As a teenager, my mom was not my favorite person. We clashed - big time. College and beyond I was still working on finding and embracing MY identity. I was not often seeking her opinion or approval. In the early years of my marriage, my husband often played the role of peacemaker. He helped me try to see the situation through her eyes.
And then...I had kids. And then and forever, my opinion of my mom changed.
My mom raised my brother and I across the world from her family. Growing up with a military dad also meant she raised us as a single parent for a good portion of the time. I can barely handle one dinner without my husband's presence. I have so much more respect for how she handled six months without my dad.
Every day I am a mom, I grow to appreciate her more. I am thankful for her love through the years. I am so grateful for the gift of faith that she passed on to me (especially while the rest of her family had given up their faith). I am thankful for her sacrifices, her devotion...the blood, sweat and tears she poured out for us. Most of all, I am thankful to have her in my life today and for our now wonderful relationship. She is a great mom and a great mimi. Thanks for everything...love you mom.
This weekend we took a photographer with us to the museum to get some family pictures and some Catie pictures. I was so excited I ordered invitations the same night as well as two family canvas pictures (it was bogo at easycanvasprints).
Augie & Catie were a bit miserable, so I am really blessed we got some good ones. Our favorite one, we were tying to keep the babies from screaming and were just throwing sticks in the stream. Our photographer got us from across the stream. I wrote the post and am dying to share that one! A few more weeks and you can see our full family picture.
Six weeks, to be exact. Six weeks until the adoption, baptism, party and pictures!
I just read an excellent article in the latest National Catholic Register. Why We Need Kid's at Mass. I am going to ask my pastor to consider publishing it in our bulletin.
Ave Maria Press is hosting a free webinar for those who may be interested in helping their parish or Diocese offer support for couples struggling with infertility.
God has sent his love to me in a big way today. *tearing as I write*
In addition to the most.beautiful.day.ever...today I received an adoption date!! April 25th Catie will become officially and forever ours!! (and then I can share pictures :)
A few weeks ago my brother, a medical student, mentioned that Augie had textbook characteristics. I looked it up and was surprised. Not only by the facial features, but the personality traits. Primarily speech delays and super friendly, even to strangers.
From early on there have been things going on. A mother's instinct, you could say. The first month he was in our care we were at his Pediatrician four separate times. Dx: bronchiolitis and pre-asthmatic. He had these mini, mild (never-quite-diagnosed-as) seizures. Even today, I am not sure they were seizures...possibly temperature sensitivity (he wakes up cold and it takes him longer than usual to warm up, he is usually shivering during this time). His forehead also had an unusual attraction to concrete.
If you look closely at this picture, it has been Photoshopped...along with many others, to attempt to conceal the bruisey head in otherwise cute pictures.
We first met with a pediatric neurologist around his first birthday. One tight heel cord led to two MRIs which led to two diagnoses: 1. Possible Tethered Cord (this is a mild form of Spina Bifida....I think this was a 'CYA' dx on the part of the radiologist, I don't think he has this, but it will be monitored over time). 2. Chiari 1 Malformation (an incidental finding that we are blessed to know in the event of future problems).
Oh yeah...and as I mentioned before, speech delays. He was in weekly OT from 6-18 months old at which point he qualified out.
So, in a nutshell, we have been hot on the trail of whatever THIS was for a while now. The conversation with my brother was not a shocker. It will take about two weeks for a confirmation by way of the genetic test. But, as soon as we stepped into the geneticist's office, he was throwing out all these words and quickly confirmed the clinical diagnosis.
So, tonight, I read. I research. And the reality starts to sink in.
In my reading words like "mental retardation" and "adult day homes" stand out. As do "shorter life expectancy" and "lack of social boundaries". I am encouraged that he is highly functioning. As a whole, he is doing so well. He is a beautiful, amazing, sweet little boy. He is my heart. Tonight my heart hurts a little as I attempt to process what this means for his future. He has a 50% chance of passing this on to his children (though many WS adults don't have the ability for lasting relationships). That is one of a long list of what may lay ahead for an adult with WS.
So many random things are running through my head.
- I am grateful for the show Parenthood and processing the idea of life with a a special needs child.
- God intended us to be parents to special needs kids, before we even met Catie.
- I am glad I enrolled Rosie in pre-K to have some time to focus on the needs (and OT appointments) for the babies this upcoming year.
- I am grateful for a Catholic special needs school very near by, and that adoption subsidies would likely cover any cost involved.
I am sad. I want to cry. This will impact our future...and certainly, obviously his. I know there is undiscovered joy and greater meaning that will be revealed over time. For now...we are processing.
I first visited a gynecologist when I was a teenager. I was having severe menstrual cramps. The kind of severe that made me spend my senior prom in the ER. Consequently, that gynecologist "solved" all of "our" problems by placing me on the birth control pill. This was my first encounter with women's health care. It is pretty consistent with the quality of health care most woman receive today.
If you have a problem..."Have WE got a pill for YOU!"
The birth control pill...otherwise known as the biggest band-aid known to woman kind. The only problem, this band-aid causes cancer, strokes, infertility, and spontaneous abortion.
As a teen, I was put on the pill and instructed to take it without the water pills, thereby eliminating my period for two years...until I encountered a woman, a mentor, who urged me to discontinue immediately. Praise God for her. According to a Mayo clinic study " any young girl or woman who is on hormonal birth control for 4 years prior to their first full term pregnancy increases their breast cancer risk by 52%." See Jenn Grioux, Deadly Risks of the Pill.
Years later, when my husband and I were dealing with infertility, we knew enough to avoid the band-aid approach. We didn't want to just get pregnant, we wanted to restore my health. IVF is the big fat "band-aid" of reproductive medicine. And it is just about as safe as the Pill (read: sarcasm).
We were so lucky to break free from the traditional course of ineffective woman's health care and discover True Woman's Health Care...also known as FertilityCare. Suddenly, there was a wealth of information. My charts were telling the doctors there was something wrong. My blood work revealed the same. Ironically, so many women are told they are fine, but if they can't conceive, try IVF. #1. They are not fine. #2. IVF does nothing to correct the problems doctors are too lazy to find.
NaPro Technology offered me a "Disease Based Approach to Infertility." I was treated for my problems. My endometriosis was removed properly and my hormones were regulated (not bypassed). For the first time my doctors treated me as a person, a whole person. They treated me with dignity and nothing I was asked to do was outside of my moral beliefs.
I was so impressed that I became a Fertility Care Practitioner to share the information with others. I look at Dr Hilgers Medical Textbook frequently and am so tempted to bop Ob/Gyns on the head with it. Until NaPro Technology is taught as a standard in Med Schools, I will continue to refer women to drive however far it takes for authentic women's health care.
Consequently, my NaPro treatment led to the miracle conception of my daughter...though NaPro success goes so far beyond conception. I have worked with woman who have resolved all sorts of medical issues their local doctors would not treat or acknowledge.
This is a Blog Hop! To share how Fertility Care has impacted your life or marriage, go to Blessed and Broken and add your story to the Hop.
March 25-31st is World Wide FertilityCare Week. In order to help raise awareness for the amazing gift of FertlityCare, I am sponsoring a Blog Hop. I would love to hear how FertilityCare (Creighton Model or NaPro Technology) has impacted your life.
Instructions:
1. Compose a blog on your site about:
a. how FertilityCare (Creighton Model or NaPro Technology) has impacted your life
b. how the use of the FertilityCare System helps you to find the Perfect Balance in the Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Communicative and Emotional aspects of who you are (or in your marriage)
c. or anything related to share the word!
2. Copy the link to that blog post and come back here to fill out the linky form
3. Go Back to your blog and add the code to the bottom (you must be in Edit HTML) with the statement
"This is a Blog Hop! To share how Fertility Care has impacted your life or marriage, go to Blessed and Broken and add your story to the Hop."
This Blog Hop will open March 1st and close March 31st. I look forward to reading your blogs!
Thankfully I have been busy. So busy, in fact that the last two weeks have flown by. Now, suddenly I am about 27 hours away from end end of the FWW (four week wait). Pretty soon we can file petitions to adopt! I am so thankful we have had a much swifter process with Catie. All the adoption drama with her case happened right up front (check out the archives for May-Aug 2011).
We are looking at an April or May adoption. Her baptism date is scheduled and a park pavilion is booked for the par-tay.
I don't have to look back too far to remember when parenthood seemed impossible. I have learned so much in the last few years. Literally, every tear led us to this place of readiness to be "showered in babies." I am in awe of God and blessed to see His plan for our family being revealed.
Last night I hosted "Living Out Lent" at our parish. We had 22 tables and about 160 women. It was beautiful. As this is my third time as host and emcee of this event, I figured it was time I introduce myself properly to these women. I put up a picture of my kids. I explained that someone had stopped me and stated they did not know I was pregnant when I hosted the first event. I laughed. To an outsider, I am a woman who keeps having babies....but never seems to be pregnant. Well...once (thanks be to God). So I explained that my kiddos are coming to me by way of foster care adoptions. The response was a lovely round of a applause. AMDG.
We had a review hearing today. It was the biggest wait for the least dramatic 2 minutes of my life.
The last week has been insanely crazy:
Tuesday Feb 14- Foster Care home re-evaluation by our social worker. We stink at homestudies these days. I will just say our 5th home study is SO different than our first. This is the picture - messy rooms (forgot she had to look in them), plugging the outlets as we walked by them, locking the cabinets as we walked by them, oh yeah...I forgot we happen to have electrical wires hanging from our downstairs ceiling at the moment, I printed out our escape chart as she waited...the kicker, I had to send my BIL to the store to buy another smoke detector (during the home visit!).
Wed Feb 15 - Closing visit with bio mom...see previous post for details on that one (big kids at sitters)
Thursday Feb 16 - Social worker visit (by Catie's social worker). Later our adoption social worker came over to have us sign papers and pick up what she needs for our adoption home study, PLUS, OT for Catie.
Monday Feb 17th - Creighton appointment - (kids at sitters)
Tuesday Feb 18th - Creighton appointment, followed by court (big kids at sitters). We arrived at 3pm. We sat in the waiting room until 4.45pm. Evidently you NEVER want to have court scheduled for the day after a holiday. We waiting downstairs another 10 minutes before we went into the "makeshift court room" for literally 2 minutes. The master said "you're still here? You didn't have to stay for this." Um, yeah. Wish someone would have told me that a few hours ago.
Tomorrow is Mass followed by a family visit with bio-aunt, followed by OT. And then, I think we can breathe for a few days.
I will say...for the record - sitting in the waiting room of CYS for an extended period of time is gut wrenching. I got involved with two other families and their CYS drama. One sibling group of four. The mom came back from court and sat in the room in tears hugging all her kids as foster mom explained that mom is sad because they can not go home yet. Second was a sibling group of five, split among three foster families. Parental rights were terminated. No resource available to take all five.
For so long we waited for a child. We prayed, we begged God. I was unsure if I would ever be so blessed. Now, I am so blessed to be a mom. And I see SO many kids who need a family. Sitting in the waiting room is so different than browsing photo listings on your state website. I know families that want kids and I see kids that need families. And I can't do much more than pray they find each other somehow.
Feb 15, 2012. Catie had her final visit this morning with her birth mom.
Last year's closing visit happened on Feb 23 (for Augie...I am just amazed at how time lines collide).
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We got up this morning and I packed her bags, her food, a change of clothes...the usual. I also included a letter to her birth parents. I wanted to assure them of our love for Catie and update them on her developments. I told them that we pray for them nightly. At the close of the letter, I extended an invitation for further contact. I stated that I would love to send them updates and maintain some form of contact through the years.
{backstory: they signed TPR back in September. They walked out of CYS refusing to provide any photos of themselves and stating they did not want further contact. A few weeks later mom "unsigned". TPR happened in Court Jan 30th. Dad's termination was voluntary, Mom's termination was involuntary. Since unsigning mom has refused all opportunity for visits. I was glad to hear she agreed to be a part of a closing visit.}
Catie's first foster mom had the opportunity to supervise the visit. She also offered to bring her in to the visit for me. She picked her up and it was a pretty quiet morning. Rosie was missing her daddy so we called to see if he could come home for an early lunch.
After lunch we went to Target. I wanted to get a small gift for her mom. I had a photo printed to 5x7, purchased a pretty frame and planned to give it to her and promise to keep it filled through the years.
I made arrangements to have my kids at a sitter so I could pick up Catie from the visit and attempt to say thank you to mom. This can be tricky in the foster world because they are not giving up their child willingly.
On my drive there I was planning what I would say, how the exchange might go. I was 15 minutes from CYS and cars started to slow, then came to a dead halt. Traffic on the bypass is never a good thing. There is no way out. I sent foster mom a text that I was stuck in traffic and may be late. It turned out there was a bad accident and all traffic was being diverted off the highway. I was so stuck, all I could do is clutch my rosary and start to pray. I was praying for Catie's birthmom and another birth mom that is in my prayers right now.
Thirty minutes later, the texts started coming back "how much longer"; "can we meet outside" and then "they had to leave." Birth mom was there with her teenage daughter, whom I have never met. I missed the opportunity to say goodbye.
When I finally arrived they were long gone. I dropped off the picture to my social worker to be mailed to birth mom. I collected Catie, I went back to the sitters, picked up my kids and came home.
There was a reason I was not there. Only God knows. I am told it was a wonderful visit. Birth mom read my letter and sobbed. She clearly accepted the fact that she could not care for Catie and she was where she needed to be. Hearing all this I breathed a sigh of relief. She has come to terms with the adoption, praise God. I am hopeful the rest of our FWW (four week wait to TPR) will be uneventful.
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Look for my guest blog tomorrow on Foster2Forever. I am honored to be invited to be a regular part of a guest column on her blog.
Six months. We have only officially had Catie in our care for six months. Unofficially, we had long visits for two months prior to her placement.
When I say the words "six months" it seems like no time at all. When I think about her role in our life, it seems as if she has always been a part of us.
I wish I could share pictures. She scrunches up her nose to smile at me now...every time she sees me. EVERYthing is "mommieee". My husband does not love this...but boy does Catie love him (even though she calls him "mommieee"). She is always complimented on her personality. She can be such a charmer. She can also scream louder and with more intensity than any child I have ever met. She does this if I attempt to remove my cell phone from her hands.
She is still a bit behind in the development department. The best way to say is she moves at her own pace. She is by far my safest-on-the-stairs baby and the first one to have not fallen down them. She is very cautious of new movements, but as soon as she figures something out...she's golden. It was amusing at a baby play date seeing a 7 month old standing (almost walking!) while my 14 month old won't even put her feet on the ground. We are making progress. She will get there!
I made the last of my treks to the children's hospital on her behalf; while at the same time scheduling my first appointment at said hospital on Augie's behalf. More on that later. Never a dull moment here.
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I was recently moved reading an adoption account from another blogger. Part 3 gives me insight into Catie's early NICU days. Reading her account made me sad that we were not yet a part of Catie's life to love on her so intensely.
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Bio mom called and wants to schedule a closing visit. I am actually thrilled to hear this. First, to know she recognizes and accepts the end. Second, because it is possibly my first and only chance to talk to her, thank her, hug her...and get a picture of her. I hope she does not bail.
12 days down, 18 days to go. It is a bit challenging to plan for things such as baptisms, but I have set a date for the end of May. Hopefully she will be finally and officially ours before then...and May will be the big party!
TPR happened today (in court). I have not gotten a report so I assume all went as scheduled. I hope.
And so...we wait. 30 days. At the end of that period, we can petition to adopt Catie. This little girl that has stolen our hearts. The little one who now calls me "mommie". The little one who seemed to find me and made her way to the center of my heart the moment I saw her. Catie who became a part of our family before she was even placed in our home. This precious little child that I truly believe was meant to be a part of our lives.
You are the sister Rosie prayed for. The one who made Augie a big brother. The one who challenges us in so many ways and then reels us right back in with that smile. We can't wait to make you officially ours.
There are so many ways you can go with reflections on this. The world of infertility, secondary infertility, why some women feel they can't handle more than one child. I will just file it under "reasons to consider becoming a foster parent."
The other morning my husband and I sat at the table and enjoyed coffee while we watched our children playing together in the kitchen. Siblings are a tremendous gift. Without foster care, our daughter would still be an only child. Now she has a little brother (aka her groom and her prince) and a little sister (aka the other princess or her little baby).
Being a mom is hard. In so many ways, being a mom to one is harder.
This is what the Lord spoke to me tonight in adoration.
I thought I was driving to bible study but since it study was cancelled on account of the holiday, it ended up being "date night with Jesus." It was kind of like when you are dating and your boyfriend does something really cool to surprise you. Monday night. I am sitting at the Church parking lot and Jesus was waiting for me inside. "Surprise!"
I LOVED THAT! When I walked in, the only other person in the chapel walked out. I was alone before the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. I think He planned this. :)
I prayed for you!! By name I prayed for everyone who has requested prayers, newly had a baby, newly adopted, painfully waiting. You were all on my heart. I prayed three fervent Hail Marys for my brother in law. I prayed for my in laws. I prayed for my family.
Intercessory prayer led me deeper and the Lord started talking. I had a couple of things I was looking for inspiration on:
1. Living Out Lent night for women I am running next month
2. Theology of the Body retreat that I am doing with teen girls
3. Personal life, prayer life, etc.
I believe I have a theme for #1 "Lead Me to the Cross" and I ended up reading the Crucifixion accounts in all four gospels to see the role of women at the cross.
I hope God can rock the girl's socks off for #2. I was contemplating how a teenage girl could live "Free, Total, Faithful and Fruitful." Cool stuff! I am also so psyched about this opportunity and totally bringing "Rosie" dressed up in princess garb to remind the girls of when we all truly believed we were princesses.
#3. God led me to a verse. Psalm 13. My bible practically fell open to it. I actually had a pencil resting in the page. Surprise surprise. Ummm, so I totally forgot, but this is the SAME VERSE God sent me to the last time I was in adoration. I think He was trying to make a point! Underlined, circled and verse that is going on my kitchen window: "Grant my heart JOY in your help."
I LOVE the word Joy. At an Unbound conference in the Spring I was blessed to receive the Father's blessing via Neal Lozano. His prayer was about the blessing of my name, Elisabeth and how during Mary's visit to Elizabeth the infant lept in her womb (for joy). The blessing was for joy within me. During adoration tonight I felt the Lord urging me to "reclaim joy in (my) life." Lately, as a wife and mother I am more tired and less enthusiastic. So, I am holding on to this new blessing and will be seeking my JOY.
Finally, my marching orders for the Month (from this post).
S (spiritual) - offer up my little sufferings for my husband
P (physical) - morning exercises with the kids
I (intellectual) - read one book, any book, this month
C (creative/communicative) - to try to have post-bedtime (=kids in bed) dinner with my husband 1x week
E (emotional) - speak words of affirmation to fill hubby's love tank
I am falling in love with adoption matchmaking. :)
Two years ago I was blessed to play a small role in a friend being matched with their daughter.
In the fall, I blogged about fostering and how I wished I could just start bringing waiting kids to the doorsteps of waiting couples.
Recently, I became involved with an adoption opportunity and am so grateful to play witness to hearts opening up for such a special little girl. It was no accident I blogged about feeding tubes. Please keep praying for this precious little girl to find her forever family.
Now..I have NO desire to be a social worker. But it is wonderful to be an adoption advocate.
