angel and bullfrog

Every fostering journey is a roller coaster.  The start of adding a child to your house is always uncomfortable.  Adding a child through foster care has it's unique challenges.  Especially figuring out how to manage, respond to, relate to, communicate with parents of the child.

I have to remember that we have gone through this before.  And I have to keep telling myself we have survived.

Angel is not quite two.  He has a host of special needs.  Bullfrog is an infant, fortunately, he seems to be on track developmentally.  They are one month into the placement and after a visit today, mom is very sure she is getting them back, and she has her fighting gloves on.  And sometimes punches get thrown in my direction.  It is so hard to imagine what life must be like from their side.  They live in such a different world than I do.  Imagine trying to forge a relationship with someone who is so very different from yourself.  And not just different, entitled and pissed off.  That may boil down my experiences this far with birth parents.  And, I only hear the side presented to me by them of love they have lathered on their children.  And then I see their child, suffering from the neglect they clearly endured.

It is hard on one's brain to separate and sort it all out.

And I never feel adequate enough.  Yet, somehow God calls us.  And somehow He fills us with just enough grace to get through just one day at a time.

I will just say it is much easier to be an insider in my life, then an outsider trying to figure out how we do this.  We just do.  And we survive.  They are loved.  They are safe.  That is enough.