strong need to address my PMS. I added an anti-anxiety med and for awhile that seemed to take the edge off my mood swings. Well, meds like that add a host of other troubles. For example, NEVER try to just stop taking them.
After time, that little blue pill wasn't helping. It was increasingly difficult to respond calmly to a stressful child situation. One of my New Year's resolutions was to stop spanking. I am against spanking for so many reasons. IF (and I don't believe there is) a legitimately good reason for spanking, I was not using those reasons. I was spanking because I was angry.
Recently I stopped by the Padre Pio Shrine to thank him for interceding and bringing Catie into our family. I had two kids in the car and really only stopped because I was driving by. I did not enter a building. I simply pulled up to this statue, said thank you and touched the stigmata in his statue hand.
Before my car even got back to the main road, I was sobbing. Suddenly, the state of my soul was apparent and I had an immense need for confession NOW. As I continued the drive to see family I was crying an ugly, purgative cry. Fortunately, I know a few priests and I was blessed to find a confessor and attend adoration...while my family visited with the kids. Confession is the big opportunity for reset, as my confessor encouraged.
So now, I am struggling through this. My greatest hope and prayer is to love my kids with a positive, affirming kind of love. It has been a good week...but PMS is looming (side note, I am free of the little blue pill (yay!) and working with a NaPro MD on a more natural PMS treatment) I put this out there because I need to. Accountability? Prayers? Yes. The reality of my parenting is not as beautiful as a blog always seems to indicate. And so I pray.
Padre Pio, please help! Help me and all the mothers who struggle to be patient and kind in the midst of stress. Help us to find the grace necessary to walk away. Help us to build up our children and not tear them down.
One of my favorite prayers and the one I am praying for this intention.
And then my beautiful, teeny angel became a toddler.
She was very loud. She did not love to sleep. She pulled out all the toilet paper, spilled out all the dog food and wrote all over herself...daily. At one point she even added a LARGE family portrait to her bedroom wall in marker. One of her many graffiti art projects. All the while, she was so precious and, though challenging, we wanted to add to our family more than ever.
After secondary infertility, we were so blessed to become parents again through foster care.
Augie came in with a bang. He was sick. He took out our whole family for the first month. As a foster mom the bonding came slowly. We were not permitted to co-sleep. Slowly, those not so new cloth diapers were more of an inconvenience when dropping him off for family visits. My hands were full. I was content and for the first time ever in my married life, I was not actively seeking to conceive.
After another year, I had another toddler on my hands. This one particularly loved to eat dirt. Also coal, stink bugs and dog food.
And slowly my desire for motherhood again grew stronger. I refused to get a family picture because it seemed a spot in our family was missing. Rosie was praying for a sister. My heart was open to another child. And with that, Catie arrived.
With her recent adoption, following Augie's 2011 adoption, my hands and my heart are overflowing. Six years ago, I would not believe this could possibly be my future. I am so blessed. It is helpful for me to take a minute, sit back and see this.
"I know that God won't give me more than I can handle"
When Augie reached that lovely age of toddler, I felt the strong need to address my PMS. I added an anti-anxiety med and for awhile that seemed to take the edge off my mood swings. Well, meds like that add a host of other troubles. For example, NEVER try to just stop taking them.
After time, that little blue pill wasn't helping. It was increasingly difficult to respond calmly to a stressful child situation. One of my New Year's resolutions was to stop spanking. I am against spanking for so many reasons. IF (and I don't believe there is) a legitimately good reason for spanking, I was not using those reasons. I was spanking because I was angry.
Before my car even got back to the main road, I was sobbing. Suddenly, the state of my soul was apparent and I had an immense need for confession NOW. As I continued the drive to see family I was crying an ugly, purgative cry. Fortunately, I know a few priests and I was blessed to find a confessor and attend adoration...while my family visited with the kids. Confession is the big opportunity for reset, as my confessor encouraged.
So now, I am struggling through this. My greatest hope and prayer is to love my kids with a positive, affirming kind of love. It has been a good week...but PMS is looming (side note, I am free of the little blue pill (yay!) and working with a NaPro MD on a more natural PMS treatment) I put this out there because I need to. Accountability? Prayers? Yes. The reality of my parenting is not as beautiful as a blog always seems to indicate. And so I pray.
Padre Pio, please help! Help me and all the mothers who struggle to be patient and kind in the midst of stress. Help us to find the grace necessary to walk away. Help us to build up our children and not tear them down.
One of my favorite prayers and the one I am praying for this intention.
The Anima Christi
Soul of Christ, sanctify me
Body of Christ, save me
Blood of Christ, inebriate me
Water from Christ's side, wash me
Passion of Christ, strengthen me
O good Jesus, hear me
Within Thy wounds hide me
Suffer me not to be separated from Thee
From the malicious enemy defend me
In the hour of my death call me
And bid me come unto Thee
That I may praise Thee with Thy saints
and with Thy angels
Forever and ever
Amen
Body of Christ, save me
Blood of Christ, inebriate me
Water from Christ's side, wash me
Passion of Christ, strengthen me
O good Jesus, hear me
Within Thy wounds hide me
Suffer me not to be separated from Thee
From the malicious enemy defend me
In the hour of my death call me
And bid me come unto Thee
That I may praise Thee with Thy saints
and with Thy angels
Forever and ever
Amen
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Baptized
It looks like she has been put through the wringer. Well...I guess, technically she was.
1213 Holy Baptism is the basis of the whole Christian life, the gateway to life in the Spirit,
and the door which gives access to the other sacraments. Through
Baptism we are freed from sin and reborn as sons of God; we become
members of Christ, are incorporated into the Church and made sharers in
her mission: "Baptism is the sacrament of regeneration through water in
the word."
A few weeks ago I was concerned about Catie's conception and birth circumstances. I was worried that her past might have a negative impact on her future. I was worried about the evil that may have entered her life through those circumstances. I was considering how we might be able to bring her to be prayed with.
Then my brother in law taught be a very important lesson. Within the Sacrament of Baptism, an actual exorcism is preformed as a part of the ceremony. Prior to the water washing away all her sins, she is exorcised of any evil spirits. When I learned this I could not wait for April 29th to arrive!!
Today Catie was baptized into the Catholic Church. Adopted as a daughter of God. How cool is that? Our gotcha day was April 25th. God's gotcha day was today, April 29th. :) I love how He loves us! \
Baptism is God's most beautiful
and magnificent gift. . . .We call it gift, grace, anointing,
enlightenment, garment of immortality, bath of rebirth, seal, and most
precious gift. It is called gift because it is conferred on those who bring nothing of their own; grace since it is given even to the guilty; Baptism because sin is buried in the water; anointing for it is priestly and royal as are those who are anointed; enlightenment because it radiates light; clothing since it veils our shame; bath because it washes; and seal as it is our guard and the sign of God's Lordship. St. Gregory Of Nazianzus, Oratio 40,3-4:PG 36,361C.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Adoption Day, 20 hours to go!
On April 28th of last year I prayed at St Gianna's shrine, on her feast day and with her relics for our family to grow. One week to the day later I met you for the first time and fell madly in love. It was a bit of a roller coaster, but you were truly meant for us. You have filled our lives with so much joy and love. We love you and are counting the minutes until 10am tomorrow when it is finally and forever official. Wednesday you will become a part of our forever family. Saturday, St Gianna's feast day (April 28th) we will be giving thanks for you. Sunday, St Catherine of Siena's feast day, we will be baptizing you (on your name's day) and you will forever become a part of God's family.
XOXOXO
With all our love,
mama & papa
Thursday, April 05, 2012
the challenges of open adoption
I was asked to guest post next week on Foster2Forever about the benefits of open adoption. I am not usually at a loss for words, but it has been a challenging post to compose. I firmly believe in the benefits of open adoption. The ironic part is we are in the middle of a challenging situation that will impact Catie's life.
Back in the summer we went through a court battle with bio-aunt and bio-uncle who were fighting for Catie to be theirs. It was a very unique set of circumstances. Ultimately, the county did not feel it was in her best interest. Their lawyer essentially represented us (as county foster parents) to keep her. I was asked to testify in front of biological parents and relatives about how we love Catie, how she reacts negatively following visits with the aunt and how she is thriving in our routine. The judge made it very clear how important she felt the family connection was. She had me stand up in the back of the court room and asked what I saw could work to allow Catie to maintain a relationship with her Aunt and Uncle. I stated that I had once a month visits in mind. The judge seemed to accept this and challenged the Aunt to accept this (who was clearly emotionally upset from the decision that Catie would not be theirs). No visitation was ordered, essentially leaving degree of contact in our hands.
Since that time we have scheduled a once a month visit with the Aunt & Uncle. I talk to the aunt on the phone. It is a very brief conversation. I drop Catie at the door (where the uncle picks her up). The Uncle returns her to my house three hours later. In 6 months, I have not physically seen the Aunt.
I asked to set up a breakfast meeting with the Aunt & Uncle. Primary motivation, we don't know them. They have not extended themselves to us or attempted to form a relationship with us. Secondary motivation, to put the ball in their court for scheduling visits.
That breakfast meeting was this morning.
Bottom line, I do not feel comfortable with Catie having unsupervised visits in their home. There are other members of the household whom I do not trust to be unsupervised with my daughter. I KNOW that if I offer park visits, offer to come with Catie to supervise, etc etc, it is going to upset the aunt, who specifically wants unsupervised visits in her home.
But. She is our daughter. It is our job to protect her and keep her from harm. I know that this will likely be the last we see or hear from the aunt (who after this morning still believes we are okay with monthly unsupervised visits).
We are taking this to prayer. Truly seeking God's will. Please pray with us for this situation.
Back in the summer we went through a court battle with bio-aunt and bio-uncle who were fighting for Catie to be theirs. It was a very unique set of circumstances. Ultimately, the county did not feel it was in her best interest. Their lawyer essentially represented us (as county foster parents) to keep her. I was asked to testify in front of biological parents and relatives about how we love Catie, how she reacts negatively following visits with the aunt and how she is thriving in our routine. The judge made it very clear how important she felt the family connection was. She had me stand up in the back of the court room and asked what I saw could work to allow Catie to maintain a relationship with her Aunt and Uncle. I stated that I had once a month visits in mind. The judge seemed to accept this and challenged the Aunt to accept this (who was clearly emotionally upset from the decision that Catie would not be theirs). No visitation was ordered, essentially leaving degree of contact in our hands.
Since that time we have scheduled a once a month visit with the Aunt & Uncle. I talk to the aunt on the phone. It is a very brief conversation. I drop Catie at the door (where the uncle picks her up). The Uncle returns her to my house three hours later. In 6 months, I have not physically seen the Aunt.
I asked to set up a breakfast meeting with the Aunt & Uncle. Primary motivation, we don't know them. They have not extended themselves to us or attempted to form a relationship with us. Secondary motivation, to put the ball in their court for scheduling visits.
That breakfast meeting was this morning.
Bottom line, I do not feel comfortable with Catie having unsupervised visits in their home. There are other members of the household whom I do not trust to be unsupervised with my daughter. I KNOW that if I offer park visits, offer to come with Catie to supervise, etc etc, it is going to upset the aunt, who specifically wants unsupervised visits in her home.
But. She is our daughter. It is our job to protect her and keep her from harm. I know that this will likely be the last we see or hear from the aunt (who after this morning still believes we are okay with monthly unsupervised visits).
We are taking this to prayer. Truly seeking God's will. Please pray with us for this situation.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
the invites are waiting to go out
This weekend we took a photographer with us to the museum to get some family pictures and some Catie pictures. I was so excited I ordered invitations the same night as well as two family canvas pictures (it was bogo at easycanvasprints).
Augie & Catie were a bit miserable, so I am really blessed we got some good ones. Our favorite one, we were tying to keep the babies from screaming and were just throwing sticks in the stream. Our photographer got us from across the stream. I wrote the post and am dying to share that one! A few more weeks and you can see our full family picture.
Six weeks, to be exact. Six weeks until the adoption, baptism, party and pictures!
Augie & Catie were a bit miserable, so I am really blessed we got some good ones. Our favorite one, we were tying to keep the babies from screaming and were just throwing sticks in the stream. Our photographer got us from across the stream. I wrote the post and am dying to share that one! A few more weeks and you can see our full family picture.
Six weeks, to be exact. Six weeks until the adoption, baptism, party and pictures!
Monday, March 12, 2012
today in pictures
 |
| Picking itty bitty flowers for mama |
 |
| Doing whatever his big sister does...but he sure is cute |
 |
| Sneak Peak |
 |
| German Chocolate Cupcakes for our beloved uncle kiki |
Thursday, March 08, 2012
we have a date!
God has sent his love to me in a big way today. *tearing as I write*
In addition to the most.beautiful.day.ever...today I received an adoption date!! April 25th Catie will become officially and forever ours!! (and then I can share pictures :)
In addition to the most.beautiful.day.ever...today I received an adoption date!! April 25th Catie will become officially and forever ours!! (and then I can share pictures :)
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
court
We had a review hearing today. It was the biggest wait for the least dramatic 2 minutes of my life.
The last week has been insanely crazy:
Tuesday Feb 14- Foster Care home re-evaluation by our social worker. We stink at homestudies these days. I will just say our 5th home study is SO different than our first. This is the picture - messy rooms (forgot she had to look in them), plugging the outlets as we walked by them, locking the cabinets as we walked by them, oh yeah...I forgot we happen to have electrical wires hanging from our downstairs ceiling at the moment, I printed out our escape chart as she waited...the kicker, I had to send my BIL to the store to buy another smoke detector (during the home visit!).
Wed Feb 15 - Closing visit with bio mom...see previous post for details on that one (big kids at sitters)
Thursday Feb 16 - Social worker visit (by Catie's social worker). Later our adoption social worker came over to have us sign papers and pick up what she needs for our adoption home study, PLUS, OT for Catie.
Monday Feb 17th - Creighton appointment - (kids at sitters)
Tuesday Feb 18th - Creighton appointment, followed by court (big kids at sitters). We arrived at 3pm. We sat in the waiting room until 4.45pm. Evidently you NEVER want to have court scheduled for the day after a holiday. We waiting downstairs another 10 minutes before we went into the "makeshift court room" for literally 2 minutes. The master said "you're still here? You didn't have to stay for this." Um, yeah. Wish someone would have told me that a few hours ago.
Tomorrow is Mass followed by a family visit with bio-aunt, followed by OT. And then, I think we can breathe for a few days.
I will say...for the record - sitting in the waiting room of CYS for an extended period of time is gut wrenching. I got involved with two other families and their CYS drama. One sibling group of four. The mom came back from court and sat in the room in tears hugging all her kids as foster mom explained that mom is sad because they can not go home yet. Second was a sibling group of five, split among three foster families. Parental rights were terminated. No resource available to take all five.
For so long we waited for a child. We prayed, we begged God. I was unsure if I would ever be so blessed. Now, I am so blessed to be a mom. And I see SO many kids who need a family. Sitting in the waiting room is so different than browsing photo listings on your state website. I know families that want kids and I see kids that need families. And I can't do much more than pray they find each other somehow.
The last week has been insanely crazy:
Tuesday Feb 14- Foster Care home re-evaluation by our social worker. We stink at homestudies these days. I will just say our 5th home study is SO different than our first. This is the picture - messy rooms (forgot she had to look in them), plugging the outlets as we walked by them, locking the cabinets as we walked by them, oh yeah...I forgot we happen to have electrical wires hanging from our downstairs ceiling at the moment, I printed out our escape chart as she waited...the kicker, I had to send my BIL to the store to buy another smoke detector (during the home visit!).
Wed Feb 15 - Closing visit with bio mom...see previous post for details on that one (big kids at sitters)
Thursday Feb 16 - Social worker visit (by Catie's social worker). Later our adoption social worker came over to have us sign papers and pick up what she needs for our adoption home study, PLUS, OT for Catie.
Monday Feb 17th - Creighton appointment - (kids at sitters)
Tuesday Feb 18th - Creighton appointment, followed by court (big kids at sitters). We arrived at 3pm. We sat in the waiting room until 4.45pm. Evidently you NEVER want to have court scheduled for the day after a holiday. We waiting downstairs another 10 minutes before we went into the "makeshift court room" for literally 2 minutes. The master said "you're still here? You didn't have to stay for this." Um, yeah. Wish someone would have told me that a few hours ago.
Tomorrow is Mass followed by a family visit with bio-aunt, followed by OT. And then, I think we can breathe for a few days.
I will say...for the record - sitting in the waiting room of CYS for an extended period of time is gut wrenching. I got involved with two other families and their CYS drama. One sibling group of four. The mom came back from court and sat in the room in tears hugging all her kids as foster mom explained that mom is sad because they can not go home yet. Second was a sibling group of five, split among three foster families. Parental rights were terminated. No resource available to take all five.
For so long we waited for a child. We prayed, we begged God. I was unsure if I would ever be so blessed. Now, I am so blessed to be a mom. And I see SO many kids who need a family. Sitting in the waiting room is so different than browsing photo listings on your state website. I know families that want kids and I see kids that need families. And I can't do much more than pray they find each other somehow.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
a closing visit
Feb 15, 2012. Catie had her final visit this morning with her birth mom.
Last year's closing visit happened on Feb 23 (for Augie...I am just amazed at how time lines collide).
~~~~~~~~~~~
We got up this morning and I packed her bags, her food, a change of clothes...the usual. I also included a letter to her birth parents. I wanted to assure them of our love for Catie and update them on her developments. I told them that we pray for them nightly. At the close of the letter, I extended an invitation for further contact. I stated that I would love to send them updates and maintain some form of contact through the years.
{backstory: they signed TPR back in September. They walked out of CYS refusing to provide any photos of themselves and stating they did not want further contact. A few weeks later mom "unsigned". TPR happened in Court Jan 30th. Dad's termination was voluntary, Mom's termination was involuntary. Since unsigning mom has refused all opportunity for visits. I was glad to hear she agreed to be a part of a closing visit.}
Catie's first foster mom had the opportunity to supervise the visit. She also offered to bring her in to the visit for me. She picked her up and it was a pretty quiet morning. Rosie was missing her daddy so we called to see if he could come home for an early lunch.
After lunch we went to Target. I wanted to get a small gift for her mom. I had a photo printed to 5x7, purchased a pretty frame and planned to give it to her and promise to keep it filled through the years.
I made arrangements to have my kids at a sitter so I could pick up Catie from the visit and attempt to say thank you to mom. This can be tricky in the foster world because they are not giving up their child willingly.
On my drive there I was planning what I would say, how the exchange might go. I was 15 minutes from CYS and cars started to slow, then came to a dead halt. Traffic on the bypass is never a good thing. There is no way out. I sent foster mom a text that I was stuck in traffic and may be late. It turned out there was a bad accident and all traffic was being diverted off the highway. I was so stuck, all I could do is clutch my rosary and start to pray. I was praying for Catie's birthmom and another birth mom that is in my prayers right now.
Thirty minutes later, the texts started coming back "how much longer"; "can we meet outside" and then "they had to leave." Birth mom was there with her teenage daughter, whom I have never met. I missed the opportunity to say goodbye.
When I finally arrived they were long gone. I dropped off the picture to my social worker to be mailed to birth mom. I collected Catie, I went back to the sitters, picked up my kids and came home.
There was a reason I was not there. Only God knows. I am told it was a wonderful visit. Birth mom read my letter and sobbed. She clearly accepted the fact that she could not care for Catie and she was where she needed to be. Hearing all this I breathed a sigh of relief. She has come to terms with the adoption, praise God. I am hopeful the rest of our FWW (four week wait to TPR) will be uneventful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Look for my guest blog tomorrow on Foster2Forever. I am honored to be invited to be a regular part of a guest column on her blog.
Last year's closing visit happened on Feb 23 (for Augie...I am just amazed at how time lines collide).
~~~~~~~~~~~
We got up this morning and I packed her bags, her food, a change of clothes...the usual. I also included a letter to her birth parents. I wanted to assure them of our love for Catie and update them on her developments. I told them that we pray for them nightly. At the close of the letter, I extended an invitation for further contact. I stated that I would love to send them updates and maintain some form of contact through the years.
{backstory: they signed TPR back in September. They walked out of CYS refusing to provide any photos of themselves and stating they did not want further contact. A few weeks later mom "unsigned". TPR happened in Court Jan 30th. Dad's termination was voluntary, Mom's termination was involuntary. Since unsigning mom has refused all opportunity for visits. I was glad to hear she agreed to be a part of a closing visit.}
Catie's first foster mom had the opportunity to supervise the visit. She also offered to bring her in to the visit for me. She picked her up and it was a pretty quiet morning. Rosie was missing her daddy so we called to see if he could come home for an early lunch.
After lunch we went to Target. I wanted to get a small gift for her mom. I had a photo printed to 5x7, purchased a pretty frame and planned to give it to her and promise to keep it filled through the years.
I made arrangements to have my kids at a sitter so I could pick up Catie from the visit and attempt to say thank you to mom. This can be tricky in the foster world because they are not giving up their child willingly.
On my drive there I was planning what I would say, how the exchange might go. I was 15 minutes from CYS and cars started to slow, then came to a dead halt. Traffic on the bypass is never a good thing. There is no way out. I sent foster mom a text that I was stuck in traffic and may be late. It turned out there was a bad accident and all traffic was being diverted off the highway. I was so stuck, all I could do is clutch my rosary and start to pray. I was praying for Catie's birthmom and another birth mom that is in my prayers right now.
Thirty minutes later, the texts started coming back "how much longer"; "can we meet outside" and then "they had to leave." Birth mom was there with her teenage daughter, whom I have never met. I missed the opportunity to say goodbye.
When I finally arrived they were long gone. I dropped off the picture to my social worker to be mailed to birth mom. I collected Catie, I went back to the sitters, picked up my kids and came home.
There was a reason I was not there. Only God knows. I am told it was a wonderful visit. Birth mom read my letter and sobbed. She clearly accepted the fact that she could not care for Catie and she was where she needed to be. Hearing all this I breathed a sigh of relief. She has come to terms with the adoption, praise God. I am hopeful the rest of our FWW (four week wait to TPR) will be uneventful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Look for my guest blog tomorrow on Foster2Forever. I am honored to be invited to be a regular part of a guest column on her blog.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
six months
Six months. We have only officially had Catie in our care for six months. Unofficially, we had long visits for two months prior to her placement.
When I say the words "six months" it seems like no time at all. When I think about her role in our life, it seems as if she has always been a part of us.
I wish I could share pictures. She scrunches up her nose to smile at me now...every time she sees me. EVERYthing is "mommieee". My husband does not love this...but boy does Catie love him (even though she calls him "mommieee"). She is always complimented on her personality. She can be such a charmer. She can also scream louder and with more intensity than any child I have ever met. She does this if I attempt to remove my cell phone from her hands.
She is still a bit behind in the development department. The best way to say is she moves at her own pace. She is by far my safest-on-the-stairs baby and the first one to have not fallen down them. She is very cautious of new movements, but as soon as she figures something out...she's golden. It was amusing at a baby play date seeing a 7 month old standing (almost walking!) while my 14 month old won't even put her feet on the ground. We are making progress. She will get there!
I made the last of my treks to the children's hospital on her behalf; while at the same time scheduling my first appointment at said hospital on Augie's behalf. More on that later. Never a dull moment here.
~~~~~~~~
I was recently moved reading an adoption account from another blogger. Part 3 gives me insight into Catie's early NICU days. Reading her account made me sad that we were not yet a part of Catie's life to love on her so intensely.
~~~~~~~~
Bio mom called and wants to schedule a closing visit. I am actually thrilled to hear this. First, to know she recognizes and accepts the end. Second, because it is possibly my first and only chance to talk to her, thank her, hug her...and get a picture of her. I hope she does not bail.
12 days down, 18 days to go. It is a bit challenging to plan for things such as baptisms, but I have set a date for the end of May. Hopefully she will be finally and officially ours before then...and May will be the big party!
When I say the words "six months" it seems like no time at all. When I think about her role in our life, it seems as if she has always been a part of us.
I wish I could share pictures. She scrunches up her nose to smile at me now...every time she sees me. EVERYthing is "mommieee". My husband does not love this...but boy does Catie love him (even though she calls him "mommieee"). She is always complimented on her personality. She can be such a charmer. She can also scream louder and with more intensity than any child I have ever met. She does this if I attempt to remove my cell phone from her hands.
She is still a bit behind in the development department. The best way to say is she moves at her own pace. She is by far my safest-on-the-stairs baby and the first one to have not fallen down them. She is very cautious of new movements, but as soon as she figures something out...she's golden. It was amusing at a baby play date seeing a 7 month old standing (almost walking!) while my 14 month old won't even put her feet on the ground. We are making progress. She will get there!
I made the last of my treks to the children's hospital on her behalf; while at the same time scheduling my first appointment at said hospital on Augie's behalf. More on that later. Never a dull moment here.
~~~~~~~~
I was recently moved reading an adoption account from another blogger. Part 3 gives me insight into Catie's early NICU days. Reading her account made me sad that we were not yet a part of Catie's life to love on her so intensely.
~~~~~~~~
Bio mom called and wants to schedule a closing visit. I am actually thrilled to hear this. First, to know she recognizes and accepts the end. Second, because it is possibly my first and only chance to talk to her, thank her, hug her...and get a picture of her. I hope she does not bail.
12 days down, 18 days to go. It is a bit challenging to plan for things such as baptisms, but I have set a date for the end of May. Hopefully she will be finally and officially ours before then...and May will be the big party!
Monday, January 30, 2012
termination of parental rights
TPR happened today (in court). I have not gotten a report so I assume all went as scheduled. I hope.
And so...we wait. 30 days. At the end of that period, we can petition to adopt Catie. This little girl that has stolen our hearts. The little one who now calls me "mommie". The little one who seemed to find me and made her way to the center of my heart the moment I saw her. Catie who became a part of our family before she was even placed in our home. This precious little child that I truly believe was meant to be a part of our lives.
You are the sister Rosie prayed for. The one who made Augie a big brother. The one who challenges us in so many ways and then reels us right back in with that smile. We can't wait to make you officially ours.
You are the sister Rosie prayed for. The one who made Augie a big brother. The one who challenges us in so many ways and then reels us right back in with that smile. We can't wait to make you officially ours.
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