Our 3rd Rodeo!

The Lord has his ways of moving us in directions we didn't quite anticipate.

14 years married.  Two miraculous conceptions.  Two miraculous adoptions.  Our lives were quite full with four kids,  but we had room in our heart for one more. 

In December when one door closed, the foster care door opened.  I was fine to take it nice and slow.  We wrapped up training are were recertified in May.  We were presented with a case that made my soul uneasy.  I declined.

After a quiet few months, we checked in with our social worker.  We received a call about an emergency placement,  but we were on vacation.   We came home and were told to be on standby. 

And then we got the call.  Tuesday at 4:30, while my brother in law prepared our dining room table to be an altar for a home Mass.  A 3 month old and a 20 month old, would we be a back up if a kinship family fell through?  

I fought through my insecurities, confessed them to my husband...he said he believed in me...in us.  After Mass we said yes..but it looked like thry would be going with a kinship foster family.   Then, at 6.30pm,  while having dinner and preparing for an interview on local TV (about foster care & adoption) we got the call asking if we could get them.

After our interview,  at 9pm we took the boys into our care. 

And just like that we have 6 kids under 9.  I don't know how long these sweet souls will be under our roof.  The goal is they will be returned to the care of a parent.  But, with this, our 3rd rodeo, we know that bio parents have a long road ahead.  If they can't climb this mountain, we hope to be there for the boys.  But, we are rooting for them, praying for the boys, praying for the best possible outcome for all involved. 

7QT: foster care adoptions

Instead of the traditional quick takes this week, the topic of fostering has been on my heart. So I am blogging...and adding numbers.  :)

-1-

I LOVE talking about foster care adoptions.  It is always an adrenaline rush when I get to share with others that you do not actually have to have 20k banked to afford adoption.  Also, it seems unfair, but we had zero wait for either of our placements.   In our county there are lots of kids that need homes.  I am grateful to be the mama that gets to provide that safe forever home for my two little ones.

-2-

Scrolling through waiting children lists is so challenging.  27,000 kids age out of foster care every year without a forever family.  And then there are sibling sets. I wish that I had the courage in our childless years to jump full throttle into a sibling set. 

-3-

Last year Catie's teenage half-sibling entered into foster care.  A home was found for her before we even knew of her situation.  We have begun visits with T & her foster mom.  Her foster mom is a 32 year old single teacher that was a mentor for T.  I am so impressed that this woman stepped up to the challenge of parenting a teenager.  They are such a unique and perfect fit.  

-4-

Check out one of my favorite foster adoption resources for Myths & Realities of Foster Care.  

-5-

I tried to reorganize my blog a bit.  On the top I have a new page on the topic of Open Adoptions.  On my side bar I added a few labels on the topic to make searching easier.  

-6-

I totally get how hard it is for people to wrap their brains around fostering.  But knowing how many kids are out there waiting, I would encourage would be foster parents to do whatever it takes to break into the world of foster care and start meeting these kids.  In our adoption & foster care journeys we were open to just about everything except a drug addicted child.  Now I can not imagine my life without the gift of my sweet Catie.  Meeting foster kids in person gives you even more courage to say yes. 

-7-

Resources are available!  I listed a great one, The Dave Thomas Foundation.  I would also love to help anyone with questions as they consider navigating down this road. 

foster care: why i lament, but still promote

"He could be your perfect disaster but you could be his ever after!"

I read this quote from Foster2Forever and it struck a chord, especially in light of my Quick Take #4.  Two days before I lamented about bonding, I was telling someone I was going to pray for them to consider foster care.

A blog is essentially a public journal.  While I may be very open about my feelings and the challenges, please don't mistake that for lack of gratitude.  I can not for one second imagine my life without each of my blessings.

Parenting is hard as hell.  Some of what I am trying to accomplish in therapy is the transition from the romantic ideas of what kind of parent I thought I would be to becoming the parent God is challenging me to become.  That idea and the "ideal" (ie romanticized notions) are no where near the reality.  This has to be true for every parent...even if their life looks perfect on a blog.

But the thing is, parenting has nothing to do with how pretty your house looks or how perfect your crafts/snacks/parties are.  That type of parenting is rooted in pride & self love.  That type of parent says it is all about how I look.  I am learning the parent God wants me to be is the one who says it is not about me, it is all about God.  Help me decrease so He may increase.  I embrace the fact that my house is a mess.  God you have lent me these children, your children, help me be the kind of mother that desires their holiness above all else.  Above all images of perfection, above desiring to be the perfect mother, above my unworthiness....let me focus on them...and what it takes to get them to heaven.  That is all I seek.

I feel that I type this out every year, but here goes again.

When we were struggling with infertility, and treatment after treatment did not bring about a positive pregnancy test...all I knew was adoption was so darn expensive.  Why did I have to have 10 or 20K to become a mother?  And when I became a foster mom, I learned that foster care is essentially the American Orphanage.  Except, to adopt from this orphanage costs not a cent.  There is no foreign travel, there are no dossiers, no weeks away from your family, no fundraisers, home equity loans or financial set backs.  This orphanage is fully funded by an in debt government.  And for whatever it is worth...well, I can see why the government is so freakishly in debt...this is a viable option for many couples.  But many of those couples...most of those couples...are too afraid to try.

What if we didn't try?

I can not, not for one second, imagine my life without these two most incredible beautiful gifts.  As much as I lament the chaos, I would not trade it for the world.  These two beautiful kids were meant just for me.

I can not imagine my life without the gift of knowing them and the privilege of raising them.  Augie can light up a room like no one else.  He is truly a  crowd magnet  as I watched tonight at a party.  Seriously everyone loves this kid. Catie is spunky like no one's business and I get to see her overcome her challenges every day.  If I sit back and think about her, I am sure I could come up with a very long list of how she inspires me.  

I am so eternally grateful that we signed up to be foster parents and didn't look back.  

Psalm 27:10 "Even if my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will take me in."

Matthew 18:5 "And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me."

To spiritually consider adoption, to wrap your brain around rescuing an orphan, is to see how you have decreased and He has increased in you.  Adoption is truly so supernatural.  Adoption is truly allowing God control of your life and to offer what you have to His child that is most in need.  I get so caught up in wiping bums, that I forget to consider finding joy in the mundane.  I forget that I am like Mother Theresa on the streets of Calcutta with my own poor & needy.  Insight is everything.  

With such a beautiful new pope who cares so deeply about the poor...I pray that his leadership allows you to consider how you can help the poor.  Adoption....adoption through foster care....is certainly answering that call. 

It is not about me, it is all about you.  Lord Jesus, take control.  

i could never do that

As a foster parent, I hear these words all the time "I could never do that!"  When we were first considering adoption and learned about foster care, we did not choose it as an option.  The uncertainty was scary.  What kind of child would we get?  Would we have to give them up?  We couldn't do it.  We didn't risk it.  But God led us back.

In a discussion with a pro-choice woman on facebook, I was challenged "what have I done about all the unwanted children?"  Telling her I was a foster parent shut her up pretty quickly.  From the perspective of a pro-choice woman, there are thousands of unwanted children in our world and abortion is helping solve that problem.

I am always struck and saddened by the negativity towards adoption.  Most profoundly by women facing an unplanned pregnancy.  I heard it on the MTV show "Sixteen & Pregnant."  I heard it in a discussion with a post-abortive teenager.  I have heard it when counseling women outside of abortion clinics.  "I could never give my baby up for adoption."  WHY do they feel this is the worst thing they could do to that child?

 I am so grateful for adoption!  It has forever changed my life and the life of my children.

Thank you Grace in My Heart for directing me to watch this:



The same women who have stated they could never give up their baby for adoption have most surely at one point in their lives said "I could never have an abortion,"  And then, they are faced with the unimaginable.  A dark dark place with no hope.  And then, in that cloudy, dark, scary place...they decide they have to have an abortion.

So what has happened to our world that in that dark time abortion is the only way out?

I can not even begin to imagine what a woman goes through when she decides to place her baby for adoption.  I can not imagine what she faces when she goes home, without a child in her arms.  I can not imagine her fears and insecurities.  I can not imagine the pain and despair.

And for each woman that makes this choice, there is another woman, another family that is eternally grateful for her.  EVERY child is a wanted child.  How can we get this message out?

Start here.  Read this.
"Adoption is an act of love, mercy, justice and infinite possibilities. It transforms not only the life of the child, but families, communities, and in some cases…the world."

Watch this.


There are no unwanted children.

There are no unwanted children.

There are no unwanted children.

Meanwhile....while we continue to pray for an end to abortion...while we continue to pray for women to have the courage to choose life...please remember there are children in foster care.  There are kids who have not yet found their families.  And there is a great need for foster parents.  And if you are open to a child....another child...You can.  You totally can.  Just ask me how.

overcoming anger {day 25} on adoption

So today I want to share a question purposed by the priest in confession two weeks ago.  When he asked, I recoiled.  I did not want to blog about it because I was embarrassed he would even ask such a thing. 

The question: "Are you angry with God for giving you a child with issues?"  "Do you think that if that child was biological, they would have been perfect?" 

When this was asked, nothing about the statement struck me as truth. 
1. I did not feel angry at God.
2. (recited to myself) "I love all my children and there is no difference between them!"

Rosie, my 5 year old biological daughter, has excelled through her developmental milestones.  She is  the greatest joy and a beautiful, incredible miracle. 

Augie is approaching 3.  Catie is approaching 2.  Both are adopted from foster care.  Augie has speech delays, oral stimulation issues, chiari 1 malformation and possibly something else.  He was clinically diagnosed with Williams Syndrome and we are still trying to figure out if he actually has this genetic condition.  Catie was born drug addicted.  She has struggled with feeding issues, feeding tubes, gross motor development, temperament and now eye issues. 

Augie & Catie both receive early intervention (speech, ot, pt) and have been highly involved with doctors and specialists their entire little lives. 

Am I angry with God for giving me a child with issues?

This is a heavy question.  I love all my children desperately and I do not want to live my life without a single one of them. 

Do I feel the same towards my biological child as I do towards my adopted children?

Heavier question. 

I have spent a good amount of time wrestling with the facts.  I did not get to nurse or co sleep with my adopted children.  As a result we turned to cry it out, because I could not comfort them in the same way I naturally comforted my daughter.  Was there early bonding differences?  Absolutely.  Bonding with a foster child takes time.  It is often an arduous process while you are wondering if you can let your heart go there. 

We have an open relationship with Augie's parents.  I hear from her regularly.  My heart is constantly wrestling with the fact that there is another mother out there.  Another father who loves him.  He is mine.  But not quite entirely. 

I am sure I will be dealing with this with Catie before long. 

God has chosen me to be mama to these two special people.  I am so thankful.  I can not imagine a quiet life without them.  I am SO SO SO grateful Rosie gets to be a big sister.  She is an incredible big sister. 

I can not answer the question, but it challenges my heart. 

Adoption would not exist without sin. 

To some degree or another this is all about dealing with the sucky brokenness of our world.  I wish my children were not broken.  I wish my children were all biologically mine. 

Our God is a God of Redemption.  Out of the ashes we rise.  He has given me an incredible mission.  To redeem my children*.  That is my purpose.

* Theologically....I know it is God that is redeeming them.  But when I look up the definition of redemption, it is beautiful.  I am rescuing them and I am claiming them.  I am giving them to God to do the rest.

~~~~~~~~
miracle alert: Yesterday I was talking about PMS knocking on my door. Today my period arrived. What??? Woah?? This evening I asked my husband, "did you notice my pms?" "No." And I am certain my children did not notice. For me, this is huge!

a blog post SO worth sharing

TIME magazine chatters, THIS BLOG is a must read. "I don’t much care if you breastfed your kid until they started kindergarten, or if you fed them formula from day one....When it comes to issues of motherhood, there is one issue I care about: some kids don’t have one."

And now...go search some photo lists yourself:

it's official

and forever!

the challenges of open adoption

I was asked to guest post next week on Foster2Forever about the benefits of open adoption.  I am not usually at a loss for words, but it has been a challenging post to compose.  I firmly believe in the benefits of open adoption.  The ironic part is we are in the middle of a challenging situation that will impact Catie's life.

Back in the summer we went through a court battle with bio-aunt and bio-uncle who were fighting for Catie to be theirs.  It was a very unique set of circumstances.  Ultimately, the county did not feel it was in her best interest.  Their lawyer essentially represented us (as county foster parents) to keep her.  I was asked to testify in front of biological parents and relatives about how we love Catie, how she reacts negatively following visits with the aunt and how she is thriving in our routine.  The judge made it very clear how important she felt the family connection was.  She had me stand up in the back of the court room and asked what I saw could work to allow Catie to maintain a relationship with her Aunt and Uncle.  I stated that I had once a month visits in mind.  The judge seemed to accept this and challenged the Aunt to accept this (who was clearly emotionally upset from the decision that Catie would not be theirs).  No visitation was ordered, essentially leaving degree of contact in our hands.

Since that time we have scheduled a once a month visit with the Aunt & Uncle.  I talk to the aunt on the phone.  It is a very brief conversation.  I drop Catie at the door (where the uncle picks her up).  The Uncle returns her to my house three hours later.  In 6 months, I have not physically seen the Aunt.

I asked to set up a breakfast meeting with the Aunt & Uncle.  Primary motivation, we don't know them.  They have not extended themselves to us or attempted to form a relationship with us.  Secondary motivation, to put the ball in their court for scheduling visits.

That breakfast meeting was this morning.

Bottom line, I do not feel comfortable with Catie having unsupervised visits in their home.  There are other members of the household whom I do not trust to be unsupervised with my daughter.  I KNOW that if I offer park visits, offer to come with Catie to supervise, etc etc, it is going to upset the aunt, who specifically wants unsupervised visits in her home.

But.  She is our daughter.  It is our job to protect her and keep her from harm.  I know that this will likely be the last we see or hear from the aunt (who after this morning still believes we are okay with monthly unsupervised visits).

We are taking this to prayer.  Truly seeking God's will.  Please pray with us for this situation.

the invites are waiting to go out

This weekend we took a photographer with us to the museum to get some family pictures and some Catie pictures.  I was so excited I ordered invitations the same night as well as two family canvas pictures (it was bogo at easycanvasprints). 

Augie & Catie were a bit miserable, so I am really blessed we got some good ones.  Our favorite one, we were tying to keep the babies from screaming and were just throwing sticks in the stream.  Our photographer got us from across the stream.  I wrote the post and am dying to share that one!  A few more weeks and you can see our full family picture.

Six weeks, to be exact.  Six weeks until the adoption, baptism, party and pictures!

we have a date!

God has sent his love to me in a big way today.  *tearing as I write*

In addition to the most.beautiful.day.ever...today I received an adoption date!!  April 25th Catie will become officially and forever ours!!  (and then I can share pictures :)

27 hours...

Thankfully I have been busy.  So busy, in fact that the last two weeks have flown by.  Now, suddenly I am about 27 hours away from end end of the FWW (four week wait).  Pretty soon we can file petitions to adopt!  I am so thankful we have had a much swifter process with Catie.  All the adoption drama with her case happened right up front (check out the archives for May-Aug 2011). 

We are looking at an April or May adoption.  Her baptism date is scheduled and a park pavilion is booked for the par-tay. 

I don't have to look back too far to remember when parenthood seemed impossible.  I have learned so much in the last few years.  Literally, every tear led us to this place of readiness to be "showered in babies."  I am in awe of God and blessed to see His plan for our family being revealed.

Last night I hosted "Living Out Lent" at our parish.  We had 22 tables and about 160 women.  It was beautiful.  As this is my third time as host and emcee of this event, I figured it was time I introduce myself properly to these women.  I put up a picture of my kids.  I explained that someone had stopped me and stated they did not know I was pregnant when I hosted the first event.  I laughed.  To an outsider, I am a woman who keeps having babies....but never seems to be pregnant.  Well...once (thanks be to God).  So I explained that my kiddos are coming to me by way of foster care adoptions.  The response was a lovely round of a applause.  AMDG. 

court

We had a review hearing today.  It was the biggest wait for the least dramatic 2 minutes of my life. 

The last week has been insanely crazy:
Tuesday Feb 14- Foster Care home re-evaluation by our social worker.  We stink at homestudies these days.  I will just say our 5th home study is SO different than our first. This is the picture - messy rooms (forgot she had to look in them), plugging the outlets as we walked by them, locking the cabinets as we walked by them, oh yeah...I forgot we happen to have electrical wires hanging from our downstairs ceiling at the moment, I printed out our escape chart as she waited...the kicker, I had to send my BIL to the store to buy another smoke detector (during the home visit!).

Wed Feb 15 - Closing visit with bio mom...see previous post for details on that one (big kids at sitters)

Thursday Feb 16 - Social worker visit (by Catie's social worker).  Later our adoption social worker came over to have us sign papers and pick up what she needs for our adoption home study, PLUS, OT for Catie.

Monday Feb 17th - Creighton appointment - (kids at sitters)

Tuesday Feb 18th - Creighton appointment, followed by court (big kids at sitters).  We arrived at 3pm.  We sat in the waiting room until 4.45pm.  Evidently you NEVER want to have court scheduled for the day after a holiday.  We waiting downstairs another 10 minutes before we went into the "makeshift court room" for literally 2 minutes.  The master said "you're still here?  You didn't have to stay for this."  Um, yeah.  Wish someone would have told me that a few hours ago.

Tomorrow is Mass followed by a family visit with bio-aunt, followed by OT.  And then, I think we can breathe for a few days. 

I will say...for the record - sitting in the waiting room of CYS for an extended period of time is gut wrenching.  I got involved with two other families and their CYS drama.  One sibling group of four.  The mom came back from court and sat in the room in tears hugging all her kids as foster mom explained that mom is sad because they can not go home yet.  Second was a sibling group of five, split among three foster families.  Parental rights were terminated.  No resource available to take all five.

For so long we waited for a child.  We prayed, we begged God.  I was unsure if I would ever be so blessed.  Now, I am so blessed to be a mom.  And I see SO many kids who need a family.  Sitting in the waiting room is so different than browsing photo listings on your state website.  I know families that want kids and I see kids that need families.  And I can't do much more than pray they find each other somehow.

a closing visit

Feb 15, 2012.  Catie had her final visit this morning with her birth mom. 

Last year's closing visit happened on Feb 23 (for Augie...I am just amazed at how time lines collide).

~~~~~~~~~~~

We got up this morning and I packed her bags, her food, a change of clothes...the usual.  I also included a letter to her birth parents.  I wanted to assure them of our love for Catie and update them on her developments.  I told them that we pray for them nightly.  At the close of the letter, I extended an invitation for further contact.  I stated that I would love to send them updates and maintain some form of contact through the years.

{backstory: they signed TPR back in September.  They walked out of CYS refusing to provide any photos of themselves and stating they did not want further contact.  A few weeks later mom "unsigned".  TPR happened in Court Jan 30th.  Dad's termination was voluntary, Mom's termination was involuntary.  Since unsigning mom has refused all opportunity for visits.  I was glad to hear she agreed to be a part of a closing visit.}

Catie's first foster mom had the opportunity to supervise the visit.  She also offered to bring her in to the visit for me.  She picked her up and it was a pretty quiet morning. Rosie was missing her daddy so we called to see if he could come home for an early lunch.

After lunch we went to Target.  I wanted to get a small gift for her mom.  I had a photo printed to 5x7, purchased a pretty frame and planned to give it to her and promise to keep it filled through the years. 

I made arrangements to have my kids at a sitter so I could pick up Catie from the visit and attempt to say thank you to mom.  This can be tricky in the foster world because they are not giving up their child willingly.

On my drive there I was planning what I would say, how the exchange might go.  I was 15 minutes from CYS and cars started to slow, then came to a dead halt.  Traffic on the bypass is never a good thing.  There is no way out.  I sent foster mom a text that I was stuck in traffic and may be late.  It turned out there was a bad accident and all traffic was being diverted off the highway.  I was so stuck, all I could do is clutch my rosary and start to pray.  I was praying for Catie's birthmom and another birth mom that is in my prayers right now.

Thirty minutes later, the texts started coming back "how much longer"; "can we meet outside" and then "they had to leave."  Birth mom was there with her teenage daughter, whom I have never met.  I missed the opportunity to say goodbye.

When I finally arrived they were long gone.  I dropped off the picture to my social worker to be mailed to birth mom.  I collected Catie, I went back to the sitters, picked up my kids and came home.

There was a reason I was not there.  Only God knows.  I am told it was a wonderful visit.  Birth mom read my letter and sobbed.  She clearly accepted the fact that she could not care for Catie and she was where she needed to be.  Hearing all this I breathed a sigh of relief.  She has come to terms with the adoption, praise God.  I am hopeful the rest of our FWW (four week wait to TPR) will be uneventful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Look for  my guest blog tomorrow on Foster2Forever.  I am honored to be invited to be a regular part of a guest column on her blog.

termination of parental rights

TPR happened today (in court).  I have not gotten a report so I assume all went as scheduled.  I hope.

And so...we wait.  30 days.  At the end of that period, we can petition to adopt Catie.  This little girl that has stolen our hearts.  The little one who now calls me "mommie".  The little one who seemed to find me and made her way to the center of my heart the moment I saw her.  Catie who became a part of our family before she was even placed in our home.  This precious little child that I truly believe was meant to be a part of our lives. 

You are the sister Rosie prayed for.  The one who made Augie a big brother.  The one who challenges us in so many ways and then reels us right back in with that smile.  We can't wait to make you officially ours. 

To the Mother of Only One Child

This article by Simcha Fisher is spreading across facebook like wildfire.  It is very clear women relate so well. 

There are so many ways you can go with reflections on this.  The world of infertility, secondary infertility, why some women feel they can't handle more than one child.  I will just file it under "reasons to consider becoming a foster parent."

The other morning my husband and I sat at the table and enjoyed coffee while we watched our children playing together in the kitchen.  Siblings are a tremendous gift.  Without foster care, our daughter would still be an only child.  Now she has a little brother (aka her groom and her prince) and a little sister (aka the other princess or her little baby). 

Being a mom is hard.  In so many ways, being a mom to one is harder. 

a lesson in feeding tubes

Tomorrow 'Catie' will be having surgery at 7.30am to close her feeding tube opening.  Surgery is rarely necessary...but she needs it.  Pray for her!


On the occasion of officially being done with the tubes (wahoo!) I thought I would take a moment to educate others on what exactly we dealt with (she dealt with) in the tube department.

Catie was in NICU for the first four months of her life.  I am not certain when exactly the feeding tube was placed, but I believe it was closer to the end of her stay.  Due to her drug addiction she was not feeding well and subsequently classified as failure to thrive. 

When I first met Catie, she had a GJ Tube.  It was a long tube, dangling from her body that had three ports.  One for the balloon (which is blown up inside her stomach to keep the tube in place), one for her G (gastric or stomach) port and one for the J (Jejunum) port.  No one is quite sure why the doctors felt Catie needed the additional J port, rather than just a stomach port, but the assumption is that babies are less likely to deal with reflux from medications when they are sent down the J port.  Catie and her WONDERFUL first foster mom worked hard together to wean from tube feeding to where she was taking in enough calories by mouth. 

What her GJ Tube looked like from the outside

It was surgically inserted into her Stomach and Jejunum

We did pretty well with the JG tube.  We normally dressed her in a onesie so she or our other kids could not pull it.  By the time she entered our care, she was eating exclusively by mouth and no longer receiving any meds.  Our responsibilities included daily care of the tube (flushing it with tap water) and care of her stoma (cleaning her opening as it was quite leaky and irritated).  So, despite the non use of the tube, doctors wanted to keep it in until fears of her weight gain issues had passed.  The JG tube remained in...until the wonderful day when she was not wearing a onesie and I picked her up out of the exersaucer.  Suddenly I was soaked.  I thought she had a messy diaper and I looked down and 'aaaagggghhhhh'.  I had pulled out her tube.  A trip to our local ER and they placed a temporary catheter to hold the stoma open.  A week later and a trip to the children's hospital further away, and Catie was downgraded to MicKey G tube.  If she needed to have the J portion reinserted, it would have had to be done surgically by scope.  Fortunately, the Mic Key tube insertion was a quick process in the doctors office.  I learned how to insert it, in the event it was pulled out. 

The Mic Key tube was SO much nicer.  So, as before, responsibilities were flushing the tube, cleaning the stoma. checking the balloon fluid level and on occasion, removing the tube to check for leaks or replacing it. 

Catie had the Mic Key tube up until December, when I begged her doctor to get rid of it altogether.  There is no way in haities I was going to mess up her progress and put food in that thing.  No set backs here buddy!  Her weight gain was still slow, but consistent with her growth, so he agreed.  Removal was simple.  I got home that night and took it out.  I put a gauze on top and put her to bed.  Instructions were if it had not closed in 48 hours I may have to come back and get a stitch. 

Well...something got lost in doctor lingo.  After three days I discovered a small leak.  For the last several weeks I have lovingly referred to her site as her blow hole.  I have had to keep it covered and tomorrow it will finally be surgically closed.  Not quite 'just a stitch' but a simple procedure supposedly.

So...hopefully you have enjoyed your brief lesson on feeding tubes.  As I have never fed through a feeding tube, I can't be of too much help.  We have some fancy equipment in our garage and I have learned words such as bolus, that never really applied to us.  BUT, if you ever encounter a child with a tube, Be Not Afraid! 

the miracle of conception

Before I send anyone into a state of shock, this is not an announcement on my behalf.  This is a post that has been in my head a few days now.

October will mark 10 years married for my husband and I.  Not once in this time frame have we attempted to avoid or prevent conception in any form.  In all those years only one glorious, wonderful day our marital union resulted in conception; 5 years ago...almost to this day.  As we shared our news, it floored our family.   Everyone was waiting for the announcement that we had our first placement from our adoption agency.  It still floors me.

The miracle of conception.  The MIRACLE, the MAGNITUDE was not lost on us.  EACH conception changes the world forever.  In the audio letter from Michelle Duggar to the daughter she recently miscarried, Michelle states " Its an awesome thought to me that you fulfilled your life's purpose in such a short time."  I love that Jubilee was her 21st conceived child and she holds her in such esteem.



Certainly, not every conception happens in the most ideal of circumstances.  As a parent, I FULLY understand the challenges of raising just one child.  For the teenager that conceives out of wedlock, the drug addict that conceives with unknown partner, or even the haggard mother of many children, conceiving may not be perceived as miraculous.  BUT, God has allowed sperm and egg to come together and HE has stamped His image and likeness into an immortal soul.  This incredible, miraculous instant, that some couples may never experience first hand, changes the world forever.

As an adoptive mama, I am blessed by two beautiful miracles, conceived in difficult circumstances.  Although I am not the one who conceived them, I am the one who excitedly dreams about their future and in what ways they may change the world.  Two nights ago I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" for the first time. I recommend it (but you MUST watch from start to finish, no sort of watching).  As a  worn out mother of young children (thank you Jesus), I am not often given the opportunity to reflect on the miracle of my own conception, my own life.  But it is a good thing to do.

Last year I posted a music video by the most inspirational song writer with regards to adoption.  Click the songs tab at the top and you will see that Stephen Curtis Chapman has three of my four posted songs.  If you need a refresher, watch the music video for Meant to Be. If you are having a difficult year, or a difficult holiday season....reflect on these things.  What has the miracle of your conception meant to the world? 

And if you are considering foster care, or adoption...go to CBS and watch "A Home for the Holidays" and consider how you can be a miracle in another life.

Featured at Forever, For Always, No Matter What

Thanks to our lovely Jen for helping me share our story today at Forever, For Always, No Matter What: 
Adopting from Foster Care

And Jen just shared with me the story was picked up by The Foster Care Daily.  Scroll to the bottom of the page. 

growing our family through foster care

In honor of National Adoption Month, Foster 2 Forever is sponsoring a blog hop.


When you google "National Adoption Month" the frist link that pops up is US Dept of Health & Human Services, Child Welfare Gateway.  In the first paragraph you read, it states over 100,000 children are waiting for permanent homes in the foster care system.  At the same time over 7 million women in the US are suffering infertility, or about 1 in 8 couples (resolve website).

As I said before, I wish I could cut through the red tape and start knocking on some of these doors with some of these beautiful kids.

Adoption through foster care is a tremendous blessing, one that I wish more people would take advantage of.  When I just wanted to be a mom, fostering seemed so big and intimidating.  Now, as a foster parent, I realize there is nothing to fear.  Fostering has taught me how to love deeper.  God has blessed me with two beautiful children as a result of stepping out in courage.  Our first adoption "Auggie" was finalized on July 14th.  We are looking forward to our second adoption of "Catie" possibly in the early spring.  Both of these beautiful children came to us as babies.  In the end, the process was far easier than anything we had previously looked into about international adoption.  Not to mention, 20,000 times more affordable.

Consider opening up your hearts and your home to the blessing of a  foster child (or children).  It will change your life (and theirs) forever.  

our case

Following up on an earlier statement, I would just like to clarify when I said mom unsigned.

I was not surprised at the report, nor was I particularly concerned.  Our case is still progressing and overall her parents have done little to nothing to get her back.  Dad's rights are terminated (though I still can't quite figure out how this works exactly in the foster care system...more in second).  Mom has made not attempt to resume visitation.  The social worker will continue to move forward with the termination hearings.

Regarding TPR...this is what I have experienced and what applies to foster care in our county/state:

• Termination of parental rights can happen either voluntarily (they sign) or involuntarily (they don't sign).  Involuntary TPR looks bad on the parent's record.
  
• In the case with Augie, neither parent wanted to sign...understandably.  They wanted him.  BUT they were not compliant with the changes they needed to make in their lives.  Our social worker filed for the termination hearing (for involuntary)  It was scheduled for Feb 28th.  After she finished her reports (a lengthy process from what I understand) - they signed, right before the termination hearing.  This made her reports unnecessary to the case as well as extended the process for us.
    
• After a parent signs, they have 30 days to revoke, or change their minds.  After the 30 day period, a confirmation of consent hearing is scheduled.  After that hearing there is an an additional 30 day waiting period.  If you are thinking what I am thinking....So, what does that mean?  Can they change their minds after the confirmation hearing??  I don't think so, but I am not exactly sure what that second waiting period is for. 

I was told by our last adoption worker that she has never seen a case passed to the adoption unit where the child then went back to live with his/her parents.  This does not account for relatives showing up during this period, however.

• After the termination hearings are all said and done and after the 30 day waiting period, THEN you can file petitions to adopt.  With Augie TPR was all said and done in May and we adopted him in July. 

Reading other foster blogs, I have learned that cases seem to be handled so differently from place to place. 

I have learned to love that my county does a great deal of research up front to identify a possible kinship resource.  In both the case of Augie and Catie, we had to wait out/overcome the biological aunt that wanted them.  The benefit of this process is that is largely handled upfront, rather than on the back end.  For example, we knew about the aunts in both cases and still choose to accept the placements.   If our kinship research department was not strong (or that was not a priority) these women could have popped up later and unexpectedly, causing a great deal of fear, delays or worse. 

And back to Catie.  We had our first visit with the adoption social worker.  She is young and the young ones tend to fill the space more with words that potentially get your hopes up.  I learned this after many hours of sitting with our last, very experienced adoption worker said very little and just enjoyed the coffee and kids.  Our new caseworker is in the process of scheduling TPR.  I believe they try to terminate on the same day.  Although one signed and one unsigned...so not sure how this happens (they are two different types of hearings).  If mom comes forward and signs again...stick another 30 day wait in here anywhere.

Social worker hopes to possibly schedule tpr hearing by the end of the year.  She said to keep in mind everyone is vacationing around this time for the holidays, so it may not happen before 2012.  BUT, if it does...we could potentially have an adoption by February!!  OKAY...let me just inject a bit of realism here....I have learned to never believe timelines from young social workers (mrs. experience rarely offered a timeline).  BUT it is sure easy to run with that idea in one's head! 

Catie is JUST.ON.THE.CUSP of crawling.  Maybe this week?  She gets on all fours and does that adorable wiggle all the time.  I love her!  Thanks to Veggie Tales playing frequently in our home, I am often singing Catie Manateee.... you are the one for me....sent from up above...you are the one I love (one I love).