Thankfully I have been busy. So busy, in fact that the last two weeks have flown by. Now, suddenly I am about 27 hours away from end end of the FWW (four week wait). Pretty soon we can file petitions to adopt! I am so thankful we have had a much swifter process with Catie. All the adoption drama with her case happened right up front (check out the archives for May-Aug 2011).
We are looking at an April or May adoption. Her baptism date is scheduled and a park pavilion is booked for the par-tay.
I don't have to look back too far to remember when parenthood seemed impossible. I have learned so much in the last few years. Literally, every tear led us to this place of readiness to be "showered in babies." I am in awe of God and blessed to see His plan for our family being revealed.
Last night I hosted "Living Out Lent" at our parish. We had 22 tables and about 160 women. It was beautiful. As this is my third time as host and emcee of this event, I figured it was time I introduce myself properly to these women. I put up a picture of my kids. I explained that someone had stopped me and stated they did not know I was pregnant when I hosted the first event. I laughed. To an outsider, I am a woman who keeps having babies....but never seems to be pregnant. Well...once (thanks be to God). So I explained that my kiddos are coming to me by way of foster care adoptions. The response was a lovely round of a applause. AMDG.
Showing posts with label TPR. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TPR. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
a closing visit
Feb 15, 2012. Catie had her final visit this morning with her birth mom.
Last year's closing visit happened on Feb 23 (for Augie...I am just amazed at how time lines collide).
~~~~~~~~~~~
We got up this morning and I packed her bags, her food, a change of clothes...the usual. I also included a letter to her birth parents. I wanted to assure them of our love for Catie and update them on her developments. I told them that we pray for them nightly. At the close of the letter, I extended an invitation for further contact. I stated that I would love to send them updates and maintain some form of contact through the years.
{backstory: they signed TPR back in September. They walked out of CYS refusing to provide any photos of themselves and stating they did not want further contact. A few weeks later mom "unsigned". TPR happened in Court Jan 30th. Dad's termination was voluntary, Mom's termination was involuntary. Since unsigning mom has refused all opportunity for visits. I was glad to hear she agreed to be a part of a closing visit.}
Catie's first foster mom had the opportunity to supervise the visit. She also offered to bring her in to the visit for me. She picked her up and it was a pretty quiet morning. Rosie was missing her daddy so we called to see if he could come home for an early lunch.
After lunch we went to Target. I wanted to get a small gift for her mom. I had a photo printed to 5x7, purchased a pretty frame and planned to give it to her and promise to keep it filled through the years.
I made arrangements to have my kids at a sitter so I could pick up Catie from the visit and attempt to say thank you to mom. This can be tricky in the foster world because they are not giving up their child willingly.
On my drive there I was planning what I would say, how the exchange might go. I was 15 minutes from CYS and cars started to slow, then came to a dead halt. Traffic on the bypass is never a good thing. There is no way out. I sent foster mom a text that I was stuck in traffic and may be late. It turned out there was a bad accident and all traffic was being diverted off the highway. I was so stuck, all I could do is clutch my rosary and start to pray. I was praying for Catie's birthmom and another birth mom that is in my prayers right now.
Thirty minutes later, the texts started coming back "how much longer"; "can we meet outside" and then "they had to leave." Birth mom was there with her teenage daughter, whom I have never met. I missed the opportunity to say goodbye.
When I finally arrived they were long gone. I dropped off the picture to my social worker to be mailed to birth mom. I collected Catie, I went back to the sitters, picked up my kids and came home.
There was a reason I was not there. Only God knows. I am told it was a wonderful visit. Birth mom read my letter and sobbed. She clearly accepted the fact that she could not care for Catie and she was where she needed to be. Hearing all this I breathed a sigh of relief. She has come to terms with the adoption, praise God. I am hopeful the rest of our FWW (four week wait to TPR) will be uneventful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Look for my guest blog tomorrow on Foster2Forever. I am honored to be invited to be a regular part of a guest column on her blog.
Last year's closing visit happened on Feb 23 (for Augie...I am just amazed at how time lines collide).
~~~~~~~~~~~
We got up this morning and I packed her bags, her food, a change of clothes...the usual. I also included a letter to her birth parents. I wanted to assure them of our love for Catie and update them on her developments. I told them that we pray for them nightly. At the close of the letter, I extended an invitation for further contact. I stated that I would love to send them updates and maintain some form of contact through the years.
{backstory: they signed TPR back in September. They walked out of CYS refusing to provide any photos of themselves and stating they did not want further contact. A few weeks later mom "unsigned". TPR happened in Court Jan 30th. Dad's termination was voluntary, Mom's termination was involuntary. Since unsigning mom has refused all opportunity for visits. I was glad to hear she agreed to be a part of a closing visit.}
Catie's first foster mom had the opportunity to supervise the visit. She also offered to bring her in to the visit for me. She picked her up and it was a pretty quiet morning. Rosie was missing her daddy so we called to see if he could come home for an early lunch.
After lunch we went to Target. I wanted to get a small gift for her mom. I had a photo printed to 5x7, purchased a pretty frame and planned to give it to her and promise to keep it filled through the years.
I made arrangements to have my kids at a sitter so I could pick up Catie from the visit and attempt to say thank you to mom. This can be tricky in the foster world because they are not giving up their child willingly.
On my drive there I was planning what I would say, how the exchange might go. I was 15 minutes from CYS and cars started to slow, then came to a dead halt. Traffic on the bypass is never a good thing. There is no way out. I sent foster mom a text that I was stuck in traffic and may be late. It turned out there was a bad accident and all traffic was being diverted off the highway. I was so stuck, all I could do is clutch my rosary and start to pray. I was praying for Catie's birthmom and another birth mom that is in my prayers right now.
Thirty minutes later, the texts started coming back "how much longer"; "can we meet outside" and then "they had to leave." Birth mom was there with her teenage daughter, whom I have never met. I missed the opportunity to say goodbye.
When I finally arrived they were long gone. I dropped off the picture to my social worker to be mailed to birth mom. I collected Catie, I went back to the sitters, picked up my kids and came home.
There was a reason I was not there. Only God knows. I am told it was a wonderful visit. Birth mom read my letter and sobbed. She clearly accepted the fact that she could not care for Catie and she was where she needed to be. Hearing all this I breathed a sigh of relief. She has come to terms with the adoption, praise God. I am hopeful the rest of our FWW (four week wait to TPR) will be uneventful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Look for my guest blog tomorrow on Foster2Forever. I am honored to be invited to be a regular part of a guest column on her blog.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
six months
Six months. We have only officially had Catie in our care for six months. Unofficially, we had long visits for two months prior to her placement.
When I say the words "six months" it seems like no time at all. When I think about her role in our life, it seems as if she has always been a part of us.
I wish I could share pictures. She scrunches up her nose to smile at me now...every time she sees me. EVERYthing is "mommieee". My husband does not love this...but boy does Catie love him (even though she calls him "mommieee"). She is always complimented on her personality. She can be such a charmer. She can also scream louder and with more intensity than any child I have ever met. She does this if I attempt to remove my cell phone from her hands.
She is still a bit behind in the development department. The best way to say is she moves at her own pace. She is by far my safest-on-the-stairs baby and the first one to have not fallen down them. She is very cautious of new movements, but as soon as she figures something out...she's golden. It was amusing at a baby play date seeing a 7 month old standing (almost walking!) while my 14 month old won't even put her feet on the ground. We are making progress. She will get there!
I made the last of my treks to the children's hospital on her behalf; while at the same time scheduling my first appointment at said hospital on Augie's behalf. More on that later. Never a dull moment here.
~~~~~~~~
I was recently moved reading an adoption account from another blogger. Part 3 gives me insight into Catie's early NICU days. Reading her account made me sad that we were not yet a part of Catie's life to love on her so intensely.
~~~~~~~~
Bio mom called and wants to schedule a closing visit. I am actually thrilled to hear this. First, to know she recognizes and accepts the end. Second, because it is possibly my first and only chance to talk to her, thank her, hug her...and get a picture of her. I hope she does not bail.
12 days down, 18 days to go. It is a bit challenging to plan for things such as baptisms, but I have set a date for the end of May. Hopefully she will be finally and officially ours before then...and May will be the big party!
When I say the words "six months" it seems like no time at all. When I think about her role in our life, it seems as if she has always been a part of us.
I wish I could share pictures. She scrunches up her nose to smile at me now...every time she sees me. EVERYthing is "mommieee". My husband does not love this...but boy does Catie love him (even though she calls him "mommieee"). She is always complimented on her personality. She can be such a charmer. She can also scream louder and with more intensity than any child I have ever met. She does this if I attempt to remove my cell phone from her hands.
She is still a bit behind in the development department. The best way to say is she moves at her own pace. She is by far my safest-on-the-stairs baby and the first one to have not fallen down them. She is very cautious of new movements, but as soon as she figures something out...she's golden. It was amusing at a baby play date seeing a 7 month old standing (almost walking!) while my 14 month old won't even put her feet on the ground. We are making progress. She will get there!
I made the last of my treks to the children's hospital on her behalf; while at the same time scheduling my first appointment at said hospital on Augie's behalf. More on that later. Never a dull moment here.
~~~~~~~~
I was recently moved reading an adoption account from another blogger. Part 3 gives me insight into Catie's early NICU days. Reading her account made me sad that we were not yet a part of Catie's life to love on her so intensely.
~~~~~~~~
Bio mom called and wants to schedule a closing visit. I am actually thrilled to hear this. First, to know she recognizes and accepts the end. Second, because it is possibly my first and only chance to talk to her, thank her, hug her...and get a picture of her. I hope she does not bail.
12 days down, 18 days to go. It is a bit challenging to plan for things such as baptisms, but I have set a date for the end of May. Hopefully she will be finally and officially ours before then...and May will be the big party!
Monday, January 30, 2012
termination of parental rights
TPR happened today (in court). I have not gotten a report so I assume all went as scheduled. I hope.
And so...we wait. 30 days. At the end of that period, we can petition to adopt Catie. This little girl that has stolen our hearts. The little one who now calls me "mommie". The little one who seemed to find me and made her way to the center of my heart the moment I saw her. Catie who became a part of our family before she was even placed in our home. This precious little child that I truly believe was meant to be a part of our lives.
You are the sister Rosie prayed for. The one who made Augie a big brother. The one who challenges us in so many ways and then reels us right back in with that smile. We can't wait to make you officially ours.
You are the sister Rosie prayed for. The one who made Augie a big brother. The one who challenges us in so many ways and then reels us right back in with that smile. We can't wait to make you officially ours.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
our case
Following up on an earlier statement, I would just like to clarify when I said mom unsigned.
I was not surprised at the report, nor was I particularly concerned. Our case is still progressing and overall her parents have done little to nothing to get her back. Dad's rights are terminated (though I still can't quite figure out how this works exactly in the foster care system...more in second). Mom has made not attempt to resume visitation. The social worker will continue to move forward with the termination hearings.
Regarding TPR...this is what I have experienced and what applies to foster care in our county/state:
I was told by our last adoption worker that she has never seen a case passed to the adoption unit where the child then went back to live with his/her parents. This does not account for relatives showing up during this period, however.
Reading other foster blogs, I have learned that cases seem to be handled so differently from place to place.
I have learned to love that my county does a great deal of research up front to identify a possible kinship resource. In both the case of Augie and Catie, we had to wait out/overcome the biological aunt that wanted them. The benefit of this process is that is largely handled upfront, rather than on the back end. For example, we knew about the aunts in both cases and still choose to accept the placements. If our kinship research department was not strong (or that was not a priority) these women could have popped up later and unexpectedly, causing a great deal of fear, delays or worse.
And back to Catie. We had our first visit with the adoption social worker. She is young and the young ones tend to fill the space more with words that potentially get your hopes up. I learned this after many hours of sitting with our last, very experienced adoption worker said very little and just enjoyed the coffee and kids. Our new caseworker is in the process of scheduling TPR. I believe they try to terminate on the same day. Although one signed and one unsigned...so not sure how this happens (they are two different types of hearings). If mom comes forward and signs again...stick another 30 day wait in here anywhere.
Social worker hopes to possibly schedule tpr hearing by the end of the year. She said to keep in mind everyone is vacationing around this time for the holidays, so it may not happen before 2012. BUT, if it does...we could potentially have an adoption by February!! OKAY...let me just inject a bit of realism here....I have learned to never believe timelines from young social workers (mrs. experience rarely offered a timeline). BUT it is sure easy to run with that idea in one's head!
Catie is JUST.ON.THE.CUSP of crawling. Maybe this week? She gets on all fours and does that adorable wiggle all the time. I love her! Thanks to Veggie Tales playing frequently in our home, I am often singing Catie Manateee.... you are the one for me....sent from up above...you are the one I love (one I love).
I was not surprised at the report, nor was I particularly concerned. Our case is still progressing and overall her parents have done little to nothing to get her back. Dad's rights are terminated (though I still can't quite figure out how this works exactly in the foster care system...more in second). Mom has made not attempt to resume visitation. The social worker will continue to move forward with the termination hearings.
Regarding TPR...this is what I have experienced and what applies to foster care in our county/state:
- Termination of parental rights can happen either voluntarily (they sign) or involuntarily (they don't sign). Involuntary TPR looks bad on the parent's record.
- In the case with Augie, neither parent wanted to sign...understandably. They wanted him. BUT they were not compliant with the changes they needed to make in their lives. Our social worker filed for the termination hearing (for involuntary) It was scheduled for Feb 28th. After she finished her reports (a lengthy process from what I understand) - they signed, right before the termination hearing. This made her reports unnecessary to the case as well as extended the process for us.
- After a parent signs, they have 30 days to revoke, or change their minds. After the 30 day period, a confirmation of consent hearing is scheduled. After that hearing there is an an additional 30 day waiting period. If you are thinking what I am thinking....So, what does that mean? Can they change their minds after the confirmation hearing?? I don't think so, but I am not exactly sure what that second waiting period is for.
I was told by our last adoption worker that she has never seen a case passed to the adoption unit where the child then went back to live with his/her parents. This does not account for relatives showing up during this period, however.
- After the termination hearings are all said and done and after the 30 day waiting period, THEN you can file petitions to adopt. With Augie TPR was all said and done in May and we adopted him in July.
Reading other foster blogs, I have learned that cases seem to be handled so differently from place to place.
I have learned to love that my county does a great deal of research up front to identify a possible kinship resource. In both the case of Augie and Catie, we had to wait out/overcome the biological aunt that wanted them. The benefit of this process is that is largely handled upfront, rather than on the back end. For example, we knew about the aunts in both cases and still choose to accept the placements. If our kinship research department was not strong (or that was not a priority) these women could have popped up later and unexpectedly, causing a great deal of fear, delays or worse.
And back to Catie. We had our first visit with the adoption social worker. She is young and the young ones tend to fill the space more with words that potentially get your hopes up. I learned this after many hours of sitting with our last, very experienced adoption worker said very little and just enjoyed the coffee and kids. Our new caseworker is in the process of scheduling TPR. I believe they try to terminate on the same day. Although one signed and one unsigned...so not sure how this happens (they are two different types of hearings). If mom comes forward and signs again...stick another 30 day wait in here anywhere.
Social worker hopes to possibly schedule tpr hearing by the end of the year. She said to keep in mind everyone is vacationing around this time for the holidays, so it may not happen before 2012. BUT, if it does...we could potentially have an adoption by February!! OKAY...let me just inject a bit of realism here....I have learned to never believe timelines from young social workers (mrs. experience rarely offered a timeline). BUT it is sure easy to run with that idea in one's head!
Catie is JUST.ON.THE.CUSP of crawling. Maybe this week? She gets on all fours and does that adorable wiggle all the time. I love her! Thanks to Veggie Tales playing frequently in our home, I am often singing Catie Manateee.... you are the one for me....sent from up above...you are the one I love (one I love).
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
they signed
Today I brought Baby Love in for her normally scheduled visit with bio parents. When I waked in, they walked out (did not see me). I saw my social worker and asked "what is going on?!" She mouthed "they signed."
WHAT???
I was blindsided. I know dad has talked about it...or I should say has threatened it. I had no idea mom was on the cusp as well. It may not be until December that everything goes through (not quite sure why...waiting on a court date??) but if we get through the next 30 days, we will be well on our way to a second adoption.
Mom and Dad were very uncooperative, refusing to even provide pictures of themselves or BL's half-sibs for BL in the future. It breaks my heart for her. All I can do is look at my sweet sweet girl and love her and pray over her.
I remember the day Augie's parent's signed. It was as if he was a little more mine that day. We were prepared for the long transition into becoming BL's parents. Suddenly...she is much closer to being ours. I called Paul and said "we have to start thinking of a name!"
This case is so tough. How will I explain to her why Augie has visits with his bios while she does not? How will I fill this void in her life? In the words of a friend...I am going to begin to pray out the spirit of rejection.
Given the circumstances and the parents attitudes...I just keep thinking...how incredibly miraculous it is that she is here. I have done my share of sidewalk counseling and her parents could have very easily made the choice to abort her. For the fact they choose life, I will be eternally grateful. I pray for them and I pray that somehow they realize that they just did an amazing thing.
WHAT???
I was blindsided. I know dad has talked about it...or I should say has threatened it. I had no idea mom was on the cusp as well. It may not be until December that everything goes through (not quite sure why...waiting on a court date??) but if we get through the next 30 days, we will be well on our way to a second adoption.
Mom and Dad were very uncooperative, refusing to even provide pictures of themselves or BL's half-sibs for BL in the future. It breaks my heart for her. All I can do is look at my sweet sweet girl and love her and pray over her.
I remember the day Augie's parent's signed. It was as if he was a little more mine that day. We were prepared for the long transition into becoming BL's parents. Suddenly...she is much closer to being ours. I called Paul and said "we have to start thinking of a name!"
This case is so tough. How will I explain to her why Augie has visits with his bios while she does not? How will I fill this void in her life? In the words of a friend...I am going to begin to pray out the spirit of rejection.
Given the circumstances and the parents attitudes...I just keep thinking...how incredibly miraculous it is that she is here. I have done my share of sidewalk counseling and her parents could have very easily made the choice to abort her. For the fact they choose life, I will be eternally grateful. I pray for them and I pray that somehow they realize that they just did an amazing thing.
Monday, May 09, 2011
49 hours to go!
Pray us through!! I am busy counting down the hours until the end of the 30 day appeal period following the April 11th confirmation of consent hearing (termination of parental rights). I have been guessing and second guessing every communication with bio mom in the hopes that she will hold tight and continue to trust us with raising the son she birthed. Please pray for her. Please pray for Augie's dad.
After that...I am hoping that everyone working for us will be working at the speed we want them to go! It is difficult when dates and time frames are in busy people's hands. We are ready to make this thing official!
After that...I am hoping that everyone working for us will be working at the speed we want them to go! It is difficult when dates and time frames are in busy people's hands. We are ready to make this thing official!
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Unplugged for Lent
Just an FYI to blog readers, I am closing shop for lent. I will be doing the same for facebook and to the best of my ability, for email.
Since we don't expect to have any news on the adoption front, I don't suppose I will have much to share. Update on that topic, April 22nd is our "new Feb 28th" - meaning TPR will not happen until then, because they signed.
I will be praying for my prayer buddy and all others I have promised to pray. I may use Sunday exception and in limited doses.
I will post again before then, but just a week until warning.
Since we don't expect to have any news on the adoption front, I don't suppose I will have much to share. Update on that topic, April 22nd is our "new Feb 28th" - meaning TPR will not happen until then, because they signed.
I will be praying for my prayer buddy and all others I have promised to pray. I may use Sunday exception and in limited doses.
I will post again before then, but just a week until warning.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
They Signed
What this means is 2/28 for TPR is no more. Instead we wait 30 days and our social worker will schedule a "Confirmation of Consent" hearing. After that hearing, we wait another 30 days. So....our 35 days until termination just got extended to 60 days.
So...I need to find a longer novena. :) I will post more about the day when I have processed it. Thank you to everyone who has prayed!
Selfishly, it is bittersweet. But, it is best. I should be rejoicing. I am exhausted. Augie is currently at his closing visit. It lasts until 6pm. He is meeting (seeing) his big half sister for the first time since he has been with us. I am looking forward to meeting her too.
So...I need to find a longer novena. :) I will post more about the day when I have processed it. Thank you to everyone who has prayed!
Selfishly, it is bittersweet. But, it is best. I should be rejoicing. I am exhausted. Augie is currently at his closing visit. It lasts until 6pm. He is meeting (seeing) his big half sister for the first time since he has been with us. I am looking forward to meeting her too.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Acceptance
Thanks be to God. It sounds like bio mom (and dad) have come to a point of acceptance. I believe they are realizing that we are the ones who will be raising their son.
The meeting finally happened this morning. Mom cried. I cried. I did my best to reassure her how deeply we love her son and that he will not be our "adopted son" - just our son, as natural as H is our daughter. We spoke about contact after termination. Her greatest fear is there would be none. I assured her that I understand the importance for her to get updates and see he is happy and loved, and for him to have the opportunity to know how much he is loved by them. We discussed the possibilities of emails or contact via texting/pixing.
I explained that I understand this is different than if she was giving him up for adoption, looked through profiles and choose us to raise her son. I asked how she felt about it being us that has him. She expressed the desire to know more about us, to meet my husband, to know who we are. She suggested a meeting without kids to get to know each other. I left with the resolve to try to accommodate this and make something of a couple/family profile so she can feel comfortable with us.
It was an awkward...but uber important meeting. She said that she will go to the termination and if the judge ask, state she is in agreement. We are making plans for the closing visit in two weeks.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS! They are working on their hearts. Please keep them coming!
The meeting finally happened this morning. Mom cried. I cried. I did my best to reassure her how deeply we love her son and that he will not be our "adopted son" - just our son, as natural as H is our daughter. We spoke about contact after termination. Her greatest fear is there would be none. I assured her that I understand the importance for her to get updates and see he is happy and loved, and for him to have the opportunity to know how much he is loved by them. We discussed the possibilities of emails or contact via texting/pixing.
I explained that I understand this is different than if she was giving him up for adoption, looked through profiles and choose us to raise her son. I asked how she felt about it being us that has him. She expressed the desire to know more about us, to meet my husband, to know who we are. She suggested a meeting without kids to get to know each other. I left with the resolve to try to accommodate this and make something of a couple/family profile so she can feel comfortable with us.
It was an awkward...but uber important meeting. She said that she will go to the termination and if the judge ask, state she is in agreement. We are making plans for the closing visit in two weeks.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS! They are working on their hearts. Please keep them coming!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Friday 11am EST
Visits have been rescheduled and THE meeting (bio mom, myself and sw) is tomorrow 11am EST. I have been anxious about this for over a week. Since it became inevitable it would be canceled yesterday and things were no longer running on MY time line, I have had more peace. GOD is in control!!
So, please continue to pray for SBR's parents and the possible tough conversation we will be having tomorrow about SBR's future. God give me the grace to be "positively vague" as suggested by a friend.
So, please continue to pray for SBR's parents and the possible tough conversation we will be having tomorrow about SBR's future. God give me the grace to be "positively vague" as suggested by a friend.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Snow & Important Meetings :(
Snow is not a good thing for anxious foster mamas. I had an important meeting today, canceled due to weather. Of course it was snow that also delayed SBR from coming to our house for almost a week last year.
The meeting was scheduled for 10:30 EST and I was going to post to ask for prayers. Bio-mom received a letter from bio-dad and asked to set up a meeting with Social Worker and myself to talk. My first thought was that she was going to sign (her rights). My understanding is that if both parents sign before 1/28 then TPR will happen 2/28, as scheduled. If they sign after 1/28, TPR is delayed until 30 days after they sign. I guess I shouldn't stress because SW tells me it is better if they sign.
I guess if they sign I would not fear the 30 days after TPR as much and could potentially save 6-12 months of waiting. For that I would be grateful.
So it was bio-mom who canceled the meeting and said "I don't want to risk his safety." I AM grateful for the way his bio-parents love him. Please pray for SBR's bio-parents as they contemplate this huge decision.
The meeting was scheduled for 10:30 EST and I was going to post to ask for prayers. Bio-mom received a letter from bio-dad and asked to set up a meeting with Social Worker and myself to talk. My first thought was that she was going to sign (her rights). My understanding is that if both parents sign before 1/28 then TPR will happen 2/28, as scheduled. If they sign after 1/28, TPR is delayed until 30 days after they sign. I guess I shouldn't stress because SW tells me it is better if they sign.
I guess if they sign I would not fear the 30 days after TPR as much and could potentially save 6-12 months of waiting. For that I would be grateful.
So it was bio-mom who canceled the meeting and said "I don't want to risk his safety." I AM grateful for the way his bio-parents love him. Please pray for SBR's bio-parents as they contemplate this huge decision.
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
on the topic of name change
A few weeks back, Paul and I simultaneously poured over an internet site for hours one day and came up with a list of potential names. It looked like TPR might happen by the end of the year and we wanted to have our name picked out by then.So we set up a picture of our foster son and set out to decide. We crossed off names from each others lists and ranked our names. We came up with a top 20, then scaled back to top 12.
We have recently narrowed it down to one. We have decided on the first and middle name we would like to give this little boy, should he become ours. Meanwhile, TPR was pushed back to the end of Feb. :(
With our daughter, we had decided to wait to find out gender and announce her name upon her birth. It is sometimes easier to not have well meaning feedback from family.
This is so different. Now that we have a name chosen, I am getting the itch. I get to look at this beautiful little happy face every day. I get to hold, snuggle, sing him lullabies to sleep. I am his mama and I want to call him by name. Well, not only that...I kind of want to tell everyone.
We chatted today and Paul feels it is too soon. I understand his reasons. As he is not yet ours, he would rather hold off until there is more certainty. I have not conceded entirely. For now, I will simply share the name with our sweet boy in his lullaby. For you...well, you will have to keep praying for us. And you will know soon enough.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
the long gestation
A few years back a friend was telling me about her plans to adopt from Guatemala. She showed me a photograph of her dossier (international adoption application) and referred to it as her ultrasound picture. Not long after that, they got their referral and in less than a year, brought their son home.
Adoptions involve a long gestation.
I found out today that the court date for termination of parental rights (TPR) is Feb 28th. Somewhere along the line Paul and I got the false notion that we could potentially adopt by the end of the year. I had my heart set on that. As we discovered reality...most foster adoptions in our county don't happen before 13 months after the child has been in care. That is a fast adoption in the foster world.
We had court on Tuesday. No surprises, everything went as planned. We were told that we could possibly have a court date for TPR set by the end of the year. Okay, expectations in check. Hope reset for TPR by the end of the year. Today, I am given the date of TPR on 2/28. Reset again. 30 days after TPR, the appeal time frame, with no appeals we can file petitions for adoption. So...3/28. And then, how long? (Oh, and for the record, as of now, neither parent is signing. So we are looking at 2/28 for involuntary termination.)
I was also informed that because of the circumstances, that the baby has a potential family adoptive resource, our case may have to go before the judge to determine who should be the adoptive family. Hmmph. I have confidence that we have a strong case. But, hmmph. Normally the social worker said it is pretty straightforward to recommend the foster parents are the adoptive resource. Something about new kinship laws, etc etc. So this part confused me, baby's social worker said that if she can get away with it, with her supervisor's permission, she will write a letter to the aunt stating she is no longer being considered as a resource. I will dance the happy dance if that happens.
It is difficult to keep straight all the details and scenarios. I mentioned this to the social worker. She advised me to love the baby and she will do the rest.
So....I sit here and "gestate". Four months to TPR. Our plan is to wait until that happens before changing baby's name. We still have to pick one. I can't exactly do much nesting. I am too busy pulling miscellaneous items out of baby's mouth and doing the diaper, feed, nap, diaper, feed, nap, diaper, feed, sleep routine. All things considered, it is a pretty good thing that I have this munchkin to keep me occupied during this time period.
Do I eagerly trade the certainty of a foreign adoption for having the baby in my arms? Ummm...the jury is still out on that.
I am not exactly sure when a foster gestation starts, but I am going to go with date of placement with us. March 1. Thinking forward, a 13 month "gestation" until adoption is not likely. I will keep praying it won't be much longer than that. And I will really be praying this is not an elephant gestation (22 month process), at this point, I will settle for giraffe (15 months).
Adoptions involve a long gestation.
I found out today that the court date for termination of parental rights (TPR) is Feb 28th. Somewhere along the line Paul and I got the false notion that we could potentially adopt by the end of the year. I had my heart set on that. As we discovered reality...most foster adoptions in our county don't happen before 13 months after the child has been in care. That is a fast adoption in the foster world.
We had court on Tuesday. No surprises, everything went as planned. We were told that we could possibly have a court date for TPR set by the end of the year. Okay, expectations in check. Hope reset for TPR by the end of the year. Today, I am given the date of TPR on 2/28. Reset again. 30 days after TPR, the appeal time frame, with no appeals we can file petitions for adoption. So...3/28. And then, how long? (Oh, and for the record, as of now, neither parent is signing. So we are looking at 2/28 for involuntary termination.)
I was also informed that because of the circumstances, that the baby has a potential family adoptive resource, our case may have to go before the judge to determine who should be the adoptive family. Hmmph. I have confidence that we have a strong case. But, hmmph. Normally the social worker said it is pretty straightforward to recommend the foster parents are the adoptive resource. Something about new kinship laws, etc etc. So this part confused me, baby's social worker said that if she can get away with it, with her supervisor's permission, she will write a letter to the aunt stating she is no longer being considered as a resource. I will dance the happy dance if that happens.
It is difficult to keep straight all the details and scenarios. I mentioned this to the social worker. She advised me to love the baby and she will do the rest.
So....I sit here and "gestate". Four months to TPR. Our plan is to wait until that happens before changing baby's name. We still have to pick one. I can't exactly do much nesting. I am too busy pulling miscellaneous items out of baby's mouth and doing the diaper, feed, nap, diaper, feed, nap, diaper, feed, sleep routine. All things considered, it is a pretty good thing that I have this munchkin to keep me occupied during this time period.
Do I eagerly trade the certainty of a foreign adoption for having the baby in my arms? Ummm...the jury is still out on that.
I am not exactly sure when a foster gestation starts, but I am going to go with date of placement with us. March 1. Thinking forward, a 13 month "gestation" until adoption is not likely. I will keep praying it won't be much longer than that. And I will really be praying this is not an elephant gestation (22 month process), at this point, I will settle for giraffe (15 months).
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Quick Court Update
Another review hearing behind us. No surprises (thanks to God). Next review hearing March 22nd. We are also hoping for a TPR hearing (termination of parental rights) before that.
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
Quick Foster Update
counting down the days to court....13 to go.
I found out today that after court, our visits will go to every other week. Good for us. Less visits for parents mean we are getting closer to termination of parental rights (TPR).
SBR's mom said that she would not sign TPR unless the baby goes to paternal aunt. The social worker told me that we will move forward with plans for involuntary termination. Again, good for us, the county is not putting much stock in paternal aunt. She hopes to get a court date on the schedule by the end of the year.
There are, of course, a zillion possibilities (there always have been). When we get through court, I will breathe.
Quick baby update: SBR is so sweet! He is almost 10 months and a wonderful chunk of love. He spent the week charming Paul's parents, who met him for the first time. He loves to explore, loves to eat bugs and leaves (which I try to prevent) and he is starting to stand on his own. I think he is anxious to be on two feet to ward off the dog and big sister.
I found out today that after court, our visits will go to every other week. Good for us. Less visits for parents mean we are getting closer to termination of parental rights (TPR).
SBR's mom said that she would not sign TPR unless the baby goes to paternal aunt. The social worker told me that we will move forward with plans for involuntary termination. Again, good for us, the county is not putting much stock in paternal aunt. She hopes to get a court date on the schedule by the end of the year.
There are, of course, a zillion possibilities (there always have been). When we get through court, I will breathe.
Quick baby update: SBR is so sweet! He is almost 10 months and a wonderful chunk of love. He spent the week charming Paul's parents, who met him for the first time. He loves to explore, loves to eat bugs and leaves (which I try to prevent) and he is starting to stand on his own. I think he is anxious to be on two feet to ward off the dog and big sister.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Passing the Case
I mentioned before, our case (for our foster son) is being passed to the adoption unit. We have known about this for awhile and knew that Sep 1st, the 6th month mark, since having "SBR" was a big one for us.
This Wednesday, before dropping SBR off for his weekly visit, his parents were informed the case was passing. I realize there were probably discussions to the same effect with them...but I know the news was very difficult. Though I am not able to share details of the case, mom and dad are both in the picture. As far as biological parents go, in the foster care system, I am told they are up there in terms of being nice/easy to deal with people. I have long grappled with the feeling of taking their baby away and just feeling bad for them. At which point I remind myself the court/county took their baby away and we are the nice family caring for him.
Fostering is such a unique experience. It is not like what I imagine dealing with adoptive biological parents would be like. These are parents who have not decided to give up their child. Yet I have him.
I really have no idea what will happen. When a petition (for termination of parental rights) lands on their door step, will they consider signing, or will they fight? They have not "fought" so far (by making life changes), which is why the case is passing.
Today we went to the park for a picnic. SBR slept in my Ergo carrier while H played. We are feeling more and more like a family of four. I am feeling more and more like a mom of children. Two kids is so much more challenging than one. Our life feels "full" right now. We try not to focus on the outcome, nor do we speak of it much. I am not sure where in the process we are (6 more months before we know, 12? longer?). But I am content. I am content being a mommy to two. I am blessed to have a blessed distraction from every period that arrives and the sting of infertility.
A while ago we turned away an adoption opportunity. Something feel into our laps and we half considered it...then fully considered it. My husband said yes. The decision was left up to me. At that time (and still now) I could not fathom being able to care for another child, yet. God has a plan. I do not know it. But, being content with where we are is all the confirmation we need that fostering is where we are called right now.
This Wednesday, before dropping SBR off for his weekly visit, his parents were informed the case was passing. I realize there were probably discussions to the same effect with them...but I know the news was very difficult. Though I am not able to share details of the case, mom and dad are both in the picture. As far as biological parents go, in the foster care system, I am told they are up there in terms of being nice/easy to deal with people. I have long grappled with the feeling of taking their baby away and just feeling bad for them. At which point I remind myself the court/county took their baby away and we are the nice family caring for him.
Fostering is such a unique experience. It is not like what I imagine dealing with adoptive biological parents would be like. These are parents who have not decided to give up their child. Yet I have him.
I really have no idea what will happen. When a petition (for termination of parental rights) lands on their door step, will they consider signing, or will they fight? They have not "fought" so far (by making life changes), which is why the case is passing.
Today we went to the park for a picnic. SBR slept in my Ergo carrier while H played. We are feeling more and more like a family of four. I am feeling more and more like a mom of children. Two kids is so much more challenging than one. Our life feels "full" right now. We try not to focus on the outcome, nor do we speak of it much. I am not sure where in the process we are (6 more months before we know, 12? longer?). But I am content. I am content being a mommy to two. I am blessed to have a blessed distraction from every period that arrives and the sting of infertility.
A while ago we turned away an adoption opportunity. Something feel into our laps and we half considered it...then fully considered it. My husband said yes. The decision was left up to me. At that time (and still now) I could not fathom being able to care for another child, yet. God has a plan. I do not know it. But, being content with where we are is all the confirmation we need that fostering is where we are called right now.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
On Fostering
It has been almost two months since we began fostering. If you ask me now my response is "what a gift!" We love this little boy. We love being mamma and papa and H proudly declares every day "I'm a BIG sister." God has given us the gift and responsibility to care for this precious little boy. His smiles and sweet talk are all that we need to know he is where he needs to be right now.
I have decided that it is to my advantage to be the one to drop him off for his weekly parent visits. Seeing them and their interactions is a tremendous help in keeping perspective on my role as foster parent. "The goal of fostering is reunification, the goal of fostering is reunification, the goal of fostering is reunification..."
At the same time I have his social worker keeping me posted about the status of things. It is pretty much the same report "his parents have a long way to go." From where we stand now we are looking at 8 months before the county would start discussion on termination of rights. This is actually shorter than our original time line of 15 months after placement. The social workers keep things in check for me. They are like the translators. I say "I heard blah blah blah" and they translate back "the reality is blah blah blah."
The reality is he will be here for a good bit of his first year. Two months in...I think I could send him home and know I did a good thing. Ask me the same question in 8 months....I don't know.
I have also met so many foster families who have grown their families though fostering. The county allows up to 6 children in a home at one time and so many foster families are "generous with children." Big hearts equal big families in the foster world. I met a woman in the elevator the other day with a 15 month old whom she is adopting and a BRAND newborn that was just placed with them. Another foster mom I see regularly is in the process of adopting her fourth.
From the financial side...this is amazing. I always always struggled with the question "why do I have to have 10, 20, 30K in the bank to become a parent?" When we talked about growing our family, we were committed to not incurring debt in the process. And...miraculously, we managed to become debt free not long after H was born. When the question is "why do I have to have so much $$$ in the bank to become a parent" - the answer is FOSTER! We receive a stipend for mileage for visits & doctor appointments, a daily stipend, clothing stipend (at placement). He is on medical assistance (state health care) and receives WIC to cover the cost of formula.
Fostering IS difficult. But it IS rewarding. I foresee us being foster parents for a while and pray this is the way God will allow us to grow the family we have always longed for.
For now, this is a complete blessing in our lives. I have a smiling baby in the swing next to me so excited to be awake at 9:30pm. Watching him grow, giving him kisses and snuggles, watching my daughter read him books and teach him to pray...we are blessed to be parents to this sweet sweet baby.
I have decided that it is to my advantage to be the one to drop him off for his weekly parent visits. Seeing them and their interactions is a tremendous help in keeping perspective on my role as foster parent. "The goal of fostering is reunification, the goal of fostering is reunification, the goal of fostering is reunification..."
At the same time I have his social worker keeping me posted about the status of things. It is pretty much the same report "his parents have a long way to go." From where we stand now we are looking at 8 months before the county would start discussion on termination of rights. This is actually shorter than our original time line of 15 months after placement. The social workers keep things in check for me. They are like the translators. I say "I heard blah blah blah" and they translate back "the reality is blah blah blah."
The reality is he will be here for a good bit of his first year. Two months in...I think I could send him home and know I did a good thing. Ask me the same question in 8 months....I don't know.
I have also met so many foster families who have grown their families though fostering. The county allows up to 6 children in a home at one time and so many foster families are "generous with children." Big hearts equal big families in the foster world. I met a woman in the elevator the other day with a 15 month old whom she is adopting and a BRAND newborn that was just placed with them. Another foster mom I see regularly is in the process of adopting her fourth.
From the financial side...this is amazing. I always always struggled with the question "why do I have to have 10, 20, 30K in the bank to become a parent?" When we talked about growing our family, we were committed to not incurring debt in the process. And...miraculously, we managed to become debt free not long after H was born. When the question is "why do I have to have so much $$$ in the bank to become a parent" - the answer is FOSTER! We receive a stipend for mileage for visits & doctor appointments, a daily stipend, clothing stipend (at placement). He is on medical assistance (state health care) and receives WIC to cover the cost of formula.
Fostering IS difficult. But it IS rewarding. I foresee us being foster parents for a while and pray this is the way God will allow us to grow the family we have always longed for.
For now, this is a complete blessing in our lives. I have a smiling baby in the swing next to me so excited to be awake at 9:30pm. Watching him grow, giving him kisses and snuggles, watching my daughter read him books and teach him to pray...we are blessed to be parents to this sweet sweet baby.
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