i could never do that

As a foster parent, I hear these words all the time "I could never do that!"  When we were first considering adoption and learned about foster care, we did not choose it as an option.  The uncertainty was scary.  What kind of child would we get?  Would we have to give them up?  We couldn't do it.  We didn't risk it.  But God led us back.

In a discussion with a pro-choice woman on facebook, I was challenged "what have I done about all the unwanted children?"  Telling her I was a foster parent shut her up pretty quickly.  From the perspective of a pro-choice woman, there are thousands of unwanted children in our world and abortion is helping solve that problem.

I am always struck and saddened by the negativity towards adoption.  Most profoundly by women facing an unplanned pregnancy.  I heard it on the MTV show "Sixteen & Pregnant."  I heard it in a discussion with a post-abortive teenager.  I have heard it when counseling women outside of abortion clinics.  "I could never give my baby up for adoption."  WHY do they feel this is the worst thing they could do to that child?

 I am so grateful for adoption!  It has forever changed my life and the life of my children.

Thank you Grace in My Heart for directing me to watch this:



The same women who have stated they could never give up their baby for adoption have most surely at one point in their lives said "I could never have an abortion,"  And then, they are faced with the unimaginable.  A dark dark place with no hope.  And then, in that cloudy, dark, scary place...they decide they have to have an abortion.

So what has happened to our world that in that dark time abortion is the only way out?

I can not even begin to imagine what a woman goes through when she decides to place her baby for adoption.  I can not imagine what she faces when she goes home, without a child in her arms.  I can not imagine her fears and insecurities.  I can not imagine the pain and despair.

And for each woman that makes this choice, there is another woman, another family that is eternally grateful for her.  EVERY child is a wanted child.  How can we get this message out?

Start here.  Read this.
"Adoption is an act of love, mercy, justice and infinite possibilities. It transforms not only the life of the child, but families, communities, and in some cases…the world."

Watch this.


There are no unwanted children.

There are no unwanted children.

There are no unwanted children.

Meanwhile....while we continue to pray for an end to abortion...while we continue to pray for women to have the courage to choose life...please remember there are children in foster care.  There are kids who have not yet found their families.  And there is a great need for foster parents.  And if you are open to a child....another child...You can.  You totally can.  Just ask me how.

Abby Johnson speaks at Bryan Clinic

God Bless Abby Johnson. Next 40 Days for Life Campaign starts on March 9th!

conversation with a post abortive teen

Last night I had the opportunity to spend a couple hours with a 16 year old girl at my 4hour/week job. Work was slow, we were chatting, and the conversation started to turn personal as she described her upbringing. She has asked me several times in the past about our fostering situation. As she described herself, I began to understand her interest a little better.

She has had a tough life. In the course of the conversation she whispered "and I had an abortion." I was not sure where the conversation was to go and said a quick prayer to the Holy Spirit. She talked a little about the scenario, she was 14, her boyfriend was 19, her father brought her (forced her) to Pla.nn.ed Par.entho.d. I listened, empatheticaly, mad for her at her father and the 19 year old who took advantage of a young girl.

She was confessing this to a stranger. Then I explained my background. After college I worked for an organization that tries to educate people about abortion. I have prayed outside of abortion clinics and talked to girls doing "sidewalk counseling." Her mood shifted and I could tell she was uncomfortable. She said that she was very scared of the protesters outside when she was going in for her abortion. She also said she would consider the possibility of going back and being one of the protesters one day. She harbored anger towards her father who took her for the abortion. She confessed jealously that she has towards other girls at her high school that kept their babies, and one in particular who lives with her boyfriend's family and is spoiled by his mother. In addition to those teens that parenting, my heart broke as she described several other girls whom she knew had an abortion.

When I worked for Priests for Life I was the coordinator of youth outreach. I mostly worked in Church circles. This put a new twist on youth outreach, imagining how great the need to get the pro life message into every school. Making sure every teenage girl knows her real options.

I asked her if she ever considered adoption. No. Her family never said a word about it. My other pet peeve is how very few teen moms every give adoption a thought. Of course they are thinking of themselves (understandable), but how do you get them to think outside of that? She said she could never imagine her flesh and blood being raised as another person's child. Inside my head I am asking the obvious "so you rather kill your child?". I responded that as hard as adoption must be, I can not imagine how hard, the birth parents have to know they did the right thing for their child and a miraculous thing for someone else.

We discussed birth control. She goes to Pla.ned Par.nthood frequently for Depo shots. I discussed some of the risks of Depo (52% increased risk of Breast Cancer) and side effects of the pill...a lawsuit pending on a death from the patch. She was clearly shaken. I said just know that information is out there if you want to look for it. We talked about her fear of becoming pregnant before she leaves home, I talked about CPC and homes for unwed mothers. She felt it was beneath her to live in a "shelter" and I tried to explain these as valid alternatives.

We spoke off and on over the course of our time together. I told her I just want to make sure she knows that I don't judge her. She asks if I think she is a bad person. "No." She said she wonders if she will go to hell. I said "God believes in forgiveness." I ask if she was upset when I told her what I did (pro-life work, sidewalk counseling). She said yes and something about how everyone is entitled to their beliefs, etc. I explained that even though we are in different places, I feel great compassion for her. "I am sorry you had to go through that." I tried to offer her the website for Silent No More, but she declined, worried it would make her feel worse. I said that I just wanted her to know that there are resources available if she ever needed a way to deal with that grief.

She talked about her desire to become pregnant again, praying to God that God would replace her child...that her second chance would literally be the same baby, replaced. I described that I know some women that have had abortions name their child and maybe write the baby a letter. I tried to encourage her to know that fetus, her child, was a little person. "If you can give them that dignity, I may help you a little bit to let go of some of the pain." She said she would consider doing that and explained that she has an ultrasound picture from before the abortion that she treasures.

On my way home I contemplated writing her a letter. If I could describe this girl, she is not a warm fuzzy person. She is calloused, broken, in pain. I want to tell her God loves her. I want to talk to her about forgiveness and healing. She was filling in for someone I work with so I am not sure when I will see her again. I am grateful for her openness. For a profound sharing of stories. I hope she will find some consolation.

Please pray for this sweet, hurting girl. Pray that the Holy Spirit can move her heart. God bless all these suffering souls and help them find peace.

March for Life pictures...as promised