I have been praying for...

Waiting in Joyful Hope,

It has been my honor to pray for you this month.  When I got my assignment and checked out your blog, I read your story and wanted to send big hugs.  It was a special honor to pray for a still-waiting blogger, remembering the great and heavy time of waiting and waiting and waiting.

As I read through your old posts, I saw you actually linked to my blog to share your NaPro story (which made me even more excited to pray for you).

I have offered Mass for you and included you in our St Andrews Christmas Novena.  I will keep you close to my thoughts and in my prayers...especially as your start your foster care process soon!  We received our first placement three months after we started our training...I will be especially praying for a quick referral and the child meant just for you two.

With loves of hugs and love!
e

from a person dealing with anger, on this tragedy

I was oblivious up until 3pm.  I got home from my daughter's Christmas pageant only to see my facebook feed filled up by comments from sad and grieving mothers.  I quickly became one of them.  Wondering along with them "how the hell can this happen? What is wrong with people???  What the hell is wrong with our world?"

After I cried...sobbed...I started to think.

St Therese of Liseux said she was capable of the worst kind of crimes.

Reviewing the facebook feed again, I see most of the posts coming from people of faith.  Many, like me, begging our Nation to turn back to God.

What is the difference between this kind of monster and us?  God.  Not in believing He exists, but believing He is bigger than the challenges, the despair, the anger.

I have my own feelings and judgments about modern day psychotherapy.  My therapist has helped me confirm that my suspicions are not far from truth.  He mentioned a place near him called "All About You Therapy."  Is therapy enabling?  Do medications exist to make us comfortably numb to the truth of our sinfulness?

I am in therapy to be held accountable.  To change.  To get this wretched, vile, evil thing out of me so that I can live up to the goodness I was created for.

My homework is to accept humiliation - to feel bad about my bad actions.  To accept whatever I can that will lower me and stop feeding my pride & self love.  I must decrease so he must increase.

I spank for self preservation and in those times I display anger, it is all about me. It should not be about me.  It should be about Him.  Ironically and appropriately my cell phone ring is a song from Audrey Assad titled "For Love of You."

My actions should not be for love of me.  They must be for love of Him.  I can not spank my children because I love God.  I must treat my children with kindness and tenderness for love of Him.

Rosie is in Pre-K.  She could be in Kindergarten   That could be my daughter laying there cold.  :*-(  I sob and shudder at the thought and for the sake of the families.  It is time like this that Satan seems so big.  It is times like this that evil seems insurmountable.  The feeling that I can do everything and it is still not enough to protect my child from this.  and this is when we cry out "God HELP US!"  And - He does!  He is so here.  He is so bigger.  God help our nation turn back to you.  And I am completely speaking of those who profess Christianity.  ALL of us need to turn to you.  You are so missing from our equation.  When we can't make sense of this tragedy, we must turn to you.  God be with us.  Be with our families.  Be with our children.  Be with sinners.  Be with us, sinners.

Lord, most of all tonight, be with the families in Connecticut 

"And in despair I bowed my head;
There is no peace on earth," I said;
For hate is strong, and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

"God is not dead, nor does he sleep,
For Christ is here; His spirit near;
Brings peace on earth, good will to men."

therapy

Life has been pushing in hard.  

This morning the door bell rang, when Rosie's carpool arrived.  She was eating, shoeless and not ready.  I sent her to school with pink shoes (not allowed) and no jacket (and it was in the 30s).  I came home and Augie had peed in his car seat (and all over his 2nd set of clothes for the day) and Catie had pooped out of her diaper and all over her clothes...

I was starting to think about if I need to ask the doc to up my meds to handle the stress.  I have been walking around chanting "i hate....".  I have been calling my kids "you people" and saying words to them that I would not allow them to say to another person.  

....so, this afternoon my children are hungry, tired and 2/3 naked, and it dawns on me, I have a therapy appointment in 5 minutes!!!  

Luckily Mac& Cheese goes down fast, I got the little ones in bed and the big one set up with a movie, grabbed a cup of tea...and logged on to skype. 

And, it was the most incredible blessing and gift to myself.  It was God stepping in to say "I am here in the midst of this."  And I can't explain how the grace flowed.  

The idea of therapy was something that I have long declared that I would never need and certainly I would NEVER go. 

And here I am.  And the bill is big.  But the words are powerful.  In my very limited experience with my therapist, I am starting to gain some very important insights. 

Pride & Self Love. 

My therapist made a joke that unfortunately insurance companies won't accept that as a diagnosis.  

This thing, this monster is big.  My anger feeds it.  Humility, recognizing failure, recognizing it is about Him and not me kills it.  This monster is inside me but it is not me.  

I am so grateful for someone who speaks my language and calls me to a purifying holiness.  It is not about feeling good.  It is about feeling bad at the recognition of my sinfulness and letting God take it from there.  It is about Him increasing and me decreasing.  

Let the work begin.

wait

The anticipation is killing my husband. He said the little sign on our mantle is his hope and motivation. Why is it so hard to wait?

The pressure to decorate and celebrate pushes harder each year...as evidenced to me by Black Friday intruding on Thanksgiving.

It is so counter cultural to wait. It is like my own rebellious little fast.

Thus far we have a rosemary Jessie tree, a few lights on the mantle and two purple signs to remind us to hold off.

Happy Advent!

St Andrew Christmas Novena

This morning at prayer group one of the older women told me about the most beautiful prayer.  As she recited the words she teared up.  She told me of many miracles she has witnessed in her life from this novena.

When I came home I looked it up and discovered it is associated with St Andrew.  The Saint Andrew prayer starts on his feast day, November 30th and is recited 15 times a day until Christmas.

What a beautiful and perfect way for our family to enter in to the season of Advent!

A few years ago I was inspired to celebrate Advent and withhold Christmas celebrations for closer to the liturgical season.  It is so tough!  Especially now as Rosie asks me daily to get our tree, hang up a wreath, hang lights, etc.  My husband is surrounded by Christmas music at work and has to "turn that off" when he comes home.  I found this cute picture on Facebook:

I need to find ways to help our family CELEBRATE Advent.  So, we will start with the novena.  Hopefully add some family prayer time to our evenings and carve out a little more time for family fun. 

(JBTC, I just read your blog with info on the devotion!)

  

infertile...still & again

After posting every day of October, I have logged all of 3 posts for November.  Sorry!  :)

Short story...

Miracles are still happening in my life and the anger, though present, has been manageable.  I had my first session with a therapist and he was amazing.  If I can figure out how to finance him...I hope to continue to work with him (more on therapy in a future post). 

Long Story...

One of the issues that came up in our discussion was dealing with infertility.  It occurred to me that I have dealt with many of the bigger issues from my past, but I have never dealt with infertility.  I am convinced it left a big deep wound in me...and especially in my relationship with the Lord.  

With the blessing of children, that wound received a massive sized band aid.  But it was never treated.  It has certainly not healed. 

Perhaps that is the reason why this time is hurting again.  We have been married 10 years.  In all those years we have never tried to avoid pregnancy.  Nine beautiful months I had the joy of experiencing life in my womb (and a few months of natural infertility).  So, essentially, I have had 9 years of unnatural infertility. 

My last 5 years have been filled with the joy of children and the blessings of adoption.  My life has been filled and I did not notice the infertility. At some points I was afraid of ever being open again.  "With all this stress, how on earth could I ever do this again??"  As the kids grow, so does my openness.  But infertile openness & infertile trying are different.  

As a Fertility Care Practitioner I understand that often behavior changes before expressed intention.  For example, a fertile couple may start to use fertile days, or become more lax, before they officially declare they want to try to conceive.  

I have been targeting fertility for longer than I have expressed my openness.  But I fear/dread/loathe the idea of infertile trying.  And I can't do foster care now. That requires it's own openness.  I am not there yet.  

As happy events occur around me, I realize I am still and again..infertile.  And that this...is something that I need to deal with.  

Quick Takes: The victory is won. He is risen from the dead.

---- 1 ----

What a week.  I spent the morning yesterday among tearful women at prayer group.  For all those who have prayed so faithfully, He has not abandoned you.  

One woman discussed the sin cycles that can be found in the Old Testament.  When people get lax they slip into a state of sin, then desperation, than they cry "help me!" and then God comes and rescues them, they are redeemed, then start to become lax again. 

I don't understand why so many people accept everything that is contrary to the Gospel.  We are in the depths of sin and desperation. Let's keep calling for help!  God IS hearing our prayers. 

---- 2 ----

From Leila, I found the website for The Recovered Catholic.  I loved several of her quotes.  This one is on my heart this morning: 

"If you are a Catholic American citizen and voted for Obama yesterday, do know that you were not morally permitted to do so."  

The fact that the "Catholic" vote went in favor of Obama, sickens me.  I wish those people who were Catholic in name only would stop identifying themselves as Catholic.  For those that are Church goers or identify themselves as "faithful catholics".  God help you.  I am amazed at how many people can sit in the pews and still reject the Gospel outright.  Jesus and his Catholic church stands against abortion.   Against homosexual marriage.  Against attacks on embryonic life and elderly.  If you stand for those, you should not be receiving communion.  Your Amen does not mean "I believe."  We are in need of such a deep purging and deep conversion.  This is my prayer. 

---- 3 ----

This morning Chris Tomlin's song "I will rise" is on my heart.  The lyrics spoke to me.  

Jesus has overcome. 

And the grave is overwhelmed. 

The victory is won. 

He is risen from the dead.

---- 4 ---- 

The year of faith.  

Somewhere in this these two things will play together.  We are asked by our bishops to invite an inactive Catholic back to church.  Please read 10 Ways Catholics Can Live the Year of Faith and prayerfully consider adding a few ideas into your week.  

Also, check out Family Resources from the USCCB website. 

---- 5 ----

I have witnessed several miracles/victories this week through my work as a Fertility Care Practitioner.  I adore the work that I do.  There is nothing more rewarding than to see conversion happen in front of you and to be used by God.  I am honored to sit at the desk that is sometimes on the "front lines" and speak truth, challenge hearts and encourage healing.  

If you have ever considered becoming an FCP, please think about taking the next step and starting the education process.   God will provide the finances.  I can not think of a better more beautiful way to fight against the war on women. 

---- 6 ----

While I am grateful I had the opportunity to vote, my election day was spent with medical professions.  Namely, rushing my daughter to a children's hospital ER.  

I don't know how much I can write because this is where the tears come. 

Moments in parenting that bring you to your knees. 

On Sunday my daughter was under the couch looking for a dumb $3 ring that I told her I would not replace. My husband was sitting on the recliner.  He got up and did not realize she was under him.  On Tuesday she woke up and could not move her neck.  We scheduled an appointment with the chiropractor.  She then referred us to the Children's hospital.  X-Rays and the Cat Scan revealed that she suffered a C2 Cervical Subluxation.  

She is to wear an immobilization collar for 1-8 weeks, or longer.  Surgery may be needed to fuse C1 and C2 together.  

She wears the collar 24 hours a day.  It is not to be removed. It can not get wet.   She misses out on recess, her favorite part of the day.  The hardest thing for Rosie is having question after question of "what happened?"  I told her we should think of a silly story.  She came up with "a tiger jumped on me!"  My father suggested her collar should be gussied up with fake jewels.  I think we shall do that this weekend.  

The hardest thing for me is seeing my husband shattered because he felt like he broke his daughter.  On election night we turned off the tv and prayed together with tears.  Not for our country, but for our family.  For healing.  For no guilt.  

My Beautiful Girl

---- 7 ----

I would be grateful for your prayers for Rosie's healing.  Healing that her ligaments pull her C2 back into proper position quickly.  Prayers that no surgery is required and she will be quickly able to get back to normalcy.  Prayers that there is no permanent damage or future difficulty as a result of this accident.  

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,

that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection,

implored your help or sought your intercession,

was left unaided.

Inspired with this confidence,

I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother;

to you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful.

O Mother of the Word Incarnate,

despise not my petitions,

but in your mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.

my saints

St Kateri, pray for us!

St Michael, pray for us!

St Therese, pray for us!

overcoming anger {day 31} embrace it all

day 31.  what???!!!

I felt like I missed several days as a result of the hurricane and was going to go back and reorganize a bit to give myself a few more posts.  Then I saw the calendar.  Tomorrow is October 31st. The last day of my series dedicated to anger. 

I feel like I should have done more, said more.  But here I am.  At the end.  I am at peace. 

Last night, with the threat of loosing power.  I baked a pie and carved pumpkins with my family.  As my 5 year old sat on my lap I held her had and taught her how to carve the pumpkin.  Today we sat together for two hours and made Minnie Mouse ears for their costumes.  These little moments are the ones I love the most.  They are the ones that help me remember I am a good mom. 

Last week Rosie wanted to watch the movie of St Therese.  She cried at the end.  We talked about death.  Now that she is 5 we are having more life lessons.  I love it.  This is also the time that I am recognizing that she is thriving as a result of all the blood, sweat and tears.  She is an amazing little...princess.  (I type because she is fully convinced she is a princess and I love it!)

I really truly LOVE being a mom.  It is the most amazing and incredible gift I have ever received.  I love raising children.  It is the hardest, craziest, scariest, most insane thing I have ever been a part of...and I would not change anything for the world. 

These little people are making me a better person.  They are my path to heaven.  They are the needy that I serve.  The hungry that I feed.  The poor that I give everything to.

Day 31.  I am an amazing mom.  I do amazing, incredible things every day.  God wants you to know you are an amazing mom.  An amazing woman.  An amazing person. 

As for moving forward, whatever it takes, I will do.  My children are worth more to me than anything else in this world.  This series was for them.  I love you babies.  Please never forget how much I love you!! 

overcoming anger {day 30} therapy

I had a conversation on Friday with a Catholic therapist that was recommended to me by a girlfriend.

He is long distance and he totally speaks my language.  He used words like "Chrisian anthropology" and "true femininity".  I used words like "my goal is to get out of therapy as fast as possible".  It sounds like he is in support of that.  We are going to be having an intake double session via skype soon. 

(posted in advance while we still have power.  it is flickering)

overcoming anger {days 28 & 29} anger is like a hurricane

Behind schedule in posting because we have been busy preparing for Hurricane Sandy.  Early models showed the eye going right over our town.  Now, quite a few hours into the storm, I have no idea where she is...but, the storm has just picked up a bit.  We were expecting the biggest part of her tonight over us.  Thanks for any prayers. 

Our electric is blinking...so this may be my last post for a bit (unless i cell phone it).  

Saturday I attended a training on RAD (reactive attachment disorder).  Catie is most definitely at risk.  But, so far, no signs of not attaching, so that was a big sigh of relief.

I have not had much time to reflect on the topic.  The most I got however, was that anger is like a hurricane.  I am just going to leave it at that. 

Good night!

overcoming anger {day 27} physical discipline

Within about 30 hours I will have: 

Attended a training on Alternatives to Physical Discipline

Spoken for the first time and scheduled my first appointment with a counselor
Attended a training on Reactive Attachment Disorder

(and attended a foster parent family night). 

Busy day & a half! 

Since, as of this writing  I have not attended the RAD workshop, I am going to focus on the first workshop.  

I signed up for this a month ago because I need to complete 12 training hours to keep my foster parent license active.  I was, of course, interested in the topic.  When I found out some foster parents would be required to attend, I was a bit worried.  The session was better than expected.  

It was set up in a bit of a round table format.  Instead of being lectured to, the majority of the session involved learning from one another's experiences.  Instead of the session being conducted by a 22 year old case worker who has never parented, it was conducted by two long-time veteran foster parents with about 50 years of parenting (and a zillion kids) between them. 

The take home lesson for me was abusers are not always bad people.  Most of the time a child abuser is a relatively normal person who snaps under pressure.  This is excluding sexual abuse and relates to instances of severe physical abuse.  

One foster mom discussed two kids she had.  One was burned on the back with an iron.  One was thrown, resulting in numerous skull fractures.  Both situations involved one instance of severe abuse and in both cases the mother lost her child.  Obviously, because of the snap, the women's lives will never ever ever be the same again. 

A little more than a month ago I had reached a breaking point with Catie.  She was screaming for an hour or more, instead of napping.  Obviously, she was not going to stop screaming without me.  I did not want to go in and get her.  As I sat outside her room, my anger was only escalating.  I did not see how this situation was going to end good.  This was my breaking point.  My husband came home, I asked him to come into the room, we cleared the children and had a mini intervention.  I contemplated my future on my current course.  Injured child?  Jail?  Loosing my kids?  I am in CYS world, I know what happens.  

That was the moment that led me to this series.  

In our session today we did an activity where we all started with a balloon.  As the veteran foster mom labelled stressors that we may have faced we added air to our balloons.  As we looked at our full balloons, she challenged us to remember the stressors were not entirely our children.  As she listed some possibilities to take the air out of our balloons (exercise, prayer, doing something for yourself, etc) not many of us lost air.  

Finally, a resource that we all brought home was a little book called "Think Twice: The Medical Effects of Physical Punishment."  

For other parents who struggle with the topic of physical discipline, it may be a book worth buying off Amazon.  

Flipping through the pages it makes my heart sick.  "Abusers are not bad people.  They are normal people that snap under pressure."

overcoming anger {day 26} on grace

Emily said it better
http://www.chattingatthesky.com/2010/10/22/31-days-of-grace-day-22-in-parenting/

overcoming anger {day 25} on adoption

So today I want to share a question purposed by the priest in confession two weeks ago.  When he asked, I recoiled.  I did not want to blog about it because I was embarrassed he would even ask such a thing. 

The question: "Are you angry with God for giving you a child with issues?"  "Do you think that if that child was biological, they would have been perfect?" 

When this was asked, nothing about the statement struck me as truth. 
1. I did not feel angry at God.
2. (recited to myself) "I love all my children and there is no difference between them!"

Rosie, my 5 year old biological daughter, has excelled through her developmental milestones.  She is  the greatest joy and a beautiful, incredible miracle. 

Augie is approaching 3.  Catie is approaching 2.  Both are adopted from foster care.  Augie has speech delays, oral stimulation issues, chiari 1 malformation and possibly something else.  He was clinically diagnosed with Williams Syndrome and we are still trying to figure out if he actually has this genetic condition.  Catie was born drug addicted.  She has struggled with feeding issues, feeding tubes, gross motor development, temperament and now eye issues. 

Augie & Catie both receive early intervention (speech, ot, pt) and have been highly involved with doctors and specialists their entire little lives. 

Am I angry with God for giving me a child with issues?

This is a heavy question.  I love all my children desperately and I do not want to live my life without a single one of them. 

Do I feel the same towards my biological child as I do towards my adopted children?

Heavier question. 

I have spent a good amount of time wrestling with the facts.  I did not get to nurse or co sleep with my adopted children.  As a result we turned to cry it out, because I could not comfort them in the same way I naturally comforted my daughter.  Was there early bonding differences?  Absolutely.  Bonding with a foster child takes time.  It is often an arduous process while you are wondering if you can let your heart go there. 

We have an open relationship with Augie's parents.  I hear from her regularly.  My heart is constantly wrestling with the fact that there is another mother out there.  Another father who loves him.  He is mine.  But not quite entirely. 

I am sure I will be dealing with this with Catie before long. 

God has chosen me to be mama to these two special people.  I am so thankful.  I can not imagine a quiet life without them.  I am SO SO SO grateful Rosie gets to be a big sister.  She is an incredible big sister. 

I can not answer the question, but it challenges my heart. 

Adoption would not exist without sin. 

To some degree or another this is all about dealing with the sucky brokenness of our world.  I wish my children were not broken.  I wish my children were all biologically mine. 

Our God is a God of Redemption.  Out of the ashes we rise.  He has given me an incredible mission.  To redeem my children*.  That is my purpose.

* Theologically....I know it is God that is redeeming them.  But when I look up the definition of redemption, it is beautiful.  I am rescuing them and I am claiming them.  I am giving them to God to do the rest.

~~~~~~~~
miracle alert: Yesterday I was talking about PMS knocking on my door. Today my period arrived. What??? Woah?? This evening I asked my husband, "did you notice my pms?" "No." And I am certain my children did not notice. For me, this is huge!

overcoming anger {day 24} use kind words

Today, in discussing house rules with my kids....we talked about no hitting, no spitting, etc etc.  And then we talked about speaking in kindness.  Well, what good am I unless those rules apply to me too? 

No hitting.

I am doing pretty good.  We are doing pretty good.  Significantly better.  That said, PMS is knocking on my door.  I feel it creeping up.  The anxiety building.  But, yesterday I had the same stressful situation happen and the outcome was different.  Something is happening.  Change is happening in me. 

The change I still need to make is to use kind words.  The threats are still there.  "Do you need a spanking?"  "Do you need me to spanka ya hiney?"  No matter how cute the delivery or the response "no!  no spanka my hiney!" the threat is still there.  The anger is still looming.  "I just want to tape her mouth shut!" I said after a full day of being followed by a one year chanting "Dink?"  "dink!"  "apple juice!" 

Parenthood is challenging. 

It is the thing that breaks you. 

I am broken.  But I am blessed. 

Faith is carrying me over these painful rocks.  Jesus created me to be good.  To love well.  He burned this desire into my heart from the earliest age.  I see my own 5 year old daughter and imagine it is like listening to what I must have been like.   She is constantly talking about having a baby in her belly.  I wanted to be a mama as long as I can remember. 

These are his children. 

All of them. 

I need to stop seeing them as mine and look at them as His.  If Jesus was sitting in the room with me, what kind of parent would I be?  Well...He is sitting in the room with me.  He is here.

This is the Year of Faith.  I am planning a retreat for Advent for women and the topic will be on "Bringing the Year of Faith Home". 

Jesus.  Let me start by bringing you home.  Back into my home.  Please help me see my precious children through your eyes.  To love them with your love.  Jesus, I trust in you!

overcoming anger {day 23} take courage

                                  love, God

overcoming anger {day 22} what supernanny taught me

Start with super duper overwhelmed stay at home mom - check
add three little kids - check
add tantrums - check
add poorly executed discipline - check
insert feeding issues, gagging, etc - check
insert stressed out dad - check
mom who is left feeling purposeless - check

I choose the episode because it fairly accurately mirrored our current life situation. 

Lessons that I learned from this episode:
1. Start with a schedule.  We have utilized this several times in the past.  It is time to give it a go again.  The schedule can help realize blocks of time that are otherwise wasted by running around being overwhelmed.  It can also be an important tool to keep the family running.  If your son misses his nap, so be it!  Don't turn into the "you-must-take-a-nap-nazi" (guilty) and ruin the rest of the day for a nap that may never happen.

2. Poorly executed discipline does not count for discipline.  Consistency in following the steps properly is key.  I needed the review.
step 1 - at child's eye level give a warning in a firm voice
step 2 - take the child to the naughty spot and explain (to their face) why you are putting them there
step 3 - walk away - 1 min of time out per year
step 4 - return and explain (to their face) why they were in time out
step 5 - child apologizes, hugs and kisses

3. Feeding issues has become a big deal for us lately.  I needed to watch Jo's technique in this clip.  We actually got Augie to swallow a large mouth full of pocketed food tonight...a near impossible accomplishment.  Eat or time out.  Poor parenting at the dinner table can lead to impossibly picky eaters. We need to nip this one in the bud!

4. Dad time.  I loved the "brother's box" idea in this episode.  When dad comes home, he sits down with the kids and they choose an activity from the box.  It gives everyone much needed together time (or for mom's part, separation time).  I think we are definitely going to have to do this.  We, the women, tend to be the creative thinkers.  It is helpful to have a routine that involves dad playing with the kids. 

5.  Mom without purpose.  No matter how many inspiring quotes I read...
A mother is the most important person on earth. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any Cathedral -- a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby's body. -- Joseph Cardinal Mindszenty
...I still feel drained, under appreciated and without significant purpose. 

I am still connected to somethings I feel very passionate about.  Mainly, right now, my work as a Fertility Care Practitioner and NFP promoter.  I am grateful for a husband who is supportive in this endeavor.  My appointments and the work I do in the Diocese recharge my passions.  I am so grateful for this. 

The second take on this is mom without "me" time.  Exercise.  It is coming, I promise.  I may not actually blog about this until day 31, but exercise is wonderful me time (that I need to take significantly more than I do). 

Supernanny has been on my heart and in the back of my mind for years.  So thanks blog world for being my road back home. 

overcoming anger {day 21} watch supernanny

If you are like me....
You have been telling yourself you need to watch Supernanny again.

Day 21.  Watch an episode of Supernanny.  Go to Youtube and watch more as needed.

It will
1. Help you realize you are doing okay
2. Inspire you to do better

overcoming anger {day 20} lower your expectations

I have been convicted before.  So often the root problem in parenting is not the behavior of the children, it is the expectation of the parents.

I remember when Rosie was two.  We were having sleep issues.  I happened to be attending a conference where Dr Popcak was speaking.  I don't recall how I ended up in a mini-session with him...therapists must be good at that....but he ended up challenging my expectations.  He encouraged me to think beyond the surface to understand her behaviors. Those 3 minutes were so important.

Suddenly that huge issue was not so huge.  When I understood the behavior was related to an insecurity and I could help her through the insecurity, the behavior began to change.

In the last year I have been telling many I am "surviving" parenthood.  Once upon a time I read parenting books.  With three little ones, I just do.  I just "survive."  When I started this series this idea of expectations came to mind.  In confession, the priest challenged me again about my expectations.

Much of my parenting anger could potentially be resolved by expecting, anticipating or understanding "bad" behavior of my 1 and 2 year olds.

How to go about this is the challenge.

I just downloaded the app for Ave Maria radio and will try to start podcasting.  Dr Popcak and his wife start at 12pm EST.  Dr Ray Guarendi and Colleen Mast discuss parenting topics at 1pm EST.  I am hoping to try to catch a couple of these a week...or even one a week as a personal parenting challenge.

I am praying to find the right resource to connect with.  The right book?  The right author?  The right podcast?  The right anything.

Dave Ramsey has helped my husband and I tremendously in our financial life.  Hopefully someone will click with us as parents.

overcoming anger {day 19} quick takes edition

1.  This is a month filled with grace (retreat, anniversary trip, among other things).  But don't let me fool you. This issue has not magically resolved for me.  I need to be reading and re-reading my own posts and hold my self to to challenges I am setting forth.

2. In the "among other things" category listed above, there is a training next week for Alternatives to Physical Discipline.  I signed up primarily because I need training hours and secondarily because of the topic.  I did not know I would be in the middle of this series when I signed up.  I will be sitting among foster parents who are required to attend because they have used physical discipline on a foster child.  Humbling myself, yet again, to be attending this training among those who have been "called out."

Now on the the fun.  Dedicating the rest of my quick takes to NY Wine Country, aka the Finger Lakes.

“Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.” 

G.K. Chesterton, Heretics 

Canandaigua

3. We started on Canandaigua.  Our bed and breakfast was beyond fabulous.  This was the first time we had ever B&B'd and the Inn on the Main set the bar very high!

our private sitting room

Some to-die-for french toast dish.  The woman next to me
kept chanting it would be so rude not to eat it. 

 4. For our anniversary dinner I surprised Paul with a 2 1/2 hour cooking class at the New York Wine and Culinary Center.  So. Much. Fun!  He said it took him about 30 minutes to get over the fact he had to cook his own fancy food - but confessed how much he enjoyed it.  Walking in and out of class to refil wine as needed was an extra plus.  Take away lesson from our class "Hot Pan, Cold Oil".  Also, it set us off on our wine trail search with the added mission of finding great cheese.  The cheddar we used in our potato dish was so so good!

5. The wine trails were so much fun.  We started with the recommendations of friends.  By the end of day 1 we almost had two cases!!  Bully Hill for lunch is a must-do.  Our favorite wines by far were Dr Frank.  Pity they don't sell to our state.  We may just have to make this a regular trip.  ;-)

6. Mid October was the perfect time of year to get married!  How gorgeous was this!?

Roadside grapes...yes please!

 7. We finished our trip with a little detour to a Hobby Lobby where I picked up this adorable pumpkin and the letters for a cute project I found online.  Then we pressed hard on the gas to get home to our family.

The Lettered Cottage