Quick Take Friday: back to school edition

1. On Tuesday we officially start year 2 of not-homeschooling. I have so many mixed feelings.  This is the blog where I attempt to work my way through those feelings.

2. As I think about things like sending my first born back into the world...and possibly via a big, scary school bus...all my confidences about school are replaced with thoughts about all the worst case scenarios that could happen to my precious 6 year old.  You simply can not protect them from everything.  That is scary.  That requires trust...and prayer.  

3. Today marks one month to go till D-day.  With an almost newborn, a 2 year old and a 3 year old - I am grateful that formal school will give our family a routine that I don't feel I could provide in this busy season of our life.  I do feel peace with our decision.  That decision, however, comes with a great cost. If the expense worth the routine?

4. Rosie is entering full day 5 day kindergarten at our parish school.  Augie is starting 3 year old two day half day pre-k at another church school.  Normally I would not send my 3 year old to school....but, in this case, I believe it will benefit us all in responding to his special needs.  Two private schools equates to adding a car payment to our monthly expenses.  Extra expenses...such as therapy and miscellaneous spending are not in the budget any longer.  I know the pastor uses the mantra you have to sacrifice to send your kids to Catholic school.  Catholic school....

5. Perhaps we are doing it from peer pressure.  The very large majority of our friends send their kids to the parish school.  Perhaps because if not homeschooling, it is the only other option for my husband.  Until recently I was not against public school.  But then....you realize....just how worldly even public elementary schools can become.  And recently, public school fell off my list of possibilities.  And so our options...teach or pay.

6. There are no homeschool co ops that exists within my parish community.  I am sure co ops exist...just none that I am aware of yet.  If I was surrounded by homeschooling families and a network of mentors, that would surely make a difference.  As it is, I am a public schooled mom married to my catholic schooled husband. No experience, no mentors, no homeschooling peer pressure...it is easier to take the path most traveled (here), in the midst of this stressful season.  I have a plethora of moms to help me navigate the parish school.

7. Year by year.  This year, this is the right decision for our family.  Rosie could not be MORE excited and as I snuggled Augie tonight...I started to reflect on what school would mean for him.  Being the middle child/second born...he takes a good amount of grief (not all undeserved ;-).  I had the thought "will I cry when I drop him off?"  A new challenge to my heart.  I am excited for the world before them...it is thrilling to watch the wide open eyes of my children.  Year by year, i will try my best to choose & provide what i feel is best for them.

First day pictures coming soon. 

Linking up with Jen: http://www.conversiondiary.com/2013/08/7-quick-takes-friday-vol-229.html

Quick Take Friday: facebook edition

1. Happy Friday.  My husband found this posted by MonkRock.  It was too fitting not to share.  Evidently Pride & Self Love is an appropriate diagnosis for all of us.  The real question...how many of us are as repulsed by it as God? 

2. What a wonderful week of playdates. I am enjoying the sounds of my daughter and her friend, who, as I type, are on the other side of my computer watching Cinderella and playing princesses.  Rosie dresses up just about every day, as evidenced by the picture of my lovely princess+bride.  Her playing takes me right back to my childhood.  This precious time of her life where she truly believes that she is a princess and is disappointed when others try to tell her she is not.  I love this age.

In other news, she is so super excited about her first wiggly teeth.

3. As the March for Life approaches my posting on facebook reflects my passion and advocacy.  I think this is the time of the year I am most likely to loose "friends" and be hidden by family that are polar opposites.  I am sure everyone has seen this...but posting it here any how.

Mr President. It is time to listen to your words and your nation. Please look out your window on Jan 25th and see ALL of us who march (now for the 40th year) to be a voice for the 4400 children killed in their mother's wombs every day. Newtown certainly was tragic. Abortion is a holocaust happening every day that is ignored for "convenience". Please rethink your hypocrisy and consider the tremendous value of each of these lives.

4.Speaking of facebook....I feel the pull to step away.  I know I will be giving up the Internet (as much as humanly possible) during Lent.  I was honored when a real life friend read my blog and was inspired by my floating screen post & cancelled her facebook.  

Last night I received an email from a friend who felt lead by the Holy Spirit to send me the text of her Pastor's homily.  The message was about finding God in the busy.  It was also about all the distractions that keep us from seeing/seeking God. Facebook was not only in this homily, but in my head.

The kicker was this morning when I finally read this article in the Catholic Register (that has been sitting by our bathroom for several weeks.  It is called "Make the Most of the Time God Gives You".  Before facebook I was plenty busy and found a hundred excuses to not pray or go to Mass.  Now, how much time do I constantly carve out (read: waste) on facebook.  I have resisted stepping back (except for lent) for years.   It is time I do something about this.

5. When I adopted my son, I found and blocked most of his bio family so they hopefully would not find my pictures shared via facebook.  I have not found my daughter's bio family...which concerns me a bit.  Some of them must be on, and unless I am blocking them, they can find me or possibly see my pictures.  It is easy to be complaisant about what I am sharing and what is being shared.  So...to start the process of weaning I will be deleting the extraneous - photo albums and tags.  I will also be deleting my facebook app.  Is there a patron saint against idolatry?

6. Okay, enough about FB (bleh).   We got two big gifts for Christmas.  A Sodastream and a Keurig.  Here are my reviews. I love the Sodastream.  I am a new fan of fizzy water (or bizzy water as Augie calls it).  Flavored fizzy water is much more interesting to my palate.  I have also been having issues with our newly softened water and feeling thirsty (maybe because it is not as enjoyable to drink).  But adding fizz to the water has miraculously resolved that issue. Also, the kids love the bizzy water so any time I can get them drinking more water, score!  Two thumbs up recommendation for the sodastream.

The Keurig, on the other hand.  It is a total luxury to go to someone's house and find a Keurig.  I LOVE being a guest of a Keurig owner.  I do not, however, love being a Keurig owner.  For four reasons.  1. Soft water is water with salt added.  This does not brew well in a Keurig.  However, even with bottled water, it still tastes off to me.  2. The strength of a k-cup stinks.  It is perfect if I was drinking a tea cup worth of coffee.  For the large mug, I would need a double strength k cup.  Have not found these yet.  The best so far is using the EZ cup with our own coffee.  Better strength and budget friendly.  3. The ease and temptation mean we are drinking way more coffee/tea/chai/hot chocolate than we would normally be drinking.  Which means more sugar/caffeine/calories.  And which also means way more.... 4. Expensive!  Initially I tried to justify the expense that by only brewing a cup, there would be no wasted coffee in the pot.  That argument has no legs to stand on.  Holy expensiveness!  In addition to the fact we are drinking more hot beverages my a little math tells me it is cheaper to by a mug of fresh brewed Starbucks.  I was told that if you can score a k-cup for less than $.50 a cup, it is a good deal.  Well...did you know that with your own mug, you can go to Starbucks and get coffee for $.50?  And that is a travel mug...which would actually take two k-cups.  SO, Starbucks store brewed is actually cheaper than a good deal on Folgers or other more generic coffee.

For the gifter who reads my blog (aren't I a terrible woman!)- we are so grateful for the gift and my husband would give you an entirely different review.  I am excited to entertain with it and have had two opportunities this week to show it off and pamper my guests.

7.   Can not wait to finish this room - our office!  It is next on our to do list.  Drywall this weekend.  The before is wretched....but I am all about humility, right?  Well, this isn't a true before.  This is a living-in-the-room-after-demo-before.  As of now my/our vision is as many bookshelves as we can possibly squeeze into the space and wood counter top custom made desk (large desk with two computer stations and a jet out in the middle that will be my client table.  It has been FOREVER since I have had the luxury of seeing clients in my home.  I am looking forward to an office again.  Hopefully before too long...

Quick Takes: The victory is won. He is risen from the dead.

---- 1 ----

What a week.  I spent the morning yesterday among tearful women at prayer group.  For all those who have prayed so faithfully, He has not abandoned you.  

One woman discussed the sin cycles that can be found in the Old Testament.  When people get lax they slip into a state of sin, then desperation, than they cry "help me!" and then God comes and rescues them, they are redeemed, then start to become lax again. 

I don't understand why so many people accept everything that is contrary to the Gospel.  We are in the depths of sin and desperation. Let's keep calling for help!  God IS hearing our prayers. 

---- 2 ----

From Leila, I found the website for The Recovered Catholic.  I loved several of her quotes.  This one is on my heart this morning: 

"If you are a Catholic American citizen and voted for Obama yesterday, do know that you were not morally permitted to do so."  

The fact that the "Catholic" vote went in favor of Obama, sickens me.  I wish those people who were Catholic in name only would stop identifying themselves as Catholic.  For those that are Church goers or identify themselves as "faithful catholics".  God help you.  I am amazed at how many people can sit in the pews and still reject the Gospel outright.  Jesus and his Catholic church stands against abortion.   Against homosexual marriage.  Against attacks on embryonic life and elderly.  If you stand for those, you should not be receiving communion.  Your Amen does not mean "I believe."  We are in need of such a deep purging and deep conversion.  This is my prayer. 

---- 3 ----

This morning Chris Tomlin's song "I will rise" is on my heart.  The lyrics spoke to me.  

Jesus has overcome. 

And the grave is overwhelmed. 

The victory is won. 

He is risen from the dead.

---- 4 ---- 

The year of faith.  

Somewhere in this these two things will play together.  We are asked by our bishops to invite an inactive Catholic back to church.  Please read 10 Ways Catholics Can Live the Year of Faith and prayerfully consider adding a few ideas into your week.  

Also, check out Family Resources from the USCCB website. 

---- 5 ----

I have witnessed several miracles/victories this week through my work as a Fertility Care Practitioner.  I adore the work that I do.  There is nothing more rewarding than to see conversion happen in front of you and to be used by God.  I am honored to sit at the desk that is sometimes on the "front lines" and speak truth, challenge hearts and encourage healing.  

If you have ever considered becoming an FCP, please think about taking the next step and starting the education process.   God will provide the finances.  I can not think of a better more beautiful way to fight against the war on women. 

---- 6 ----

While I am grateful I had the opportunity to vote, my election day was spent with medical professions.  Namely, rushing my daughter to a children's hospital ER.  

I don't know how much I can write because this is where the tears come. 

Moments in parenting that bring you to your knees. 

On Sunday my daughter was under the couch looking for a dumb $3 ring that I told her I would not replace. My husband was sitting on the recliner.  He got up and did not realize she was under him.  On Tuesday she woke up and could not move her neck.  We scheduled an appointment with the chiropractor.  She then referred us to the Children's hospital.  X-Rays and the Cat Scan revealed that she suffered a C2 Cervical Subluxation.  

She is to wear an immobilization collar for 1-8 weeks, or longer.  Surgery may be needed to fuse C1 and C2 together.  

She wears the collar 24 hours a day.  It is not to be removed. It can not get wet.   She misses out on recess, her favorite part of the day.  The hardest thing for Rosie is having question after question of "what happened?"  I told her we should think of a silly story.  She came up with "a tiger jumped on me!"  My father suggested her collar should be gussied up with fake jewels.  I think we shall do that this weekend.  

The hardest thing for me is seeing my husband shattered because he felt like he broke his daughter.  On election night we turned off the tv and prayed together with tears.  Not for our country, but for our family.  For healing.  For no guilt.  

My Beautiful Girl

---- 7 ----

I would be grateful for your prayers for Rosie's healing.  Healing that her ligaments pull her C2 back into proper position quickly.  Prayers that no surgery is required and she will be quickly able to get back to normalcy.  Prayers that there is no permanent damage or future difficulty as a result of this accident.  

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,

that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection,

implored your help or sought your intercession,

was left unaided.

Inspired with this confidence,

I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother;

to you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful.

O Mother of the Word Incarnate,

despise not my petitions,

but in your mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.

overcoming anger {day 25} on adoption

So today I want to share a question purposed by the priest in confession two weeks ago.  When he asked, I recoiled.  I did not want to blog about it because I was embarrassed he would even ask such a thing. 

The question: "Are you angry with God for giving you a child with issues?"  "Do you think that if that child was biological, they would have been perfect?" 

When this was asked, nothing about the statement struck me as truth. 
1. I did not feel angry at God.
2. (recited to myself) "I love all my children and there is no difference between them!"

Rosie, my 5 year old biological daughter, has excelled through her developmental milestones.  She is  the greatest joy and a beautiful, incredible miracle. 

Augie is approaching 3.  Catie is approaching 2.  Both are adopted from foster care.  Augie has speech delays, oral stimulation issues, chiari 1 malformation and possibly something else.  He was clinically diagnosed with Williams Syndrome and we are still trying to figure out if he actually has this genetic condition.  Catie was born drug addicted.  She has struggled with feeding issues, feeding tubes, gross motor development, temperament and now eye issues. 

Augie & Catie both receive early intervention (speech, ot, pt) and have been highly involved with doctors and specialists their entire little lives. 

Am I angry with God for giving me a child with issues?

This is a heavy question.  I love all my children desperately and I do not want to live my life without a single one of them. 

Do I feel the same towards my biological child as I do towards my adopted children?

Heavier question. 

I have spent a good amount of time wrestling with the facts.  I did not get to nurse or co sleep with my adopted children.  As a result we turned to cry it out, because I could not comfort them in the same way I naturally comforted my daughter.  Was there early bonding differences?  Absolutely.  Bonding with a foster child takes time.  It is often an arduous process while you are wondering if you can let your heart go there. 

We have an open relationship with Augie's parents.  I hear from her regularly.  My heart is constantly wrestling with the fact that there is another mother out there.  Another father who loves him.  He is mine.  But not quite entirely. 

I am sure I will be dealing with this with Catie before long. 

God has chosen me to be mama to these two special people.  I am so thankful.  I can not imagine a quiet life without them.  I am SO SO SO grateful Rosie gets to be a big sister.  She is an incredible big sister. 

I can not answer the question, but it challenges my heart. 

Adoption would not exist without sin. 

To some degree or another this is all about dealing with the sucky brokenness of our world.  I wish my children were not broken.  I wish my children were all biologically mine. 

Our God is a God of Redemption.  Out of the ashes we rise.  He has given me an incredible mission.  To redeem my children*.  That is my purpose.

* Theologically....I know it is God that is redeeming them.  But when I look up the definition of redemption, it is beautiful.  I am rescuing them and I am claiming them.  I am giving them to God to do the rest.

~~~~~~~~
miracle alert: Yesterday I was talking about PMS knocking on my door. Today my period arrived. What??? Woah?? This evening I asked my husband, "did you notice my pms?" "No." And I am certain my children did not notice. For me, this is huge!

7 Quick Takes

1.  This has been an exciting and wonderful week.  Rosie turned 5!  It is hard to believe.  I am so grateful that God allowed me to experience pregnancy, childbirth and nursing (only after we had decided  adoption was how we were meant to grow our family).  She is a beuaituful little girl and an amazing big sister.  She loves dress up and fairytales more than anything.  She still winds up in our bed sometimes (last night).  She says goodbye way too many times and is our girl, through and through.   

This was just four hours after her birth center birth, as we prepared to go home. 

This was her 5th birthday breakfast.  Pancakes topped with whip cream and sprinkles.

2. As I sit and write this she is in day two of pre-k.  She is a new 5 in a class of 4 year olds.  She is the big kid and probably the oldest in her class.  It seems that from the day your child turns two, people begin asking when are you sending you son/daughter to school.  It is almost like a parental endurance race to see how long you can hold off (at least if you are a stay at home mom).

3.  Suddenly I have two little kids and no big kid.  Right now Augie is watercoloring next to me, something he has possibly never done before and Catie and I are working on potty training, as she is walking around leaving little puddles.  On Wed (Rosie's first day) I took the babies to the library and the playground.  Maybe not a big deal for a mom of one or two, but something I have never done with just them, and rarely do anymore as a group.  I interupt this blog to say "Yay!  Augie just peed in the potty for the second time in a row."  I will consider this time of just us a gift. 

4. I have a penchant for things free and cheap.  If I see something on the side of the road, I always slow down.  Last week I brought this baby home.  She just needs to be cleaned up (covers were off to be washed) and I am thinking of painting the wood work, though hubby votes no. 

I think it was a pretty nice road side couch. It was nice of the family to send their teenage son to help when they saw me, this crazy momma, pulling out the car seats and (trying to) single handly stuff this thing in my SUV. 

5. Car Shopping.  My husband bought a very used conversion van a few years ago for work.  I hate driving it for so many reasons.  When he purchased it (off craigslist) I did not test drive.  It was his car...but, sometimes spouses have to drive the other's car.  Learning from that experience, I just took a potential next car for a test drive.  His vote is for a minivan.  A minivan is tempting me to do a car swap.  Not sure what will happen next, we have the month to figure out.  My greatest hope is we do this debt free...(which is why...dad if you are reading...we are not shopping dealerships). 

6. Additional changes this week.  I have joined the world of smart phone.  Still getting adjusted.  Still not a huge adovate.  It will be nice for when we are on the road and need to look something up (AND I remember to bring it with me).   Also, my husband started his new job and the hours are such an impovement.  We had our first sunday sunday in ages.  A trip to the zoo followed by a polish festival.  Wonderful. 

7.  Here is the result of Augie's work. 

And here is a preview of something I made for tomorrow's "God's Little Princess" birthday party:

 

Happy Weekend.  Thanks Jen!

first day of pre-k

Yesterday my baby turned 5.  Today she started pre-k.  She walked in holding hands with a group of friends and didn't look back.  No goodbyes, no hugs, just three moms waving and saying "I love you" to our kids' backs. 

She is ready for this chapter.   It was teary for me, but I am ready too.  For today, for this year, she is in the right place.  She is surrounded by the children of my good friends and we are letting them go together.  Rosie, we love you.  We are so proud of you and so excited as you start this new journey!  xoxox love, papa and momma

adventures in mommyhood

What a crazy 48 hours! 

Sunday night I brought Catie to the ER for an infection on her leg.  She had some bug bites from 2 weeks ago that she had been scratching and suddenly she had hard swollen areas on her leg, arm and back.  This was my first ever trip taking a child to the ER.  I guess she managed to get an infection.  She is doing much better thanks to benedryl, antibiotic cream - and she was placed on antibiotics again. 

Oh and I forgot to mention, but Rosie is also being tested for Lymes.  She has abx prescription waiting for her at the pharmacy. 

So...today.  Augie slipped and fell into the bathtub and lacerated his forehead.  Thanks be to God my husband walked in the door 5 minutes later as I was sitting on the floor frantically trying to dial his number.  After a visit to the ped, we waited in the ER for the plastic surgeon...who was stuck in surgery and rescheduled us for 8.30am tomorrow moning.  So, now I sit...with a lacerated child, praying we make it through the night.

I had to bump back Catie's follow up appointment and Augie's speech therapy to accomodate our morning tomorrow with the plastic surgeon.

Thank goodness for a happy boy...who is watching all the "monkey george" he wants tonight.

7 Quick Takes

1.  I have sat down in front of the computer so many times this past month and started a couple of unpublished drafts. 

2. Will this get published?

3. Construction is moving SOOoooooo slow in our house.  But for the first time ever, we are getting estimates to have a fence installed in our back yard.  It is weird and wonderful to think of hiring someone to get something done around here.  A fence will be heavenly. 

4. Augie - does he or doesn't he have Williams Syndrome?  Refresher, clinically diagnosed but the confirmation blood work has come back negative.  Our pediatrician is sending him for an ECG and developmental pediatrician (on the wait list...it takes a year to get in) to be safe. 

5. Catie...is FINALLY WALKING.  You may remember I posted this a month+ ago.  Well...she walked that day.  Now, at 20 months, she has decided it is better to be upright.  Praise the Lord.  I am no longer scrubbing knees (hers and her clothes).  Orthotic ankle braces coming soon. 

6. What are you listening to these days?
Rosie and I are hooked on "Call me Maybe" and "Jungle Drum"

7. One more week of babysitting the 6 year old.  The first half of our summer was good.  The second half, much more challenging.  Rosie and said 6 year old do not get along more often than not any more.  It is a bit challenging on everyone.  Counting down the days until the end of summer, one last/first beach trip and the start of Pre-K.  Yes...we decided to enroll her at our parish school.

 Quick Takes are brought to you by Jen.

Our Week in Pics

The Backyard Setup

This weekend we started a new tradition.  We read about the "Great American Backyard Campout" and decided it would be a good idea to see if our family of five can really actually sleep together in one tent.  My husband and I love camping and it has been a challenge incorporating kids into the mix.  We are going to brave it on an official trip in a few weeks.

All in all it went well.  My biggest complaint is having a non walker (note her PNP prison).  She loves to roam free on hands and knees but will have to suffer confinement while camping.  Complaint #2, Augie does not settle well to sleep and the tent was no exception.  He was bouncing off the canvas walls until about 11pm.  But, we have done our dry run and are looking forward to camping for real soon. 

Cooking over the fire pit

Happy Girl (for these 5 seconds at least)

 Last night we went to one of our favorite places.  It is a local dairy where the kids can feed hoards of goats, donkeys and a plethora of other animals.  My favorite part is the play area and it is so fantastic to be there on a beautiful night during sun set. 

And just for kicks.  Here is a picture of Rosie playing at the same place when she was >2. 

  And, today Catie & Augie joined me to meet up with a beautiful friend, God's Plan is My Joy.  It is always a gift to spend time with a good friend. 

Our little treasures that help us grow holier by the minute.

Boys are gross!

Quick takes v.2

1.  I am on a roll, right?  I try to blog at least weekly.  With Catie's adoption under our belt, there is nothing to report in the fostering or adoption fronts.  While our life is anything but quiet...my blogging mind is at rest a bit.

2. Camping.  I have signed up our family for a camping trip.  The idea of our whole family in one tent is a bit terrifying.   My husband and I have always camped.  We camped at least annually with our daughter.  Last year we camped for the first time with our son (and had Catie in respite care).  So...it should be an adventure.  Stories to follow in July.  Though we plan a practice round on the Great American Backyard Camping Day - Saturday June 23rd. 



3.  Speaking of our backyard.  We are hosting a party.  A outdoor "drive in"movie.  This is the 25th anniversary for The Princess Bride and (almost) 70th anniversary of the drive in movie.  So, we are inviting our freinds to join us on the lawn.  I am so excited!

4. Food.  My tummy is grumbling.  I have been struggling to find the motivation & food to feed our family lately.  I hate grocery shopping.  I hate preparing a meal only to have the kids refuse, complain or worse (spit it all over themselves, the floor, etc).  <---- the event that had me praying "Body of Christ, Save Me!  this week.  If anyone has simple lunch or dinner ideas, sites or pins, share them!  I know the garden harvest will help soon.

5. The Garden. 

Okay.  We have had a garden for years and can never seem to get it right.  Every year is more and more tweaking.  THIS is the year of "let no bird, nor rabit, nor squirel, nor deer feast upon our garden." We have fencing surrounding and have now netted the top.  Hopefully this message goes to the moles and snakes too.  This is our first year letting go of the squares and tilling the ground.  We have invading grass and I have to figure out that.  Next year the change needs to be soil testing and more composting. 

6.  Adoption!  Please join me in praying for a fellow blogger, Grace in My Heart.  They are a super family and any child would be so very lucky to be theirs.  If you know of a potential birth family or adoption opportunity please keep them in mind. 

And, please consider supporting my friends in fundraising for the adoption of a special little girl due in July with Spina Bifida.  Thier story is so incredible (hello God!).  Alison has created an adoption botique "Nestling In: Adopting Love" with beautiful necklaces, so supporting them can be as simple as purchasing a gift for yourself or someone special.   

7. Dance Recital weekend.  As of this weekend I am a dance mom.  I am not entirely sure that I will be embracing this role for long - if you could only have seen some of those little girls at the rehersal shake their little hips, you would know what I mean.  Rosie has promised to not "do her own thing" and to try to be a part of her team.  I had to talk her down when she told me she was going to be the star.  She accepted that she would not be the star, then asked if she could still be a princess.  Yes, Rosie.  You will always be a princess.  <---and yes, I am that mom.

Quick Takes Friday

1. I am joining in the Quick Takes for my first time ever.  I have recently become a huge Jennifer Fulwiler fan (she is the one who began quick takes, for those who have not heard of them before).  Several of her articles are published in One in Christ, the new marriage prep program our diocese offers.  I have been reading them and LOVE her story:
One Woman's Journey from Pro-Choice Atheist to Pro-Life Catholic

2. If you have time for some excellent reading, here are a few other articles from this marriage prep manual that I love:
Contraception and a Woman's Self Image Jennifer Fulwiler
Why my life is better since becoming open to life Jennifer Fulwiler
IVF and the Catholic Couple - Sheila Diamond, really good perspective on embryo adoption 

3. Happy Wedding day to Nick and Sarah!  Nick & Sarah are family in Chicago and this is perhaps one of the first events we have had to decline attending as a direct result of our growing family.  I am still in the adjustment phase of sacrificing wants out of necessity.  Other adjustments - food & laundry.

4. Because we were not traveling, we were able to make some progress on our basement!  It will be wonderful when it is done and I can fully use the space.   But I am so excited about the transition.

Before (WAY before) - this was when we first moved in...not our stuff hanging

After!  Not completely finished or prettied up yet. 

I love it!  We measured the boxes to store toys in canvas boxes.  I can't wait to get them all moved into the space.  My husband won the argument about moving the tv above the fireplace.  It is an adjustment for me and I have to mourn the loss of the picture space, but I think it will be a space saver to have the tv up there.   I did mention before, but anyone interested in the fireplace makeover, we followed these instructions for that part of the remodel. 


5. A play dough Rapunzel and daddy aka Rosie

6. Preparing to become a war widow this weekend.  Not in the sense you may guess.  It's WWII weekend in our town and hubby is taking the big kids tomorrow morning.  For now we get to listen to all the old planes flying in.


7.  FINALLY, Happy 10th Ordination Anniversary to world's best brother in law and priest.  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  We had not known each other too long, but I was privileged to sit in the family section and watch you give your life to the Lord in the most profound and powerful way possible.  We are truly blessed to have you in our family and pray with you through these last 10 years, through good times and bad.  As our family grows, it only means more people to pray for you in the coming years.  We love you and are so proud of you and your priesthood.

"Almighty Father, grant to this servant of yours the dignity of the priesthood.  Renew with him the Spirit of holiness.  As a co-worker with the order of bishops may he be faithful to the ministry that he receives from you, Lord God, and be to others a model of right conduct." - taken from the prayers of consecration of a priest and printed on the back of his ordination card

steeped in motherhood

When I had my daughter after 5 years of infertility, motherhood was sheer bliss.  It was incredible!  I was sleep deprived and it was challenging - but I WAS A MOM!  I had given birth to a precious teeny little angel.  I was the source of comfort, nutrition...love.  I carried her in a sling.  I used beautiful new cloth diapers.  I nursed on demand.  I co-slept.  Attachment parenting to the fullest! 

And then my beautiful, teeny angel became a toddler. 

She was very loud.  She did not love to sleep.  She pulled out all the toilet paper, spilled out all the dog food and wrote all over herself...daily.  At one point she even added a LARGE family portrait to her bedroom wall in marker.  One of her many graffiti art projects.  All the while, she was so precious and, though challenging, we wanted to add to our family more than ever.

 After secondary infertility, we were so blessed to become parents again through foster care. 

Augie came in with a bang.  He was sick.  He took out our whole family for the first month.  As a foster mom the bonding came slowly.  We were not permitted to co-sleep.  Slowly, those not so new cloth diapers were more of an inconvenience when dropping him off for family visits.  My hands were full.  I was content and for the first time ever in my married life, I was not actively seeking to conceive. 

After another year, I had another toddler on my hands.  This one particularly loved to eat dirt.  Also coal, stink bugs and dog food. 

And slowly my desire for motherhood again grew stronger.  I refused to get a family picture because it seemed a spot in our family was missing.  Rosie was praying for a sister.  My heart was open to another child.  And with that, Catie arrived.

Catie can scream like nobody's business.  Same as before, no co sleeping.  By now cloth diapers are lucky to be used as rags once in awhile.  Graffiti is a regular part of our home decor.  And sadly, cry it out is often all we can manage.  By bedtime, i am done. 

With her recent adoption, following Augie's 2011 adoption, my hands and my heart are overflowing.  Six years ago, I would not believe this could possibly be my future.  I am so blessed.  It is helpful for me to take a minute, sit back and see this.

"I know that God won't give me more than I can handle"

And God trusts me quite a bit.  Rosie is 4, Augie is 2, Catie is 1.  All that suffice to say the glow of new motherhood has worn off and I am now fully steeped in motherhood. 

When Augie reached that lovely age of toddler, I felt the strong need to address my PMS.  I added an anti-anxiety med and for awhile that seemed to take the edge off my mood swings.  Well, meds like that add a host of other troubles.  For example, NEVER try to just stop taking them.

After time, that little blue pill wasn't helping.   It was increasingly difficult to respond calmly to a stressful child situation.  One of my New Year's resolutions was to stop spanking.  I am against spanking for so many reasons.  IF (and I don't believe there is) a legitimately good reason for spanking, I was not using those reasons.  I was spanking because I was angry.

Recently I stopped by the Padre Pio Shrine to thank him for interceding and bringing Catie into our family.  I had two kids in the car and really only stopped because I was driving by.  I did not enter a building.  I simply pulled up to this statue, said thank you and touched the stigmata in his statue hand. 

Before my car even got back to the main road, I was sobbing.  Suddenly, the state of my soul was apparent and I had an immense need for confession NOW.  As I continued the drive to see family I was crying an ugly, purgative cry.  Fortunately, I know a few priests and I was blessed to find a confessor and attend adoration...while my family visited with the kids.  Confession is the big opportunity for reset, as my confessor encouraged. 

So now, I am struggling through this.  My greatest hope and prayer is to love my kids with a positive, affirming kind of love.  It has been a good week...but PMS is looming (side note, I am free of the little blue pill (yay!) and working with a NaPro MD on a more natural PMS treatment) I put this out there because I need to.  Accountability?  Prayers?  Yes.  The reality of my parenting is not as beautiful as a blog always seems to indicate.  And so I pray.

Padre Pio, please help!  Help me and all the mothers who struggle to be patient and kind in the midst of stress.  Help us to find the grace necessary to walk away.  Help us to build up our children and not tear them down. 

One of my favorite prayers and the one I am praying for this intention.

The Anima Christi

Soul of Christ, sanctify me
Body of Christ, save me
Blood of Christ, inebriate me
Water from Christ's side, wash me
Passion of Christ, strengthen me
O good Jesus, hear me
Within Thy wounds hide me
Suffer me not to be separated from Thee
From the malicious enemy defend me
In the hour of my death call me
And bid me come unto Thee
That I may praise Thee with Thy saints
and with Thy angels
Forever and ever
Amen

today in pictures

Picking itty bitty flowers for mama

Doing whatever his big sister does...but he sure is cute

Sneak Peak

German Chocolate Cupcakes for our beloved uncle kiki

the most fun a Catholic mother can have...

is to dress her children up as little saints!  Sorry about the pic quality, my camera is dying.  And St Augustine has yet to be captured on film.

St Faustina

THE coolest snack!  St Cookies made by the lovely hostess.

St Therese of Liseux rose sandwiches

St Patrick fruit shamrock with pot of gold