Lest I trick people into thinking foster care is easy, let me take a few minutes to share the reality.
First, mom revoked. Essentially, this means she unsigned. I am not sure if it is just in our state or just a foster care thing, but after signing TPR, parents have 30 days to change their minds. Our social worker discussed this possibility with us. I was prepared for the possibility.
Foster care is hard. Parents are not willingly giving up their children. While there are in fact some completely horrific parents (abusers, for example), most parents love their children and just can not care for them (or care for themselves). Putting myself in baby love's mother's shoes, I can see why she revoked. She has a mother's heart. I imagine most women would suffer deep agony in the process of letting go of their child. Our social worker mentioned one mother she had who signed and revoked three separate times. While our process would be quicker had she not revoked, I am also grateful to see that piece of her "mother's" heart. She is attempting to change herself for the good of her child.
Foster care is hard. You don't want to see parents fail. Being a foster parent is unique; Especially for the pre-adoptive foster parents (those seeking to adopt). While you can not imagine letting go of the child you love, you are also witness to something very sad. In many cases, you are witness to lives falling apart or people struggling who can not overcome their difficulties. I remember with Augie's parents, I almost wanted to adopt them and teach them. There are so many people in place through the system that are attempting to offer help, mentorship, etc. Ultimately, changing is the decision of the parent and in my limited experience, I have yet to witness such a change.
Foster care is hard. Even fostering a newborn, you are fostering a child who was likely neglected in utero. While I can venture to say most foster kids face major challenges (physically, mentally); Here I can only speak for my personal experience. Augie's mom was taking medication that likely zapped her folic acid. As a result, Augie has a minor MINOR form of spina bifida. As a result, I learned the ins and outs of the children's hospital. I was by his side as he went under anesthesia on two separate occasions for two separate MRIs. We had early intervention appointments in our home for a year.
"Catie" (baby love) was born severely drug addicted. As in the most drug addicted baby the hospital had ever witnessed. She was in the hospital for the first four months of her life. She spent the first six months fighting to overcome her forced addiction and still struggles as a result today. She is not a fan of bottles, teething and little kids trying to hold her. When she is upset she makes sure the neighborhood knows it. Overall she is wonderful and I love her desperately. Because of her I have learned the ins and outs of a second children's hospital and we have resumed weekly therapy sessions for early intervention.
Foster care is hard. There is no such thing as predictable. I have said multiple times, the only predictable part of fostering is it is unpredictable. We fell in love with Catie in May. She was not available, then she was available. Then not available, then available. Over and over and over again. Her case was SO back and forth it was ridiculous. She came to live with us officially on August 3rd. At the end of August we had a two hour court session before a week long wait for a verdict. I am grateful that the judge ruled that she should remain with us. After all that, at any time someone else could pop up. Something in the case could drastically change. You have to learn to roll with the punches. I am pretty sure I know the direction this case will go (as with Augie). I truly feel that God wanted her to be a part of our lives. For how long, I don't know...but I am optimistic.
BUT, Foster Care is a Blessing! When I was in the throes of infertility, we were also struggling to get our fiances under control. We had not met Dave Ramsey soon enough and were battling credit card debt, student loans, home equity loan, etc etc etc. I had NO idea how we would ever EVER afford adoption. I remember struggling to wrap my brain around the idea of why I had to have 20k to become a mom. I didn't get foster care then. We were afraid of the unknown. It was all in God's perfect plan for us. Rosie was meant to be our introduction into parenthood. All that prepared us for welcoming Augie and Catie via foster care.
I could go on and on about the blessings. For so many years I longed for a child. I cried for a child. It seemed impossible. On this side, I see so many children. I was in the waiting room at children & youth on Tuesday. I watched as a beautiful little girl (probably about 6) sat nervously with a woman, clearly not mom or foster mom. I watched as a social worker explained she would need to think of who she wanted to live with. "I want to live with my mom" she said. I watched as the social worker explained that "mommy needs to get better and you need to think of what kind of foster family you would like." Previous to that conversation, we were exchanging smiles as she was watching the adorable baby on my lap (everyone watches my adorable baby). After seeing that conversation, I literally wanted to jump up, grab her, hug her and tell her I am a foster mom. I wanted to ask if she wanted to come live with us! Reality got the best of me. Timing is SOOOO not right. I have seen so many beautiful kids and want so much to just love them all.
I wish I could be the one to start pairing these kids up with my hurting friends. I know so many fantastic couples/families. I wish I could just cut through the red tape and start matching. I would not be the one to honor the expectations of what the waiting couples were looking for. Instead, I would be knocking on their door with kid adorable, baby needs a home, the little girl who needs a family to stay with. Becoming a foster mother, I have learned to ask not for what I want but for who needs me the most.
I don't know how but I also trust that God is able to use my experiences to open the door for someone else to try fostering. I was blessed to follow on the coat tails of one friend. I hope others will follow on ours.
Showing posts with label baby love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby love. Show all posts
Friday, October 07, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
they signed
Today I brought Baby Love in for her normally scheduled visit with bio parents. When I waked in, they walked out (did not see me). I saw my social worker and asked "what is going on?!" She mouthed "they signed."
WHAT???
I was blindsided. I know dad has talked about it...or I should say has threatened it. I had no idea mom was on the cusp as well. It may not be until December that everything goes through (not quite sure why...waiting on a court date??) but if we get through the next 30 days, we will be well on our way to a second adoption.
Mom and Dad were very uncooperative, refusing to even provide pictures of themselves or BL's half-sibs for BL in the future. It breaks my heart for her. All I can do is look at my sweet sweet girl and love her and pray over her.
I remember the day Augie's parent's signed. It was as if he was a little more mine that day. We were prepared for the long transition into becoming BL's parents. Suddenly...she is much closer to being ours. I called Paul and said "we have to start thinking of a name!"
This case is so tough. How will I explain to her why Augie has visits with his bios while she does not? How will I fill this void in her life? In the words of a friend...I am going to begin to pray out the spirit of rejection.
Given the circumstances and the parents attitudes...I just keep thinking...how incredibly miraculous it is that she is here. I have done my share of sidewalk counseling and her parents could have very easily made the choice to abort her. For the fact they choose life, I will be eternally grateful. I pray for them and I pray that somehow they realize that they just did an amazing thing.
WHAT???
I was blindsided. I know dad has talked about it...or I should say has threatened it. I had no idea mom was on the cusp as well. It may not be until December that everything goes through (not quite sure why...waiting on a court date??) but if we get through the next 30 days, we will be well on our way to a second adoption.
Mom and Dad were very uncooperative, refusing to even provide pictures of themselves or BL's half-sibs for BL in the future. It breaks my heart for her. All I can do is look at my sweet sweet girl and love her and pray over her.
I remember the day Augie's parent's signed. It was as if he was a little more mine that day. We were prepared for the long transition into becoming BL's parents. Suddenly...she is much closer to being ours. I called Paul and said "we have to start thinking of a name!"
This case is so tough. How will I explain to her why Augie has visits with his bios while she does not? How will I fill this void in her life? In the words of a friend...I am going to begin to pray out the spirit of rejection.
Given the circumstances and the parents attitudes...I just keep thinking...how incredibly miraculous it is that she is here. I have done my share of sidewalk counseling and her parents could have very easily made the choice to abort her. For the fact they choose life, I will be eternally grateful. I pray for them and I pray that somehow they realize that they just did an amazing thing.
Friday, September 09, 2011
more thoughts on open adoption
Fostering to adoption, by it's nature, is significantly more "open" than most adoptions (kinship aside). At least, that has been our experience.
From day one, we know the situation with the family (in other words...we know their dirt). During visits, there is time to see biological family for drop off and pick up. Interaction is hoped for and encouraged.
In our first round of fostering, my relationship with Augie's parents grew and developed over time. While there were uncomfortable moments, we grew to like one another. During TPR, my husband and I took bio mom out for coffee, presented her with a gift and opened up about our family (just enough so she would understand the kind of life her son would have). Since then, I have felt pulled towards a greater level of contact (than our agreed upon twice a year updates, once a year visits). I spoke with her by phone recently, just to say "hello".
In THIS situation, with baby love, it was looking like the judge may mandate visitation. She did not. She did, however, talk at length about Act 101. You can read more about that here. It is essentially a binding agreement about visitation. After multiple discussions during our first adoption, we choose not to sign this as we still want to make decisions we feel are in the best interest of our child (if his parents went off the deep end, for example).
It was very clear from listening to this "pro-bio family" judge, that the tide is turning in the adoption scene. We have been grateful to have the time to allow our hearts to warm to the idea of open adoption. I am grateful for a good relationship with Augie's bios to set the stage. That said. If we are so blessed to keep baby love, I do not see an ongoing relationship with the bio parents going as well. So here, I am grateful that the aunt will remain in the picture for baby love to maintain a connection to her bio family.
To close, I had a play date this morning with another foster mom. I am so sad (for her) that she did not have the same guidance about boundaries as I received. She mentioned it is almost a bio-parent "free for all" and discussed struggling with the impact of visitation on her children. I urged her to set boundaries.
Open adoption and ongoing visitation. It is an issue that we have struggled with from the beginning. What is right for the children? I don't know. But I am glad that the days of adoption secrets are behind us.
From day one, we know the situation with the family (in other words...we know their dirt). During visits, there is time to see biological family for drop off and pick up. Interaction is hoped for and encouraged.
In our first round of fostering, my relationship with Augie's parents grew and developed over time. While there were uncomfortable moments, we grew to like one another. During TPR, my husband and I took bio mom out for coffee, presented her with a gift and opened up about our family (just enough so she would understand the kind of life her son would have). Since then, I have felt pulled towards a greater level of contact (than our agreed upon twice a year updates, once a year visits). I spoke with her by phone recently, just to say "hello".
In THIS situation, with baby love, it was looking like the judge may mandate visitation. She did not. She did, however, talk at length about Act 101. You can read more about that here. It is essentially a binding agreement about visitation. After multiple discussions during our first adoption, we choose not to sign this as we still want to make decisions we feel are in the best interest of our child (if his parents went off the deep end, for example).
It was very clear from listening to this "pro-bio family" judge, that the tide is turning in the adoption scene. We have been grateful to have the time to allow our hearts to warm to the idea of open adoption. I am grateful for a good relationship with Augie's bios to set the stage. That said. If we are so blessed to keep baby love, I do not see an ongoing relationship with the bio parents going as well. So here, I am grateful that the aunt will remain in the picture for baby love to maintain a connection to her bio family.
To close, I had a play date this morning with another foster mom. I am so sad (for her) that she did not have the same guidance about boundaries as I received. She mentioned it is almost a bio-parent "free for all" and discussed struggling with the impact of visitation on her children. I urged her to set boundaries.
Open adoption and ongoing visitation. It is an issue that we have struggled with from the beginning. What is right for the children? I don't know. But I am glad that the days of adoption secrets are behind us.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
and the verdict....
Baby love is staying put!!
I can't believe I haven't updated the blog yet. We got the call as we were driving to our vacay weekend on Thursday. I love that I can update FB from my cell. I haven't figured out how to update the blog this way yet.
The judge entered the verdict. It is in baby loves best interest to stay put with our family. No visitation was mandated.
PRAISE THE LORD!!!
This is such a relief. I have been trying to write a blog on open adoption that shall get published eventually. For now, it is just us and baby love. Literally. The last two weeks of family visits have been cancelled by BL's bio parents.
So, I am looking to the fall and scrambling to make adjustments to be full time mama to 3. I had a tricky evening last night trying to bring the kiddos out in public by myself. Praise God for Augie's guardian angel because I can not keep him safe on my own!
A friend on another forum mentioned "it is raining babies at your house." This phrase is echoing through my head. It indeed feels this way. I am truly truly blessed!
I can't believe I haven't updated the blog yet. We got the call as we were driving to our vacay weekend on Thursday. I love that I can update FB from my cell. I haven't figured out how to update the blog this way yet.
The judge entered the verdict. It is in baby loves best interest to stay put with our family. No visitation was mandated.
PRAISE THE LORD!!!
This is such a relief. I have been trying to write a blog on open adoption that shall get published eventually. For now, it is just us and baby love. Literally. The last two weeks of family visits have been cancelled by BL's bio parents.
So, I am looking to the fall and scrambling to make adjustments to be full time mama to 3. I had a tricky evening last night trying to bring the kiddos out in public by myself. Praise God for Augie's guardian angel because I can not keep him safe on my own!
A friend on another forum mentioned "it is raining babies at your house." This phrase is echoing through my head. It indeed feels this way. I am truly truly blessed!
Friday, August 26, 2011
all i know
All I know is that God has brought us in this little girl's life to fight like hell for her. When I first fell in love with her sweet face and called our social worker, I had no idea what I was signing up for. That said, I would not trade this position for anything. I am happy to fight.
We arrived to the courthouse fifteen minutes early. Our social worker saw us and pulled us aside "we need to talk." "We need to put you on the stand." Well, I am glad we dressed nicely, though I would have traded out my fancy flip flops for a nicer shoe. We were asked to testify about our relationship with her, how much we love her, how we understand her health risks and are willing to be a part of her life long term. After several rounds of testimony, including my own, the judge asked the lawyers to join her out of the court room. Everyone came back in. "Please Rise." The judge explained that she is unable to make the decision today and said she would need a "long while" to mull over this case.
"Mrs BHB" (me) she said (the caseworker leans back and said "stand up"). "When you express your willingness to have an open relationship with the family, what does that look like to you? How often would you have contact?"
Having not thought this through nor discussed with my husband I replied "I could see visitation happening at least monthly, depending on how everything is going."
"And do you see yourselves being involved with them to celebrate holidays and birthdays? What might that look like?"
"Our families are out of state and we often travel for the holidays, but I am willing to have visits around those times or certainly share birthdays."
This judge seriously SERIOUSLY values OPEN family relationships and went on and on and ON about the importance of close contact with the family. I felt that she essentially wanted us to adopt them and them to adopt us. She discussed new laws and how the times are changing and how family relationships are SO important to maintain.
Then she looked at the aunt. This aunt who has basically said she wants all or nothing. She is the caretaker/adoptive mother of this child or she does not want contact. The judge asked her, begged her really, to reconsider. She tried to empathize with the emotional aspect and difficulties of this situation. She said she feels that it would be best for baby love to remain in our care and maintain a close relationship with her aunt. This would be "the best of both worlds."
She explained that she would need time to think and would enter her verdict some time next week. As we all left the court room, you could cut the tension with a knife. I held the door open as the family exited. I saw baby love playing with my husband across the room. The only one who came to say hello to BL was bio-mom. Then the barrage of "family" left to continue conversation with the lawyer. Our social workers made sure we got on the elevator. The doors closed. And that was that.
All in all, I have now offered far more testimony in the case of baby love, then in the case of Augie (where I said maybe 10 emotional words at his adoption hearing).
We continue to wait...and pray.
We arrived to the courthouse fifteen minutes early. Our social worker saw us and pulled us aside "we need to talk." "We need to put you on the stand." Well, I am glad we dressed nicely, though I would have traded out my fancy flip flops for a nicer shoe. We were asked to testify about our relationship with her, how much we love her, how we understand her health risks and are willing to be a part of her life long term. After several rounds of testimony, including my own, the judge asked the lawyers to join her out of the court room. Everyone came back in. "Please Rise." The judge explained that she is unable to make the decision today and said she would need a "long while" to mull over this case.
"Mrs BHB" (me) she said (the caseworker leans back and said "stand up"). "When you express your willingness to have an open relationship with the family, what does that look like to you? How often would you have contact?"
Having not thought this through nor discussed with my husband I replied "I could see visitation happening at least monthly, depending on how everything is going."
"And do you see yourselves being involved with them to celebrate holidays and birthdays? What might that look like?"
"Our families are out of state and we often travel for the holidays, but I am willing to have visits around those times or certainly share birthdays."
This judge seriously SERIOUSLY values OPEN family relationships and went on and on and ON about the importance of close contact with the family. I felt that she essentially wanted us to adopt them and them to adopt us. She discussed new laws and how the times are changing and how family relationships are SO important to maintain.
Then she looked at the aunt. This aunt who has basically said she wants all or nothing. She is the caretaker/adoptive mother of this child or she does not want contact. The judge asked her, begged her really, to reconsider. She tried to empathize with the emotional aspect and difficulties of this situation. She said she feels that it would be best for baby love to remain in our care and maintain a close relationship with her aunt. This would be "the best of both worlds."
She explained that she would need time to think and would enter her verdict some time next week. As we all left the court room, you could cut the tension with a knife. I held the door open as the family exited. I saw baby love playing with my husband across the room. The only one who came to say hello to BL was bio-mom. Then the barrage of "family" left to continue conversation with the lawyer. Our social workers made sure we got on the elevator. The doors closed. And that was that.
All in all, I have now offered far more testimony in the case of baby love, then in the case of Augie (where I said maybe 10 emotional words at his adoption hearing).
We continue to wait...and pray.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
hump day
What a week this is turning out to be. We are scheduled fairly tightly. As a matter of fact, I have about 30 minutes to sit down here before our next appointment, then dinner and off to teach an Into Session tonight.
Quick Update - Monday went well. I took baby love for her doctor's visit and sat in the waiting room with BA (bio aunt) and BU (bio uncle) for enough time to break the ice. While waiting in the doctor's office, I had a chance to bring up Friday, mention that we are praying for God's will and express that we would not hinder a kinship relationship if BL remains with us.
Meanwhile, BL has decided to give up eating all together. I finally realized last night she is teething. Which translates to not sleeping in addition to not eating. Desperate, I actually fed her formula + oatmeal through a syringe last night. Today was mommy helpers, family visit, meet with child profile SW...throw 3 babies in bed and hope they sleep before 4.15pm therapist appointment.
Tomorrow is...what I will just lovingly refer to as "hell day". Thursday's seem to be that way for BL. It is 6 hours of visits where she does not sleep or eat. I get to deal with the repercussions.
And then...well...then there is Friday. Friday August 26th. Court is scheduled in two sessions, late morning and late afternoon (should more time be needed). I am dragging my husband with me for moral and emotional support.
I was reassured by another foster mom who is certain she will remain with us. I wish I could be so positive. Counting down. Two days to go.
Quick Update - Monday went well. I took baby love for her doctor's visit and sat in the waiting room with BA (bio aunt) and BU (bio uncle) for enough time to break the ice. While waiting in the doctor's office, I had a chance to bring up Friday, mention that we are praying for God's will and express that we would not hinder a kinship relationship if BL remains with us.
Meanwhile, BL has decided to give up eating all together. I finally realized last night she is teething. Which translates to not sleeping in addition to not eating. Desperate, I actually fed her formula + oatmeal through a syringe last night. Today was mommy helpers, family visit, meet with child profile SW...throw 3 babies in bed and hope they sleep before 4.15pm therapist appointment.
Tomorrow is...what I will just lovingly refer to as "hell day". Thursday's seem to be that way for BL. It is 6 hours of visits where she does not sleep or eat. I get to deal with the repercussions.
And then...well...then there is Friday. Friday August 26th. Court is scheduled in two sessions, late morning and late afternoon (should more time be needed). I am dragging my husband with me for moral and emotional support.
I was reassured by another foster mom who is certain she will remain with us. I wish I could be so positive. Counting down. Two days to go.
Friday, August 19, 2011
preparing a talk
We have decided to pray for Padre Pio's intercession for the cause of Baby Love. We are praying the same novena he prayed nightly while interceding for those who asked for his prayers. Our fervent prayer is "God's will be done." I love how the bottom of this novena begs prayers from St Joseph, foster father of Jesus.
Today, while cleaning, I got to the bottom of a pile and suddenly, this little prayer book falls to the floor in front of me. My mother picked it up for us last year and I had forgotten all about it. At the same time, I saw a prayer card to St Gianna. Blog followers know she plays a part in this story as well. It is great to know these fantastic saints have our back!
Today is one week until court.
Visit drop offs with Bio Aunt have been a little stressful. We don't have much of a report. I fear she is caught up in an "us against them" mentality. I am sure, if our places were reversed, I would possibly feel the same way. I am contemplating "the talk". It feels a little early to do so. I would love to pour out my heart and tell her how much we love and adore this little girl. But, I know it is better to leave that unsaid this early. I am hoping for the grace and opportunity to reassure her that IF baby love remains with us, we will allow the aunt/niece relationship to continue. I am hoping such reassurance might put our relationship on a better path.
Today, while cleaning, I got to the bottom of a pile and suddenly, this little prayer book falls to the floor in front of me. My mother picked it up for us last year and I had forgotten all about it. At the same time, I saw a prayer card to St Gianna. Blog followers know she plays a part in this story as well. It is great to know these fantastic saints have our back!
Today is one week until court.
Visit drop offs with Bio Aunt have been a little stressful. We don't have much of a report. I fear she is caught up in an "us against them" mentality. I am sure, if our places were reversed, I would possibly feel the same way. I am contemplating "the talk". It feels a little early to do so. I would love to pour out my heart and tell her how much we love and adore this little girl. But, I know it is better to leave that unsaid this early. I am hoping for the grace and opportunity to reassure her that IF baby love remains with us, we will allow the aunt/niece relationship to continue. I am hoping such reassurance might put our relationship on a better path.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
the little girl with four mamas
(and four dads for that matter).
The other day when I was picking up baby love from her visit, her BA (bio aunt) kissed her good bye and said "mama loves you." It was at that moment I realized, this sweet angel girl has four mamas. While it is sweet she is and has been loved on by so many families, enough is enough.
So we have:
#1. Bio Mom and Bio Dad
#2. Bio Aunt and Bio Uncle
#3. Foster Mom and Foster Dad #1 (recently out of her life)
#4. Foster Mom and Foster Dad #2 (us)
Add to that the first several months of her life were in the NICU. I am sure many of those nurses loved on her as if she was theirs.
Oh...and before I forget, Rosie often is petitioning that she BLs mama. This one I will let slide, because I am constantly talking her out of this idea.
This poor sweet girl has had more change in her eight months. In ten days we should know. We are counting down. That means tomorrow is Novena day 1. We continue to pray, God's Will be Done!
The other day when I was picking up baby love from her visit, her BA (bio aunt) kissed her good bye and said "mama loves you." It was at that moment I realized, this sweet angel girl has four mamas. While it is sweet she is and has been loved on by so many families, enough is enough.
So we have:
#1. Bio Mom and Bio Dad
#2. Bio Aunt and Bio Uncle
#4. Foster Mom and Foster Dad #2 (us)
Add to that the first several months of her life were in the NICU. I am sure many of those nurses loved on her as if she was theirs.
Oh...and before I forget, Rosie often is petitioning that she BLs mama. This one I will let slide, because I am constantly talking her out of this idea.
This poor sweet girl has had more change in her eight months. In ten days we should know. We are counting down. That means tomorrow is Novena day 1. We continue to pray, God's Will be Done!
Friday, August 12, 2011
our timelines collide
While we became foster parents, your parents were becoming better acquainted
While we were becoming acquainted with our foster son, you were conceived
While we celebrated Holy Week, you began to grow in your mother's womb
and about the same time, we were presented with an adoption opportunity...but it wasn't right for us...that little girl was meant for friends....as we prayed about her...you were nestling warm in your mother's womb, your tiny beating heart, God knew then we would hold you one day
While our case was transferring to the adoption unit, your mother was entering her third trimester
While we were celebrating a first birthday, you were preparing for birth
the day you were born, we were just steps away at a doctor's appointment
While we were completing our adoption home study, you were fighting with the new world around you
While we were counting the days until Termination of Parental Rights was finalized, you were leaving the hospital for the first time
as our case moved closer to finalization, God drew you closer to us
While I prayed for intercession to St Gianna, you were right around the corner
7 days later I saw your beautiful smile for the first time and fell in love
While I was calling our social worker about you, your foster mom was calling the same social worker about us
While we waiting anxiously for an adoption date, we began learning to care for you
Then we learned that you would be going to live with your relatives...and then we learned you were not
While we were waiting, you continued to find your way back into our home
While we were waiting, your foster sibling got sick and your foster mom needed you to stay with us
When we found out we had an adoption date, we also found out your aunt was going to fight for you
Moments before we were standing outside the court room preparing to adopt our son, I was dropping you off for a visit and meeting your parents for the first time
Moments after we officially became a family of four, I was picking you up and going to our adoption party as a family of five
As we were leaving for vacation, we said goodbye, unsure you would be in our life again
As we were returning from vacation, we were nervously waiting news from the judge...and the verdict
You became our second placement that same day
And now, we wait.
In two weeks we should know if you will remain in our lives a bit longer
While we are waiting, we will pray
"I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience"
"..I will serve you, ...I will worship, ...I will not fail, ...I'll be running the race, even while I wait."
"I am peaceful, though it's not easy, faithfully I will wait"
While we were becoming acquainted with our foster son, you were conceived
While we celebrated Holy Week, you began to grow in your mother's womb
and about the same time, we were presented with an adoption opportunity...but it wasn't right for us...that little girl was meant for friends....as we prayed about her...you were nestling warm in your mother's womb, your tiny beating heart, God knew then we would hold you one day
While our case was transferring to the adoption unit, your mother was entering her third trimester
While we were celebrating a first birthday, you were preparing for birth
the day you were born, we were just steps away at a doctor's appointment
While we were completing our adoption home study, you were fighting with the new world around you
While we were counting the days until Termination of Parental Rights was finalized, you were leaving the hospital for the first time
as our case moved closer to finalization, God drew you closer to us
While I prayed for intercession to St Gianna, you were right around the corner
7 days later I saw your beautiful smile for the first time and fell in love
While I was calling our social worker about you, your foster mom was calling the same social worker about us
While we waiting anxiously for an adoption date, we began learning to care for you
Then we learned that you would be going to live with your relatives...and then we learned you were not
While we were waiting, you continued to find your way back into our home
While we were waiting, your foster sibling got sick and your foster mom needed you to stay with us
When we found out we had an adoption date, we also found out your aunt was going to fight for you
Moments before we were standing outside the court room preparing to adopt our son, I was dropping you off for a visit and meeting your parents for the first time
Moments after we officially became a family of four, I was picking you up and going to our adoption party as a family of five
As we were leaving for vacation, we said goodbye, unsure you would be in our life again
As we were returning from vacation, we were nervously waiting news from the judge...and the verdict
You became our second placement that same day
And now, we wait.
In two weeks we should know if you will remain in our lives a bit longer
While we are waiting, we will pray
"I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience"
"..I will serve you, ...I will worship, ...I will not fail, ...I'll be running the race, even while I wait."
"I am peaceful, though it's not easy, faithfully I will wait"
Saturday, August 06, 2011
exhausted
This is not the first time we have had sweet baby love, but this is the first time it is official. That combined with returning from vacation (including having a wrecked house) plus end/beginning of new cycle. I am exhausted. And SOOOO blessed!
Tonight we brought the family to mass at a retreat center. There was one other well behaved child. Then there were our kids. I felt like a complete mess passing children back and forth and trying to scold our poorly behaved (almost) 4 year old. I was not the picture perfect Catholic mom with pleasant children. I was one of those moms.
I thought I was ready for this. I have to remember that family transition is not easy. Clean clothes and clean house are not my priorities. (I am typing this out as a visual note to myself). As I write I can see that this is really Satan feeding me thoughts of doubt, self pity, lack of parenting skills, etc.
Next week will be my first full week of visit drop off/pick ups. She has a pretty big list of visits. Two four hour visits and two one and a half hour visits. This is more than Blaise had. How on earth foster mom #1 kept up with this is beyond me.
The good news, I honestly think she is the best behaved of my 3. She is such an easy baby. We splurged last week on pictures and a nice baby book (heralding her official entrance to our family).
While I try to speculate the "what if's"; I think it wise just to enjoy our time together. I can't imagine her transferring though I have to be emotionally prepared for that possibility. Three more weeks until our next hurdle (court on 8/26). I take consolation in the knowledge that God has brought her into our lives for a reason. Everything has been miraculously and systematically orchestrated by His hand.
Tonight we brought the family to mass at a retreat center. There was one other well behaved child. Then there were our kids. I felt like a complete mess passing children back and forth and trying to scold our poorly behaved (almost) 4 year old. I was not the picture perfect Catholic mom with pleasant children. I was one of those moms.
I thought I was ready for this. I have to remember that family transition is not easy. Clean clothes and clean house are not my priorities. (I am typing this out as a visual note to myself). As I write I can see that this is really Satan feeding me thoughts of doubt, self pity, lack of parenting skills, etc.
Next week will be my first full week of visit drop off/pick ups. She has a pretty big list of visits. Two four hour visits and two one and a half hour visits. This is more than Blaise had. How on earth foster mom #1 kept up with this is beyond me.
The good news, I honestly think she is the best behaved of my 3. She is such an easy baby. We splurged last week on pictures and a nice baby book (heralding her official entrance to our family).
While I try to speculate the "what if's"; I think it wise just to enjoy our time together. I can't imagine her transferring though I have to be emotionally prepared for that possibility. Three more weeks until our next hurdle (court on 8/26). I take consolation in the knowledge that God has brought her into our lives for a reason. Everything has been miraculously and systematically orchestrated by His hand.
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
and the verdict is...
And, so, before you get your hopes up, the only verdict was that she was to be moved to our home. The verdict regarding the kinship situation was continued to the end of August. Basically, she is still in the picture, for now. One step at a time. One day at a time. I should know more tomorrow.
Thank you to all who have prayed!! Time to adjust our schedule so I can be a full time mamma to three!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things
1st Corinthians 13:7 is the verse echoing in my head today. "(Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
Last month, when we knew baby love's BA (biological aunt) would be fighting for her, we made the decision to continue our relationship with her, no matter the cost. Since then our weekend visits have progressed to week long visits. We have had the joy of having baby love in our home for 15 our of the 31 days this month. At the same time, BA, made the decision to discontinue her visits with BL. A dear friend on an infertility board pointed out that I am the true mother in this case. While humbled and grateful for her words, I am even more grateful to have this baby to love.
She truly is the sweetest thing. A couple things I have learned; she is most content when being held, sleeps best when sleeping next to me (naps included), is content even when she is not meeting her sleep quota. She is adored by all our family. Even Augie, 19 months old, loves to shower her with kisses and love. I also know she (and we) have had enough of this back and forth thing. It is difficult to co-parent when the other parents are in a different house with a different schedule.
August 3rd is court. Today will either be the last day we see her or the last day we have to pass her back to her other foster family. Tomorrow we leave for vacation and will return on the 3rd. We will return to good news or heart breaking news. As I reflected on this point this morning at breakfast, Paul commented that he was grateful to have the opportunity to love her as much as we have.
Please join us in praying that God's will be done for this sweet girl and that August 3rd brings some consistency to her life.
Last month, when we knew baby love's BA (biological aunt) would be fighting for her, we made the decision to continue our relationship with her, no matter the cost. Since then our weekend visits have progressed to week long visits. We have had the joy of having baby love in our home for 15 our of the 31 days this month. At the same time, BA, made the decision to discontinue her visits with BL. A dear friend on an infertility board pointed out that I am the true mother in this case. While humbled and grateful for her words, I am even more grateful to have this baby to love.
She truly is the sweetest thing. A couple things I have learned; she is most content when being held, sleeps best when sleeping next to me (naps included), is content even when she is not meeting her sleep quota. She is adored by all our family. Even Augie, 19 months old, loves to shower her with kisses and love. I also know she (and we) have had enough of this back and forth thing. It is difficult to co-parent when the other parents are in a different house with a different schedule.
August 3rd is court. Today will either be the last day we see her or the last day we have to pass her back to her other foster family. Tomorrow we leave for vacation and will return on the 3rd. We will return to good news or heart breaking news. As I reflected on this point this morning at breakfast, Paul commented that he was grateful to have the opportunity to love her as much as we have.
Please join us in praying that God's will be done for this sweet girl and that August 3rd brings some consistency to her life.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Adopted!!!
It was an amazing day. I cried through the whole 10 minutes of court. We were so blessed to have family and friends supporting us and loving us through every aspect of this process and celebrating with us today.
My dear friend gave us the book "God Found Us You". It was our bedtime story tonight. I completely recommend it to other adopting mamas out there!
Thanks to all for the love and prayers and support through the last 16 plus months!
With love
elisabeth
ps - 20 minutes before our adoption I was dropping off baby love for a visit (first time I have done the drop off). Interesting family, to say the least. It was very amusing to be entering a new chapter with foster situation #2 while literally in the midst of adopting from foster situation #1. stay tuned for details. ;-)
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
it appears that bio aunt wants to fight
At the end of the day I called foster mom (FM). I was dreading that no news is not good news. Apparently social worker (SW) was supposed to call us with the update this morning. Thankfully FM gave me the update. Bio-Aunt (BA) cancelled her visit (not sure why) and told FM she would be hiring an attorney to fight for baby love (BL).
While I am saddened....I trust in God's will for sweet BL.
The county will be petitioning the court (date to be scheduled) over the matter. For the time being, she will continue to reside with FM.
Last night I was stressing out a little bit about how I would do everything this month (Augie's adoption, baptism, hosting a reception, hosting family, etc) with a baby in arms. I am choosing to look at this as a blessing in disguise.
I have yet to discuss details with SW about continuing a relationship with BL over the next month.
Lord, may your will be done!
While I am saddened....I trust in God's will for sweet BL.
The county will be petitioning the court (date to be scheduled) over the matter. For the time being, she will continue to reside with FM.
Last night I was stressing out a little bit about how I would do everything this month (Augie's adoption, baptism, hosting a reception, hosting family, etc) with a baby in arms. I am choosing to look at this as a blessing in disguise.
I have yet to discuss details with SW about continuing a relationship with BL over the next month.
Lord, may your will be done!
Friday, July 01, 2011
baby love's status
Here are the players in our drama:
BL = baby love, the beautiful little 6mo who all this revolves around
SW = social worker for BL
FM = current foster mom (who is our current point of contact)
BA = biological aunt
Monday morning BA was essentially a no-show for her scheduled visit, so that visit was cancelled (good for us). Everything, including important conversation was moved to Thursday. Thursday evening I called FM to check in and got the following report:
The visit happened as scheduled and SW sat down with BA to inform her of their concerns about her raising BL. Primary concerns are BA's health issues and BL's medical needs. BA was very upset. This was the first time she was informed of the possibility BL may not be moving to her house. Incidentally, we have known this since mid-May when we were asked to be a back up family. Essentially, the county was trying to build a case during that time so they have more to hold up in court later if needed. Back to BA. She feels discriminated against related to her age and she is upset because she is kinship while another family (us) are not. She was told she had two options. 1. She can fight, which essentially means being prepared to go to court against the county. 2. She can let go, come to terms with not raising baby love but still maintain her status and relationship as BA. She has until Monday to decide what she wants to do.
As Monday is a holiday, I probably will not know more until Tuesday....and taking into account this is foster world we are talking about, it could even be longer than that.
What I imagine happening....if they choose option 1, BL probably will remain with FM indefinitely. If they choose option 2, BL would probably be transitioning to our home before too long.
We will be picking up BL on Saturday morning and have her through Monday night. Which means I need to get working because I am not going to be getting much done after tomorrow. :)
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Will keep y'all posted! Thanks for the prayers. Oh, and a friend asked who she should pray to for intercession. St Colette of Corbie came to my head, so I am praying for her intercession. AND, it is possible St Gianna has her hand in this too. I met BL for the first time 1 week after praying at her shrine.
BL = baby love, the beautiful little 6mo who all this revolves around
SW = social worker for BL
FM = current foster mom (who is our current point of contact)
BA = biological aunt
Monday morning BA was essentially a no-show for her scheduled visit, so that visit was cancelled (good for us). Everything, including important conversation was moved to Thursday. Thursday evening I called FM to check in and got the following report:
The visit happened as scheduled and SW sat down with BA to inform her of their concerns about her raising BL. Primary concerns are BA's health issues and BL's medical needs. BA was very upset. This was the first time she was informed of the possibility BL may not be moving to her house. Incidentally, we have known this since mid-May when we were asked to be a back up family. Essentially, the county was trying to build a case during that time so they have more to hold up in court later if needed. Back to BA. She feels discriminated against related to her age and she is upset because she is kinship while another family (us) are not. She was told she had two options. 1. She can fight, which essentially means being prepared to go to court against the county. 2. She can let go, come to terms with not raising baby love but still maintain her status and relationship as BA. She has until Monday to decide what she wants to do.
As Monday is a holiday, I probably will not know more until Tuesday....and taking into account this is foster world we are talking about, it could even be longer than that.
What I imagine happening....if they choose option 1, BL probably will remain with FM indefinitely. If they choose option 2, BL would probably be transitioning to our home before too long.
We will be picking up BL on Saturday morning and have her through Monday night. Which means I need to get working because I am not going to be getting much done after tomorrow. :)
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Will keep y'all posted! Thanks for the prayers. Oh, and a friend asked who she should pray to for intercession. St Colette of Corbie came to my head, so I am praying for her intercession. AND, it is possible St Gianna has her hand in this too. I met BL for the first time 1 week after praying at her shrine.
Monday, June 27, 2011
a weekend with baby love
Captivated. In love. My heart has gone.
This weekend we had the immense and unexplainable JOY of being parents to 3!!! I can't even believe it to write it.
We had baby love for the weekend and oh, what a love she is!
I was asked by a friend if this is the way that foster care worked. You met and fell in love with a child, asked about them and they were potentially yours. The answer is no...most of the time. God allowed us a back door to this sweet girl.
At mass I was contemplating that at my 29th birthday, after many years of trying, I was expecting my first. On Thursday I turn 33. I informed the social workers that baby love would be such a gift! Tomorrow morning an important conversation should be going down to reveal more about where things stand. If you could spare a prayer....
:)
(oh, and back to the drawing board for hubby's job - but thanks for all who prayed for God's will on our behalf for that intention!)
This weekend we had the immense and unexplainable JOY of being parents to 3!!! I can't even believe it to write it.
We had baby love for the weekend and oh, what a love she is!
I was asked by a friend if this is the way that foster care worked. You met and fell in love with a child, asked about them and they were potentially yours. The answer is no...most of the time. God allowed us a back door to this sweet girl.
At mass I was contemplating that at my 29th birthday, after many years of trying, I was expecting my first. On Thursday I turn 33. I informed the social workers that baby love would be such a gift! Tomorrow morning an important conversation should be going down to reveal more about where things stand. If you could spare a prayer....
:)
(oh, and back to the drawing board for hubby's job - but thanks for all who prayed for God's will on our behalf for that intention!)
 |
| she is way loved by these two |
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| first bath at our home |
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| babe in arms |
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
not of my womb
I am falling!
Here's the deal. Current foster mom is so fed up with the situation she has offered us as much visit and bonding time as we would like. Current foster mom is the president of the Foster Parent Association and medical coordinator. She has been involved with fostering for a LONG time and has adopted 7, has 4 grown bio children and fostered endless more. She is very knowledgeable of the system. But we all know she is not in control. None of us are.
So, essentially, we are working through a back door here and a "bond at your own risk" sort of formula. We had baby love for two days of respite last week. Last night was our first overnight. She is doing wonderfully! There is something about holding her and rocking her. Last night it was as if she might as well have come straight out of my womb. It is like she is making up for not having had that place in my life. She loves to curl up in a fetal position nestled on my chest, listening to the sound of my heart. I was contemplating her snuggling and just felt as if she was a part of me. These are indeed the words of a foster mama falling completely in love. And we will have her again this weekend.
She has come so far in the two months she has been in care with current foster mom. She is no longer classified as failure to thrive and her GJ feeding tube will be switched to a G tube, which is much easier for everyone to deal with. She seems as if she is getting a little more acclimated to our family, and the kids to her.
I was talking to current foster mom who is dreading saying goodbye to this beautiful love. We talked about fostering and good byes. She has had her share of them. She discussed how we take the "hit" for the kids. If baby love is not meant for us, it will be difficult, but we will take the hit. But I know I will be forever glad for this small opportunity to love her. These beautiful children take away the sting of years of infertility. It is God's grace healing my wounded heart.
Here's the deal. Current foster mom is so fed up with the situation she has offered us as much visit and bonding time as we would like. Current foster mom is the president of the Foster Parent Association and medical coordinator. She has been involved with fostering for a LONG time and has adopted 7, has 4 grown bio children and fostered endless more. She is very knowledgeable of the system. But we all know she is not in control. None of us are.
So, essentially, we are working through a back door here and a "bond at your own risk" sort of formula. We had baby love for two days of respite last week. Last night was our first overnight. She is doing wonderfully! There is something about holding her and rocking her. Last night it was as if she might as well have come straight out of my womb. It is like she is making up for not having had that place in my life. She loves to curl up in a fetal position nestled on my chest, listening to the sound of my heart. I was contemplating her snuggling and just felt as if she was a part of me. These are indeed the words of a foster mama falling completely in love. And we will have her again this weekend.
She has come so far in the two months she has been in care with current foster mom. She is no longer classified as failure to thrive and her GJ feeding tube will be switched to a G tube, which is much easier for everyone to deal with. She seems as if she is getting a little more acclimated to our family, and the kids to her.
I was talking to current foster mom who is dreading saying goodbye to this beautiful love. We talked about fostering and good byes. She has had her share of them. She discussed how we take the "hit" for the kids. If baby love is not meant for us, it will be difficult, but we will take the hit. But I know I will be forever glad for this small opportunity to love her. These beautiful children take away the sting of years of infertility. It is God's grace healing my wounded heart.
Friday, June 17, 2011
i wish you could see her face!
We spent the day with "baby love" yesterday. I so can't take just how adorable she is! This teenie little one has a smile that will light up a room. She glows. She did so well with us at the park. I felt like an insanely fertile person the two separate times I was asked how close in age BL and Augie are. "12 months", I replied. We spent the day rotating carrier to stroller and tag teaming. It was so sweet to watch my husband cuddle and talk to her.
Paul spent most of the day with Rosie who went on her first roller coaster and two log flume rides. My heart was probably racing more than hers was! Augie got to play in the ball pit, which, at this point I am sure is what his heaven would look like. He was so mad that we took him out he screamed for 10 minutes.
We had a pretty good ride home..and then, madness descended. It started with Augie and then spread to BL. Over stimulating a "normal" baby would cause a great disruption. I remember those days with Rosie. Baby Love has had a rough life so far. Between me (new person), not being on a nap schedule, not being in home environment, etc etc etc, it got a little hairy around the end of the day. The most difficult part was not knowing how to soothe her and figuring out how to manage other children.
Like so many foster kids, her story is a tough one. The more I research about her obstacles, the more difficult her little life seems. With regards to our family, I hold on to the confidence that God has everything in control. And, we get to spend the day with her again tomorrow. This time, completely on my own, without the support of my husband. The reality of parenting +1 is not without challenge. More that a few occasions I have asked myself "am I nuts for wanting this?". Again, I trust in the story of how God has woven our lives together. For whatever the future holds, Jesus, I trust in you!
Paul spent most of the day with Rosie who went on her first roller coaster and two log flume rides. My heart was probably racing more than hers was! Augie got to play in the ball pit, which, at this point I am sure is what his heaven would look like. He was so mad that we took him out he screamed for 10 minutes.
We had a pretty good ride home..and then, madness descended. It started with Augie and then spread to BL. Over stimulating a "normal" baby would cause a great disruption. I remember those days with Rosie. Baby Love has had a rough life so far. Between me (new person), not being on a nap schedule, not being in home environment, etc etc etc, it got a little hairy around the end of the day. The most difficult part was not knowing how to soothe her and figuring out how to manage other children.
Like so many foster kids, her story is a tough one. The more I research about her obstacles, the more difficult her little life seems. With regards to our family, I hold on to the confidence that God has everything in control. And, we get to spend the day with her again tomorrow. This time, completely on my own, without the support of my husband. The reality of parenting +1 is not without challenge. More that a few occasions I have asked myself "am I nuts for wanting this?". Again, I trust in the story of how God has woven our lives together. For whatever the future holds, Jesus, I trust in you!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
and me of little faith
This morning God showed up. We thought we had two no's to two separate prayer requests. Within 5 minutes, we got two "maybe's".
Baby Love on Thursday!
Job Interview on Friday!
"Baby Love" is the name I have decided to give to the sweet little girl we met in May (more details here). She is now almost 6 months old. Things are back to rocky with the kinship family and we are still needed as a back up for her. Well, we will have her for the whole day, this Thursday, at an amusement park (foster care event we had planned to attend). I am so trying to not get my hopes up. The county will be going to court to discuss their concerns with the identified kinship family - not sure when.
AND, this morning we got a call we have been waiting for, job interview! Friday at 8am for my husband. Please pray!
Thank you Lord for the dose of humility and the reminder that I am not in control! I trust in you!
Baby Love on Thursday!
Job Interview on Friday!
"Baby Love" is the name I have decided to give to the sweet little girl we met in May (more details here). She is now almost 6 months old. Things are back to rocky with the kinship family and we are still needed as a back up for her. Well, we will have her for the whole day, this Thursday, at an amusement park (foster care event we had planned to attend). I am so trying to not get my hopes up. The county will be going to court to discuss their concerns with the identified kinship family - not sure when.
AND, this morning we got a call we have been waiting for, job interview! Friday at 8am for my husband. Please pray!
Thank you Lord for the dose of humility and the reminder that I am not in control! I trust in you!
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