all i know

All I know is that God has brought us in this little girl's life to fight like hell for her.  When I first fell in love with her sweet face and called our social worker, I had no idea what I was signing up for.  That said, I would not trade this position for anything.  I am happy to fight.

We arrived to the courthouse fifteen minutes early.  Our social worker saw us and pulled us aside "we need to talk."  "We need to put you on the stand."  Well, I am glad we dressed nicely, though I would have traded out my fancy flip flops for a nicer shoe.  We were asked to testify about our relationship with her, how much we love her, how we understand her health risks and are willing to be a part of her life long term.  After several rounds of testimony, including my own, the judge asked the lawyers to join her out of the court room.  Everyone came back in.  "Please Rise."  The judge explained that she is unable to make the decision today and said she would need a "long while" to mull over this case.

"Mrs BHB" (me) she said (the caseworker leans back and said "stand up").  "When you express your willingness to have an open relationship with the family, what does that look like to you?  How often would you have contact?"

Having not thought this through nor discussed with my husband I replied "I could see visitation happening at least monthly, depending on how everything is going."

"And do you see yourselves being involved with them to celebrate holidays and birthdays?  What might that look like?"

"Our families are out of state and we often travel for the holidays, but I am willing to have visits around those times or certainly share birthdays."

This judge seriously SERIOUSLY values OPEN family relationships and went on and on and ON about the importance of close contact with the family.  I felt that she essentially wanted us to adopt them and them to adopt us.  She discussed new laws and how the times are changing and how family relationships are SO important to maintain. 

Then she looked at the aunt.  This aunt who has basically said she wants all or nothing.  She is the caretaker/adoptive mother of this child or she does not want contact.  The judge asked her, begged her really, to reconsider.  She tried to empathize with the emotional aspect and difficulties of this situation.  She said she feels that it would be best for baby love to remain in our care and maintain a close relationship with her aunt.  This would be "the best of both worlds." 

She explained that she would need time to think and would enter her verdict some time next week.  As we all left the court room, you could cut the tension with a knife.  I held the door open as the family exited.  I saw baby love playing with my husband across the room.  The only one who came to say hello to BL was bio-mom.  Then the barrage of "family" left to continue conversation with the lawyer.  Our social workers made sure we got on the elevator.  The doors closed.  And that was that. 

All in all, I have now offered far more testimony in the case of baby love, then in the case of Augie (where I said maybe 10 emotional words at his adoption hearing). 

We continue to wait...and pray. 

pray for us

So...if you are not a foster parent...let me just clue you in on something I have learned.  The only thing predictable is foster care is unpredictable! 

Tomorrow is our second round of unnerving, nail biting, could-go-either-way-will-we-see-this-baby-again court.  The first, we were not actually present during.  Tomorrow, I will have my husband by my side. 

I spoke with our case worker to inquire that if the aunt does in fact get custody, how soon would we handing baby love over.  I received further encouragement, mixed with an extra batch of complication.  Complication first.  Per the supervisor, transition would entail visits becoming longer, progressing to overnights, etc, etc, etc.  Basically, if the judge says yes to the kinship family, we will likely continue to be involved with baby love's life for some time before her transition.  What is the encouragement, you ask?  Well, bio aunt refused to cooperate with the recommendations of the visit coordinator and said "if this is going to be my last visit, I want it to be a good one." 

Court starts at 10.30am EST.  Please pray this is quick and easy (two words that never apply to foster care, but I can hope) and for our strength.  THANK YOU!!

hump day

What a week this is turning out to be.  We are scheduled fairly tightly.  As a matter of fact, I have about 30 minutes to sit down here before our next appointment, then dinner and off to teach an Into Session tonight. 

Quick Update - Monday went well.  I took baby love for her doctor's visit and sat in the waiting room with BA (bio aunt) and BU (bio uncle) for enough time to break the ice.  While waiting in the doctor's office, I had a chance to bring up Friday, mention that we are praying for God's will and express that we would not hinder a kinship relationship if BL remains with us. 

Meanwhile, BL has decided to give up eating all together.  I finally realized last night she is teething.  Which translates to not sleeping in addition to not eating.  Desperate, I actually fed her formula + oatmeal through a syringe last night.  Today was mommy helpers, family visit, meet with child profile SW...throw 3 babies in bed and hope they sleep before 4.15pm therapist appointment.

Tomorrow is...what I will just lovingly refer to as "hell day".  Thursday's seem to be that way for BL.  It is 6 hours of visits where she does not sleep or eat.  I get to deal with the repercussions. 

And then...well...then there is Friday.  Friday August 26th.  Court is scheduled in two sessions, late morning and late afternoon (should more time be needed).  I am dragging my husband with me for moral and emotional support. 

I was reassured by another foster mom who is certain she will remain with us.  I wish I could be so positive.  Counting down.  Two days to go.

preparing a talk

We have decided to pray for Padre Pio's intercession for the cause of Baby Love.  We are praying the same novena he prayed nightly while interceding for those who asked for his prayers.  Our fervent prayer is "God's will be done."  I love how the bottom of this novena begs prayers from St Joseph, foster father of Jesus. 

Today, while cleaning, I got to the bottom of a pile and suddenly, this little prayer book falls to the floor in front of me.  My mother picked it up for us last year and I had forgotten all about it.  At the same time, I saw a prayer card to St Gianna.  Blog followers know she plays a part in this story as well.  It is great to know these fantastic saints have our back!

Today is one week until court.

Visit drop offs with Bio Aunt have been a little stressful.  We don't have much of a report.  I fear she is caught up in an "us against them" mentality.   I am sure, if our places were reversed, I would possibly feel the same way.  I am contemplating "the talk".  It feels a little early to do so.  I would love to pour out my heart and tell her how much we love and adore this little girl.  But, I know it is better to leave that unsaid this early.  I am hoping for the grace and opportunity to reassure her that IF baby love remains with us, we will allow the aunt/niece relationship to continue.  I am hoping such reassurance might put our relationship on a better path.

the little girl with four mamas

(and four dads for that matter).

The other day when I was picking up baby love from her visit, her BA (bio aunt) kissed her good bye and said "mama loves you."  It was at that moment I realized, this sweet angel girl has four mamas.  While it is sweet she is and has been loved on by so many families, enough is enough.

So we have:
#1. Bio Mom and Bio Dad
#2. Bio Aunt and Bio Uncle
#3. Foster Mom and Foster Dad #1  (recently out of her life)
#4. Foster Mom and Foster Dad #2 (us)

Add to that the first several months of her life were in the NICU.  I am sure many of those nurses loved on her as if she was theirs.

Oh...and before I forget, Rosie often is petitioning that she BLs mama.  This one I will let slide, because I am constantly talking her out of this idea.


This poor sweet girl has had more change in her eight months.  In ten days we should know.  We are counting down.  That means tomorrow is Novena day 1.  We continue to pray, God's Will be Done! 

our timelines collide

While we became foster parents, your parents were becoming better acquainted

While we were becoming acquainted with our foster son, you were conceived

While we celebrated Holy Week, you began to grow in your mother's womb

and about the same time, we were presented with an adoption opportunity...but it wasn't right for us...that little girl was meant for friends....as we prayed about her...you were nestling warm in your mother's womb, your tiny beating heart, God knew then we would hold you one day

While our case was transferring to the adoption unit, your mother was entering her third trimester

While we were celebrating a first birthday, you were preparing for birth

the day you were born, we were just steps away at a doctor's appointment

While we were completing our adoption home study, you were fighting with the new world around you

While we were counting the days until Termination of Parental Rights was finalized, you were leaving the hospital for the first time

as our case moved closer to finalization, God drew you closer to us

While I prayed for intercession to St Gianna, you were right around the corner

7 days later I saw your beautiful smile for the first time and fell in love

While I was calling our social worker about you, your foster mom was calling the same social worker about us

While we waiting anxiously for an adoption date, we began learning to care for you

Then we learned that you would be going to live with your relatives...and then we learned you were not

While we were waiting, you continued to find your way back into our home

While we were waiting, your foster sibling got sick and your foster mom needed you to stay with us

When we found out we had an adoption date, we also found out your aunt was going to fight for you

Moments before we were standing outside the court room preparing to adopt our son, I was dropping you off for a visit and meeting your parents for the first time

Moments after we officially became a family of four, I was picking you up and going to our adoption party as a family of five

As we were leaving for vacation, we said goodbye, unsure you would be in our life again

As we were returning from vacation, we were nervously waiting news from the judge...and the verdict

You became our second placement that same day

And now, we wait.

In two weeks we should know if you will remain in our lives a bit longer

While we are waiting, we will pray

"I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience"
"..I will serve you, ...I will worship, ...I will not fail, ...I'll be running the race, even while I wait."
"I am peaceful, though it's not easy, faithfully I will wait"

exhausted

This is not the first time we have had sweet baby love, but this is the first time it is official.  That combined with returning from vacation (including having a wrecked house) plus end/beginning of new cycle.  I am exhausted.  And SOOOO blessed! 

Tonight we brought the family to mass at a retreat center.  There was one other well behaved child.  Then there were our kids.  I felt like a complete mess passing children back and forth and trying to scold our poorly behaved (almost) 4 year old.  I was not the picture perfect Catholic mom with pleasant children.  I was one of those moms. 

I thought I was ready for this.  I have to remember that family transition is not easy.  Clean clothes and clean house are not my priorities.  (I am typing this out as a visual note to myself).  As I write I can see that this is really Satan feeding me thoughts of doubt, self pity, lack of parenting skills, etc. 

Next week will be my first full week of visit drop off/pick ups.  She has a pretty big list of visits.  Two four hour visits and two one and a half hour visits.  This is more than Blaise had.  How on earth foster mom #1 kept up with this is beyond me. 

The good news, I honestly think she is the best behaved of my 3.  She is such an easy baby.  We splurged last week on pictures and a nice baby book (heralding her official entrance to our family). 

While I try to speculate the "what if's"; I think it wise just to enjoy our time together.  I can't imagine her transferring though I have to be emotionally prepared for that possibility.  Three more weeks until our next hurdle (court on 8/26).  I take consolation in the knowledge that God has brought her into our lives for a reason.  Everything has been miraculously and systematically orchestrated by His hand. 

and the verdict is...

we have a new placement!!  I brought our sleepy little girl home tonight, about 5 minutes after we came home from vacation.  My apologizes to baby love, who had to ride in a poopy seat to get back here.  :)

And, so, before you get your hopes up, the only verdict was that she was to be moved to our home.  The verdict regarding the kinship situation was continued to the end of August.  Basically, she is still in the picture, for now.  One step at a time.  One day at a time.  I should know more tomorrow.

Thank you to all who have prayed!!  Time to adjust our schedule so I can be a full time mamma to three!

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things

1st Corinthians 13:7 is the verse echoing in my head today.  "(Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Last month, when we knew baby love's BA (biological aunt) would be fighting for her, we made the decision to continue our relationship with her, no matter the cost.  Since then our weekend visits have progressed to week long visits.  We have had the joy of having baby love in our home for 15 our of the 31 days this month.  At the same time, BA, made the decision to discontinue her visits with BL.   A dear friend on an infertility board pointed out that I am the true mother in this case.  While humbled and grateful for her words, I am even more grateful to have this baby to love.

She truly is the sweetest thing.  A couple things I have learned; she is most content when being held, sleeps best when sleeping next to me (naps included), is content even when she is not meeting her sleep quota.  She is adored by all our family.  Even Augie, 19 months old, loves to shower her with kisses and love.  I also know she (and we) have had enough of this back and forth thing.  It is difficult to co-parent when the other parents are in a different house with a different schedule. 

August 3rd is court.  Today will either be the last day we see her or the last day we have to pass her back to her other foster family.  Tomorrow we leave for vacation and will return on the 3rd.  We will return to good news or heart breaking news.  As I reflected on this point this morning at breakfast, Paul commented that he was grateful to have the opportunity to love her as much as we have.

Please join us in praying that God's will be done for this sweet girl and that August 3rd brings some consistency to her life.   

Answering the Adoption FAQs

 Fellow blogger, Grace in My Heart recently asked the following questions.  As a 2 day new adoptive mama, I am happy to answer! 

Questions for Adoptive Mother's for those Discerning Adoption:
(Please feel free to copy and paste and then leave the post link with your answers!)


1.  How did you know when to begin the adoption process?
I remember struggling with infertility and wondering about this question for so long.  I have heard that most husbands are dragged into the process...and that was pretty true for us.  In 2005 I had my first and second surgeries with Dr Hilgers at the Pope Paul VI Institute.  I had been inquiring to others about their adoption stories for some time.  After our second surgery and several months of not conceiving, I started contacting agencies and getting information packages.  We went to two different information sessions and decided on an agency within a couple months.  It was a one step at a time process and we know God used each step very deliberately to prepare us for our future.  

(for those new to our story, you can see our timeline on the side bar or check out the about us tab)

2.  Did you ever feel like you failed at TTC (and were giving up "trying") so that's why you adopted?  What suggestions do you have for those working through these emotions?
I would not say we felt we failed TTC; more that adoption was something new to hope in.  It was a tremendous relief for me to give up the large amounts of medication, the charting, the timing...the overall stress of TTC. 

3.  Were you and your husband on the same page about adoption?  What suggestions do you have for a spouse who may not be as excited as the other about adoption?
In my experience, husbands have a more difficult time with the idea of giving up on TTC.  My suggestion, one step at a time.  Each step provided us with such an important opportunity to discuss our feelings and emotions over the adoption process.  It was difficult to get my husband to look at the agencies and the paperwork, but I insisted he did.  He came to the meetings with me and we had so many difficult conversations following these sessions.  Those conversations prepped our hearts. 

4.  How did you work through figuring out where to adopt from, how open to be, and what type of communication to have with your child's birthparents?
Conversation after conversation after conversation.  We decided on domestic adoption due to cost.  Our openness grew over time and we learned about the benefits of open adoption from the information sessions we attended.  The concept of open adoption was possibly the toughest issue for my husband.  He still struggles with the idea of "another parent" out there.  I was told, the benefit for the birth parents is they get to know their child is well taken care of (what they truly want).  The benefit for the child (in the case of visitation) is they understand who their parents are and they don't fantasize that life would be better with birth family. 

5.  Adoption can be really expensive.  What recommendations do you have to work through the financial aspect of it all?
I can not say enough how thrilled we are for the GIFT of foster care as an avenue to adoption.  So many people are afraid of this route.  I honestly and truly can not see why people struggle so much with this route.  Pregnancy, International/Domestic Adoption, Fostering.  Yes, they are all different experiences.  They all involve risk.  In any of these circumstances, you can loose a child.  In our experience with fostering, God prepared our hearts and the training process prepared our minds.  The extent of our financial responsibility was providing our background checks (~$150).  Foster care provided us with a budget for clothes, monthly stipend (=huge blessing), WIC paid for formula and food, medical assistance covered all medical expenses, and the county covered all our adoption costs.  Add to that we will continue to receive a stipend, until Augie is 18 and we are eligible for the adoption tax refund.  Honestly, they have paid us to adopt this precious child.  

(side note, during our first adoption process, we were committed to debt free adoption and had raised almost 10K through hard work and gifts)

6.  Do you truly feel like a mother even though you didn't give birth? 
Yes.  Ten thousand times yes.  Perhaps this is where fostering might be a bit different.  With Augie the process of bonding was a balance between bonding and guardedness.  It was a slow and deliberate path towards complete and unconditional love.  In the beginning, it felt as if I was taking care of someone else's child (I was!).  Today, there is not an ounce of difference between my love for Augie and my love for Rosie (who I gave birth to).  AND, adding baby love into the mix....as a foster mama you just become a mama.  When she is in my care, I am mama. 

7.  What prayers and/or books do you recommend for those discerning whether or not to pursue adoption?
Hopefully others' will have more helpful answers.  Personal witness was key for us.  I spoke with many adoptive mamas and then a fantastic foster mom who all helped give me the courage to move forward.  I just got the book "Adoption" by Ray Guarendi, but I haven't even opened it yet.  We were also just gifted with "God Found us You" which is a melt your heart tear-jerker you will want to share with your child one day. 

8.  What has been the best part about being an adoptive mother?
Wow.  Not sure how to answer this yet.  I am such a new one!  I am in awe of the process.  I am in awe of just how much a gift our son is to our lives.  I am still shaking at the thought of sitting in the witness box attempting to tell the judge (through my tears) why I wanted to adopt this child.  I guess, in a nutshell, just being able to see God's plan unfolding around me.  Through all the painful years of infertility, I was in the dark.  Receiving the GIFT of a child is seeing my tears and prayers finally being answered. 

Adopted!!!

It was an amazing day.  I cried through the whole 10 minutes of court.  We were so blessed to have family and friends supporting us and loving us through every aspect of this process and celebrating with us today.

After the ceremony a friend had us over for an amazing party, which also included a surprise baby shower.  We are blessed.  Augie is forever ours and we are eternally grateful! 

My dear friend gave us the book "God Found Us You".  It was our bedtime story tonight.  I completely recommend it to other adopting mamas out there!

Thanks to all for the love and prayers and support through the last 16 plus months!

With love
elisabeth

ps  - 20 minutes before our adoption I was dropping off baby love for a visit (first time I have done the drop off).  Interesting family, to say the least.  It was very amusing to be entering a new chapter with foster situation #2 while literally in the midst of adopting from foster situation #1.  stay tuned for details.  ;-)

Adoption Eve

My husband's aunt is upstairs bathing Rosie & Augie.  Baby Love is asleep in her crib.  Our house is a bit busy so this will be a quick reflection.

Tonight is our adoption eve!  Tomorrow we will celebrate a moment that we have anxiously awaited for 16 months and 2 weeks (the moment we first met "SBR").  It has been a relatively smooth roller coaster and we are so thrilled to finally make our son an official member of our family.  I have been so touched the past weeks by watching family bonds deepen.  He loves his Uncle KiKi! 

Tomorrow the judge will ask us to verify our information.  Then he will ask us individually "why do you want to adopt this child?".  I am not sure my eyes will be dry at the end.

Long ago I had wonderful hopes of celebrating this moment with a compliation video of all the moments I couldn't share over the past year.   No compilation video set to music (yet) - but I will share a couple of our favorite moments.

Coming Home, March 1 2010

Sweet Sweet Baby!

Kisses from Sissy

Kisses from Cousin

Happy 1st Birthday Happy Boy!

My dirt eater...he is such a boy!!

 

 

Blaise Augustine, we love you so much and we could not imagine our lives without you.  Welcome to the family!!!  XOXOXO

foster to adopt resources

Thanks to Foster 2 Forever and the guest post by the "Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption" CEO.  I was unfamiliar with their foundation and they have a great website. 

On this topic, I would also like to direct anyone who may consider fostering to an awesome blog.  Immediate Mom has a beautiful and inspiring story.  I hope she doesn't mind a plug.  :)

vote for our gerber baby!

I am petitioning for votes, and you can vote every day!

Vote for our Gerber baby!

6 days to adoption and counting down!!

it appears that bio aunt wants to fight

At the end of the day I called foster mom (FM).  I was dreading that no news is not good news.  Apparently social worker (SW) was supposed to call us with the update this morning.  Thankfully FM gave me the update.  Bio-Aunt (BA) cancelled her visit (not sure why) and told FM she would be hiring an attorney to fight for baby love (BL). 

While I am saddened....I trust in God's will for sweet BL. 

The county will be petitioning the court (date to be scheduled) over the matter.  For the time being, she will continue to reside with FM. 

Last night I was stressing out a little bit about how I would do everything this month (Augie's adoption, baptism, hosting a reception, hosting family, etc) with a baby in arms.  I am choosing to look at this as a blessing in disguise.

I have yet to discuss details with SW about continuing a relationship with BL over the next month.

Lord, may your will be done!  

baby love's status

Here are the players in our drama:
BL = baby love, the beautiful little 6mo who all this revolves around
SW = social worker for BL
FM = current foster mom (who is our current point of contact)
BA = biological aunt

Monday morning BA was essentially a no-show for her scheduled visit, so that visit was cancelled (good for us).  Everything, including important conversation was moved to Thursday.  Thursday evening I called FM to check in and got the following report:
The visit happened as scheduled and SW sat down with BA to inform her of their concerns about her raising BL.  Primary concerns are BA's health issues and BL's medical needs.  BA was very upset.  This was the first time she was informed of the possibility BL may not be moving to her house.  Incidentally, we have known this since mid-May when we were asked to be a back up family.  Essentially, the county was trying to build a case during that time so they have more to hold up in court later if needed.  Back to BA.  She feels discriminated against related to her age and she is upset because she is kinship while another family (us) are not.  She was told she had two options.  1. She can fight, which essentially means being prepared to go to court against the county.  2. She can let go, come to terms with not raising baby love but still maintain her status and relationship as BA.  She has until Monday to decide what she wants to do.

As Monday is a holiday, I probably will not know more until Tuesday....and taking into account this is foster world we are talking about, it could even be longer than that.

What I imagine happening....if they choose option 1,  BL probably will remain with FM indefinitely.  If they choose option 2, BL would probably be transitioning to our home before too long.   

We will be picking up BL on Saturday morning and have her through Monday night.  Which means I need to get working because I am not going to be getting much done after tomorrow.  :) 

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!  Will keep y'all posted!  Thanks for the prayers.  Oh, and a friend asked who she should pray to for intercession.  St Colette of Corbie came to my head, so I am praying for her intercession.  AND, it is possible St Gianna has her hand in this too.  I met BL for the first time 1 week after praying at her shrine. 

a weekend with baby love

Captivated.  In love.  My heart has gone. 

This weekend we had the immense and unexplainable JOY of being parents to 3!!!  I can't even believe it to write it. 

We had baby love for the weekend and oh, what a love she is! 

I was asked by a friend if this is the way that foster care worked.  You met and fell in love with a child, asked about them and they were potentially yours.  The answer is no...most of the time.  God allowed us a back door to this sweet girl. 

At mass I was contemplating that at my 29th birthday, after many years of trying, I was expecting my first.   On Thursday I turn 33.  I informed the social workers that baby love would be such a gift!  Tomorrow morning an important conversation should be going down to reveal more about where things stand.  If you could spare a prayer....
:)

(oh, and back to the drawing board for hubby's job - but thanks for all who prayed for God's will on our behalf for that intention!) 

she is way loved by these two

first bath at our home

babe in arms

we have a date!

I feel as if we have been waiting forever.  Waiting for the phone to ring with the announcement that we have a date.  It finally did.  Praise the Lord...we have an adoption date!!  Thursday July 14th, Blaise Augustine will officially and forever be ours!  The little boy who stole our heart and made us foster parents.  The little boy who was known by God and planned for our family long before he was known by us.  The crazy love of our life who keeps us on our toes, scales our furniture, brings a steady flow of rocks inside and gives the sweetest kisses ever...we are so grateful for him and SO SO glad to make this thing official! 

Because of him our hearts are so wide open to fostering again.  We have baby love with us this weekend, currently she is asleep in a bassinet next to my bed.  Thanks to our Augie, we are foster parents with no plans of quitting. 

not of my womb

I am falling!

Here's the deal. Current foster mom is so fed up with the situation she has offered us as much visit and bonding time as we would like. Current foster mom is the president of the Foster Parent Association and medical coordinator. She has been involved with fostering for a LONG time and has adopted 7, has 4 grown bio children and fostered endless more. She is very knowledgeable of the system. But we all know she is not in control. None of us are.

So, essentially, we are working through a back door here and a "bond at your own risk" sort of formula. We had baby love for two days of respite last week. Last night was our first overnight. She is doing wonderfully! There is something about holding her and rocking her. Last night it was as if she might as well have come straight out of my womb. It is like she is making up for not having had that place in my life. She loves to curl up in a fetal position nestled on my chest, listening to the sound of my heart. I was contemplating her snuggling and just felt as if she was a part of me.  These are indeed the words of a foster mama falling completely in love. And we will have her again this weekend.


She has come so far in the two months she has been in care with current foster mom. She is no longer classified as failure to thrive and her GJ feeding tube will be switched to a G tube, which is much easier for everyone to deal with. She seems as if she is getting a little more acclimated to our family, and the kids to her.

I was talking to current foster mom who is dreading saying goodbye to this beautiful love. We talked about fostering and good byes. She has had her share of them. She discussed how we take the "hit" for the kids. If baby love is not meant for us, it will be difficult, but we will take the hit. But I know I will be forever glad for this small opportunity to love her. These beautiful children take away the sting of years of infertility. It is God's grace healing my wounded heart.

i wish you could see her face!

We spent the day with "baby love" yesterday.  I so can't take just how adorable she is!  This teenie little one has a smile that will light up a room.  She glows.  She did so well with us at the park.  I felt like an insanely fertile person the two separate times I was asked how close in age BL and Augie are.  "12 months", I replied.  We spent the day rotating carrier to stroller and tag teaming.  It was so sweet to watch my husband cuddle and talk to her.

Paul spent most of the day with Rosie who went on her first roller coaster and two log flume rides.   My heart was probably racing more than hers was!  Augie got to play in the ball pit, which, at this point I am sure is what his heaven would look like.  He was so mad that we took him out he screamed for 10 minutes. 

We had a pretty good ride home..and then, madness descended.  It started with Augie and then spread to BL.  Over stimulating a "normal" baby would cause a great disruption.  I remember those days with Rosie.  Baby Love has had a rough life so far.  Between me (new person), not being on a nap schedule, not being in home environment, etc etc etc, it got a little hairy around the end of the day.  The most difficult part was not knowing how to soothe her and figuring out how to manage other children.  

Like so many foster kids, her story is a tough one.  The more I research about her obstacles, the more difficult her little life seems.  With regards to our family, I hold on to the confidence that God has everything in control.  And, we get to spend the day with her again tomorrow.  This time, completely on my own, without the support of my husband.  The reality of parenting +1 is not without challenge.  More that a few occasions I have asked myself "am I nuts for wanting this?".  Again, I trust in the story of how God has woven our lives together.  For whatever the future holds, Jesus, I trust in you!