7QT: foster care adoptions

Instead of the traditional quick takes this week, the topic of fostering has been on my heart. So I am blogging...and adding numbers.  :)

-1-

I LOVE talking about foster care adoptions.  It is always an adrenaline rush when I get to share with others that you do not actually have to have 20k banked to afford adoption.  Also, it seems unfair, but we had zero wait for either of our placements.   In our county there are lots of kids that need homes.  I am grateful to be the mama that gets to provide that safe forever home for my two little ones.

-2-

Scrolling through waiting children lists is so challenging.  27,000 kids age out of foster care every year without a forever family.  And then there are sibling sets. I wish that I had the courage in our childless years to jump full throttle into a sibling set. 

-3-

Last year Catie's teenage half-sibling entered into foster care.  A home was found for her before we even knew of her situation.  We have begun visits with T & her foster mom.  Her foster mom is a 32 year old single teacher that was a mentor for T.  I am so impressed that this woman stepped up to the challenge of parenting a teenager.  They are such a unique and perfect fit.  

-4-

Check out one of my favorite foster adoption resources for Myths & Realities of Foster Care.  

-5-

I tried to reorganize my blog a bit.  On the top I have a new page on the topic of Open Adoptions.  On my side bar I added a few labels on the topic to make searching easier.  

-6-

I totally get how hard it is for people to wrap their brains around fostering.  But knowing how many kids are out there waiting, I would encourage would be foster parents to do whatever it takes to break into the world of foster care and start meeting these kids.  In our adoption & foster care journeys we were open to just about everything except a drug addicted child.  Now I can not imagine my life without the gift of my sweet Catie.  Meeting foster kids in person gives you even more courage to say yes. 

-7-

Resources are available!  I listed a great one, The Dave Thomas Foundation.  I would also love to help anyone with questions as they consider navigating down this road. 

quick takes friday

1. I keep checking my blog every day and there are no updates!  Sorry ya'll!

2. Two weeks until two weeks of Florida!  I can not remember the last time I was there during beach season.  Can't wait for the time away with my family...and our built in babysitters (aka grandparents).

3. Sooo, we finally have the beautiful warm weather I have been pining for.  But after two days of open windows, our upstairs was 85 and this pregnant woman was not surviving.  So the AC has already started rolling in our house.

4. Feeling the baby move now!  I have been without progesterone for a month (my own doing after my non-NaPro doc freaked out with the "fibroid" issue).  I have been constantly worried for the baby's safety.  Feeling him or her move is tremendously reassuring.  But I still need to get my numbers rechecked by Camp Hill (bad bad FCP).

5. Names.  Starting to feel the pressure now.  Not sure why, but it seems we should have some better prospective names.  Well, I do know why....my husband has somewhat agreed to finding out the sex, IF we can figure out the names before the news.  Either way...you won't know the name until birth. ;-)  That is one secret I can keep.

6. Prayers.  Ongoing for the special people in my life that are trying to conceive or adopt.

7.  I had a lovely play date with a friend & fellow blogger. Here are the kiddos:
The plunging neckline is because someone had too much fun playing in the water fountain and had to wear her mommy's sweater to lunch.  Don't you just love all this "cheese"?

8.  Breaking the rules to say I am still in shock that I am the momma to 4 little people!!  Our God is a big God and He is a God of miracles.  (now please revert back to #6 and join me in praying!)

Play at Home Mom

When Rosie was a baby we did Gymboree & gymnastics among other fun activities.  As Dr D (my therapist) shared, he told his first born she was spoiled rotten.  Since doing similar activities for Augie or Catie would involve someone needing to be at a sitter, it is not possible for me to do the same types of activities.

I thought I would share a couple of our favorite YouTube activities.

A year or two ago I saw a program about the Radio Exercises done in Japan.  I think these are so cool!  Starting in the late 20s, the government introduced these daily exercises as a way to keep soldiers in good health.  It has been a national movement for almost 100 years and can still be found as community exercise in various parts of the country.

It is 6 minutes of great exercise and fun to do with kids.

Next, we just discovered this one this morning and it is now on our favorite list.

Were Going on a Bear Hunt.

We learned Animal Action in baby gymnastics.  Fun to do with the kids...but only if you play along.

Last, my favorite gymboree-leanred song was Tony Chestnut.  Great to do with babies.

I would love to know what your favorite songs, games or videos are to play with your toddlers or preschoolers so we can add more to our repertoire.  

Quick Takes

1. Quick taking without underlying inspiration today, but up at 1:11am so thought I would try to get this on the books before I go to bed.  Hold on to your hats.

source

2. At what age is it safe to redecorate the room of a destructive toddler?   Augie's room was specially prepared for him two summers ago, when he officially joined our family.  Since then every surface has been written on (beyond magic erasers abilities to erase) and there are multiple holes in the wall.  Mainly from the cute things I hang up (like curtain rods and coat rack) being ripped out of the wall.  I picked up paint chips yet and am hoping by summer (age 3.5) we may be over a bit of the hump.  Too soon?

Here is my original pintersty inspiration.  I am dying to do a take 2!

3. While we are talking Pinterest, project uno is to finish our office.  It opens up into our family room, and this is my main inspiration idea:

the source site seems to not be accessible, it is from a site called sawdust and paper scraps

Does anyone have any idea where I can find reasonably priced wood file cabinets to serve as our base??  That is my current shopping challenge.  The pottery barn bedford collection is my dream, but I don't have $600 for those two base cabinets.  

4. So I managed to secure 60 minutes of uninterrupted kid-free shopping time this evening.  It was wonderful.  I did some E-basket shopping...and then came home to discuss the bunny with my husband.  I grew up with a bunny.  He grew up with no bunny.  It is hard to give him up, but he really has nothing to do with the resurrection story.  I think we are going to be a bunny-less family and the baskets are gifts from us. And for the record...we do Santa (justified with lots of talk about the real St Nick).  

5.  Catholic school.  Rosie will be returning to Catholic school in the Fall for Kindergarden.  We are going to have to just do this year by year.  I WISH I had the energy or patience to home school, but with little people at home, I am very grateful for the gift of our parish school.  When it comes down to it, I finally confessed there is no way I want her in public school.  I was raised in public school...but it is very different today than 30 years ago.  The rejection/disrespect of Christianity is one of the biggest issues.  She will not be a girl scout for the same reason.  Still debating about extraneous activities for the Fall.  I would love to enroll her in soccer, but with new baby coming at the same time...we may have to just wait another year.  It is so difficult to say no to so much, but I want to keep our lives as simple as possible in this chaotic world. 

6. Baby Update.  It was incredible to see Timber on ultrasound last Friday.  I only saw him/her briefly as the doctor looked EVERYWHERE inside of me for the fibroid that wasn't.  I wish I had a picture but any 13 week ultrasound image will do.  I am so back and forth about the gender surprise.  I want to know.  Hubby does not.  I am hoping I come around.  :)  

7. Have you been touched by an angel?  I am humbled and grateful for one that touched my life today.  To that angel: I am grateful for you.  I am grateful for the example, leader & mentor you have been in my life. You have always and will always hold a most special place in my heart.  As your babies left your nest, my nest was starting to fill.  Having been right where I am am....all I can say is thank you for knowing.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for being so special. 

 

foster care: why i lament, but still promote

"He could be your perfect disaster but you could be his ever after!"

I read this quote from Foster2Forever and it struck a chord, especially in light of my Quick Take #4.  Two days before I lamented about bonding, I was telling someone I was going to pray for them to consider foster care.

A blog is essentially a public journal.  While I may be very open about my feelings and the challenges, please don't mistake that for lack of gratitude.  I can not for one second imagine my life without each of my blessings.

Parenting is hard as hell.  Some of what I am trying to accomplish in therapy is the transition from the romantic ideas of what kind of parent I thought I would be to becoming the parent God is challenging me to become.  That idea and the "ideal" (ie romanticized notions) are no where near the reality.  This has to be true for every parent...even if their life looks perfect on a blog.

But the thing is, parenting has nothing to do with how pretty your house looks or how perfect your crafts/snacks/parties are.  That type of parenting is rooted in pride & self love.  That type of parent says it is all about how I look.  I am learning the parent God wants me to be is the one who says it is not about me, it is all about God.  Help me decrease so He may increase.  I embrace the fact that my house is a mess.  God you have lent me these children, your children, help me be the kind of mother that desires their holiness above all else.  Above all images of perfection, above desiring to be the perfect mother, above my unworthiness....let me focus on them...and what it takes to get them to heaven.  That is all I seek.

I feel that I type this out every year, but here goes again.

When we were struggling with infertility, and treatment after treatment did not bring about a positive pregnancy test...all I knew was adoption was so darn expensive.  Why did I have to have 10 or 20K to become a mother?  And when I became a foster mom, I learned that foster care is essentially the American Orphanage.  Except, to adopt from this orphanage costs not a cent.  There is no foreign travel, there are no dossiers, no weeks away from your family, no fundraisers, home equity loans or financial set backs.  This orphanage is fully funded by an in debt government.  And for whatever it is worth...well, I can see why the government is so freakishly in debt...this is a viable option for many couples.  But many of those couples...most of those couples...are too afraid to try.

What if we didn't try?

I can not, not for one second, imagine my life without these two most incredible beautiful gifts.  As much as I lament the chaos, I would not trade it for the world.  These two beautiful kids were meant just for me.

I can not imagine my life without the gift of knowing them and the privilege of raising them.  Augie can light up a room like no one else.  He is truly a  crowd magnet  as I watched tonight at a party.  Seriously everyone loves this kid. Catie is spunky like no one's business and I get to see her overcome her challenges every day.  If I sit back and think about her, I am sure I could come up with a very long list of how she inspires me.  

I am so eternally grateful that we signed up to be foster parents and didn't look back.  

Psalm 27:10 "Even if my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will take me in."

Matthew 18:5 "And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me."

To spiritually consider adoption, to wrap your brain around rescuing an orphan, is to see how you have decreased and He has increased in you.  Adoption is truly so supernatural.  Adoption is truly allowing God control of your life and to offer what you have to His child that is most in need.  I get so caught up in wiping bums, that I forget to consider finding joy in the mundane.  I forget that I am like Mother Theresa on the streets of Calcutta with my own poor & needy.  Insight is everything.  

With such a beautiful new pope who cares so deeply about the poor...I pray that his leadership allows you to consider how you can help the poor.  Adoption....adoption through foster care....is certainly answering that call. 

It is not about me, it is all about you.  Lord Jesus, take control.  

and this is why i believe in the power of prayer

thank you for all who prayed!!

Quick Run Down:
Thursday Night - could not pee
Friday - visit to the midwife, in office catheter, something blocking a clear passage
Friday Night - could not pee, referred to Ob Triage in the hospital, received foley catheter
Tuesday Morning - midwife appointment, she called in the doctor because something was not right.  Cervix nearly impossible to find, uterus not in the right spot, a fibroid appears to be pushing down on my uterus causing blockage, catheter stays put
Wed-Friday - pray pray pray pray pray; and start to notice signs of UTI
Friday - definitely UTI, knee chest exercises while praying, and then...
2.30 ultrasound showed no signs of a fibroid, baby looks great, physical exam confirmed everything is right where it should be.  Cervix and uterus are in the normal position.  No more catheter!!

I left my appointment humbled and grateful.  God is big!!  So, I still have to fight off a UTI, but it is so so much better doing it without a catheter.

Quick Takes Friday

1.  So my lent commitment was to stay off facebook and try to avoid excess Internet as much as possible.  I am failing miserably.  I have been spending lots of time in bed since my wonderful news, and especially in the past week.

I had been replacing fb time with my news apps.  And then, between a friend having twins (had to stalk on fb) and then the pope, and then I have just down spiraled from there.  Not sure what I need to do, but I need to do something to make the most of the final two weeks of lent.

2. Thank you to everyone for your prayers.  My two complications are "tilted uterus & can't pee" and a fibroid (or fibroids), which seems to make the matter worse.  I have been catheterized for a week and am trying to offer my sufferings constantly.  The last couple days have been pretty darn uncomfortable.  I am ready to rip that thing out.  Ultrasound at 2.30pm today.  My greatest prayer is that my uterus has returned to the correct position - Sts Gianna & Gerard, pray for me!  I need a break from this bag.

3.  Recently we added sensory therapy to Catie's PT & OT schedule.  It sounds like she may need speech as well.  At 2 years, 3 months she is not identifying animals or animal sounds.  She has a great ability to communicate, but there are some gaps missing in her speech.  While her OT is excited about her progress, add this to the list of things I am not thrilled to add to our schedule.  I feel selfish to say this, but three services a week as we add a new person to our family....this is what I signed up for when I adopted my special needs babe.

4. Adoption and motherhood.  Okay....super honest quick take here.  I know adoptive parents so often talk about how there is no difference between their feelings towards their adopted children and their biological children.  From a supernatural faith based perspective, absolutely, this is/should be true.  Adoption is a higher calling than becoming a parent the old fashioned way.  From a natural perspective (and I know I may be in the minority here, but still feel this on my heart to say) there is a difference, for me, that I connect to the lack of bonding through maternity & nursing.  My adopted children have special needs and they happen to be aged two and three (read: very difficult ages).  I am sure parents of all biological children have toughies that they struggle to love the same way as the easy ones.  In saying that, perhaps adoption becomes a moot point, BUT...I feel the need to meditate on and pray for a supernatural love for my children.

At a natural level, our love is imperfect.  We should love as God loves.  And our relationship to God is as His adopted children.  He has TOUGH children.  But HE loves us all perfectly, no matter where we came from or what challenges we present.

Adoption is a higher calling than becoming a parent the old fashioned way.  This statement came up by my therapist.  On a biological level, we have biological bonding agents - hormones during pregnancy, delivery and nursing that bring about the maternal instincts.  (Note: men do not have this same biological experience and my husband has not had the same bonding challenges as me).  With my adopted kids, I lacked those experiences and that natural/hormonal type of bonding.  So now, in my parenting experience, I am trying to rise above what is lacking and be as maternal as I would be to my biological child.  This can only happen with supernatural grace.   I am on the long road to processing and hopefully changing this in my life.

5.  For the record, I know plenty of biological parents who have admitted to me struggles with not being maternal.  In that, I mean relating to my struggles with anger and personal restraint in punishment, etc.  The above is specific to my experience with parenting.  So again, this could be very common in parenting in general. And, in which case, completely wipes out the struggle in my head about adoption as a reason for the chance in my maternal feelings.  Can you tell this is all just being processed?

6.  My favorite Francis meme:

When I first saw Pope Francis standing there I was like "wave, Dude!!"  When you see this picture, it brings out the humility of our new Holy Father.  It makes me chuckle.

7.  Okay, I will close with a netflix recommendation that has been taking up my time (read #1!).  My mother in law recommended "Call the Midwife".  Very good series.   But someone needs to have words with these British film companies that think 6 episodes constitutes a season!

Happy Weekend!

Or in Spanish: !Tenemos Papa!

I had missed the previous two smoke events so was thrilled that I finally got the hang of smoke watch in time to witness today with my daughter.

Streaming online, we anxiously waited...Rosie asking every two minutes "is that smoke??" After 35 the answer was yes. And I thought it was black. But then it was white!

White Smoke!!

We celebrated and what fun sharing that moment with my daughter, and my mom on the phone.

We brought non-napping Augie into the room to await the answer "who???". Nothing helped me answer that question and honestly EWTN didn't get the info flowing for some time.

Pope Francis!

It wasn't until 8pm that I actually found out what he said in his address.

But he had me when he asked for prayers, took a moment of silence and bowed his head to receive them. I raised my hand and offered a prayer through my tears. God bless Pope Francis! We don't know you, but we love you!!

the good news and the bad news

So, it seems the baby is doing well.  I should get another look of timber on Friday.  After my last us bill came in at $570, I was not planning on another look so soon, none-the-less, it will still be good to see.

What the sonograpger is really going to be looking for us the fibroid which is likely related to my bladder woes.  As soon as fibroid was found in my physical exam the doctor decided to leave the catheter in place.

The midwife said "don't go home and google this".  Of course I did not listen to her.  Depending on the location of the fibroid, it sounds like things could possibly become more painful.  For now, however, I have become cheerleader for my uterus- hoping it will pop up into normal position soon.

prayer request for me - update

I need to ask for your prayers.  I am almost 12 weeks pregnant and dealing with a condition that leaves me often unable to pee.  Mostly in the middle of the night.  Hence the reason this is being posted at 4am.

It is extremely frustrating and getting worse.  I was catheterized briefly in the office yesterday and think it may have to happen again & for longer...and it is no fun!

Apparently my uterus is pushing on my bladder and causing a blockage.  It could also be stones or infection  (which is being looked at).  

Thank you for your prayers!

UPDATE: after many hours without relief I called the midwife and ended up in OB Triage.  Walking in at 12 weeks pg...my heart went to all the women who walk into such a place for more serious reasons.  

I am now the proud owner of a Foley catheter and am living with tubes and a bag.  It is uncomfortable and I am going to be home bound for a bit...but better than the alternative.  Thank you for your kind thoughts & prayers.  My prayer is for this to resolve sooner so I don't need to go weeks with a cath.

Benefit: while waiting an hour for the correct sized bag , rather than the massive hospital one first used...I asked if the nurse had a Doppler.  For the first time I heard Timber's heart beat.  Surely life's most beautiful sound.  More prayers and pain offerings for so many of you.

why..hello there!

I have dropped off the face of the blog world...and not because I gave blogging up for lent.

I have been busy doing lots of sleeping, eating and otherwise baby growing.  Thank you so much for your wonderful and celebratory words.  Tomorrow I am 9 weeks and "timber" is doing really well.  My 8 week progesterone level came back high, between zones 2 & 3.  Add to that I feel very pregnant...hello stretchy pants.  I am so grateful....SO GRATEFUL to have been given the blessing of maternity again.

I am intensely working on my maternal heart with my therapist.  I had two very very lows in parenting this past month.  An ugly bout of pregnancy hormones led to an ugly bout with anger.  As God's timing and providence would have it, I had a therapy session coinciding with a very bad day.  It is frustrating that my behavior is not changing as fast as I would like.  My mind and heart are definitely being converted and my prayer is that what I am learning will come to mind when it is most needed.

I have recommitted to giving up spanking.  This time no spanking and no yelling for lent.  I read a good article by Dr Sears about avoiding hand spanking as it discourages a natural and healthy curiosity.  This is something my husband had adopted and has agreed to give up, again, as well.

Therapies for my children are on my heart.  We have increased OT services for Catie and began a "sensory diet".  She is deathly afraid of all things fun (sledding, sliding, high swinging, exploring, etc).  I became aware of her height terror recently.  I am hoping the addition of the sensory training will be beneficial.  Meanwhile, I feel Augie is slipping backwards in speech and language.  I keep thinking of Williams Syndrome.  Many of these kids are missed because their personalities shine above their weaknesses.  This is so the case for him.  I am hoping to reopen his case with the therapist that cleared him.

In other news...we just booked a two week vacation to Florida in the mid-spring.  We had hopes of traveling south for Christmas, but with baby due a few months prior, I was not sure about that trip.  Plus I have been dying to visit during the beach months.  One week with hub's family and one week with mine and lots of time with the family in the pool and at the beach.  So. Excited!

Sorry for the hodgepodge.  I have had some beautifully deep thoughts and insights, but am never awake or coherent enough to blog them out.  This post comes courtesy of insomnia.  So, with that, good night/good morning.  I hope to see you again soon.  :)

two more feet

Six and a half years ago if you would have told me this could be my life...I would not have believed you.  A few years into our infertility, I had to re-imagine what having a "big family" would look like.  I knocked my goal down to four children.  Still enough to pass the average 2.1 child household.

If it were left to my (in)fertility alone Rosie would not have 3 years of being a big sister under her belt.  Once upon a time becoming the mother of one seemed impossible.  When our first miracle arrived, after 4+ years  of trying, we were immediately ready for a second miracle.  My body, however, was not.  Without infertility round one we would not have been prepped and ready to adopt when infertility round two occurred. Thanks to the gift of foster care our family grew by two more miracles, or four more feet, despite infertility.

As Catie approached two my heart opened slowly to the idea of another child.  But foster care is a process that I was not quite ready to undergo again.  My desire for another chance to experience pregnancy was great.  The very recent loss of my maternity clothes opened a deep wound and the question, would I ever be so blessed to experience pregnancy again?  We have always been open to conceiving.  Even during the tough times of learning to juggle two, and then three.  But, as it turns out, God has planned our family all along.   He has spaced my children.  And He has recently granted the desires of my heart.

This miracle...this little miracle growing inside of me, is thanks, in part, to the St Andrews Novena.  Thanks in part also to the prayers of my prayer partner.  Thanks in part to years of lamenting, intercessory prayers to the saints and of course, to my God who knows the whens and the whats and the whys.

Being surrounded by beautiful women in the blog land and in real life who have suffered miscarriage makes the fragility of this life so real.  I am working with my NaPro doctor and am on supplemental progesterone.  These moments make my heart ache so much more for these women who have had and lost life in their womb.  My heart also aches for the many women who continue to suffer childlessness.  Especially those from my childless years that still remain infertile.  My prayers will always be with these women.

So, after 5 years of secondary infertility and with the greatest of hopes he/she will make it to birth day and beyond, please meet our newest addition.

also known as Timber, nicknamed by Rosie

i could never do that

As a foster parent, I hear these words all the time "I could never do that!"  When we were first considering adoption and learned about foster care, we did not choose it as an option.  The uncertainty was scary.  What kind of child would we get?  Would we have to give them up?  We couldn't do it.  We didn't risk it.  But God led us back.

In a discussion with a pro-choice woman on facebook, I was challenged "what have I done about all the unwanted children?"  Telling her I was a foster parent shut her up pretty quickly.  From the perspective of a pro-choice woman, there are thousands of unwanted children in our world and abortion is helping solve that problem.

I am always struck and saddened by the negativity towards adoption.  Most profoundly by women facing an unplanned pregnancy.  I heard it on the MTV show "Sixteen & Pregnant."  I heard it in a discussion with a post-abortive teenager.  I have heard it when counseling women outside of abortion clinics.  "I could never give my baby up for adoption."  WHY do they feel this is the worst thing they could do to that child?

 I am so grateful for adoption!  It has forever changed my life and the life of my children.

Thank you Grace in My Heart for directing me to watch this:



The same women who have stated they could never give up their baby for adoption have most surely at one point in their lives said "I could never have an abortion,"  And then, they are faced with the unimaginable.  A dark dark place with no hope.  And then, in that cloudy, dark, scary place...they decide they have to have an abortion.

So what has happened to our world that in that dark time abortion is the only way out?

I can not even begin to imagine what a woman goes through when she decides to place her baby for adoption.  I can not imagine what she faces when she goes home, without a child in her arms.  I can not imagine her fears and insecurities.  I can not imagine the pain and despair.

And for each woman that makes this choice, there is another woman, another family that is eternally grateful for her.  EVERY child is a wanted child.  How can we get this message out?

Start here.  Read this.
"Adoption is an act of love, mercy, justice and infinite possibilities. It transforms not only the life of the child, but families, communities, and in some cases…the world."

Watch this.


There are no unwanted children.

There are no unwanted children.

There are no unwanted children.

Meanwhile....while we continue to pray for an end to abortion...while we continue to pray for women to have the courage to choose life...please remember there are children in foster care.  There are kids who have not yet found their families.  And there is a great need for foster parents.  And if you are open to a child....another child...You can.  You totally can.  Just ask me how.

Quick Take Friday: facebook edition

1. Happy Friday.  My husband found this posted by MonkRock.  It was too fitting not to share.  Evidently Pride & Self Love is an appropriate diagnosis for all of us.  The real question...how many of us are as repulsed by it as God? 

2. What a wonderful week of playdates. I am enjoying the sounds of my daughter and her friend, who, as I type, are on the other side of my computer watching Cinderella and playing princesses.  Rosie dresses up just about every day, as evidenced by the picture of my lovely princess+bride.  Her playing takes me right back to my childhood.  This precious time of her life where she truly believes that she is a princess and is disappointed when others try to tell her she is not.  I love this age.

In other news, she is so super excited about her first wiggly teeth.

3. As the March for Life approaches my posting on facebook reflects my passion and advocacy.  I think this is the time of the year I am most likely to loose "friends" and be hidden by family that are polar opposites.  I am sure everyone has seen this...but posting it here any how.

Mr President. It is time to listen to your words and your nation. Please look out your window on Jan 25th and see ALL of us who march (now for the 40th year) to be a voice for the 4400 children killed in their mother's wombs every day. Newtown certainly was tragic. Abortion is a holocaust happening every day that is ignored for "convenience". Please rethink your hypocrisy and consider the tremendous value of each of these lives.

4.Speaking of facebook....I feel the pull to step away.  I know I will be giving up the Internet (as much as humanly possible) during Lent.  I was honored when a real life friend read my blog and was inspired by my floating screen post & cancelled her facebook.  

Last night I received an email from a friend who felt lead by the Holy Spirit to send me the text of her Pastor's homily.  The message was about finding God in the busy.  It was also about all the distractions that keep us from seeing/seeking God. Facebook was not only in this homily, but in my head.

The kicker was this morning when I finally read this article in the Catholic Register (that has been sitting by our bathroom for several weeks.  It is called "Make the Most of the Time God Gives You".  Before facebook I was plenty busy and found a hundred excuses to not pray or go to Mass.  Now, how much time do I constantly carve out (read: waste) on facebook.  I have resisted stepping back (except for lent) for years.   It is time I do something about this.

5. When I adopted my son, I found and blocked most of his bio family so they hopefully would not find my pictures shared via facebook.  I have not found my daughter's bio family...which concerns me a bit.  Some of them must be on, and unless I am blocking them, they can find me or possibly see my pictures.  It is easy to be complaisant about what I am sharing and what is being shared.  So...to start the process of weaning I will be deleting the extraneous - photo albums and tags.  I will also be deleting my facebook app.  Is there a patron saint against idolatry?

6. Okay, enough about FB (bleh).   We got two big gifts for Christmas.  A Sodastream and a Keurig.  Here are my reviews. I love the Sodastream.  I am a new fan of fizzy water (or bizzy water as Augie calls it).  Flavored fizzy water is much more interesting to my palate.  I have also been having issues with our newly softened water and feeling thirsty (maybe because it is not as enjoyable to drink).  But adding fizz to the water has miraculously resolved that issue. Also, the kids love the bizzy water so any time I can get them drinking more water, score!  Two thumbs up recommendation for the sodastream.

The Keurig, on the other hand.  It is a total luxury to go to someone's house and find a Keurig.  I LOVE being a guest of a Keurig owner.  I do not, however, love being a Keurig owner.  For four reasons.  1. Soft water is water with salt added.  This does not brew well in a Keurig.  However, even with bottled water, it still tastes off to me.  2. The strength of a k-cup stinks.  It is perfect if I was drinking a tea cup worth of coffee.  For the large mug, I would need a double strength k cup.  Have not found these yet.  The best so far is using the EZ cup with our own coffee.  Better strength and budget friendly.  3. The ease and temptation mean we are drinking way more coffee/tea/chai/hot chocolate than we would normally be drinking.  Which means more sugar/caffeine/calories.  And which also means way more.... 4. Expensive!  Initially I tried to justify the expense that by only brewing a cup, there would be no wasted coffee in the pot.  That argument has no legs to stand on.  Holy expensiveness!  In addition to the fact we are drinking more hot beverages my a little math tells me it is cheaper to by a mug of fresh brewed Starbucks.  I was told that if you can score a k-cup for less than $.50 a cup, it is a good deal.  Well...did you know that with your own mug, you can go to Starbucks and get coffee for $.50?  And that is a travel mug...which would actually take two k-cups.  SO, Starbucks store brewed is actually cheaper than a good deal on Folgers or other more generic coffee.

For the gifter who reads my blog (aren't I a terrible woman!)- we are so grateful for the gift and my husband would give you an entirely different review.  I am excited to entertain with it and have had two opportunities this week to show it off and pamper my guests.

7.   Can not wait to finish this room - our office!  It is next on our to do list.  Drywall this weekend.  The before is wretched....but I am all about humility, right?  Well, this isn't a true before.  This is a living-in-the-room-after-demo-before.  As of now my/our vision is as many bookshelves as we can possibly squeeze into the space and wood counter top custom made desk (large desk with two computer stations and a jet out in the middle that will be my client table.  It has been FOREVER since I have had the luxury of seeing clients in my home.  I am looking forward to an office again.  Hopefully before too long...

dc job search

Just to clear things up quickly...not me!   A friend, a former member of my youth group, a former favorite babysitter and a new FUS grad is looking for a job in the DC area.  Her background is administrative.  Her degree is education.  I was hoping to pull some strings through my old pro-life connections, but haven't found any leads yet.  If you know of anyone looking for an amazing employee, can you please help me connect her with some places to send a resume?

THANKS!

our open adoption

When my husband and I started attending adoption training, the idea of an open adoption was a stumbling block.  For him more than me.  It was difficult to imagine "another set of parents" out there.  Fortunately, we moved beyond that hurdle and still signed up.  This year we were awarded an honor by our state representative for our "work with birth families."

We became foster parents with the hope of adopting. When I met Leann* and Rex* they just wanted their son back. Augie was placed with us when he was two months old. Initially, during the drop off for supervised visits, we would exchange the specifics of infant care and nothing else. Eventually maybe I would share a story of something he did or a picture. Occasionally we would listen to them vent their frustrations. It was an awkward way to get to know them.

I was never rooting for them to fail. As things got worse for them, our case became stronger. It wasn't too long before the case passed to adoption. At the last possible second (before their rights were terminated by the court) they signed consents. We met with Leann to discuss what an open relationship would look like to us.  At that time Leann specifically asked that for Augie, we refer to her as Leann.  She did not want to be "Aunt Leann" or some other weird title.  She also recognized we are mom & dad, and gave us the respect of that title.

Since the adoption we have had three visits. The first, with Leann, Augie and me. The second, Leann and two of Augie's half siblings (the first time they were all together). And in December, my husband and I brought Augie to Chuck E Cheese to visit with Leann & Rex.

Each time I am amazed to see the resemblances. Each time Leann expresses her deep gratitude.

Why do we do it?

Well....we went through the adoption process we were open to the instruction.  We had never done this before.  When our social worker suggested visitation, I understood it as something that could be beneficial to Augie later in life.  Basically, it is helpful for them to know he is well taken care of and he will always have an accurate picture of who they are, so as not to imagine his life would have been so much better if he had never been adopted.

While thinking about and preparing for a visit, it is not something I am terribly excited about.  But, after the fact, I am always glad we did it.  Especially the visit with his siblings.  It felt so wonderful to coordinate a simple visit that happened to be the first time in their life they were ever together.  Augie's half bio sister gets so excited.  I am happy to do it for her.

This said, it is something that should be considered on a family by family visit.  At this time, and unless her situation drastically changes, we have no plans for visitation with Catie's bio mother/family.  We do communicate by letter once a year (only once so far).

I look at it as accepting a part of the culture of adoption.  It is also a part of my personality.  I helped organize my high school reunion.  I organized my family reunion.  I guess it seems natural for me to keep people connected.

I will continue to update on this topic through the years.  For now, Augie, age 3, who is chill with just about anyone, finds joy in any chance for a play date.

a sad goodbye to my old maternity clothes

It has been over five years since I tucked that box of maternity clothes into my attic.  They were a box of clothes I never thought I would be so blessed to wear.  It was after nearly four and a half years of trying to conceive.  We were in the adoption process.  Everyone was waiting for our news...of a placement....when news of a pregnancy surprised us all.  What a glorious thing.  

 When I put those clothes away, I had hopes that they wouldn't be tucked away too long.  It took 18 months after Rosie was born before I went back under the knife while trying to conceive our second.  After Rosie turned two, our thoughts shifted more seriously to foster care.  Since then we have so blessed to expand our family.  Meanwhile that box of maternity clothes, and nursing clothes, sat in the attic.

Last spring, a pregnant friend was in search of summer maternity clothes to survive an unseasonably warm final stretch of her pregnancy.  I pulled that box out of the attic and loaned it with love.  I was happy it was in use again.  At her post-baby baby shower, there was another pregnant friend.  I asked if she needed the clothes.  I put the box in the back of her truck and off it went.

I loaned the clothes with the hope that one day I would need them again.  I never thought I would never have the opportunity to see them again.

I have been trying to reacquire them for a few months.  I found out today what happened.  Due to a very sad and unfortunate misunderstanding, those clothes were donated to charity.  The clothes that helped me gestate Rosie will never be in my closet again.

I am sure there were a few hundred dollars worth of clothes in the bin.  They money is not the hard part.  The memories, of that shirt I wore when I felt her kick, the outfit I wore to my baby shower, the dress I wore to two weddings.  Should I be so sad?  I mean...I have Rosie.  Obviously she was the best part of my pregnancy.

I am sad for the memories that are lost.  But those memories may never have made it back out of the box.  It is hard looking back on such an incredible time, the miracle of that pregnancy  the gift of nursing...and consider that experience may never happen again.

As I was crying, Rosie came over and brought me a tissue and gave me a hug.  She is truly the greatest gift and miracle.  I am so grateful that I got to experience being pregnant, and I am so grateful for her...the most incredible little girl.  

And if that blessed event should ever happen again...well, I will cross that bridge when it comes.  I know my friend feels terrible and would love for that event to happen, to help start a new maternity wardrobe.  But, for now...so long old clothes.  I hope you find your way to some special women who truly truly appreciate the miracle of the little soul growing within. 

Quick Takes Friday; learning from therapy

---1---

Since I have "gone there" {to bare-your-soul-blogging} it seems I can't go back.  Try as I may, I have been called to this transparency.  If the Lord can use this for his glory, then I am at His service.

---2---
I am settling into a routine of twice a month skype sessions with Dr. D.  Unfortunately my insurance is not providing coverage because he is considered out of network.  My next steps are to a) fight for coverage and/or b) see if he can come into network.  In the meantime and fortunately, Dr D has placed twice a month appointments as greater priority than payment in full.  A little thanks inserted here to my prayer buddy.

---3---I have been accused of scrupulosity.  I have been reminded by many that I am a good mother to my children.    While I know that I am a good mother...what kind of mother am I if I am not trying to overcome this anger that comes out in this form of a beast in front of my children?  I do not want to spew venom.  This is not why God has entrusted His children to my motherhood.  I am learning that instead of showing anger in response to the inevitable poor choices of my children, I need to learn to show sorrow.  This is one way we can meditate upon & invoke Mary.  Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us.  When our children write on the walls, pee on the carpet, tear up a book, push their siblings, help us to have a sorrowful heart, rather than an angry heart.

---4---
On Tuesday, when faced with a screaming toddler refusing to nap, I had a come to Jesus moment.  This scenario of screaming & refusing to nap is the greatest instance, with this particular child, that causes my anger to manifest.  Twice I repeated the following: walk into room, offer threat of spanking, leave room, return and deliver spanking.  Twice this did nothing but bring about more screaming (of course).  So I went into my room, put in my ear plugs, covered my head with a pillow (one of my usual attempts of coping with this scenario).  Then...I began to pray.  I prayed "Jesus, rock her to sleep.  Jesus rock her to sleep," And you know what???  He replied "That is why I have given her to you.  To be me.  To rock her to sleep."  Okay, hello Jesus.  Truth verified.  I begrudgingly went into her room, picked her out of her crib, returned to my room, put her in my bed, turned my back to her and laid down with her.  And she fell asleep.  Not an extreme act of charity on my part, but a step in retraining myself of be the mother I was created to be.

---5---
The generational curse.  I have a challenging relationship with my mother.  She had a challenging relationship with her mother.  As did my grandmother with her mother.  It is something that I have believed as an inevitable truth for myself.  I had feared having a daughter for this reason.  God sent me my first born, a daughter, for this reason.  To teach me that He is greater than a generational curse.  This was my latest God-given insight, one that has not been unwrapped yet.

---6---
"The mind assents before the heart surrenders."  DP Slattery

This is what is going on with me these days.  My mind is learning, being retrained and assenting to these truths I am learning.  My heart is still in need of surrender.  Conversion.  This is, in a certain sense, overcoming my Dark Night.  This is where I choose to parent as God intends.  To choose the high road, over the weak response.

---7---
I am happy to share my insights.  Please don't let these replace a step that you need (or feel called) to take in your own life.  God intends to meet each of us very personally and care for us where we are and call us forth individually.  As I said, I am humbled if God can use my writing to work on another mother's heart.    That said, I can not imagine benefiting from reading an account to the extent that I am benefiting from my personal  surrender in this form of therapy.

Pray for me.  I will pray for you.

i love adoption

A few months ago I was blogging about the word ransom, as it applied to adoption.

This is an amazingly beautiful video.  I loved this quote.
"The pure joy of a rescue and a ransom of a child's life is probably the most satisfying thing you can imagine,"

My favorite scene was the reflection of an adopted son about what a deformity means in his home country of Romania.  Every life has value!!  Grab a tissue and watch!


New Film Premiere - I Like Adoption. from ILikeGiving.com on Vimeo.

too funny not to share

I just found this blog via Jennifer Fulwiler's blog request.  (in case you have not heard, please pray for Jennifer as she is battling a serious lung condition during her pregnancy).

Now. let me introduce you to CrappyPictures.com,

Prepare to Laugh
what it is like to (not) sleep at night

Prepare to not be able to breathe
public toilets and potty training

Adding CrappyPictures.com to my blog roll because a good laugh about parenting is priceless!