from a person dealing with anger, on this tragedy

I was oblivious up until 3pm.  I got home from my daughter's Christmas pageant only to see my facebook feed filled up by comments from sad and grieving mothers.  I quickly became one of them.  Wondering along with them "how the hell can this happen? What is wrong with people???  What the hell is wrong with our world?"

After I cried...sobbed...I started to think.

St Therese of Liseux said she was capable of the worst kind of crimes.

Reviewing the facebook feed again, I see most of the posts coming from people of faith.  Many, like me, begging our Nation to turn back to God.

What is the difference between this kind of monster and us?  God.  Not in believing He exists, but believing He is bigger than the challenges, the despair, the anger.

I have my own feelings and judgments about modern day psychotherapy.  My therapist has helped me confirm that my suspicions are not far from truth.  He mentioned a place near him called "All About You Therapy."  Is therapy enabling?  Do medications exist to make us comfortably numb to the truth of our sinfulness?

I am in therapy to be held accountable.  To change.  To get this wretched, vile, evil thing out of me so that I can live up to the goodness I was created for.

My homework is to accept humiliation - to feel bad about my bad actions.  To accept whatever I can that will lower me and stop feeding my pride & self love.  I must decrease so he must increase.

I spank for self preservation and in those times I display anger, it is all about me. It should not be about me.  It should be about Him.  Ironically and appropriately my cell phone ring is a song from Audrey Assad titled "For Love of You."

My actions should not be for love of me.  They must be for love of Him.  I can not spank my children because I love God.  I must treat my children with kindness and tenderness for love of Him.

Rosie is in Pre-K.  She could be in Kindergarten   That could be my daughter laying there cold.  :*-(  I sob and shudder at the thought and for the sake of the families.  It is time like this that Satan seems so big.  It is times like this that evil seems insurmountable.  The feeling that I can do everything and it is still not enough to protect my child from this.  and this is when we cry out "God HELP US!"  And - He does!  He is so here.  He is so bigger.  God help our nation turn back to you.  And I am completely speaking of those who profess Christianity.  ALL of us need to turn to you.  You are so missing from our equation.  When we can't make sense of this tragedy, we must turn to you.  God be with us.  Be with our families.  Be with our children.  Be with sinners.  Be with us, sinners.

Lord, most of all tonight, be with the families in Connecticut 

"And in despair I bowed my head;
There is no peace on earth," I said;
For hate is strong, and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

"God is not dead, nor does he sleep,
For Christ is here; His spirit near;
Brings peace on earth, good will to men."