Miss Mischief

So seriously...I could have never thought up this child in my wildest dreams...she challenges me in so many ways! This is round 2. Round 1 happened last Sunday. It took me three days to attempt to work the dry erase marker out of her carpet. We got it off the walls, her body, mostly off her clothes...it came off the wood floor the easiest. My show of parenting following that incident was not pretty. I am not grace under fire. Following the..."execution"...my husband wanted to have a discussion with me. It was that bad.

Round 2. Prepared better. THANK GOODNESS Paul and I had an "airing out our grievances" session earlier in the day. That allowed me to be in the right frame of mind to open the door and find this after such a wonderfully quiet "nap time." Also, thank goodness I had just returned from the store with more Magic Erasers. But long story short, parenting under fire is not my gift.

Child #1 - this photo just about sums her up. Oh, and she can be VERY loud.

Child #2 - thank GOD he sent us her opposite! SO much more laid back!

After H's birth, I remember immediately wanting to start gestating the next one. But God spaces kids for a reason. I still want a "big" family -which, for me, is now defined at 4 kids. I know that there is probably a very good explanation why God sent us H. I think of her as my wake up call to the thousand romantic notions I had about parenting.

Our Lady of Sorrows, Pray for us!

This morning I went to Mass, for the intentions of those in the midst of their struggle with Infertility. I made a commitment and found it a bit ironic that this was the first day of my Mass petition for this intention. I don't think I was particularly aware of Our Lady of Sorrows when I was my darkest hours of infertility.

At Mass, Father talked about the way that Mary never blamed God for her sorrows, she accepted them as God's will.

Mary is an incredible source of consolation for the suffering heart. I always watch Mel Gibson's Passion through Mary's eyes. Her spirit, her courage, her pain, her grace. A spiritual director once challenged me to meditate on Mary's yes. Placing yourself in that position, in that time, in that environment - what an incredible yes! When we pray for ourselves "Thy Will be Done" we are joining with so many others who knew there would be suffering ahead. Most of all, we are joining ourselves to Mary, our mother, our model.

MOST HOLY and afflicted Virgin,
Queen of Martyrs,
You stood beneath the Cross,
Witnessing the agony of your dying Son.

Look down with a mother’s tenderness
And have pity on me,
Who kneels before you to venerate your
Sufferings and to place my request
With filial confidence in the sanctuary
Of your wounded heart.

Present them, I beseech you,
On my behalf, to Jesus Christ,
Through the merits of his own
Most sacred Passion and Death,
Together with your sufferings
At the foot of the Cross;

And through the united efficacy of both,
Obtain the grant of my present petition.

To whom shall I have recourse
In my wants and miseries
If not to you, O Mother of Mercy,
Who, having so deeply drunk
Of the chalice of your Son,
An console with the sorrows
Of those who still sigh in the land of exile?

O Holy Mary,
Whose soul was pierced by a sword of sorrow
At the sight of the Passion
Of your Divine Son,
Intercede for me and obtain for me from Jesus

(mention the request)

If it be for His Honor and Glory
And the good of my soul.
Amen.

Foster Drama Day

So...I guess, all in all, this will still work to our advantage.

We brought SBR to his visit, scheduled for 10am. 10:05am, no one around. I start asking questions because, at least, the visit supervisor should be there. We are only supposed to wait 15 minutes after scheduled time and then the visit is considered a no show. There was some debate by caseworkers if the visit was actually to be scheduled for 10:30. 10:20am, I meet our new case worker who comes out to wait with me. She is not sure really what is going on. At this point, the supervisor (of the social workers) is involved trying to figure out what happened.

Keep in mind, great aunt is traveling from out of state ~3 hours away for this visit, but local family is also scheduled to be in attendance.

10:35am social worker and I say good by and I head home. 10:50am phone rings, it is the supervisor asking if I can come back. They just showed up. She is clearly P'd off. If I can bring him back, someone will meet me outside, and someone else will drive him back to my home. I think she mentioned something about just allowing the visit to be 1 hour, rather than the scheduled 2.

He is there now. Please dear God, let these people back off.

While I don't rejoice in the failings of the parents...I have to say, I am grateful for this "mess up" and hopes that it reflects positively in our favor.

tomorrow

Is a visit with great aunt. Grrrrrr.

On this Night

On this night, three years ago, I was preparing to meet the little person who ended the most difficult four years of my life.

Hundreds of prayers, millions of tears, pain and recovery from 3 surgeries, endless vials of blood...given up for her. I was in hopelessness, on the verge of despair. We had given up trying. And then, she came. Sacrificial love. Answered prayers.

I remember, after finding out we were pregnant, telling a priest who had prayed for us year after year. We found out as he was ending yet another novena on our behalf. He was SO excited for us and told us that our pregnancy, an answer to HIS prayers, was a profound moment of restored faith for him. :'-) It was restored faith for us as well.

In thinking of all those I have "met" online recently or know in real life...still waiting to be blessed, all I can say is hang in there! The pain and suffering of infertility is like nothing else. Every month, to realize your body has failed, yet again. The feeling of prayers unanswered....questioning God, screaming at him.

I gave up believing I would be so blessed to conceive and carry a child in my womb.

On this night, we had just arrived at the birth center. We were excited, nervous, breathing. Anxious to discover our child. To meet, this person. The one whom my husband danced to the sound of her heartbeat, who made us cry to see her squirm onscreen or feel her under my heart. This person, who we longed for, begged for.

I was so nervous that we would have to have a c-section, years of infertility prepare you for the worst. But, my body and my baby followed protocol. Within a few hours of arriving at the birth center, already 4 cm dilated, I was feeling the pain entering into transition. Some how I stumbled to the bathtub and hung on to the bar for dear life. Some how, I stumbled back out of the bathtub. Somewhere around 2am I began to push. Push with strength that only comes at a moment like this. At 2:21am Hannah Rose exited my womb and landed in her papa's hands, and changed our lives forever.

After 4 hours, we brought her home. Heaven touches earth. We are so eternally grateful and always praising God for His amazing gift.





Happy Birthday Angel!!

the sweetest new sound

is his tired, teary "mama mama mama"

LOVE IT!!!

A Spiritual Boquet

For all our sisters in Christ who are in the midst of their journey with infertility, loss, and adoption. Know that you have our continued support, love, and prayers.

things are not looking good

for them.

Out of confidentiality, I won't disclose why...but the case just took another turn, in our favor.

It is difficult to watch people's lives fall apart. For his sake, I am grateful SBR is in our home. When I learned about the situation I just squeezed him a little tighter and thanked God that we are here to love him. He is starting to favor mama (me). Now that he is crawling, he will crawl over to me an give me the look to pick him up. I love the feeling of the bond slowly developing between us. I hope he stays.

He is laughing in his uncle's arms, playing hide and seek with H as I type this.

In other related news, there is another visit scheduled with the aunt. Clearances have not yet arrived from her state. I am not sure if what happened will make her feel stronger about fighting for him, I hope not.

Meant to Be - Steven Curtis Chapman

This is a beautiful song and Steven Curtis Chapman is an amazing advocate for adoption. It is so touching to see images of his daughter Maria in the video. :*-)

Passing the Case

I mentioned before, our case (for our foster son) is being passed to the adoption unit. We have known about this for awhile and knew that Sep 1st, the 6th month mark, since having "SBR" was a big one for us.

This Wednesday, before dropping SBR off for his weekly visit, his parents were informed the case was passing. I realize there were probably discussions to the same effect with them...but I know the news was very difficult. Though I am not able to share details of the case, mom and dad are both in the picture. As far as biological parents go, in the foster care system, I am told they are up there in terms of being nice/easy to deal with people. I have long grappled with the feeling of taking their baby away and just feeling bad for them. At which point I remind myself the court/county took their baby away and we are the nice family caring for him.

Fostering is such a unique experience. It is not like what I imagine dealing with adoptive biological parents would be like. These are parents who have not decided to give up their child. Yet I have him.

I really have no idea what will happen. When a petition (for termination of parental rights) lands on their door step, will they consider signing, or will they fight? They have not "fought" so far (by making life changes), which is why the case is passing.

Today we went to the park for a picnic. SBR slept in my Ergo carrier while H played. We are feeling more and more like a family of four. I am feeling more and more like a mom of children. Two kids is so much more challenging than one. Our life feels "full" right now. We try not to focus on the outcome, nor do we speak of it much. I am not sure where in the process we are (6 more months before we know, 12? longer?). But I am content. I am content being a mommy to two. I am blessed to have a blessed distraction from every period that arrives and the sting of infertility.

A while ago we turned away an adoption opportunity. Something feel into our laps and we half considered it...then fully considered it. My husband said yes. The decision was left up to me. At that time (and still now) I could not fathom being able to care for another child, yet. God has a plan. I do not know it. But, being content with where we are is all the confirmation we need that fostering is where we are called right now.

Prayer Buddy Reveal

This summer I joined a blogging prayer buddy network.

I am relatively unknown in this blogging network...because I started our blog for family, not for the blogging world. However, in the last year I have started reading other blogs. There are some amazing women with some amazing reflections on infertility, adoption, faith, family, etc. I have recently added a few to my sidebar. I am inspired by their stories, their faith, their parenting reflections...the fact that infertile women can actually have big families.

I received my assignment back in the beginning of July. She is a woman whose blog I had seen once before I received this assignment. The reason I found her blog was because it was sharing such gigantic news. After reading her news - I thought I had seen enough of her blog. She had received what every infertile woman longs for. The irony that she became my prayer buddy, was actually God calling me onward. I am so grateful I was forced to revisit her blog and read more about her.

This is what I have learned: She received NaPro Care (near and dear to my heart) which led to her amazing news and she and her husband were in the adoption process with Catholic Charities before their surprise (like us). She is very creative, loves to camp (wohoo) and is a woman of faith. Her profile is a picture of meeting the Pope with her husband - in their wedding clothes on their honeymoon (so cool). Her prayer intentions had nothing to do with herself, though I am sure her own spiritual needs are great. In the course of a couple of months, she has gone through great joy, great fear, sadness and excitement. Let me explain, after a year and half of infertility, she conceived triplets. Not long after that, she lost one of the babies. Now she moves forward with a twin pregnancy, which is still completely overwhelming, I imagine. Recently she found out that she is gestating twin sons.

Brittany (Picking up Our Cross), it has been a joy to pray for you and your intentions and to get you know you a little better the past month and half. I prayed especially hard for you while I was at the Theology of the Body congress adoration chapel - surrounded by very cool priests and religious. I look forward to following your blog through the rest of your pregnancy (and beyond). Your boys will be blessed to have you as their mama!

Foster Updates

Updates from the world of fostering:

1. Paternity is confirmed. The Senior that my foster son is Juniored after, is the correct Senior. With this we breathe a sigh of relief, because we know what we face...there is nothing unknown.

2. Approval was granted to pass the case to the adoption unit. That pass will happen sometime in the next couple weeks. What this means is "SBR" gets a new social worker, whose goal is to follow through to his adoption. She is the SW that files petitions for termination of parental rights. Parental rights can either be terminated voluntarily or involuntarily. Obviously, voluntary termination will mean a much quicker process moving forward. This particular social worker is VERY familiar with bio mom and has led her through this process twice before. I believe she will sign....bio dad...I am not sure it will be so easy, but I am praying for that.

After petitions are signed, there is a court case to terminate rights. Then it starts to move into adoption.

3. We will be starting an adoption home study within the next month and get a new set of social workers (in addition to the two from the county) who will continue onward with us from there. SO that is a grand total of 4 (5 including some transition time we expect) that we will be dealing with.

4. Great Aunt is still out there. Approved in her state and waiting approval in our state. Expecting approval will be granted. RIGHT NOW, all social workers are in agreement she has not made a strong case to get the baby because she has not been visiting. Words I was SO glad to hear today "every week she does not come is counting as a missed visit." She has come twice in the almost 5 months we have had him. SO, on that end, the prayer is either they will back down or the courts will side in our favor here.

On the way out the door from the visit today I was chatting with the visit supervisor. She looked at me and said "Elisabeth, I wouldn't worry." It is nice to get some reassurance from people who have BTDT.

Meanwhile, SBR's current social worker stated "it could take 6 months, it could take 2 years, I can't predict the future or what might happen."

So we continue to wait...and pray. And discuss how old SBR should be before we say Yes to our next foster child. :)

Update on Melanie

and Praise God...it is GOOD NEWS!

These updates were found online from this morning:

9am (AZ Time) 7/30/10 Kemi Ndolo posted this note to Facebook: “Melanie Pritchard has to be one of the strongest women I know…she has overcome an amniotic fluid embolism, DIC, lung failure and heart failure. The only tube left in her is an iV with saline drip. Incredible turnaround since two night’s ago. She will see her baby for the first time tomorrow morning!!! Continue to pray for Mel, Doug, and their precious children.”


11am (AZ Time) From Brooke Burns: “Chris, this is the website that you can post on your site to financially support Mel and Doug due to insurance not covering all of their costs and Mel will be in recovery for months.
It’s a paypal link that will go directly into Doug’s account. Please spread the word like wildfire.

The latest update on Mel is that she is with her baby Ella right now as we speak…UNBELIEVABLE! My sister and I saw her last night. She is coherent and recognized us and was able to say I love you. She is in a tremendous amount of pain and has a long, long road of recovery from here.”

I went out in a limb on this and actually BELIEVED the prayers would save her. And Holy Smokes...it's working!! Continue to join me in praying in thanksgiving for this miracle in progress. THIS is a website to follow for updates.

Pray for Melanie

This is a woman I have never met. We prayed for her tonight at the Congress. She is suffering complications from childbirth and is near death. She is fiercely pro-life. I found an article about her online

Theology of the Body Congress, Day 1

from an email...I apologize I am a bit too tired to transcribe to the blog world:
What a GIFT and what amazing timing God has to have planned this Congress for this time. Kristin was a little bummed when she saw the online streaming option of $79 over the $500 price tag she is paying...however I KNOW we are here for networking.

What an incredible, amazing, historic event going on right now in Blue Bell. The speakers are...well, this is just blowing me away.
Follow our Schedule!
The day started with a talk from Fr Brian Bransfield. He was fantastic. I totally recommend him. Then Kristin and I split paths and I heard Bill Donahagy speak on "TOB & The Eucharist" while Kristin went to Dr Mango's talk on "Understanding the Opposite Sex." We also split paths for the Panels - she choose the Same Sex 'Marriage' panel while I went to Humanae Vitae and TOB. In my panel I heard Dr Colosi, Dr Waldstien & Dr Pia de Solenni - where we just sat and watched brilliant minds work.

And, again, the reason we are here...networking. Through a conversation, which I misunderstood (Holy Spirit at work) - Kristin and I had a impromptu meeting with Matt Pinto (President of Ascension Press) and Damon Owens. Matt is so excited to help us with whatever we need. He was brainstorming what a "dream' Diocese would look like from top down for Theology of the Body implementation. Kristin and I both got shivers as he mentioned so many ideas that are currently in the works at our Dio (Marriage Prep, high schools, speaking to the priests). He also discussed his dream of having Theology of the Body offices/organizations/affiliates in every diocese. He pulled out a page and starting drawing an outline. He offered us his assistance, including speaking at the Come & See to present JFM and answer questions, and coming up with an aesthetically pleasing strategy for implementation (Diocese Game Plan) - using resources/printing available at Ascension Press - it is great to have friends in high places.

Praise God that I get to have this little "retreat"/amazing conference in the midst of motherhood. Off to bed, then day 2.

so stoked

Tomorrow through Friday I will be attending the Theology of the Body Congress. When I sent in my registration, it was half heatedly. Now, I know, without a doubt, God has intented me to attend this event. I am so stoked! Wonderful, because it is a business expense.

Right now, in our diocese, I am blessed to be a part of some powerful meetings that will altar our marriage prep (and then hopefully many other things). SO, for the next couple of days I will be surrounded by Catholic celebs soaking up the amazing truths of TOB. I can't wait!

who sleeps like this?

I had a friend who ran a "who sleeps like this" series for her little girl. My little girl only slept in designated sleeping area...until now, of course. Our foster bebe, however, sleeps where he falls. Tonight was a good example. He litterally passed out on his own lap. :) Funny kid.

Paternity

under question.

I got an email stating that paternity is under question (foster son was swabbed today). However, can anyone tell me what this would mean: "father is still the legal father, we are trying to figure out if he is the biological father"? If he is not the bio dad, how is he the legal father? Because his name is on the birth cert?

I am also not sure how long results take. Any ideas? If the answer were that dad is not bio dad, it would change the situation on so many levels. One one hand, would now-assumed bio great aunt still pursue him if there was no bio? On the other hand...well, there would be an infinite number of possibilities that could mean an infinite number of months waiting.

watching supernanny

Recently, our daughter has left the "terrible twos" and very poignantly stomped into the torrential threes. Mind you, I am writing this on what began as our infertility blog. I am SOOO grateful to have her. 80% of the time we adore her and can just watch with awe and amazement what God has brought into our lives. The other 20% of the time (maybe just a bit more :) are quite challenging.

Before kids we used to watch Supernanny quite a bit. That was helpful when we started the adoption process and had to write up our plans for discipline. Supernanny was all we really knew, apart from the discipline with which we were each raised. We were both spanked. I don't think either of us were out and out against spanking - but with both home studies, we were encouraged to use non-physical forms of discipline. I feel like time outs are a much better form of parent anger management. Following through with the steps takes more effort and attention than spanking, while encouraging a calm firmness.

Lately, DH & I have both slipped - in follow through and effectiveness. Over the last month I have said multiple times "we need supernanny!" Regarding child rearing, my father has said "it is the parent's job to create the box (the boundries) for the child. It is the child's job to push on the box." Recently, I feel H has steem rolled our box. SO, time to regroup, watch a few episodes of supernanny, dust off The Discipline Book by Dr Sears and come up with a game plan for "the threes". We need a new box!

Tonight I watched The Mann Family episode on hulu. It goes over the time out technique and the sleep technique. We definitely need a refresher on time outs and it is time to kick in the sleep technique. I told my husband that I am really just adding this blog for him so that we can get back on the same page. Child rearing is by far the most challenging job one could ever have....and I am so grateful for it.

Traveling Sleeper

H has been in a big girl bed for about 2 months now. She has been potty trained for well over a year. I tried, a few weeks back, to convince her that when she needed to use the potty, to just get up and go. While this "freedom" has not yet resulted in her leaving her bed to arrive at the potty, she has arrived (and passed out) in a number of new locations. While this may not be Supernanny approved, I don't mind too much...yet. My only complaint is the rush of fear when I go to kiss her in her bed and she is not there. OR, walking into the living room (tonight) and seeing a body on the couch. Her favorite place to land is my side of the bed - and if I try to share, she will fight me for that space.

I do believe this is someone connected from our co-sleeping past (the first year). Perhaps soon we will look up some old Supernanny clips for help...but for now, we enjoy her antics - even the sleep'capades.

Update to add more pictures...an hour after I posted this, I moved her to her bed and went back to chat with my husband. She relocated herself to my bed. Will try again soon to move her back so I can sleep in my bed.