two more feet

Six and a half years ago if you would have told me this could be my life...I would not have believed you.  A few years into our infertility, I had to re-imagine what having a "big family" would look like.  I knocked my goal down to four children.  Still enough to pass the average 2.1 child household.

If it were left to my (in)fertility alone Rosie would not have 3 years of being a big sister under her belt.  Once upon a time becoming the mother of one seemed impossible.  When our first miracle arrived, after 4+ years  of trying, we were immediately ready for a second miracle.  My body, however, was not.  Without infertility round one we would not have been prepped and ready to adopt when infertility round two occurred. Thanks to the gift of foster care our family grew by two more miracles, or four more feet, despite infertility.

As Catie approached two my heart opened slowly to the idea of another child.  But foster care is a process that I was not quite ready to undergo again.  My desire for another chance to experience pregnancy was great.  The very recent loss of my maternity clothes opened a deep wound and the question, would I ever be so blessed to experience pregnancy again?  We have always been open to conceiving.  Even during the tough times of learning to juggle two, and then three.  But, as it turns out, God has planned our family all along.   He has spaced my children.  And He has recently granted the desires of my heart.

This miracle...this little miracle growing inside of me, is thanks, in part, to the St Andrews Novena.  Thanks in part also to the prayers of my prayer partner.  Thanks in part to years of lamenting, intercessory prayers to the saints and of course, to my God who knows the whens and the whats and the whys.

Being surrounded by beautiful women in the blog land and in real life who have suffered miscarriage makes the fragility of this life so real.  I am working with my NaPro doctor and am on supplemental progesterone.  These moments make my heart ache so much more for these women who have had and lost life in their womb.  My heart also aches for the many women who continue to suffer childlessness.  Especially those from my childless years that still remain infertile.  My prayers will always be with these women.

So, after 5 years of secondary infertility and with the greatest of hopes he/she will make it to birth day and beyond, please meet our newest addition.

also known as Timber, nicknamed by Rosie

The Latest

First - thank you everyone for your prayers for my health. The verdict is Whopping Cough, aka Pertussis. This was a surprising diagnosis. The scary part about this is it is aka the "100 day cough." I am still very much struggling with coughing/breathing/sleeping. Paul has been wonderful throughout and has eased all my fears about his ability to be a good labor support. He has proved he is up for anything! Continued prayers are very much appreciated.

Next, I had my 36 week appointment yesterday. We are awaiting the results from the Group B Strep test. I had my first cervix check and learned that I am 1cm dialated and the baby IS head down!! Wohoooo!! The check was a little painful b/c baby is still way up high. The heart beat has been lower than before (130s) - but still in normal range. Also, this baby continues to let me know (s)he is okay despite my sufferings. This morning I feel like a punching bag as a matter of fact. After our appointment, we had a "Early Home Care" class. The nurse went over with us the variety of things we can encounter postpartum and with a newborn. It was helpful to understand what is normal vs. when we should worry.

Tonight is week 3 of our Childbirth class. The first two weeks have focused on how to know you are in labor, the stages of labor, as well as breathing and positions for relaxation. Hopefully, Paul has payed close attention. Between my coughing fits and discomfort, practicing deep breeathing and relaxation techniques has been quite challenging. Tonight our class is focused on breastfeeding.

Finally, my belly is still growing. Manuevering around myself is much tricker than ever before. I have gained 35 lbs so far (eeek, a little much)...but all is well. I am just amazed that the baby now weighs approx 6lbs and that a whole little person is still swimming around inside of me. Even now as I type, my bladder is being head butted, while I am being kicked in the ribs (at the same time). We are so excited to meet and hold our little miracle.

Only a few more weeks to go!!!

My First Mother's Day!

Sunday was the first Mothers day that I did not approach with fear and trepidation. Mother's day homilies were inevitably a source of grief and tears in the past. This is the first year I survived. I not only survived the day, but was actually a little spoiled. It started out with breakfast in bed, I received a plant from our neighbor, a gift from a friend - a few cards and phone calls. Weird!! But again, amazing, miraculous, etc. Thanks for all who helped me celebrate the day with your kind words. Again, it is yet another day that reminds me to pray for my friends that are still suffering the cross of infertility.

This week is Week 23! I think we are just at the very early early stages of viability. From the updates I read - our baby is almost 1 pound and 8 inches crown to rump (11" head to toe). He or she blinks, hears, swallows. And (s)he definitely kicks! The kicks are stronger. Paul has felt maluski a few times. As I am growing and expanding, I feel the weight I carry. The wonderful weight. Eating is a little harder again because I always feel full. Rolling over in bed - amusing. Bending over, well - I squat. And I believe I am waddling a little more than before. :) It is a very joyous time!

Sorry for the long time no-updates. Our next midwife appointment is Wednesday. We will keep you posted! xoxoxox Elisabeth & Paul

Half Way There!!

This week marks 20 weeks. I am halfway there!! It is amazing. AMAZING, AMAZING, AMAZING! My old clothes don't fit, I have almost officially transfered to maternity garb, the ultrasounds and dopler radios show there is life within me. I feel this little life within me - just about every day now...and I still CAN NOT believe I am pregnant. Thank you God. "Lord I believe, help my unbelief."

It is so crazy to think that in a few more months, our lives will never be the same! I am so incredibly thrilled for what is to come. Paul continues to talk to and sing to the baby, in addition to listening to his/her heartbeat every night before bed. Pretty soon he should be able to feel some kicks (they are getting stronger). We are so blessed.

Being not too far out from the sting and pain of infertility, I ask anyone checking in...please join me to pray for those that now carry this heavy cross. St. Gianna, St. Gerard, St. Ann, St. Rita, St. Collete - please intercede for these couples and plead for them before our Lord. Amen.

Second Trimester!!!!!

So I hit the 2nd trimester on Wed. My anytime sickness seems worse the last two weeks. I was disappointed at my first sickness of the 2nd trimester and thought..."liars." The infamous "they" said you feel better...but NOW i find out it it not necessarily on the same day you hit #2. Now "they" say it may be another week or two, or three. Oh well - being pregnant is just wonderful, so I don't mind. :)

BUT the awesome news - is that my progesterone levels are doing great!! If anyone knows anyone about hormone levels, or would like to compare to this chart from the PPVI...
Here is my synopsis:

1/10/2007				~ 20 DPO			39 Days Past LMP
				4w6d			HCG	10,414
				4w6d			Progesterone	26.3
1/22/2007				6w3d			Progesterone	26.3
2/5/2007				8w5d			Progesterone	27.4
2/21/2007				11 weeks			Progesterone	50?
3/6/2007				12w6d			Progesterone	44.8

We got a call from the institute that my levels were so great (high zone 3) that means my shots go from 200 ml twice a week to 100 ml once a week! Wohooo! Which is very nice since the shots have become more annoying as time goes on. They will let me know after two more levels (~1mo.) if I can discontinue.

As I have said before, I am amazed every step of the way that I get good news. I say in my head "are you sure?" "I am doing that good?" "There is REALLY a baby in there?" :)

Just a Quick Update

Things are still good! We praise every day we are one step closer to 2nd trimester (and a little more clear of risk of miscarriage). Every day is a blessing. The all-the-time sickness comes and goes, as does exhaustion - but what a gift. Today I hit 9 weeks and was amazed to see the little ticker (see two posts below). Our Maluski looks like a tiny person and no longer a tiny tadpole. We are so in love! Girl or Boy? You will have to wait till September to know that! ;-)

Our Miracle is doing good!

So Blessed

To All,
Thank you for the outpouring of love, support, encouragement, prayers and congratulations. We really are just marveling at this miracle...and still trying to believe it really is...we really are...pregnant! I received such a lovely note from a friend that helped me reflect, for the first time, on the fact that God has chosen to bless us. It is as if He has finally said "See, I have not forgotten you." After all the novenas we prayed, and our many, many attempts at surrendering the matter. And now, we are just in awe.

We LOVE reading the updates of our baby. It is amazing that it is growing so fast and developing so well. Occasionally, Paul or Uncle Keith will start talking in the room and I will realize they are talking to the baby. :) Keith made a special request that I start eating polish food. The baby might have to wait for that one, as I can only "stomach" so much now.

We decided to give the baby the nickname, "maluski." It is pronounced (ma-lu-shki) and means "little one." There is a Christmas carol, sung to the infant Jesus "O Maluski" which I have heard was one of John Paul II's favorites.

And, on another note...why this blog was started in the first place: We were recently notified by our adoption agency that there are two more potential "situations" on the horizon. We have much prayer to undergo to find God's will with regards to adoption. Certainly, we hoped we would have one or two kids by now. This would also us to grow our family pretty quickly...but it is such a different perspective from here. We will try to keep this in God's hands as much as possible. Right now, we are just trying to see what happens at the ultrasound (scheduled for Tuesday) before making any decisions. We will keep you posted on all fronts! ;-)

another update :)

It has been awhile, and I appologize for the delay in this update. We had several conversations before we decided to put this update online.

Paul and I recieved very good news. Before we say just what that is....here is the prelude. Our cousin's came over recently and delivered this very special toast. "And they went to visit their cousin, Elisabeth, who was found to be in her 6th week. She who was thought barren. For they know, all things are possible with God."

Reflecting on the scriptural meaning of my name, Elisabeth. Reflecting on the meditations of barren women in the bible - we were so blessed to recieve this toast. And we truly TRULY are blessed.

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So, certainly, this is the biggest surprsie of our married life. We are THRILLED. We don't know yet what it means for the adoption - and will continue to keep you posted via this blog. For now, I am under the care of Dr. Hilgers through the PPVI Institute for hormonal support. Thank you for all of you that have prayed us to this point!!! Please continue to pray for the Blessed Mother and St. Gerard's intercession for this new life inside of me! With all our love!