Last week my oldest said something that broke my heart & awakened something deep within. She commented that her adoptive siblings were not her "real" siblings. Woooah man. In retrospect, it was a natural thought process that developed within her. We have been talking about belly moms & birth siblings. She did not say it with malice, merely in conversation. It sent me into a tailspin of explanations: "we are all adopted by God", "adoption is real family", "we may not share blood but....". And ultimately, "Rosie, I would give up my life just as fast for them as I would for you." They are my real children.
I have been seeing Catie with fresh eyes. She is my petitite bebe. While my others are fierce & loud, Catie is quiet & shy. She is afraid of most things. She clings to us when she is shy or scared. More and more she wants to snuggle. Always she wants to hold the baby.
For me...adoption love takes time. When they are your fosters, they are not yours. Adoption did not flip the switch for me (with either). The last two years have been hard for us...toddler years are never easy. Finding my love, digging it out, unearthing & living it is a blessed thing. With everything inside of me, I wished that love came quicker. For her sake, most especially.
I pray PRAY that God's grace covers what was & is lacking in me as her mother. I pray that God continues to mold me into the mama she so desperately needs & deserves. Catie, my beautiful girl, I am & will always be your real mama. You have my whole heart.
(((And as far as my oldest is concerned...we are trying to find the best resources to handle these scenarios. We have a handful of books - but need more training/info/ideas on bridging the gap. Happy for any suggestions on processing adoption with kids as they start to understand adoption.)))
5 comments:
How beautifully honest! Thank you!
I just love your honesty in your goster care journey. We adopted two children as infants and four months ago got two girls through foster care (tpr is gone, we are adopting them). And we are do blessed and thankful to have them, but there's nothing easy about it. And it's hard to talk with others about those challenges because unless youvd been there, you just can't understand.
Sorry about the autocorrects...
I am sure there is something different to Rosie about C&A. Especially now that the baby is here and she has more awareness. I don't have any advice just prayers!
I was really touched by your daughter's questions. I would really support her as she figures this out--even if she's not saying "the party line about adoption." Kids are really cool. I think her questions are sort of innocent--biology is a factor in relationships--but you can talk about how there are "Sisters in the convent" where their bond goes deeper than biology. They are sisters of the heart. Sister is a word that means something, a "relationship" that not all biological daughters have. Best of luck. You're doing a great job!
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