Editing to add that this picture actually comes from another site that I have also added to my blog roll.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Decorating Blog: Ana-White
Editing to add that this picture actually comes from another site that I have also added to my blog roll.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Planned Parenthood's Bunnies
Okay, please don't watch this with children around. A very powerful comparison of government funding and Pl@nnd Parenh00d.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Processing Yesterday and the End of Visits
Today was a beautiful day with Augie. I could not stop loving on him. It is almost as if the "loss" of his bio mom allows me to step into the role of his mom even more. He does not know the loss. He knows us. We are home. But I having been praying for her constantly, trying to imagine the excruciating pain of letting go of your child.
Yesterday started with coffee. Paul and I sat down with her and I later learned that the simple act of buying her coffee meant more than we will ever know. In her world, where gifts are not given and free is everything, she mentioned that to the visit supervisor at least 6 times (as the supervisor later told me).
Over coffee we discussed her. We asked how she is doing and we listened. She discussed the grief, what she imagines is the grief to come, how she will process, etc. We asked about likes and dislikes; family history; family tree. We tried to learn about her for Augie's sake. We offered her a modified family profile so she can learn a little bit more about us (and so she can share it with bio dad). We gave her a gift, a picture frame with a hand print, foot print and a few recent pictures. She gave us a letter from bio dad and a gift for Augie.
During this time, Augie was next door at a visit with extended relatives. We picked him up and captured a beautiful picture of bio mom with Augie. We said good bye to return again a few hours later for her closing visit.
Paul and I had time to read through a letter from bio dad. He wrote a beautiful letter with words of thanks for taking care of his son. The fact that both of them trust us - and signed - means a great deal. This is not to say we don't face an awkward transition and future in terms of how the relationships will play out, but there letters and words are a good thing.
That said, there were a couple of wishes expressed that we will not honor:
- mom asked that we not cut his hair
- dad asked that we not change his name
Both are examples of what I refer to regarding awkwardness. He will be ours, but he will always be theirs (emotionally). In my head I reconcile this and say "he will always be your SBR." It is also our intention that they will not find out about the name change, to the best of our ability.
After he took a quick nap, I returned with Augie. An hour early so that his bio dad could say goodbye. I "supervised" the visit...basically hung out with her for the hour until her normal visit started. In that time we discussed communication. I had spent the evening prior agonizing over what to offer. I know she wanted direct communication, rather than being limited through the agency. I had decided I was okay with that, to an extent. Communication is completely up to us. Paul and I finally agreed that I could offer my cell and email, with the exception that it would be blocked to only allow one way communication when we were ready to contact her. I explained that I would provide her our information but that it was going to be quiet for a long time. We needed the time to re-establish our role with Augie. I tried to reassure her that it is important for us that he knows them and we will try to facilitate that in the future. We had previously agreed to twice a year updates and a once a year visit over lunch.
I have spent a good part of this evening second guessing and researching what she could find out about us through the email and phone number. I have done a little cleaning up online. I also found fa@ebook profiles for both of his parents and blocked them. These types of boundaries are new to me. Suddenly privacy issues have gone to a new level. It is something that I did not think of to the degree I am going to be thinking of in the future.
After my hour with bio mom, the supervisor showed up and I came home for a break. When I returned, I was expecting to meet Augie's half sister. Due to transportation difficulties, she was still 15 minutes away. I sat outside of the building with bio mom awaiting her arrival. I am so glad I waited and captured a priceless picture of this sweet little girl holding her brother. After spending a little time in the cold, it was a quick good bye. At that point we were all physically and emotionally exhausted. A quick hug and that was the end.
Today was absolutely a new day. It just felt different all around. Another hurdle jumped in the road to adoption. Today I held him more, kissed him more and stared at him. Though a bond has been forming slowly, it was as if a cord was cut that allowed that bond to increase dramatically. The miracle that he is has begun to sink in. The greatness of the gift of a single beautiful child has been emphasized in my mind. Oh how long it took Rosie to come into our lives. How long we have prayed to be parents. To think of the journey until now and the GIFT of Augie. He is miraculous, beautiful, adorable, wonderful...and....another step closer to being ours.
Yesterday started with coffee. Paul and I sat down with her and I later learned that the simple act of buying her coffee meant more than we will ever know. In her world, where gifts are not given and free is everything, she mentioned that to the visit supervisor at least 6 times (as the supervisor later told me).
Over coffee we discussed her. We asked how she is doing and we listened. She discussed the grief, what she imagines is the grief to come, how she will process, etc. We asked about likes and dislikes; family history; family tree. We tried to learn about her for Augie's sake. We offered her a modified family profile so she can learn a little bit more about us (and so she can share it with bio dad). We gave her a gift, a picture frame with a hand print, foot print and a few recent pictures. She gave us a letter from bio dad and a gift for Augie.
During this time, Augie was next door at a visit with extended relatives. We picked him up and captured a beautiful picture of bio mom with Augie. We said good bye to return again a few hours later for her closing visit.
Paul and I had time to read through a letter from bio dad. He wrote a beautiful letter with words of thanks for taking care of his son. The fact that both of them trust us - and signed - means a great deal. This is not to say we don't face an awkward transition and future in terms of how the relationships will play out, but there letters and words are a good thing.
That said, there were a couple of wishes expressed that we will not honor:
- mom asked that we not cut his hair
- dad asked that we not change his name
Both are examples of what I refer to regarding awkwardness. He will be ours, but he will always be theirs (emotionally). In my head I reconcile this and say "he will always be your SBR." It is also our intention that they will not find out about the name change, to the best of our ability.
After he took a quick nap, I returned with Augie. An hour early so that his bio dad could say goodbye. I "supervised" the visit...basically hung out with her for the hour until her normal visit started. In that time we discussed communication. I had spent the evening prior agonizing over what to offer. I know she wanted direct communication, rather than being limited through the agency. I had decided I was okay with that, to an extent. Communication is completely up to us. Paul and I finally agreed that I could offer my cell and email, with the exception that it would be blocked to only allow one way communication when we were ready to contact her. I explained that I would provide her our information but that it was going to be quiet for a long time. We needed the time to re-establish our role with Augie. I tried to reassure her that it is important for us that he knows them and we will try to facilitate that in the future. We had previously agreed to twice a year updates and a once a year visit over lunch.
I have spent a good part of this evening second guessing and researching what she could find out about us through the email and phone number. I have done a little cleaning up online. I also found fa@ebook profiles for both of his parents and blocked them. These types of boundaries are new to me. Suddenly privacy issues have gone to a new level. It is something that I did not think of to the degree I am going to be thinking of in the future.
After my hour with bio mom, the supervisor showed up and I came home for a break. When I returned, I was expecting to meet Augie's half sister. Due to transportation difficulties, she was still 15 minutes away. I sat outside of the building with bio mom awaiting her arrival. I am so glad I waited and captured a priceless picture of this sweet little girl holding her brother. After spending a little time in the cold, it was a quick good bye. At that point we were all physically and emotionally exhausted. A quick hug and that was the end.
Today was absolutely a new day. It just felt different all around. Another hurdle jumped in the road to adoption. Today I held him more, kissed him more and stared at him. Though a bond has been forming slowly, it was as if a cord was cut that allowed that bond to increase dramatically. The miracle that he is has begun to sink in. The greatness of the gift of a single beautiful child has been emphasized in my mind. Oh how long it took Rosie to come into our lives. How long we have prayed to be parents. To think of the journey until now and the GIFT of Augie. He is miraculous, beautiful, adorable, wonderful...and....another step closer to being ours.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
They Signed
What this means is 2/28 for TPR is no more. Instead we wait 30 days and our social worker will schedule a "Confirmation of Consent" hearing. After that hearing, we wait another 30 days. So....our 35 days until termination just got extended to 60 days.
So...I need to find a longer novena. :) I will post more about the day when I have processed it. Thank you to everyone who has prayed!
Selfishly, it is bittersweet. But, it is best. I should be rejoicing. I am exhausted. Augie is currently at his closing visit. It lasts until 6pm. He is meeting (seeing) his big half sister for the first time since he has been with us. I am looking forward to meeting her too.
So...I need to find a longer novena. :) I will post more about the day when I have processed it. Thank you to everyone who has prayed!
Selfishly, it is bittersweet. But, it is best. I should be rejoicing. I am exhausted. Augie is currently at his closing visit. It lasts until 6pm. He is meeting (seeing) his big half sister for the first time since he has been with us. I am looking forward to meeting her too.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Closing Visit
Please pray tomorrow for Augie's mom. We will meet with her in the morning (if she shows up) for coffee and a chance to chat - and give her our "family profile" that we made and a small gift. Tomorrow evening is the closing visit, her last visit with Augie. Pray for her strength, her courage and our ability to say the right things to help comfort her. This is our first birth parent good bye. :*-(
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Nicknames!
I have read a few blogs where the kids are nicknamed. I like that idea better than calling my kids an initial. My husband is responsible for coming up with both of these nicknames.
So.....from this point forward I have a Rosie and an Augie. :)
So.....from this point forward I have a Rosie and an Augie. :)
Thursday, February 17, 2011
another reason to be a foster parent
Stephen Curtis Chapman offers another reason to be a foster parent. Beautiful song from the perspective of a foster child.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Happy Valentines Day to My Love
My Beloved,
I am so grateful that our internet romance that freaked out my family has turned into a marriage to brag (blog) about. :)
In the 10 years I have known you and the 8 years we have been married, I am still in love with the man you are, the spouse you have been and the father you have become. I know in the hustle and bustle of our lives, our work, our family we don't get much time to sit face to face. I don't have many moments of quiet to speak your love language, to offer words of affirmation.
This vday, I hope to find a few moments of quiet with you. Perhaps a chance to play another round of Scrabble. A moment to sit in front of a fireplace we are not filling with coal. A chance to gaze into your eyes and remember when we used to do that for hours. A couple opportunities to affirm you.
So I will start my valentine now.
Thank you for being the strong man you are. Thank you for your inner strength. When I am a mess of emotions, a mess of a housewife, a mess of a mother, you are strong. You inner strength amazes me. Your outer strength is not bad either.
Thank you for being my peace. When I am at the end of the rope, you know and you find a way to calm me. Be it a hot bath, a candle, a massage, classical music, an extra two hours of sleep...the keys to leave the house, you offer a solution. You are a peacemaker. While it has been a long running joke that you totally missed "our" first fight, it is absolutely because trivial things mean nothing to you. Thanks for understanding sometimes that I need a good fight and trying your best to follow my rules. :)
Thank you for being a man of faith. Every day I hear of a situation that makes me praise God you are a man of faith. I am so grateful we are on this journey together and that you are the head of our household. I gladly fall under your mission.
Thank you for being a man of patience. You always said our jobs were to lead each other to heaven, right?? This is how I will get you there!
Thank you for being a man of perseverance. Our life is not easy. But it is our life. I am grateful for your hard work and for your perseverance. You are an excellent carpenter, a great teacher, you are a humble worker, you are an honest man. I am amazed at the breadth of your skills and so proud that my husband can do so much more for our house than the average husband. One day we will have the time....
Thank you for being a strong father. I will never ever ever worry about my daughter having a strong male role model. I could not imagine a stronger one. To see the way she loves you, and more importantly, the way you love her....literally brings tears to my eyes (crying now). She is a papa's girl. She is our miracle and thank you for fighting for her with me. We are blessed.
I hope I am filling up your love tank a bit???
I feel I spend so much time self absorbed....or as I say so often, just surviving. This parenthood gig is harder than we thought! :) But I am 10000% grateful that God has chosen you for me. There is no one in this world more suited for me than you! I love you. Happy Valentines Day.
This post was inspired by the song I have been stalking recently, Since Delilah probably won't play it for us....I dedicate this to you. Set Me As a Seal by Matt Maher.
(scroll down, pause my play list music, right click on the link and open in a new window, click listen now and come back here to enjoy the lyrics with me)
Set me as a seal on your heart.
Set me as a seal on your soul.
For strong as death is love,
unyielding as the grave.
Nothing will quench its flame,
nothing will quench its flame.
Kiss me, my love,
that your name be on my lips.
You intoxicate my being
with the fragrance of your presence.
How beautiful you are, my darling.
Show me your face, let me hear your voice.
Sweet as the dew in the early morn,
like a lily among the thorns.
I looked for you, the one my heart loves.
I looked for you, but did not find you.
I searched through the night until I rested in your sight.
Now, I will never let you go.
You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes.
Your lips so sweet, adorned with honey.
My hands, they drip with myrrh.
I am so grateful that our internet romance that freaked out my family has turned into a marriage to brag (blog) about. :)
In the 10 years I have known you and the 8 years we have been married, I am still in love with the man you are, the spouse you have been and the father you have become. I know in the hustle and bustle of our lives, our work, our family we don't get much time to sit face to face. I don't have many moments of quiet to speak your love language, to offer words of affirmation.
This vday, I hope to find a few moments of quiet with you. Perhaps a chance to play another round of Scrabble. A moment to sit in front of a fireplace we are not filling with coal. A chance to gaze into your eyes and remember when we used to do that for hours. A couple opportunities to affirm you.
So I will start my valentine now.
Thank you for being the strong man you are. Thank you for your inner strength. When I am a mess of emotions, a mess of a housewife, a mess of a mother, you are strong. You inner strength amazes me. Your outer strength is not bad either.
Thank you for being my peace. When I am at the end of the rope, you know and you find a way to calm me. Be it a hot bath, a candle, a massage, classical music, an extra two hours of sleep...the keys to leave the house, you offer a solution. You are a peacemaker. While it has been a long running joke that you totally missed "our" first fight, it is absolutely because trivial things mean nothing to you. Thanks for understanding sometimes that I need a good fight and trying your best to follow my rules. :)
Thank you for being a man of faith. Every day I hear of a situation that makes me praise God you are a man of faith. I am so grateful we are on this journey together and that you are the head of our household. I gladly fall under your mission.
Thank you for being a man of patience. You always said our jobs were to lead each other to heaven, right?? This is how I will get you there!
Thank you for being a man of perseverance. Our life is not easy. But it is our life. I am grateful for your hard work and for your perseverance. You are an excellent carpenter, a great teacher, you are a humble worker, you are an honest man. I am amazed at the breadth of your skills and so proud that my husband can do so much more for our house than the average husband. One day we will have the time....
Thank you for being a strong father. I will never ever ever worry about my daughter having a strong male role model. I could not imagine a stronger one. To see the way she loves you, and more importantly, the way you love her....literally brings tears to my eyes (crying now). She is a papa's girl. She is our miracle and thank you for fighting for her with me. We are blessed.
I hope I am filling up your love tank a bit???
I feel I spend so much time self absorbed....or as I say so often, just surviving. This parenthood gig is harder than we thought! :) But I am 10000% grateful that God has chosen you for me. There is no one in this world more suited for me than you! I love you. Happy Valentines Day.
This post was inspired by the song I have been stalking recently, Since Delilah probably won't play it for us....I dedicate this to you. Set Me As a Seal by Matt Maher.
(scroll down, pause my play list music, right click on the link and open in a new window, click listen now and come back here to enjoy the lyrics with me)
Set me as a seal on your heart.
Set me as a seal on your soul.
For strong as death is love,
unyielding as the grave.
Nothing will quench its flame,
nothing will quench its flame.
Kiss me, my love,
that your name be on my lips.
You intoxicate my being
with the fragrance of your presence.
How beautiful you are, my darling.
Show me your face, let me hear your voice.
Sweet as the dew in the early morn,
like a lily among the thorns.
I looked for you, the one my heart loves.
I looked for you, but did not find you.
I searched through the night until I rested in your sight.
Now, I will never let you go.
You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes.
Your lips so sweet, adorned with honey.
My hands, they drip with myrrh.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Acceptance
Thanks be to God. It sounds like bio mom (and dad) have come to a point of acceptance. I believe they are realizing that we are the ones who will be raising their son.
The meeting finally happened this morning. Mom cried. I cried. I did my best to reassure her how deeply we love her son and that he will not be our "adopted son" - just our son, as natural as H is our daughter. We spoke about contact after termination. Her greatest fear is there would be none. I assured her that I understand the importance for her to get updates and see he is happy and loved, and for him to have the opportunity to know how much he is loved by them. We discussed the possibilities of emails or contact via texting/pixing.
I explained that I understand this is different than if she was giving him up for adoption, looked through profiles and choose us to raise her son. I asked how she felt about it being us that has him. She expressed the desire to know more about us, to meet my husband, to know who we are. She suggested a meeting without kids to get to know each other. I left with the resolve to try to accommodate this and make something of a couple/family profile so she can feel comfortable with us.
It was an awkward...but uber important meeting. She said that she will go to the termination and if the judge ask, state she is in agreement. We are making plans for the closing visit in two weeks.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS! They are working on their hearts. Please keep them coming!
The meeting finally happened this morning. Mom cried. I cried. I did my best to reassure her how deeply we love her son and that he will not be our "adopted son" - just our son, as natural as H is our daughter. We spoke about contact after termination. Her greatest fear is there would be none. I assured her that I understand the importance for her to get updates and see he is happy and loved, and for him to have the opportunity to know how much he is loved by them. We discussed the possibilities of emails or contact via texting/pixing.
I explained that I understand this is different than if she was giving him up for adoption, looked through profiles and choose us to raise her son. I asked how she felt about it being us that has him. She expressed the desire to know more about us, to meet my husband, to know who we are. She suggested a meeting without kids to get to know each other. I left with the resolve to try to accommodate this and make something of a couple/family profile so she can feel comfortable with us.
It was an awkward...but uber important meeting. She said that she will go to the termination and if the judge ask, state she is in agreement. We are making plans for the closing visit in two weeks.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS! They are working on their hearts. Please keep them coming!
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
St Colette of Corbie, Patron Saint for Childless Couples
A few years back a retired Bishop of our diocese passed on a little pamphlet to my husband and I. It was about St Colette of Corbie and she was listed as a patron for childless couples. I had never heard of her and was intrigued to know of another intercessor. I had already begged St Gianna and St Gerard for years.I was just reminded that her feast day was yesterday, Feb 7th. As many may not know of her, I am sharing this secret!
She intercedes for childless couples because her mother was 60 years old when she gave birth to Collette.
She has also been attributed to resurrection miracles, in particular, stillborn babies.
The Dedication Prayer of Saint Colette
O Blessed Jesus,
I dedicate myself to You
in health, in illness,
in my life, in my death,
in all my desires, in all my deeds.
So that,
I may never work henceforth
except for Your glory,
for the salvation of souls,
and for that which
You have chosen me.
From this moment on, dearest Lord,
there is nothing
which I am not prepared
to undertake for love of You.
I dedicate myself to You
in health, in illness,
in my life, in my death,
in all my desires, in all my deeds.
So that,
I may never work henceforth
except for Your glory,
for the salvation of souls,
and for that which
You have chosen me.
From this moment on, dearest Lord,
there is nothing
which I am not prepared
to undertake for love of You.
For all my sisters in Christ who have yet to be blessed with the gift of parenthood, I am praying for you!!! St Colette of Corbie, Pray for us!
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Valentine Day Project
Friday, February 04, 2011
Abby Johnson speaks at Bryan Clinic
God Bless Abby Johnson. Next 40 Days for Life Campaign starts on March 9th!
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
he shall be called...
Blaise Augustine
happy name day baby!
http://www.ewtn.com/saintsHoly/saints/B/stblaise.asp
happy name day baby!
http://www.ewtn.com/saintsHoly/saints/B/stblaise.asp
cautiously contemplating home schooling
In my college years I was fortunate to be surrounded by solid Catholic families. These families mentored me in Catholic family life. They were also my first exposure to home schooling.
When I met Paul, he was a big fan of the idea of home schooling. I was open to the idea. The idea of home schooling is one thing. The reality of it...quite another.
This past year I have received a few books from my wish list:
The Well Trained Mind
Catholic Homeschool Companion
Catholic Education: Homeward Bound
The Well Trained Mind paints a beautiful vision of homeschooling. In the ideal world we would all be classically educated. This book terrified me. I did take away encouraging H to draw her circles counter clock-wise as a pre-writting skill, but not too much more than that quite yet.
The Catholic Homeschool Companion is a wealth of resources. I am not quite ready for deciding on a curriculum.
Right now I am reading Homeward Bound. I am grateful for the simplicity of this book. It advises that instead of asking whether we will home school, we should be asking whether we will continue to home school. It also discusses the tutoring approach to home schooling. This speaks to me. In college I hired a tutor to help me understand biology. I was so grateful for the one on one approach that I received for the first time in my life. It is easy for me to understand how one could excel through tutoring. The other piece that appeals to me is the non-rushed approach. Getting out of the house can be a flurry of activity, we are often rushing out the door. I like the idea of not rushing and am a big fan of the idea of simplicity.
I am a long way from decision making. The biggest hurdle for me to overcome is myself. I am interested in the idea and am on the hunt for homeschooling blogs & resources that inspire. That said, we also had plans today to tour our local parish preschool. Due to the ice, school was canceled...we are home. :)
When I met Paul, he was a big fan of the idea of home schooling. I was open to the idea. The idea of home schooling is one thing. The reality of it...quite another.
This past year I have received a few books from my wish list:
The Well Trained Mind
Catholic Homeschool Companion
Catholic Education: Homeward Bound
The Well Trained Mind paints a beautiful vision of homeschooling. In the ideal world we would all be classically educated. This book terrified me. I did take away encouraging H to draw her circles counter clock-wise as a pre-writting skill, but not too much more than that quite yet.
The Catholic Homeschool Companion is a wealth of resources. I am not quite ready for deciding on a curriculum.
I am a long way from decision making. The biggest hurdle for me to overcome is myself. I am interested in the idea and am on the hunt for homeschooling blogs & resources that inspire. That said, we also had plans today to tour our local parish preschool. Due to the ice, school was canceled...we are home. :)
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