Sunday, January 30, 2011

unPlanned

It has been less than a week since the March for Life. On our bus someone had a copy of a new book by Abby Johnson. It was being passed around and it stopped at my seat. I started reading and devoured the first five chapters. The person who brought it on the trip gave it to me and then asked that I pass it on to someone else when I finished. I am not a huge reader but I was picking this up at every free moment until I finished it yesterday.

At her Texas A&M volunteer fair, Abby was recruited to work for Planned Parenth00d. She was drawn in by the attractive display, the well spoken professional woman at the table and especially by the idea of helping women in crisis. All along she believed that she was there to make abortion rare. She believed her involvement in this organization would make a difference. Through the years Abby quickly rose through the ranks and eventually became the director of a Planned Parenth00d clinic near Texas A&M. She became a champion for women...or so she believed.

As Abby's story unfolds, so does the parallel story of the people on the other side of the fence. The pro-lifers.

I am interjecting Abby's story to tell part of my own:

I am a pro-lifer. I am one of those people who have stood on the other side of the fence. While attending college in Mobile, Alabama I became connected with a gentleman who knew of my deep pro-life convictions, I will call him Joe. Joe invited me to join him to pray at Planned Parenth00d on their abortion day. My heart was pounding as I drove up to that clinic at 7am on a Tuesday morning, December 14, 1999. I parked across the street and found Joe. I helped him gather his literature and signs as clients and pro-lifers began arriving. The other pro-lifers set to work praying, trying to catch the attention of the people sitting in their cars. Car after car arrived. As the doors opened, these women begin pouring into the clinic. One woman, got out of her car about 10 feet from where I stood. I opened my mouth for the first time and said "please don't do this". She looked at me, stone-faced, and said "my husband and I already have too many children." At that moment I lost it. I feel to my knees and began to weep.

I imagine most people are unaware of abortion clinics in their town. For those who have not had a personal connection with them, they can be easy to ignore. Even for us that consider ourselves pro-life, how often do we think about those clinics. Definitely out of sight, out of mind. However, we you know what happens during an abortion and then when you stand face to face with an abortion clinic...there are no words to describe the feeling. Especially when you face it for the first time.

I knelt and wept for quite a while as the sounds of the rosary where filling the air around me. I clutched my beads. After two hours there were at least thirty cars in the parking lot. Thirty women waiting for abortions. During that time there were three teenage girls that kept coming out to their car. They would smoke and laugh then go back into the clinic. Around 9:15 the pro-lifers begin leaving. As I was about to get in my car I noticed Joe had caught the attention of one of those teenagers. She was walking over to him. I went back towards them. One of her friends came out and came over. Joe offered that we go out to breakfast. They agreed.

We walked two blocks down to Shoneys and he ushered us into the smoking section. One of the girls was pregnant from her boyfriend and the other was pregnant through rape. We talked to them and "Amanda" was very open and receptive. After a bit she began to cry and said she is going to keep her baby. Methodically she went for a cigarette, then looked at it and said "Oh my gosh, I can't smoke! I am pregnant!"

This was my first encounter with side walk counseling. We had a save on my first day!! It was miraculous. I was hooked. That day ignited my passion for praying on the sidewalk.


Back to Abby's story! The pro-life group on the other side of the fence was called Coalition for Life. As I have "stood at the fence" I saw myself in their tears and prayers. The story talks about how this amazing group of young people establish acceptable behaviors for the sidewalk counselors. No more grim reapers, signs that call out "murders" or graphic images. Instead they offer love and friendship to the clinic workers and girls. Their most powerful witness was the program that began by this group at this clinic, called 40 Days for Life (now a national prayer campaign).

God uses the love and friendship from Coalition for Life, and the prayers of people involved with 40 Days for Life to work on Abby's heart. She begins to feel pressure from above to increase revenue to her clinic. Revenue comes from abortions. Again, one of Abby's hopes was to decrease the number of abortions. As the organizational pressure mounts, so does her internal struggle. In this perfectly orchestrated series of events, she is then called into to help with an abortion, for the first time in her 10 year involvement with this clinic. The doctor needed her to hold an ultrasound while he conducts the abortion. What Abby witnesses, changes her life. I highly encourage you to read the first chapter of her book on her website: http://www.unplannedthebook.com/.

I highly encourage you to purchase her book. Abby's story is riveting and I know she will continue to be a witness to thousands on both sides of the fence.

I am grateful for a new and renewed spirit of activism. There are two women that I know need to join me in prayer outside of our local clinic. The next 40 Days campaign starts on March 9th. We will be there.

TimeLapse March for LIFE DC 2011

And this doesn't event do it justice!

Friday, January 28, 2011

meeting cancelled

welcome to the world of fostering. ugh. next meeting, two weeks.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Friday 11am EST

Visits have been rescheduled and THE meeting (bio mom, myself and sw) is tomorrow 11am EST. I have been anxious about this for over a week. Since it became inevitable it would be canceled yesterday and things were no longer running on MY time line, I have had more peace. GOD is in control!!

So, please continue to pray for SBR's parents and the possible tough conversation we will be having tomorrow about SBR's future. God give me the grace to be "positively vague" as suggested by a friend.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Snow & Important Meetings :(

Snow is not a good thing for anxious foster mamas. I had an important meeting today, canceled due to weather. Of course it was snow that also delayed SBR from coming to our house for almost a week last year.

The meeting was scheduled for 10:30 EST and I was going to post to ask for prayers. Bio-mom received a letter from bio-dad and asked to set up a meeting with Social Worker and myself to talk. My first thought was that she was going to sign (her rights). My understanding is that if both parents sign before 1/28 then TPR will happen 2/28, as scheduled. If they sign after 1/28, TPR is delayed until 30 days after they sign. I guess I shouldn't stress because SW tells me it is better if they sign.

I guess if they sign I would not fear the 30 days after TPR as much and could potentially save 6-12 months of waiting. For that I would be grateful.

So it was bio-mom who canceled the meeting and said "I don't want to risk his safety." I AM grateful for the way his bio-parents love him. Please pray for SBR's bio-parents as they contemplate this huge decision.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

My Heart Exalts - MFL

We had a wonderful (albeit cold)...March for Life on Monday. One of my highlights was meeting the beautiful blogger, "My Heart Exalts." She glows and I am certain it is her beautiful soul shining brightly. I wish that we had more time to sip coffee and get lost in conversation. Unfortunately, I had a very tired 1 year old who kept falling on his head and an anxious to move 3 year old...and the March!



MHE - Thank you for coming to find us!! I am sure it was a bit nerve wrecking when you realized what you were up against in the crowds! I am certain it won't be our last meeting! Be assured of my prayers and love you too!!











The second highlight for me was the fact that after we took the picture by the supreme court, and after standing in the same spot for 20 minutes, I realized we were standing next to my favorite Catholic band, L'Angelus!

They are Cajun and that is what makes their music so unique and interesting. If you haven't heard them before, check them out!

Finally, on the ride home I was blessed to meet a beautiful brave soul on our bus. She was marching for the first time. She came into the Church last year. She suffered 3 miscarriages. Her first miscarriage was her turning point. She used to work for Banned Parnthood. The moment she was grieving her first lost she discovered she was not sad about loosing a "mass of cells" she was sad because she lost her baby. She passed on a book that I think is fantastic. Everyone needs a copy of "UnPlanned" by Abby Johnson. Start with reading the first chapter on her website. Tell everyone you know to read this chapter! Abby has a powerful witness and the account of her story is wonderful.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

March for Life

My Heart Exults mentioned she was attending her first March for Life this year. I am so blessed to live within a relatively easy drive of DC. I take it for granted. We are hoping to attend and have not yet decided whether we are driving or joining a bus trip (if there is still room).

I am pretty new to the fabulous blogging community and wondering if anyone else is going??

I have to admit I am a bit of a crazed socialite at the March for Life. When I worked for Priests for Life it was my job to attend them. How cool is that? Our staff would go with a big plan to cover all of DC in the days or week leading up to the March. I would be involved with students for life conferences, youth rallies, the vendor display...and then hanging out at the Dubliner (where I first learned to love a Black Velvet). When I moved to PA and ran the youth group, I started leading bus trips. We would always hit the Verizon Center at 7am and, beside leading the trip, my day was spent fluttering around finding old friends. I love the March for Life!

In the last couple years, I have been less connected with my pro-life activist roots. I drive by Banned Paren7hood on a regular basis but I have not counseled in years. SBR and H have only been with me once to pray. I have gone to from working for the pro-life movement to youth ministry to Creighton teacher. I realize teaching NFP is a pro-life ministry. But I miss the passion. There is no cause greater than abortion. I could go on and on here.

In our local news, and national news a doctor was just arrested for murdering 7 live born babies. Of course, there is no discussion about the fact that the babies were "this close" (head in uterus) to being perfectly legal to kill in the same fashion. Wow. I really have to control myself or this is about to be a novel.

So...while I adore going to the March for Life and seeing old (and new) friends - there is one very specific reason I go (and now drag the family along). For someone that has never Marched, it is truly a very powerful experience. MHE, I am so glad you are making the trip. For all the long time marchers, remember. For all those that can't attend, pray.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

petitions for the wailing wall

I am so thrilled for my brother in law who leaves tomorrow for Jerusalem. It has long been a dream of mine to travel to the Holy Land. My husband traveled there before we met, so it is going to take a bit of convincing to get him back. We went out for dinner the other night. My brother in law kept referring to it as the last supper. I had a chance to scribble a few petitions (in crayon...Paul said God can read crayon ;) on the back of the kids menu/coloring sheet.

In a few days, if he remembers, our petitions should be plugging a part of the wall! With it, of course, our petition and hope to adopt SBR. Also, our petition for his parents. And a few other special intentions.

I am sorry I have not been around nor blogging. We had a wonderful holiday in Florida and are back in the swing of things here. A few more social worker visits, a few more background checks, some homestudy training and a visit to the Children's hospital (SBR will be having an MRI in a few weeks). Looking at the calender there are just four visits remaining before TPR. I will be blogging my anxiety, fears and prayer intentions so stay tuned.

Happy New Year blog world!

Friday, December 24, 2010

A Social Network Christmas


This is fabulous. Merry Christmas to all!



Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Immaculate Conception Cookies/ Jesse Tree

As H is getting older, I am trying to incorporate some new traditions. I have always been interested in those that celebrate feast days with special food or snacks. Today, is my first recorded attempt at this. Thank you to Catholic Cuisine for the ideas.

For Marian feast days, it seems the theme is to do white food, for purity, such as cauliflower soup, white crackers, etc. Or things that incorporate the color which we use to represent Mary...blue. I was looking for a snack, so I adapted the recipe for these Peanut Butter Bees and just decorated them with blue accents. My first attempt was to do a blue veil. That didn't turn out as well as I hoped, so I ended up just dipping half the cookie and decorating the other half with chocolate.

So, here is my modified no-bake Immaculate Conception Cookie Recipe (makes about 10-12)

2TB butter, softened
1/2 C smooth peanut butter
1/2 C powdered sugar
3/4 C graham crackers crumbs
1/4 C honey
1/2 C coconut
blue food coloring
1/4 C melted chocolate chips for decorating

Mix butter, pb, and powdered sugar in a mixing bowl until blended. Add graham crumbs and blend. Roll into eggs and put in the freezer for at least 15 minutes.

Mix coconut in a baggie with blue food coloring. Put honey in a dipping bowl. Dip the pb eggs into the honey, then coat with blue coconut. Melt chips in a bag for 1 minute, cut off the tip and decorate. Enjoy! Store leftovers in the freezer.

Our parish school has Sisters of the Immaculate Heart. Today, they renewed their vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. H loves to see veiled sisters and calls them all Mary. During Mass H commented "look at all the Mary's!"

And...finally, we are doing a Jesse Tree for the first year. I clipped a branch from our evergreen, sectioned it and put it in a vase. Added a few lights and we are now having so much fun with our Jesse tree scipture reading and ornament making every day.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

Sweet Baby One!

Today, I got to play the Gymboree leader for a wonderful birthday celebration. We had so much fun! Happy Birthday Baby!





Friday, December 03, 2010

what it is like to be a foster parent



My husband has always talked of fostering and adoption in light of Joseph's relationship to Jesus. I love this song, especially around this time of year.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Home Studying - take 3

As I mentioned last month, we have begun the process of our adoption home study (different than a foster home study). Officially, this is now our third home study...the first before we conceived H.

I sent an email to our references stating "it is that time of year again for our family." It seems as if they have done this a zillion times already for us. Well, just three, but still! We are grateful they keep saying nice things about us.

Tonight were the interviews. I am so glad it was much easier than the last two rounds. Usually they turn me into a blubbering fool. Tonight, my sticking point was when she asked me to describe my personality. I absolutely couldn't! Honestly, I gave her a dissertation about how being a parent was a total wake up call and I am struggling to find balance and coming to terms that I will never by the parent I always hoped to be, etc etc etc. It was a bit ugly. She asked if I considered myself organized. Humph. Well...I completely forgot I had incorrectly recorded our last appointment and she came to an empty house. Later in the conversation Paul mentioned my business and I said "oh yeah! I think I am good at that...and relatively organized." A little too late.

So, we handed over the packet. Everything about our lives, including our updated autobiographies. I think this was supposed to be a walk through visit and I am SO glad she said she trusted our other social worker. I didn't even think I would be showing our house.

Being gifted with our children, this home study is completely different than our first. If you follow my homestudy label, I am sure you can find that post. In a nutshell, I got up at 6am to bake "Homestudy Cinnamon Rolls" back then. Tonight's homes tudy, at 6pm...I am feeding my children at the table and we are munching pretzels for our own dinner. She declined the pretzels.

So, we found out that her absolute deadline to complete our homestudy (per our county) is Jan 27th. TPR is scheduled for Feb 28th. A closing visit, the last visit for mom, will happen before the end of Feb. Thinking of having that tearful visit around the corner (I witnessed another closing visit) is a reality check. My heart does go out to his mom.

Right now there is a definite possibility that one of the parents will appeal the TPR. I did find out from tonight's social worker that she has never heard of TPR being overturned. But, if that happens, our case could potentially drag out another year before finalization. I will be reminding you of that prayer request again closer to the time.

AND, we have had discussions about what type of contact we hope to have after TPR. I will have that for a later blog.

This morning, I spent a good bit of time shopping for first birthday supplies. We are having a small first birthday party "gymboree style" for SBR. I can't believe he is almost one! He has truly become a tremendous source of joy in our life.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Little Star

I am very proud of an old friend, Anthony Destefano. We used to work together at Priests for Life. Add this book to your Christmas Wishlist!! He was recently interviewed on EWTN Bookmark. Check it out.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Milestones

Our sweet baby boy has taken his first steps! Like any other parent, I captured it on film and am dying to show them off. It is so difficult to keep from sharing all the adorable pictures and milestones. I have this vision of making a video for adoption day and catching everyone up with pictures.

In just three weeks, he will be celebrating his first birthday (we will be having a "Gymboree Style" party in two). It was a bit interesting composing the invitation. I ended up with "Our Darling Son is Turning One" and leaving out a name altogether. In this in between time, he is becoming less of an "SBR". On video and in his baby book, I try to limit my writing of his given name, though his name does appear frequently in both. This is who he is right now. Maybe I just need a better nickname??

H is super excited about the birthday party. I think she is still holding out hope it will actually be a party for her. She talks about it all the time. I feel so bad for the baby...I rarely get a picture or video of him without her jumping in front of the camera and begging me to film her instead. For the first steps, I had to sequester her to her room...even still, the video is full of "MAMA DO YOU WANT SOME COFFEE??" as she is shouting in the background.

Over the last month or two SBR's bio dad has composed several letters to be read to his son. They are really sweet...and they tear at my heart. Dad clearly has not let go (again...we are thinking this will be an involuntary termination of rights) and talks about being together as a family, etc. It is in these instances I realize how different this process is from a traditional adoption. Even though birth parents most always long for their child....they are willingly giving them up. It adds an extra dimension to process when that is not the case. I am not sure exactly what to do with these letters. One may go in his baby book, but we are now considering a memento box to keep the rest tucked away. The last one especially....I have a hard time thinking of giving to him. I am so glad he has bio parents who love him so much. I really imagine it would be harder (eventually) if that was not the case. But, figuring out where we all fit together is the challenge.

We are traveling to VA for Thanksgiving (6 hrs) and so thrilled to spend the holiday with family and new babies we have not yet met. For Christmas we are driving to FL (20+ hours). It will be a crazy season of traveling. I am sure I will have some stories to tell.

God bless everyone reading and may you have a wonderful blessed Thanksgiving!!

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

on the topic of name change

A few weeks back, Paul and I simultaneously poured over an internet site for hours one day and came up with a list of potential names. It looked like TPR might happen by the end of the year and we wanted to have our name picked out by then.

So we set up a picture of our foster son and set out to decide. We crossed off names from each others lists and ranked our names. We came up with a top 20, then scaled back to top 12.

We have recently narrowed it down to one. We have decided on the first and middle name we would like to give this little boy, should he become ours. Meanwhile, TPR was pushed back to the end of Feb. :(

With our daughter, we had decided to wait to find out gender and announce her name upon her birth. It is sometimes easier to not have well meaning feedback from family.

This is so different. Now that we have a name chosen, I am getting the itch. I get to look at this beautiful little happy face every day. I get to hold, snuggle, sing him lullabies to sleep. I am his mama and I want to call him by name. Well, not only that...I kind of want to tell everyone.

We chatted today and Paul feels it is too soon. I understand his reasons. As he is not yet ours, he would rather hold off until there is more certainty. I have not conceded entirely. For now, I will simply share the name with our sweet boy in his lullaby. For you...well, you will have to keep praying for us. And you will know soon enough.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

moving forward, working backwards

Just a blog update...now that I have been reading other people's blogs this past year, I have figured out what I like. I am going to work on adding some of those features to this blog. I am working backwards to tag posts. And I have no idea what happened to the profile gadget. I think it is blogger wierdness.

The Parade of Social Workers

The parade continues. Last night we began our adoption home study...and specifically, the child profile. We have added another organization and social worker to our lives. Gearing up for the individual interviews in two weeks (Paul loves these, me...not so much!).

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Single Dad Laughing

Thanks to facebook, I just found what has to be one of the fastest growing blogs ever. After spending 15 minutes reading through his blog...my opinion, I like this kid. He was born in 1980, the same year as my baby brother. He has been through two divorces and is caring for his adopted son as a single father. His writing is PHENOMENAL. He started this blog just 4 months ago.

As someone who is going through the adoption process, I really appreciate his adoption blogs. Specifically, How much did your kid cost? I need to go back to FB and share that. And, I always love a good adoption story: Noah, an adoption tale.

What led me to find his site, however, was an article that several of my facebook friends shared. The article is worthless women and the men that make them. Very profound and intuitive. I am grateful to have a husband that does not stop and does not look. And yes, I am guilty of being that woman. If you haven't yet, go read!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Reflections (from Paul)

Today we attended a fostering fall festival. It was an ideal day with frost in the morning and mid sixties all day and fall colors at their peak. There were so many foster parents and children there. It really makes you feel good that you are part of something that is contributing to the good of the community. With out all the wonderful people, where would all these kids be today? I admit it took me a while to warm up to the idea of being a foster parent. My first thought was fostering was like being a long term baby sitter. Through our time with "SBR" I have come to realize that I am providing a child with a stable home life. I am giving him a foundation in which to grow, be loved, and most of all, I am providing him with a a family and a life he would not otherwise have. Some people have called it "noble". I just feel that God has led us in this path. It truly helps me understand something that I always wondered, how St Joseph felt toward his Son.