Lest I trick people into thinking foster care is easy, let me take a few minutes to share the reality.
First, mom revoked. Essentially, this means she unsigned. I am not sure if it is just in our state or just a foster care thing, but after signing TPR, parents have 30 days to change their minds. Our social worker discussed this possibility with us. I was prepared for the possibility.
Foster care is hard. Parents are not willingly giving up their children. While there are in fact some completely horrific parents (abusers, for example), most parents love their children and just can not care for them (or care for themselves). Putting myself in baby love's mother's shoes, I can see why she revoked. She has a mother's heart. I imagine most women would suffer deep agony in the process of letting go of their child. Our social worker mentioned one mother she had who signed and revoked three separate times. While our process would be quicker had she not revoked, I am also grateful to see that piece of her "mother's" heart. She is attempting to change herself for the good of her child.
Foster care is hard. You don't want to see parents fail. Being a foster parent is unique; Especially for the pre-adoptive foster parents (those seeking to adopt). While you can not imagine letting go of the child you love, you are also witness to something very sad. In many cases, you are witness to lives falling apart or people struggling who can not overcome their difficulties. I remember with Augie's parents, I almost wanted to adopt them and teach them. There are so many people in place through the system that are attempting to offer help, mentorship, etc. Ultimately, changing is the decision of the parent and in my limited experience, I have yet to witness such a change.
Foster care is hard. Even fostering a newborn, you are fostering a child who was likely neglected in utero. While I can venture to say most foster kids face major challenges (physically, mentally); Here I can only speak for my personal experience. Augie's mom was taking medication that likely zapped her folic acid. As a result, Augie has a minor MINOR form of spina bifida. As a result, I learned the ins and outs of the children's hospital. I was by his side as he went under anesthesia on two separate occasions for two separate MRIs. We had early intervention appointments in our home for a year.
"Catie" (baby love) was born severely drug addicted. As in the most drug addicted baby the hospital had ever witnessed. She was in the hospital for the first four months of her life. She spent the first six months fighting to overcome her forced addiction and still struggles as a result today. She is not a fan of bottles, teething and little kids trying to hold her. When she is upset she makes sure the neighborhood knows it. Overall she is wonderful and I love her desperately. Because of her I have learned the ins and outs of a second children's hospital and we have resumed weekly therapy sessions for early intervention.
Foster care is hard. There is no such thing as predictable. I have said multiple times, the only predictable part of fostering is it is unpredictable. We fell in love with Catie in May. She was not available, then she was available. Then not available, then available. Over and over and over again. Her case was SO back and forth it was ridiculous. She came to live with us officially on August 3rd. At the end of August we had a two hour court session before a week long wait for a verdict. I am grateful that the judge ruled that she should remain with us. After all that, at any time someone else could pop up. Something in the case could drastically change. You have to learn to roll with the punches. I am pretty sure I know the direction this case will go (as with Augie). I truly feel that God wanted her to be a part of our lives. For how long, I don't know...but I am optimistic.
BUT, Foster Care is a Blessing! When I was in the throes of infertility, we were also struggling to get our fiances under control. We had not met Dave Ramsey soon enough and were battling credit card debt, student loans, home equity loan, etc etc etc. I had NO idea how we would ever EVER afford adoption. I remember struggling to wrap my brain around the idea of why I had to have 20k to become a mom. I didn't get foster care then. We were afraid of the unknown. It was all in God's perfect plan for us. Rosie was meant to be our introduction into parenthood. All that prepared us for welcoming Augie and Catie via foster care.
I could go on and on about the blessings. For so many years I longed for a child. I cried for a child. It seemed impossible. On this side, I see so many children. I was in the waiting room at children & youth on Tuesday. I watched as a beautiful little girl (probably about 6) sat nervously with a woman, clearly not mom or foster mom. I watched as a social worker explained she would need to think of who she wanted to live with. "I want to live with my mom" she said. I watched as the social worker explained that "mommy needs to get better and you need to think of what kind of foster family you would like." Previous to that conversation, we were exchanging smiles as she was watching the adorable baby on my lap (everyone watches my adorable baby). After seeing that conversation, I literally wanted to jump up, grab her, hug her and tell her I am a foster mom. I wanted to ask if she wanted to come live with us! Reality got the best of me. Timing is SOOOO not right. I have seen so many beautiful kids and want so much to just love them all.
I wish I could be the one to start pairing these kids up with my hurting friends. I know so many fantastic couples/families. I wish I could just cut through the red tape and start matching. I would not be the one to honor the expectations of what the waiting couples were looking for. Instead, I would be knocking on their door with kid adorable, baby needs a home, the little girl who needs a family to stay with. Becoming a foster mother, I have learned to ask not for what I want but for who needs me the most.
I don't know how but I also trust that God is able to use my experiences to open the door for someone else to try fostering. I was blessed to follow on the coat tails of one friend. I hope others will follow on ours.
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