a weekend with baby love

Captivated.  In love.  My heart has gone. 

This weekend we had the immense and unexplainable JOY of being parents to 3!!!  I can't even believe it to write it. 

We had baby love for the weekend and oh, what a love she is! 

I was asked by a friend if this is the way that foster care worked.  You met and fell in love with a child, asked about them and they were potentially yours.  The answer is no...most of the time.  God allowed us a back door to this sweet girl. 

At mass I was contemplating that at my 29th birthday, after many years of trying, I was expecting my first.   On Thursday I turn 33.  I informed the social workers that baby love would be such a gift!  Tomorrow morning an important conversation should be going down to reveal more about where things stand.  If you could spare a prayer....
:)

(oh, and back to the drawing board for hubby's job - but thanks for all who prayed for God's will on our behalf for that intention!) 

she is way loved by these two

first bath at our home

babe in arms

we have a date!

I feel as if we have been waiting forever.  Waiting for the phone to ring with the announcement that we have a date.  It finally did.  Praise the Lord...we have an adoption date!!  Thursday July 14th, Blaise Augustine will officially and forever be ours!  The little boy who stole our heart and made us foster parents.  The little boy who was known by God and planned for our family long before he was known by us.  The crazy love of our life who keeps us on our toes, scales our furniture, brings a steady flow of rocks inside and gives the sweetest kisses ever...we are so grateful for him and SO SO glad to make this thing official! 

Because of him our hearts are so wide open to fostering again.  We have baby love with us this weekend, currently she is asleep in a bassinet next to my bed.  Thanks to our Augie, we are foster parents with no plans of quitting. 

not of my womb

I am falling!

Here's the deal. Current foster mom is so fed up with the situation she has offered us as much visit and bonding time as we would like. Current foster mom is the president of the Foster Parent Association and medical coordinator. She has been involved with fostering for a LONG time and has adopted 7, has 4 grown bio children and fostered endless more. She is very knowledgeable of the system. But we all know she is not in control. None of us are.

So, essentially, we are working through a back door here and a "bond at your own risk" sort of formula. We had baby love for two days of respite last week. Last night was our first overnight. She is doing wonderfully! There is something about holding her and rocking her. Last night it was as if she might as well have come straight out of my womb. It is like she is making up for not having had that place in my life. She loves to curl up in a fetal position nestled on my chest, listening to the sound of my heart. I was contemplating her snuggling and just felt as if she was a part of me.  These are indeed the words of a foster mama falling completely in love. And we will have her again this weekend.


She has come so far in the two months she has been in care with current foster mom. She is no longer classified as failure to thrive and her GJ feeding tube will be switched to a G tube, which is much easier for everyone to deal with. She seems as if she is getting a little more acclimated to our family, and the kids to her.

I was talking to current foster mom who is dreading saying goodbye to this beautiful love. We talked about fostering and good byes. She has had her share of them. She discussed how we take the "hit" for the kids. If baby love is not meant for us, it will be difficult, but we will take the hit. But I know I will be forever glad for this small opportunity to love her. These beautiful children take away the sting of years of infertility. It is God's grace healing my wounded heart.

i wish you could see her face!

We spent the day with "baby love" yesterday.  I so can't take just how adorable she is!  This teenie little one has a smile that will light up a room.  She glows.  She did so well with us at the park.  I felt like an insanely fertile person the two separate times I was asked how close in age BL and Augie are.  "12 months", I replied.  We spent the day rotating carrier to stroller and tag teaming.  It was so sweet to watch my husband cuddle and talk to her.

Paul spent most of the day with Rosie who went on her first roller coaster and two log flume rides.   My heart was probably racing more than hers was!  Augie got to play in the ball pit, which, at this point I am sure is what his heaven would look like.  He was so mad that we took him out he screamed for 10 minutes. 

We had a pretty good ride home..and then, madness descended.  It started with Augie and then spread to BL.  Over stimulating a "normal" baby would cause a great disruption.  I remember those days with Rosie.  Baby Love has had a rough life so far.  Between me (new person), not being on a nap schedule, not being in home environment, etc etc etc, it got a little hairy around the end of the day.  The most difficult part was not knowing how to soothe her and figuring out how to manage other children.  

Like so many foster kids, her story is a tough one.  The more I research about her obstacles, the more difficult her little life seems.  With regards to our family, I hold on to the confidence that God has everything in control.  And, we get to spend the day with her again tomorrow.  This time, completely on my own, without the support of my husband.  The reality of parenting +1 is not without challenge.  More that a few occasions I have asked myself "am I nuts for wanting this?".  Again, I trust in the story of how God has woven our lives together.  For whatever the future holds, Jesus, I trust in you!

and me of little faith

This morning God showed up.  We thought we had two no's to two separate prayer requests.  Within 5 minutes, we got two "maybe's".

Baby Love on Thursday!
Job Interview on Friday!

"Baby Love" is the name I have decided to give to the sweet little girl we met in May (more details here).  She is now almost 6 months old.  Things are back to rocky with the kinship family and we are still needed as a back up for her.  Well, we will have her for the whole day, this Thursday, at an amusement park (foster care event we had planned to attend).  I am so trying to not get my hopes up.  The county will be going to court to discuss their concerns with the identified kinship family - not sure when.

AND, this morning we got a call we have been waiting for, job interview!  Friday at 8am for my husband.  Please pray! 

Thank you Lord for the dose of humility and the reminder that I am not in control!  I trust in you!

oh what I would give for a mustard seed of faith

Do I believe in God?  Yes!
Do I believe that God loves me, cares for me?  Yes.
Do I believe He has plans for my welfare?  ummmm....
Do I believe that God is extravagant in His blessings?  I would really love believe that.  It sounds so beautiful.

Me, of little faith, mustered what I had to celebrate St Gianna's feast day at her shrine.  I placed her glove on my abdomen and prayed with faith for her assistance.  I have known so many blessings who have come directly after contact with her relics.  Two cycles of opportunity have come and gone with no miracle conception.

Around the same time we prayed a double novena; our lady undoer of knots and divine mercy.  So far, no response to our petitions for those novenas.  Just crickets.  And struggles.

A few months back I thought I could possibly have another foster babe in my arms and potentially a miracle conception.  My husband tries to remind me that some times God answers "not yet".  I have to remind my self continually that others stories' are theirs, not mine.  We look so often to how God has blessed others for our own hope.  But His plan is so unique and perfect to us.

Secondary IF is much less dramatic than the first go around.  I am SO grateful for my blessings.  I recognize God has appeared.  He HAS answered prayers.  He HAS listened.  But my faith is still weak.  Forever battered by the waves of primary infertility.  I am much quicker to say "well...no one was listening to THAT novena."  Much quicker to give up.

I see this summer as a turning point.  I hope for it to be.  We need for it to be.

Am I being called back into employment?  Are more kids around the corner?  Only God knows.  We are just waiting over here for revelation.

hello my name is elisabeth and I am addicted to second hand shopping

Seriously.

I have shopped through cgslist for many years and scored all kinds of deals.  I could do a whole post on our cgslist finds.  Yesterday, my husband completely indulged me.  I needed to get out of the house.  We drove 30 minutes to a 40,000 sq ft used furniture warehouse with the most amazing prices. 

Find #1: I found this adorable vintage desk set (and I was really just after the chair) for $20. 

I am in the process of doing some refinishing to what was a laminate top.  If I can convince my husband, that will be his bedside table. 

 As I said I was just after the chair. I originally got the idea from Restoration Hardware who lists this chair at $119.

  

And I found this guy on Etsy selling a similar set for 295!

Find #2, I was looking for a night stand and found this vintage desk for $15.  

Suddenly I think I have a thing for collecting vintage desks.  This is my fourth in a month!  I think I will refinish this one.  

I wanted to find some cute shutters to make a head board for our guest room.  This used furniture store had shutters in seriously used/weathered condition for $15 each.  I didn't love any of them.  On the way home we stopped at the ReStore.  Habitat for Humanity's resale outlet.  In love, again!

I found these shutter doors for $5.

I am not sure yet if I want to leave them vertical or turn them horizontal (cutting off the bottom).  The ReStore also had solid wood doors in the $20 range.  We totally need to replace our hollow core bedroom doors.  And we may be redoing our bathroom from the ReStore!

Tomorrow, if we have a few extra minutes, I am dying to check our our city's historical district.  They have a architectural salvage of building materials from older buildings.  While I understand second hand decorating may not be for everyone, I am so excited about it!  New does not work with our cash only debt-free plan.  Vintage and I are new BFFs.

not meant for us

A month ago I was helping out at a foster care fundraising event.  I met (and fell in love with) the most precious little baby girl.  She was smiley, cooey and so tiny for 5 months old.  What she lacked in size, she made up for in utter sweetness.  I knew the foster mom she was placed with was not an adoptive resource.  I went home, talked to Paul and called our social worker to inquire about her.  The social worker mentioned a kinship resource was being considered, but she would mention us to her supervisor.  A week later we got a call asking if we were serious about our interest in this little girl.  We were asked to attend a hospital training to learn how to care for her. 

We attended and Paul met her for the first time.  Beautiful smile.  Sparkling blue eyes.  A complete joy.  The kinship family showed up and we were trained together (they did not know we were there as a back up for them).  Initially my heart broke watching this older couple with her.  The woman was not able to comfort her and the man did not seem interested one iota.  The idea of her growing up in a family that was not utterly in love with her was tough. 

It seemed an easy, obvious choice to me.  God had other plans.  I found out today she is going with  her kinship family.  Evidently they have improved, man seems interested, woman is able to care for her.  I am glad for them.  We remain a back up family...but most likely, she is not intended for us.

I had mentioned her to Rosie and every so often she would bring up her name.  I told Rosie today that baby was going to stay with her family.  I was promptly informed that she would still like a sister.  I told her she has to pray to God for that.  Evidently she is already on the case.  She said she prayed for that when she was outside. 

It is relatively easy to let go of a babe that you have not yet fostered.  I fell in love but I did not bond.  We would have been delighted to parent her - but we trust in God's plan for our family.  That plan which right now includes anxiously awaiting an adoption date (hopefully within two weeks we will have a date and it will likely be in July).  One miracle at a time. 

petition to adopt

is Signed Sealed and Delivered!  This is a picture of us at the notary.  I asked the attorney to contact us asap as the announcements I hope to purchase are only on sale until Tuesday. :)

painted furniture

Recently I am in love with painted furniture.  I have decided my style is cottage.  I am slowly adding to our theme on a budget by converting, yard sailing, flea marketing, etc to adjust our decor.     I love how easy it is to paint furniture and how cheap you can find awesome pieces on craigslist.  

{before}

this is furniture I inherited from my grandparents years ago (as pictured in our old home).  Nothing fancy, broyhill circa 60s or 70s I suppose.  The table was so water stained and ugly I would not allow it to see the light of day.

{after}

pretty painted legs and natural finish top

the chairs were a craigslist find from a restaurant

painted and scuffed hutch and buffet

 

 

{before}

old electrical wire spool, purchased in yard sale last week for $4

{after}
Painted spool converted to coffee/play table
Pottery Barn Rug on Craigslist $100; Sofa on Craigslist $100

And a few more "before" yard sale finds:

Highchair purchased in yard sale for $2;
to be used as doll chair/high seat for table

Apple crate purchase for $3 - will not be painted

Pair of school desks purchased for $20

prayers for paul please

One of our prayer requests for a long while has been a job for Paul.  We are looking to take a step away from self-employed and into "benefits package".  A job we have been hoping for has finally become available.  Deadline for application was Monday.  Prayers would be so greatly appreciated!

start your day out right, take 2

After a crazy attempt at a morning...I am doing a take 2. Starting it out (again) dancing in the kitchen with this song! Turn it up!

Saving a Life?

"Foster a child, foster a future"
"Saving the world one child at a time"
"Foster Care Foster Hope"

These are a few of the slogans that I have heard in the process of trying to recruit foster parents.

Is it just me that thinks about myself all the time?  When we set out to foster, we did so with the "selfish" desire to grow our family.  We did not start out thinking about what impact we may have upon a child.

I am certain there does exist in this world those truly amazing people who would foster to make a difference in the life of a child.  God bless those generous souls.  I did not start out thinking about "them", I started out thinking about "me".

Now that I have met the most amazingly adorable little monkey I will soon officially call my son, I am starting to see the impact that foster care can have on "them".

I was told recently by Augie's early intervention coordinator about the significance of a loving home environment.  She pointed out his improvements as related to being in our care, rather then the home environment he may otherwise have been raised within.  She does not know the circumstances from which he was removed.  I do.  When I think about the crazy love bug I know as Augie and imagine his "other" life, I rejoice that he is here.  WE are so blessed to have him as a part of our family.

We were recently presented with a scenario that has me thinking about biological (kinship) family versus traditional (stranger) foster parents, like us.  There was a biological aunt in the process of trying to foster-adopt Augie, through the first several months of his placement with us.  It was a little nerve wrecking.  We were told, incorrectly, that she had completed everything in her state and was just waiting on clearance from our state & county to get him.  We later found out she never completed the process required of her.  Augie is very blessed to have bio-parents who adore him.  A kinship placement would give him the opportunity to be raised in his family culture and perhaps more opportunity to connect with his bio-parents.  It is not for me to judge, but I say with certainty, his life would have been so so different.  We certainly hope to maintain some connection with his bio-parents and allow a connection as far as we deem appropriate.  At some point, we face the inevitable discussions and hope that he will be secure in our love and rooted in our (his) values. 

The scenario I mentioned above has not yet unfolded.  There are two very different possible paths ahead.  Life "A" or Life "B".  The situation is out of our hands and we trust in God's wisdom.

For the first time I am starting to see my role of a foster parent differently.  My heart is growing in generosity.  It is not just me that I am doing this for anymore.  Don't get me wrong, the "me" is still a huge part of this...but when you start meeting kids - things change.  They matter more. 

I still don't think I will ever figure out how to respond to all the people that call us "hero" or say they could never ever be a foster parent.  From my vantage point now, I am unsure how I could ever go through a traditional adoption process.  When you walk in with the knowledge "the goal of foster care is reunification" it is as if your heart is prepped (just a bit).

So the slogans are usually for the purpose of recruiting.  I am not sure how well they work.  Word of mouth and witnessing others going through this process is what got us in the door.  Now that we are in...I think we will stay awhile.  :)


This post is part of Foster2Forever.com's May Blog Hop celebrating National Foster Care Month.

look what we made!

I have been stalking Ana White's blog and contemplating DIY woodworking projects.  Paul always has a ton of scrap wood lying around.  I found the perfect scrap piece (oak I think) and decided a wood swing would be a simple enough place to start!  We followed this tutorial (as best as we could) with a few modifications.

I admit, this would be a pretty awesome project for an adult size swing as well.  Here was another tutorial we referenced.  Paul said this takes me back to my southern roots.  :)  I am SOOO excited.  Not only for Rosie to have a swing again, but for all the memories this fun swing will create through the years.

we get em started young

new swing coming soon

eye hooks going into our >8" branch

and a swinging experience so cool we can't describe...come visit and swing in our swing!

Bargain Find (PSA)

I was out last week and stopped by the Restoration Hardware outlet. They had these adorable letters, originally priced at $16 and marked down to $1.  I found Rosie's letter in pink, but had to order Augie's.  Even with the shipping it was a pretty good deal.  We just got the first initial and I love the look of them in person!  Just putting out this public service announcement if anyone wants a cute letter for a baby/kid room.  :)

{pretty, funny, happy, real}

My beautiful blessings!!  

{pretty}

{funny}

{happy}

{real}

Next Step...Adoption!!

That is all.  :) 

Day 30

Are you familiar with Matisyahu?  This song just came into my head.  Love him (shout out to my brother in law who tried forever to get  us to love his music).  We love dancing around the house to his music.  Augie has THE.CUTEST. dance moves.  I can't wait to share some of his pics on the blog. 

49 hours to go!

Pray us through!!  I am busy counting down the hours until the end of the 30 day appeal period following the April 11th confirmation of consent hearing (termination of parental rights).  I have been guessing and second guessing every communication with bio mom in the hopes that she will hold tight and continue to trust us with raising the son she birthed.  Please pray for her.  Please pray for Augie's dad. 

After that...I am hoping that everyone working for us will be working at the speed we want them to go!  It is difficult when dates and time frames are in busy people's hands.  We are ready to make this thing official!

1000 reasons why I love and adore being a Fertility Care Practioner

Okay, so I know I won't list them all in this post, but there are easily that many reasons I am so blessed to have been called to this ministry.

First, for those that may be unfamiliar, Fertility Care is a system of charting your naturally occurring signs (i.e. cervical mucus) and biomarkers to determine times of fertility and infertility.  I teach women to chart and interpret these signs.  The best thing is that Physicians trained in NaPro Technology can READ A WOMAN'S CHART and use it to WORK WITH HER CYCLE.  This is phenomenal.  In our culture, physicians treat fertility as if it were a disease and infertility as a opportunity to play God.  God has given us the ability to read and interpret a woman's cycles and when a doctor can utilize that information, they can treat PMS, post postpartum depression, infertility, frequent miscarriage, and on and on.  They allow God to be God and the couple to achieve pregnancy naturally.  Testing and treatment is two to three times more effective than artificial reproductive options.

So, I am about to write an essay about 1000 reasons why I love NaPro Technology.  I will sum those 1000 reasons into one.  My daughter.  Rosie is the miracle that God blessed us with thanks to the help of NaPro Technology (she is pictured on the top of this website with Dr Hilgers).  My experiences with NaPro Technology paved the way to my path towards becoming an FCP.

This is my fifth year of blessing other couples with the gift of understanding their fertility.  I teach teenage girls with painful or irregular cycles through to pre-menopausal women seeking help with PMS.  I teach single women, engaged couples, married couples.  I walk with couples through their first pregnancy, through struggles with frequent miscarriages or infertility.  I teach friends.  I teach strangers.  I teach people that live down the road and people that live across the country (skype!).

By far, the most rewarding part of my work is teaching couples about SPICE.  SPICE stands for Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Creative/Communicative and Emotional needs of your spouse.  I am not a marriage counselor but I have the opportunity to challenge couples to grow in their love and understanding of one another.  I am able to turn couples towards one another and get them talking.  When necessary, I refer to counselors or priests.  I listen to their hopes and dreams; their fears and frustrations.  I walk with them through the struggles and challenges of using a natural system.  I help them process the fears of achieving pregnancy and encourage them through the despair of bareness.

They are coming off the pill for reasons of faith or to avoid side effects (they all have side effects from the pill!).  They are coming from the IVF doctor, looking for another chance at conception.  They are coming from every faith and no faith.  All the while, I am connecting with them and teaching them about God (whether they know it or not).  I am reiterating their wedding vows and teaching the truths as taught in Theology of the Body.  

I never aspired to this work.  God paved the way.  He wants to bless these couples and I have the opportunity to help Him do that. 

My greatest hope is that more doctors embrace the gift of Creighton & NaPro Technology.  I have asked it a thousand times, my clients ask it again and again...."why don't more doctors know this?".  I probably refer 75% (or more) of my clients for NaPro care.  Dr Stegman and Dr Hilgers both work with couples from around the country (and around the world). 

I remember at one point my mother was concerned that I was going to a "Catholic" doctor for my infertility.  She has come around.  It saddens me that this is a stigma.  As it turns out, a physician with a relationship with God that is willing to follow the teachings of the Church is able to be an instrument for God.  And we all know that all blessings, miracles, gifts and graces ultimately come through Him.  He is the ultimate healer.



This said, while not every couple will conceive, there is so much more to Creighton and NaPro than "an opportunity to conceive".  So many infertility bloggers so gracefully reflect on this again and again.  My heart aches for these couples.  God has a special place in His heart for you.  God does hear your prayers.  God does know your pain.  God loves you more than you know. 


PS- 
If you feel like you might be interested in pursing FCP or Medical Consultant training, I would be happy to offer direction or answer questions.  You can look for training near you on this site.