i wish you could see her face!

We spent the day with "baby love" yesterday.  I so can't take just how adorable she is!  This teenie little one has a smile that will light up a room.  She glows.  She did so well with us at the park.  I felt like an insanely fertile person the two separate times I was asked how close in age BL and Augie are.  "12 months", I replied.  We spent the day rotating carrier to stroller and tag teaming.  It was so sweet to watch my husband cuddle and talk to her.

Paul spent most of the day with Rosie who went on her first roller coaster and two log flume rides.   My heart was probably racing more than hers was!  Augie got to play in the ball pit, which, at this point I am sure is what his heaven would look like.  He was so mad that we took him out he screamed for 10 minutes. 

We had a pretty good ride home..and then, madness descended.  It started with Augie and then spread to BL.  Over stimulating a "normal" baby would cause a great disruption.  I remember those days with Rosie.  Baby Love has had a rough life so far.  Between me (new person), not being on a nap schedule, not being in home environment, etc etc etc, it got a little hairy around the end of the day.  The most difficult part was not knowing how to soothe her and figuring out how to manage other children.  

Like so many foster kids, her story is a tough one.  The more I research about her obstacles, the more difficult her little life seems.  With regards to our family, I hold on to the confidence that God has everything in control.  And, we get to spend the day with her again tomorrow.  This time, completely on my own, without the support of my husband.  The reality of parenting +1 is not without challenge.  More that a few occasions I have asked myself "am I nuts for wanting this?".  Again, I trust in the story of how God has woven our lives together.  For whatever the future holds, Jesus, I trust in you!

and me of little faith

This morning God showed up.  We thought we had two no's to two separate prayer requests.  Within 5 minutes, we got two "maybe's".

Baby Love on Thursday!
Job Interview on Friday!

"Baby Love" is the name I have decided to give to the sweet little girl we met in May (more details here).  She is now almost 6 months old.  Things are back to rocky with the kinship family and we are still needed as a back up for her.  Well, we will have her for the whole day, this Thursday, at an amusement park (foster care event we had planned to attend).  I am so trying to not get my hopes up.  The county will be going to court to discuss their concerns with the identified kinship family - not sure when.

AND, this morning we got a call we have been waiting for, job interview!  Friday at 8am for my husband.  Please pray! 

Thank you Lord for the dose of humility and the reminder that I am not in control!  I trust in you!

oh what I would give for a mustard seed of faith

Do I believe in God?  Yes!
Do I believe that God loves me, cares for me?  Yes.
Do I believe He has plans for my welfare?  ummmm....
Do I believe that God is extravagant in His blessings?  I would really love believe that.  It sounds so beautiful.

Me, of little faith, mustered what I had to celebrate St Gianna's feast day at her shrine.  I placed her glove on my abdomen and prayed with faith for her assistance.  I have known so many blessings who have come directly after contact with her relics.  Two cycles of opportunity have come and gone with no miracle conception.

Around the same time we prayed a double novena; our lady undoer of knots and divine mercy.  So far, no response to our petitions for those novenas.  Just crickets.  And struggles.

A few months back I thought I could possibly have another foster babe in my arms and potentially a miracle conception.  My husband tries to remind me that some times God answers "not yet".  I have to remind my self continually that others stories' are theirs, not mine.  We look so often to how God has blessed others for our own hope.  But His plan is so unique and perfect to us.

Secondary IF is much less dramatic than the first go around.  I am SO grateful for my blessings.  I recognize God has appeared.  He HAS answered prayers.  He HAS listened.  But my faith is still weak.  Forever battered by the waves of primary infertility.  I am much quicker to say "well...no one was listening to THAT novena."  Much quicker to give up.

I see this summer as a turning point.  I hope for it to be.  We need for it to be.

Am I being called back into employment?  Are more kids around the corner?  Only God knows.  We are just waiting over here for revelation.

hello my name is elisabeth and I am addicted to second hand shopping

Seriously.

I have shopped through cgslist for many years and scored all kinds of deals.  I could do a whole post on our cgslist finds.  Yesterday, my husband completely indulged me.  I needed to get out of the house.  We drove 30 minutes to a 40,000 sq ft used furniture warehouse with the most amazing prices. 

Find #1: I found this adorable vintage desk set (and I was really just after the chair) for $20. 

I am in the process of doing some refinishing to what was a laminate top.  If I can convince my husband, that will be his bedside table. 

 As I said I was just after the chair. I originally got the idea from Restoration Hardware who lists this chair at $119.

  

And I found this guy on Etsy selling a similar set for 295!

Find #2, I was looking for a night stand and found this vintage desk for $15.  

Suddenly I think I have a thing for collecting vintage desks.  This is my fourth in a month!  I think I will refinish this one.  

I wanted to find some cute shutters to make a head board for our guest room.  This used furniture store had shutters in seriously used/weathered condition for $15 each.  I didn't love any of them.  On the way home we stopped at the ReStore.  Habitat for Humanity's resale outlet.  In love, again!

I found these shutter doors for $5.

I am not sure yet if I want to leave them vertical or turn them horizontal (cutting off the bottom).  The ReStore also had solid wood doors in the $20 range.  We totally need to replace our hollow core bedroom doors.  And we may be redoing our bathroom from the ReStore!

Tomorrow, if we have a few extra minutes, I am dying to check our our city's historical district.  They have a architectural salvage of building materials from older buildings.  While I understand second hand decorating may not be for everyone, I am so excited about it!  New does not work with our cash only debt-free plan.  Vintage and I are new BFFs.

not meant for us

A month ago I was helping out at a foster care fundraising event.  I met (and fell in love with) the most precious little baby girl.  She was smiley, cooey and so tiny for 5 months old.  What she lacked in size, she made up for in utter sweetness.  I knew the foster mom she was placed with was not an adoptive resource.  I went home, talked to Paul and called our social worker to inquire about her.  The social worker mentioned a kinship resource was being considered, but she would mention us to her supervisor.  A week later we got a call asking if we were serious about our interest in this little girl.  We were asked to attend a hospital training to learn how to care for her. 

We attended and Paul met her for the first time.  Beautiful smile.  Sparkling blue eyes.  A complete joy.  The kinship family showed up and we were trained together (they did not know we were there as a back up for them).  Initially my heart broke watching this older couple with her.  The woman was not able to comfort her and the man did not seem interested one iota.  The idea of her growing up in a family that was not utterly in love with her was tough. 

It seemed an easy, obvious choice to me.  God had other plans.  I found out today she is going with  her kinship family.  Evidently they have improved, man seems interested, woman is able to care for her.  I am glad for them.  We remain a back up family...but most likely, she is not intended for us.

I had mentioned her to Rosie and every so often she would bring up her name.  I told Rosie today that baby was going to stay with her family.  I was promptly informed that she would still like a sister.  I told her she has to pray to God for that.  Evidently she is already on the case.  She said she prayed for that when she was outside. 

It is relatively easy to let go of a babe that you have not yet fostered.  I fell in love but I did not bond.  We would have been delighted to parent her - but we trust in God's plan for our family.  That plan which right now includes anxiously awaiting an adoption date (hopefully within two weeks we will have a date and it will likely be in July).  One miracle at a time. 

petition to adopt

is Signed Sealed and Delivered!  This is a picture of us at the notary.  I asked the attorney to contact us asap as the announcements I hope to purchase are only on sale until Tuesday. :)

painted furniture

Recently I am in love with painted furniture.  I have decided my style is cottage.  I am slowly adding to our theme on a budget by converting, yard sailing, flea marketing, etc to adjust our decor.     I love how easy it is to paint furniture and how cheap you can find awesome pieces on craigslist.  

{before}

this is furniture I inherited from my grandparents years ago (as pictured in our old home).  Nothing fancy, broyhill circa 60s or 70s I suppose.  The table was so water stained and ugly I would not allow it to see the light of day.

{after}

pretty painted legs and natural finish top

the chairs were a craigslist find from a restaurant

painted and scuffed hutch and buffet

 

 

{before}

old electrical wire spool, purchased in yard sale last week for $4

{after}
Painted spool converted to coffee/play table
Pottery Barn Rug on Craigslist $100; Sofa on Craigslist $100

And a few more "before" yard sale finds:

Highchair purchased in yard sale for $2;
to be used as doll chair/high seat for table

Apple crate purchase for $3 - will not be painted

Pair of school desks purchased for $20

prayers for paul please

One of our prayer requests for a long while has been a job for Paul.  We are looking to take a step away from self-employed and into "benefits package".  A job we have been hoping for has finally become available.  Deadline for application was Monday.  Prayers would be so greatly appreciated!

start your day out right, take 2

After a crazy attempt at a morning...I am doing a take 2. Starting it out (again) dancing in the kitchen with this song! Turn it up!

Saving a Life?

"Foster a child, foster a future"
"Saving the world one child at a time"
"Foster Care Foster Hope"

These are a few of the slogans that I have heard in the process of trying to recruit foster parents.

Is it just me that thinks about myself all the time?  When we set out to foster, we did so with the "selfish" desire to grow our family.  We did not start out thinking about what impact we may have upon a child.

I am certain there does exist in this world those truly amazing people who would foster to make a difference in the life of a child.  God bless those generous souls.  I did not start out thinking about "them", I started out thinking about "me".

Now that I have met the most amazingly adorable little monkey I will soon officially call my son, I am starting to see the impact that foster care can have on "them".

I was told recently by Augie's early intervention coordinator about the significance of a loving home environment.  She pointed out his improvements as related to being in our care, rather then the home environment he may otherwise have been raised within.  She does not know the circumstances from which he was removed.  I do.  When I think about the crazy love bug I know as Augie and imagine his "other" life, I rejoice that he is here.  WE are so blessed to have him as a part of our family.

We were recently presented with a scenario that has me thinking about biological (kinship) family versus traditional (stranger) foster parents, like us.  There was a biological aunt in the process of trying to foster-adopt Augie, through the first several months of his placement with us.  It was a little nerve wrecking.  We were told, incorrectly, that she had completed everything in her state and was just waiting on clearance from our state & county to get him.  We later found out she never completed the process required of her.  Augie is very blessed to have bio-parents who adore him.  A kinship placement would give him the opportunity to be raised in his family culture and perhaps more opportunity to connect with his bio-parents.  It is not for me to judge, but I say with certainty, his life would have been so so different.  We certainly hope to maintain some connection with his bio-parents and allow a connection as far as we deem appropriate.  At some point, we face the inevitable discussions and hope that he will be secure in our love and rooted in our (his) values. 

The scenario I mentioned above has not yet unfolded.  There are two very different possible paths ahead.  Life "A" or Life "B".  The situation is out of our hands and we trust in God's wisdom.

For the first time I am starting to see my role of a foster parent differently.  My heart is growing in generosity.  It is not just me that I am doing this for anymore.  Don't get me wrong, the "me" is still a huge part of this...but when you start meeting kids - things change.  They matter more. 

I still don't think I will ever figure out how to respond to all the people that call us "hero" or say they could never ever be a foster parent.  From my vantage point now, I am unsure how I could ever go through a traditional adoption process.  When you walk in with the knowledge "the goal of foster care is reunification" it is as if your heart is prepped (just a bit).

So the slogans are usually for the purpose of recruiting.  I am not sure how well they work.  Word of mouth and witnessing others going through this process is what got us in the door.  Now that we are in...I think we will stay awhile.  :)


This post is part of Foster2Forever.com's May Blog Hop celebrating National Foster Care Month.

look what we made!

I have been stalking Ana White's blog and contemplating DIY woodworking projects.  Paul always has a ton of scrap wood lying around.  I found the perfect scrap piece (oak I think) and decided a wood swing would be a simple enough place to start!  We followed this tutorial (as best as we could) with a few modifications.

I admit, this would be a pretty awesome project for an adult size swing as well.  Here was another tutorial we referenced.  Paul said this takes me back to my southern roots.  :)  I am SOOO excited.  Not only for Rosie to have a swing again, but for all the memories this fun swing will create through the years.

we get em started young

new swing coming soon

eye hooks going into our >8" branch

and a swinging experience so cool we can't describe...come visit and swing in our swing!

Bargain Find (PSA)

I was out last week and stopped by the Restoration Hardware outlet. They had these adorable letters, originally priced at $16 and marked down to $1.  I found Rosie's letter in pink, but had to order Augie's.  Even with the shipping it was a pretty good deal.  We just got the first initial and I love the look of them in person!  Just putting out this public service announcement if anyone wants a cute letter for a baby/kid room.  :)

{pretty, funny, happy, real}

My beautiful blessings!!  

{pretty}

{funny}

{happy}

{real}

Next Step...Adoption!!

That is all.  :) 

Day 30

Are you familiar with Matisyahu?  This song just came into my head.  Love him (shout out to my brother in law who tried forever to get  us to love his music).  We love dancing around the house to his music.  Augie has THE.CUTEST. dance moves.  I can't wait to share some of his pics on the blog. 

49 hours to go!

Pray us through!!  I am busy counting down the hours until the end of the 30 day appeal period following the April 11th confirmation of consent hearing (termination of parental rights).  I have been guessing and second guessing every communication with bio mom in the hopes that she will hold tight and continue to trust us with raising the son she birthed.  Please pray for her.  Please pray for Augie's dad. 

After that...I am hoping that everyone working for us will be working at the speed we want them to go!  It is difficult when dates and time frames are in busy people's hands.  We are ready to make this thing official!

1000 reasons why I love and adore being a Fertility Care Practioner

Okay, so I know I won't list them all in this post, but there are easily that many reasons I am so blessed to have been called to this ministry.

First, for those that may be unfamiliar, Fertility Care is a system of charting your naturally occurring signs (i.e. cervical mucus) and biomarkers to determine times of fertility and infertility.  I teach women to chart and interpret these signs.  The best thing is that Physicians trained in NaPro Technology can READ A WOMAN'S CHART and use it to WORK WITH HER CYCLE.  This is phenomenal.  In our culture, physicians treat fertility as if it were a disease and infertility as a opportunity to play God.  God has given us the ability to read and interpret a woman's cycles and when a doctor can utilize that information, they can treat PMS, post postpartum depression, infertility, frequent miscarriage, and on and on.  They allow God to be God and the couple to achieve pregnancy naturally.  Testing and treatment is two to three times more effective than artificial reproductive options.

So, I am about to write an essay about 1000 reasons why I love NaPro Technology.  I will sum those 1000 reasons into one.  My daughter.  Rosie is the miracle that God blessed us with thanks to the help of NaPro Technology (she is pictured on the top of this website with Dr Hilgers).  My experiences with NaPro Technology paved the way to my path towards becoming an FCP.

This is my fifth year of blessing other couples with the gift of understanding their fertility.  I teach teenage girls with painful or irregular cycles through to pre-menopausal women seeking help with PMS.  I teach single women, engaged couples, married couples.  I walk with couples through their first pregnancy, through struggles with frequent miscarriages or infertility.  I teach friends.  I teach strangers.  I teach people that live down the road and people that live across the country (skype!).

By far, the most rewarding part of my work is teaching couples about SPICE.  SPICE stands for Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Creative/Communicative and Emotional needs of your spouse.  I am not a marriage counselor but I have the opportunity to challenge couples to grow in their love and understanding of one another.  I am able to turn couples towards one another and get them talking.  When necessary, I refer to counselors or priests.  I listen to their hopes and dreams; their fears and frustrations.  I walk with them through the struggles and challenges of using a natural system.  I help them process the fears of achieving pregnancy and encourage them through the despair of bareness.

They are coming off the pill for reasons of faith or to avoid side effects (they all have side effects from the pill!).  They are coming from the IVF doctor, looking for another chance at conception.  They are coming from every faith and no faith.  All the while, I am connecting with them and teaching them about God (whether they know it or not).  I am reiterating their wedding vows and teaching the truths as taught in Theology of the Body.  

I never aspired to this work.  God paved the way.  He wants to bless these couples and I have the opportunity to help Him do that. 

My greatest hope is that more doctors embrace the gift of Creighton & NaPro Technology.  I have asked it a thousand times, my clients ask it again and again...."why don't more doctors know this?".  I probably refer 75% (or more) of my clients for NaPro care.  Dr Stegman and Dr Hilgers both work with couples from around the country (and around the world). 

I remember at one point my mother was concerned that I was going to a "Catholic" doctor for my infertility.  She has come around.  It saddens me that this is a stigma.  As it turns out, a physician with a relationship with God that is willing to follow the teachings of the Church is able to be an instrument for God.  And we all know that all blessings, miracles, gifts and graces ultimately come through Him.  He is the ultimate healer.



This said, while not every couple will conceive, there is so much more to Creighton and NaPro than "an opportunity to conceive".  So many infertility bloggers so gracefully reflect on this again and again.  My heart aches for these couples.  God has a special place in His heart for you.  God does hear your prayers.  God does know your pain.  God loves you more than you know. 


PS- 
If you feel like you might be interested in pursing FCP or Medical Consultant training, I would be happy to offer direction or answer questions.  You can look for training near you on this site.

In love with a man...

Around 1994 I began falling for a man.  Over the years, he won my heart.  His tender, gentle love.  His kind, encouraging words.  He invited me to be a part of his life and in doing so he changed my life.  Without his deep deep love for me, I would not have become who I am.  It was a bit of a long distance relationship, but I never felt the distance. It wasn't until May 18, 2000 that I actually saw him for the first time. 

Love.at.first.sight.  Well...I had fallen for him before then.  I was walking down the road and heard his voice.  I began to run.  Before long I was looking into his face.  

 

Tomorrow, the man I love is receiving the title blessed.  I already know he is a saint.  He has been IN with God for quite some time.   He is my hero.  His is a gift to the world.  He is a gift to me.  My love for this man runs so deep.  His death could never change that love.  John Paul II, I love you!!

Giovanni Paolo [Life Teen] from Life Teen on Vimeo.

St Gianna's Shrine feast day...Blogger Meet Up...Anyone??

Hi Ladies,

I have St Gianna's feast day on my calendar.  I would love to go down for the event but need some inspiration.  Is anyone interested in a meet up???

It looks like the only activities for her feast day are Rosary at 6:30pm.  Mass at 7pm.  Veneration and reception to follow.  I would have my kiddos with me, so here is what I am thinking:

4pm at Chick Fil A - dinner & meet up (kids can play)

Chick-fil-A at Warrington Crossing

160 Easton Rd
Warrington, PA 18976
Phone: 215-491-4500 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              215-491-4500      end_of_the_skype_highlighting
6pm - over to shirne (about 10 minutes away...maybe more due to traffic?)

SHRINE OF SAINT GIANNA BERETTA MOLLA
Located at:
Nativity of Our Lord Church
625 West Street Road
Warminster, PA 18974

Anyone????

Email me at elisabethym at gmail.  I will give you my cell.  Let me know!
Elisabeth

Another Amazing Adoption Story (song)

This one is close to my heart! Friends from way back have been trying to adopt from Haiti since shortly after the disaster. This is a video of Michelle and Chris, who are trying to adopt David and Olguin (shown in the video). What a great song and sweet video!! I am adding this one to my song page!

Returning to the WWW

With my husband away...all day at work....I have lots of time to return to the www.  I have so many blog subjects floating through my head.  First, as far as we know...Confirmation of Consent (TPR) happened two weeks ago.  That said...we are in a new kind of 2ww.  Please keep us in prayers.  May 12th we should be in the clear!   That will be our date to breathe (not that I am holding my breath).  Overall, this whole process has been pretty non-dramatic, thanks to God. 

Subjects running through my head that I hope to come back to later:
- Parenting with Grace (boy do I need more)
- What I missed least about being off line...facebook = how to save time by avoiding fb
- More thoughts on homeschooling
- 1000 reasons why I love and adore being a Fertility Care practioner
- On having more children...an infertile girl contemplating when to say yes to more (foster kids)
- Contemplating the return to pro-life work
- The Unbound conference we attended....the gift of Neal Lozano
- St Gianna Shrine feast day meet up...anyone? 
-And my new found friend....THE FLY LADY!  I am certain many of you have heard of her already, but if not, please go to www.flylady.net.  I am on day 8 and totally being renewed by the gift of FLYing.  I hope to blog about this very soon!

Yesterday we attended the foster care egg hunt.  Most of the festivities were under the pavilion but I stepped outside for a few minutes to let the kids run around in the wet grass.  I ended up throwing a football with a precious 8 year old boy.  He totally won my heart and I contemplated asking someone about him.  Photo profiles of kids are okay, but spending 10 minutes with any of these kids is a different story.  The world of fostering has opened my heart in ways I never thought possible.  What I imagine our family looking like has changed.  Even though I feel completely inadequate as a mother, we truly have so much love to give.  Alright...so there is my blog post.  When my brain refocuses, I will return with some specific thoughts.  Now...back to sink shining (fly lady). 

I wish a wonderful, blessed Easter season to all my family and blog friends. 

Rosie with her cousins.  AND THE most adorable homemade gift we have received.  A pillow case dress made by Rosie's godmother!  Love it!!

My attempt at a picture before the Easter Vigil.  We will have to get dressed up a stage some lovely Easter pictures later (oh and my camera totally stinks lately!).  

I have been praying for you!

This lent I had less time to focus on the internet and more time to focus on prayer!  I have had the joy of offering small sacrifices and many prayers for Percolating Petals. 

PP, congratulations on your miracle baby!!  Of all your intentions, I can certainly most relate to the specific intention you have asked for yourself.  Overcoming infertility is the hugest blessing in the world.  We recognize and treasure the gift of a child SOOOOO much.  And then the reality hits.  Parenthood is a blessing...and a cross.  I can remember the early days.  The sleepless nights.  The weight of every little decision.  I pray you are comforted through every difficult moment with your beautiful baby girl.

In my prayers for you, the Lord gave me an image.  The image of his crown of thorns.  In motherhood, we are also pierced with thorns.  I hope you can spend a few minutes with the image and  in prayer contemplating why the Lord gave that image to me for you.  :)  I pray that in the coming weeks you are able to unite yourself more closely to Christ's wounds and relish more deeply the power of his resurrection!

It has been my joy to pray for you.  I also realize today that we probably spoke last year about your SHE group (while I was planning The Hope Retreat).  :)  Happy Easter to you and your family!  (watch out for a small delivery on Wednesday).

ps - pray for us!  we are on our way to the Easter vigil with our two blessings!  

Blog Closed for Lent

As I mentioned earlier I am going Unplugged for Lent.  Prayer buddy...I will be offering my off-line sacrifices for your intentions!!  God bless you wonderful blogging ladies!  You will all be in my prayers.  I will remain hopeful for those in need of Hope! 

For my prayer partner, here are our important dates on our road to adoption:
March 22nd - court permanancy hearing for Augie, we don't expect surprises
EDIT April 11th - confirmation of consent hearing, where termination of parental rights will take effect
then 30 days of prayer that this is not appealed.
By then I will be back on line.  Thank you!!!

Helping women enter lent

This year I am involved with coordinating an event for women of our parish.  I think it is such a great event I am just adding it here to spark the idea for other women. 

The concept is simple.  You recruit women to host tables.  They provide the table set up; linens, dishes, glasses, etc.  They provide a crock of soup, bread, butter, wine, fruit.  They decorate their tables for lent (grapevine crown of thorns), candles.  They provide a small token gift, I am making rosaries.  Then they invite 7 friends and host them as if they were having them over for dinner.

We provide the spiritual setting to enter the season. 

In our case we have a priest who will be speaking, followed by a woman offering her testimony and life through the lens of Our Lady of Sorrows. We will conclude our evening with Stations of the Cross. 

Two girlfriends are helping me coordinate.  This is our first event.  We have recruited 25 table hostesses through various women and parish organizations.  This is a potential of 200 women attending.  Down the line if anyone wants more information, please feel free to contact me.  I am happy to share files.  :)  God bless.

Advent by Candlelight from the Web

Unplugged for Lent

Just an FYI to blog readers, I am closing shop for lent.  I will be doing the same for facebook and to the best of my ability, for email. 

Since we don't expect to have any news on the adoption front, I don't suppose I will have much to share.  Update on that topic, April 22nd is our "new Feb 28th" - meaning TPR will not happen until then, because they signed.  

I will be praying for my prayer buddy and all others I have promised to pray.  I may use Sunday exception and in limited doses.  

I will post again before then, but just a week until warning.  

Decorating Blog: Ana-White

I love decorating blogs, but I have never followed them before. I was just referred to this blog and I.AM.IN.LOVE!!!!! Phenomenal! I love Pottery Barn and I am married to a carpenter. Those two loves have not yet met...until now. :) So thrilled to discover this! Just wait until Paul comes home. I can't decide what to add to my wish list first.

Editing to add that this picture actually comes from another site that I have also added to my blog roll.

Planned Parenthood's Bunnies

Okay, please don't watch this with children around. A very powerful comparison of government funding and Pl@nnd Parenh00d.

Processing Yesterday and the End of Visits

Today was a beautiful day with Augie.  I could not stop loving on him.  It is almost as if the "loss" of his bio mom allows me to step into the role of his mom even more.  He does not know the loss.  He knows us.  We are home.  But I having been praying for her constantly, trying to imagine the excruciating pain of letting go of your child. 

Yesterday started with coffee.  Paul and I sat down with her and I later learned that the simple act of buying her coffee meant more than we will ever know.  In her world, where gifts are not given and free is everything, she mentioned that to the visit supervisor at least 6 times (as the supervisor later told me).  

Over coffee we discussed her.  We asked how she is doing and we listened.  She discussed the grief, what she imagines is the grief to come, how she will process, etc.  We asked about likes and dislikes; family history; family tree.  We tried to learn about her for Augie's sake.  We offered her a modified family profile so she can learn a little bit more about us (and so she can share it with bio dad).  We gave her a gift, a picture frame with a hand print, foot print and a few recent pictures.  She gave us a letter from bio dad and a gift for Augie.

During this time, Augie was next door at a visit with extended relatives.  We picked him up and captured a beautiful picture of bio mom with Augie.  We said good bye to return again a few hours later for her closing visit.

Paul and I had time to read through a letter from bio dad.  He wrote a beautiful letter with words of thanks for taking care of his son.  The fact that both of them trust us - and signed - means a great deal.  This is not to say we don't face an awkward transition and future in terms of how the relationships will play out, but there letters and words are a good thing.

That said, there were a couple of wishes expressed that we will not honor:
- mom asked that we not cut his hair
- dad asked that we not change his name

Both are examples of  what I refer to regarding awkwardness.  He will be ours, but he will always be theirs (emotionally).  In my head I reconcile this and say "he will always be your SBR."  It is also our intention that they will  not find out about the name change, to the best of our ability. 


After he took a quick nap, I returned with Augie.  An hour early so that his bio dad could say goodbye.  I "supervised" the visit...basically hung out with her for the hour until her normal visit started.  In that time we discussed communication.  I had spent the evening prior agonizing over what to offer.  I know she wanted direct communication, rather than being limited through the agency.  I had decided I was okay with that, to an extent.  Communication is completely up to us.  Paul and I finally agreed that I could offer my cell and email, with the exception that it would be blocked to only allow one way communication when we were ready to contact her.  I explained that I would provide her our information but that it was going to be quiet for a long time.  We needed the time to re-establish our role with Augie.  I tried to reassure her that it is important for us that he knows them and we will try to facilitate that in the future.  We had previously agreed to twice a year updates and a once a year visit over lunch. 

I have spent a good part of this evening second guessing and researching what she could find out about us through the email and phone number.  I have done a little cleaning up online.  I also found fa@ebook profiles for both of his parents and blocked them. These types of boundaries are new to me.  Suddenly privacy issues have gone to a new level.  It is something that I did not think of to the degree I am going to be thinking of in the future. 

After my hour with bio mom, the supervisor showed up and I came home for a break.  When I returned, I was expecting to meet Augie's half sister.  Due to transportation difficulties, she was still 15 minutes away.  I sat outside of the building with bio mom awaiting her arrival.  I am so glad I waited and captured a priceless picture of this sweet little girl holding her brother.  After spending a little time in the cold, it was a quick good bye.  At that point we were all physically and emotionally exhausted.  A quick hug and that was the end.

Today was absolutely a new day.  It just felt different all around.  Another hurdle jumped in the road to adoption.  Today I held him more, kissed him more and stared at him.  Though a bond has been forming slowly, it was as if a cord was cut that allowed that bond to increase dramatically.  The miracle that he is has begun to sink in.  The greatness of the gift of a single beautiful child has been emphasized in my mind.  Oh how long it took Rosie to come into our lives.  How long we have prayed to be parents.  To think of the journey until now and the GIFT of Augie.  He is miraculous, beautiful, adorable, wonderful...and....another step closer to being ours.

They Signed

What this means is 2/28 for TPR is no more.  Instead we wait 30 days and our social worker will schedule a "Confirmation of Consent" hearing.  After that hearing, we wait another 30 days.  So....our 35 days until termination just got extended to 60 days.

So...I need to find a longer novena.  :)  I will post more about the day when I have processed it.  Thank you to everyone who has prayed!

Selfishly, it is bittersweet.  But, it is best.  I should be rejoicing.  I am exhausted.  Augie is currently at his closing visit.  It lasts until 6pm.  He is meeting (seeing) his big half sister for the first time since he has been with us.  I am looking forward to meeting her too.

Closing Visit

Please pray tomorrow for Augie's mom.  We will meet with her in the morning (if she shows up) for coffee and a chance to chat - and give her our "family profile" that we made and a small gift.  Tomorrow evening is the closing visit, her last visit with Augie.  Pray for her strength, her courage and our ability to say the right things to help comfort her.  This is our first birth parent good bye.  :*-(

Nicknames!

I have read a few blogs where the kids are nicknamed.  I like that idea better than calling my kids an initial.  My husband is responsible for coming up with both of these nicknames. 

So.....from this point forward I have a Rosie and an Augie.  :)

another reason to be a foster parent

Stephen Curtis Chapman offers another reason to be a foster parent. Beautiful song from the perspective of a foster child.

Happy Valentines Day to My Love

My Beloved,

I am so grateful that our internet romance that freaked out my family has turned into a marriage to brag (blog) about.  :)

In the 10 years I have known you and the 8 years we have been married, I am still in love with the man you are, the spouse you have been and the father you have become.  I know in the hustle and bustle of our lives, our work, our family we don't get much time to sit face to face.  I don't have many moments of quiet to speak your love language, to offer words of affirmation.  

This vday, I hope to find a few moments of quiet with you.  Perhaps a chance to play another round of Scrabble.  A moment to sit in front of a fireplace we are not filling with coal.  A chance to gaze into your eyes and remember when we used to do that for hours.  A couple opportunities to affirm you.

So I will start my valentine now.

Thank you for being the strong man you are.  Thank you for your inner strength.  When I am a mess of emotions, a mess of a housewife, a mess of a mother, you are strong.  You inner strength amazes me.  Your outer strength is not bad either.

Thank you for being my peace.  When I am at the end of the rope, you know and you find a way to calm me.  Be it a hot bath, a candle, a massage, classical music, an extra two hours of sleep...the keys to leave the house, you offer a solution.  You are a peacemaker.  While it has been a long running joke that you totally missed "our" first fight, it is absolutely because trivial things mean nothing to you.  Thanks for understanding sometimes that I need a good fight and trying your best to follow my rules.  :)

Thank you for being a man of faith.  Every day I hear of a situation that makes me praise God you are a man of faith.  I am so grateful we are on this journey together and that you are the head of our household.  I gladly fall under your mission.

Thank you for being a man of patience.  You always said our jobs were to lead each other to heaven, right??  This is how I will get you there!

Thank you for being a man of perseverance.   Our life is not easy.  But it is our life.  I am grateful for your hard work and for your perseverance.  You are an excellent carpenter, a great teacher, you are a humble worker, you are an honest man.  I am amazed at the breadth of your skills and so proud that my husband can do so much more for our house than the average husband.  One day we will have the time....

Thank you for being a strong father.  I will never ever ever worry about my daughter having a strong male role model.  I could not imagine a stronger one.  To see the way she loves you, and more importantly, the way you love her....literally brings tears to my eyes (crying now).  She is a papa's girl.  She is our miracle and thank you for fighting for her with me.  We are blessed.

I hope I am filling up your love tank a bit??? 

I feel I spend so much time self absorbed....or as I say so often, just surviving.  This parenthood gig is harder than we thought!  :)  But I am 10000% grateful that God has chosen you for me.  There is no one in this world more suited for me than you!  I love you.  Happy Valentines Day.

This post was inspired by the song I have been stalking recently, Since Delilah probably won't play it for us....I dedicate this to you.  Set Me As a Seal by Matt Maher.
 (scroll down, pause my play list music, right click on the link and open in a new window, click listen now and come back here to enjoy the lyrics with me)



Set me as a seal on your heart.
Set me as a seal on your soul.
For strong as death is love,
unyielding as the grave.
Nothing will quench its flame,
nothing will quench its flame.

Kiss me, my love,
that your name be on my lips.
You intoxicate my being
with the fragrance of your presence.

How beautiful you are, my darling.
Show me your face, let me hear your voice.
Sweet as the dew in the early morn,
like a lily among the thorns.

I looked for you, the one my heart loves.
I looked for you, but did not find you.
I searched through the night until I rested in your sight.
Now, I will never let you go.

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes.
Your lips so sweet, adorned with honey.
My hands, they drip with myrrh.

Acceptance

Thanks be to God.  It sounds like bio mom (and dad) have come to a point of acceptance.  I believe they are realizing that we are the ones who will be raising their son.

The meeting finally happened this morning.  Mom cried.  I cried.  I did my best to reassure her how deeply we love her son and that he will not be our "adopted son" - just our son, as natural as H is our daughter. We spoke about contact after termination.  Her greatest fear is there would be none.  I assured her that I understand the importance for her to get updates and see he is happy and loved, and for him to have the opportunity to know how much he is loved by them.  We discussed the possibilities of emails or contact via texting/pixing.

I explained that I understand this is different than if she was giving him up for adoption, looked through profiles and choose us to raise her son.  I asked how she felt about it being us that has him.  She expressed the desire to know more about us, to meet my husband, to know who we are.  She suggested a meeting without kids to get to know each other.  I left with the resolve to try to accommodate this and make something of a couple/family profile so she can feel comfortable with us. 

It was an awkward...but uber important meeting.  She said that she will go to the termination and if the judge ask, state she is in agreement.  We are making plans for the closing visit in two weeks.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS!  They are working on their hearts.  Please keep them coming!

St Colette of Corbie, Patron Saint for Childless Couples

A few years back a retired Bishop of our diocese passed on a little pamphlet to my husband and I.  It was about St Colette of Corbie and she was listed as a patron for childless couples.  I had never heard of her and was intrigued to know of another intercessor.  I had already begged St Gianna and St Gerard for years.

I was just reminded that her feast day was yesterday, Feb 7th.  As many may not know of her, I am sharing this secret! 

She intercedes for childless couples because her mother was 60 years old when she gave birth to Collette. 

She has also been attributed to resurrection miracles, in particular, stillborn babies. 


The Dedication Prayer of Saint Colette

O Blessed Jesus,
I dedicate myself to You
in health, in illness,
in my life, in my death,
in all my desires, in all my deeds.
So that,
I may never work henceforth
except for Your glory,
for the salvation of souls,
and for that which
You have chosen me.
From this moment on, dearest Lord,
there is nothing
which I am not prepared
to undertake for love of You.

For all my sisters in Christ who have yet to be blessed with the gift of parenthood, I am praying for you!!!  St Colette of Corbie, Pray for us! 

Valentine Day Project

Thanks to Grace in My Heart for this great idea!  We had so much fun doing this project and I couldn't resist sharing...even though it spoil the surprise for the grandparents!

Abby Johnson speaks at Bryan Clinic

God Bless Abby Johnson. Next 40 Days for Life Campaign starts on March 9th!

CNN: Lila Rose Discusses Planned Parenthood Cover of Underage Sex Ring (...

he shall be called...

Blaise Augustine

happy name day baby!

http://www.ewtn.com/saintsHoly/saints/B/stblaise.asp

cautiously contemplating home schooling

In my college years I was fortunate to be surrounded by solid Catholic families.  These families mentored me in Catholic family life.  They were also my first exposure to home schooling.

When I met Paul, he was a big fan of the idea of home schooling.  I was open to the idea.  The idea of home schooling is one thing.  The reality of it...quite another.

This past year I have received a few books from my wish list: 
The Well Trained Mind
Catholic Homeschool Companion
Catholic Education: Homeward Bound

The Well Trained Mind paints a beautiful vision of homeschooling.  In the ideal world we would all be classically educated.  This book terrified me.  I did take away encouraging H to draw her circles counter clock-wise as a pre-writting skill, but not too much more than that quite yet.

The Catholic Homeschool Companion is a wealth of resources.  I am not quite ready for deciding on a curriculum.

Right now I am reading Homeward Bound.  I am grateful for the simplicity of this book.  It advises that instead of asking whether we will home school, we should be asking whether we will continue to home school.  It also discusses the tutoring approach to home schooling.  This speaks to me.  In college I hired a tutor to help me understand biology.  I was so grateful for the one on one approach that I received for the first time in my life.  It is easy for me to understand how one could excel through tutoring. The other piece that appeals to me is the non-rushed approach.  Getting out of the house can be a flurry of activity, we are often rushing out the door.  I like the idea of not rushing and am a big fan of the idea of simplicity. 

I am a long way from decision making.  The biggest hurdle for me to overcome is myself.  I am interested in the idea and am on the hunt for homeschooling blogs & resources that inspire.  That said, we also had plans today to tour our local parish preschool.  Due to the ice, school was canceled...we are home.  :)

unPlanned

It has been less than a week since the March for Life. On our bus someone had a copy of a new book by Abby Johnson. It was being passed around and it stopped at my seat. I started reading and devoured the first five chapters. The person who brought it on the trip gave it to me and then asked that I pass it on to someone else when I finished. I am not a huge reader but I was picking this up at every free moment until I finished it yesterday.

At her Texas A&M volunteer fair, Abby was recruited to work for Planned Parenth00d. She was drawn in by the attractive display, the well spoken professional woman at the table and especially by the idea of helping women in crisis. All along she believed that she was there to make abortion rare. She believed her involvement in this organization would make a difference. Through the years Abby quickly rose through the ranks and eventually became the director of a Planned Parenth00d clinic near Texas A&M. She became a champion for women...or so she believed.

As Abby's story unfolds, so does the parallel story of the people on the other side of the fence. The pro-lifers.

I am interjecting Abby's story to tell part of my own:

I am a pro-lifer. I am one of those people who have stood on the other side of the fence. While attending college in Mobile, Alabama I became connected with a gentleman who knew of my deep pro-life convictions, I will call him Joe. Joe invited me to join him to pray at Planned Parenth00d on their abortion day. My heart was pounding as I drove up to that clinic at 7am on a Tuesday morning, December 14, 1999. I parked across the street and found Joe. I helped him gather his literature and signs as clients and pro-lifers began arriving. The other pro-lifers set to work praying, trying to catch the attention of the people sitting in their cars. Car after car arrived. As the doors opened, these women begin pouring into the clinic. One woman, got out of her car about 10 feet from where I stood. I opened my mouth for the first time and said "please don't do this". She looked at me, stone-faced, and said "my husband and I already have too many children." At that moment I lost it. I feel to my knees and began to weep.

I imagine most people are unaware of abortion clinics in their town. For those who have not had a personal connection with them, they can be easy to ignore. Even for us that consider ourselves pro-life, how often do we think about those clinics. Definitely out of sight, out of mind. However, we you know what happens during an abortion and then when you stand face to face with an abortion clinic...there are no words to describe the feeling. Especially when you face it for the first time.

I knelt and wept for quite a while as the sounds of the rosary where filling the air around me. I clutched my beads. After two hours there were at least thirty cars in the parking lot. Thirty women waiting for abortions. During that time there were three teenage girls that kept coming out to their car. They would smoke and laugh then go back into the clinic. Around 9:15 the pro-lifers begin leaving. As I was about to get in my car I noticed Joe had caught the attention of one of those teenagers. She was walking over to him. I went back towards them. One of her friends came out and came over. Joe offered that we go out to breakfast. They agreed.

We walked two blocks down to Shoneys and he ushered us into the smoking section. One of the girls was pregnant from her boyfriend and the other was pregnant through rape. We talked to them and "Amanda" was very open and receptive. After a bit she began to cry and said she is going to keep her baby. Methodically she went for a cigarette, then looked at it and said "Oh my gosh, I can't smoke! I am pregnant!"

This was my first encounter with side walk counseling. We had a save on my first day!! It was miraculous. I was hooked. That day ignited my passion for praying on the sidewalk.

Back to Abby's story! The pro-life group on the other side of the fence was called Coalition for Life. As I have "stood at the fence" I saw myself in their tears and prayers. The story talks about how this amazing group of young people establish acceptable behaviors for the sidewalk counselors. No more grim reapers, signs that call out "murders" or graphic images. Instead they offer love and friendship to the clinic workers and girls. Their most powerful witness was the program that began by this group at this clinic, called 40 Days for Life (now a national prayer campaign).

God uses the love and friendship from Coalition for Life, and the prayers of people involved with 40 Days for Life to work on Abby's heart. She begins to feel pressure from above to increase revenue to her clinic. Revenue comes from abortions. Again, one of Abby's hopes was to decrease the number of abortions. As the organizational pressure mounts, so does her internal struggle. In this perfectly orchestrated series of events, she is then called into to help with an abortion, for the first time in her 10 year involvement with this clinic. The doctor needed her to hold an ultrasound while he conducts the abortion. What Abby witnesses, changes her life. I highly encourage you to read the first chapter of her book on her website: http://www.unplannedthebook.com/.

I highly encourage you to purchase her book. Abby's story is riveting and I know she will continue to be a witness to thousands on both sides of the fence.

I am grateful for a new and renewed spirit of activism. There are two women that I know need to join me in prayer outside of our local clinic. The next 40 Days campaign starts on March 9th. We will be there.

TimeLapse March for LIFE DC 2011

And this doesn't event do it justice!

meeting cancelled

welcome to the world of fostering. ugh. next meeting, two weeks.

Friday 11am EST

Visits have been rescheduled and THE meeting (bio mom, myself and sw) is tomorrow 11am EST. I have been anxious about this for over a week. Since it became inevitable it would be canceled yesterday and things were no longer running on MY time line, I have had more peace. GOD is in control!!

So, please continue to pray for SBR's parents and the possible tough conversation we will be having tomorrow about SBR's future. God give me the grace to be "positively vague" as suggested by a friend.

Snow & Important Meetings :(

Snow is not a good thing for anxious foster mamas. I had an important meeting today, canceled due to weather. Of course it was snow that also delayed SBR from coming to our house for almost a week last year.

The meeting was scheduled for 10:30 EST and I was going to post to ask for prayers. Bio-mom received a letter from bio-dad and asked to set up a meeting with Social Worker and myself to talk. My first thought was that she was going to sign (her rights). My understanding is that if both parents sign before 1/28 then TPR will happen 2/28, as scheduled. If they sign after 1/28, TPR is delayed until 30 days after they sign. I guess I shouldn't stress because SW tells me it is better if they sign.

I guess if they sign I would not fear the 30 days after TPR as much and could potentially save 6-12 months of waiting. For that I would be grateful.

So it was bio-mom who canceled the meeting and said "I don't want to risk his safety." I AM grateful for the way his bio-parents love him. Please pray for SBR's bio-parents as they contemplate this huge decision.

My Heart Exalts - MFL

We had a wonderful (albeit cold)...March for Life on Monday. One of my highlights was meeting the beautiful blogger, "My Heart Exalts." She glows and I am certain it is her beautiful soul shining brightly. I wish that we had more time to sip coffee and get lost in conversation. Unfortunately, I had a very tired 1 year old who kept falling on his head and an anxious to move 3 year old...and the March!



MHE - Thank you for coming to find us!! I am sure it was a bit nerve wrecking when you realized what you were up against in the crowds! I am certain it won't be our last meeting! Be assured of my prayers and love you too!!











The second highlight for me was the fact that after we took the picture by the supreme court, and after standing in the same spot for 20 minutes, I realized we were standing next to my favorite Catholic band, L'Angelus!

They are Cajun and that is what makes their music so unique and interesting. If you haven't heard them before, check them out!

Finally, on the ride home I was blessed to meet a beautiful brave soul on our bus. She was marching for the first time. She came into the Church last year. She suffered 3 miscarriages. Her first miscarriage was her turning point. She used to work for Banned Parnthood. The moment she was grieving her first lost she discovered she was not sad about loosing a "mass of cells" she was sad because she lost her baby. She passed on a book that I think is fantastic. Everyone needs a copy of "UnPlanned" by Abby Johnson. Start with reading the first chapter on her website. Tell everyone you know to read this chapter! Abby has a powerful witness and the account of her story is wonderful.

March for Life

My Heart Exults mentioned she was attending her first March for Life this year. I am so blessed to live within a relatively easy drive of DC. I take it for granted. We are hoping to attend and have not yet decided whether we are driving or joining a bus trip (if there is still room).

I am pretty new to the fabulous blogging community and wondering if anyone else is going??

I have to admit I am a bit of a crazed socialite at the March for Life. When I worked for Priests for Life it was my job to attend them. How cool is that? Our staff would go with a big plan to cover all of DC in the days or week leading up to the March. I would be involved with students for life conferences, youth rallies, the vendor display...and then hanging out at the Dubliner (where I first learned to love a Black Velvet). When I moved to PA and ran the youth group, I started leading bus trips. We would always hit the Verizon Center at 7am and, beside leading the trip, my day was spent fluttering around finding old friends. I love the March for Life!

In the last couple years, I have been less connected with my pro-life activist roots. I drive by Banned Paren7hood on a regular basis but I have not counseled in years. SBR and H have only been with me once to pray. I have gone to from working for the pro-life movement to youth ministry to Creighton teacher. I realize teaching NFP is a pro-life ministry. But I miss the passion. There is no cause greater than abortion. I could go on and on here.

In our local news, and national news a doctor was just arrested for murdering 7 live born babies. Of course, there is no discussion about the fact that the babies were "this close" (head in uterus) to being perfectly legal to kill in the same fashion. Wow. I really have to control myself or this is about to be a novel.

So...while I adore going to the March for Life and seeing old (and new) friends - there is one very specific reason I go (and now drag the family along). For someone that has never Marched, it is truly a very powerful experience. MHE, I am so glad you are making the trip. For all the long time marchers, remember. For all those that can't attend, pray.

petitions for the wailing wall

I am so thrilled for my brother in law who leaves tomorrow for Jerusalem. It has long been a dream of mine to travel to the Holy Land. My husband traveled there before we met, so it is going to take a bit of convincing to get him back. We went out for dinner the other night. My brother in law kept referring to it as the last supper. I had a chance to scribble a few petitions (in crayon...Paul said God can read crayon ;) on the back of the kids menu/coloring sheet.

In a few days, if he remembers, our petitions should be plugging a part of the wall! With it, of course, our petition and hope to adopt SBR. Also, our petition for his parents. And a few other special intentions.

I am sorry I have not been around nor blogging. We had a wonderful holiday in Florida and are back in the swing of things here. A few more social worker visits, a few more background checks, some homestudy training and a visit to the Children's hospital (SBR will be having an MRI in a few weeks). Looking at the calender there are just four visits remaining before TPR. I will be blogging my anxiety, fears and prayer intentions so stay tuned.

Happy New Year blog world!