Play at Home Mom

When Rosie was a baby we did Gymboree & gymnastics among other fun activities.  As Dr D (my therapist) shared, he told his first born she was spoiled rotten.  Since doing similar activities for Augie or Catie would involve someone needing to be at a sitter, it is not possible for me to do the same types of activities.

I thought I would share a couple of our favorite YouTube activities.

A year or two ago I saw a program about the Radio Exercises done in Japan.  I think these are so cool!  Starting in the late 20s, the government introduced these daily exercises as a way to keep soldiers in good health.  It has been a national movement for almost 100 years and can still be found as community exercise in various parts of the country.

It is 6 minutes of great exercise and fun to do with kids.

Next, we just discovered this one this morning and it is now on our favorite list.

Were Going on a Bear Hunt.

We learned Animal Action in baby gymnastics.  Fun to do with the kids...but only if you play along.

Last, my favorite gymboree-leanred song was Tony Chestnut.  Great to do with babies.

I would love to know what your favorite songs, games or videos are to play with your toddlers or preschoolers so we can add more to our repertoire.  

Quick Takes

1. Quick taking without underlying inspiration today, but up at 1:11am so thought I would try to get this on the books before I go to bed.  Hold on to your hats.

source

2. At what age is it safe to redecorate the room of a destructive toddler?   Augie's room was specially prepared for him two summers ago, when he officially joined our family.  Since then every surface has been written on (beyond magic erasers abilities to erase) and there are multiple holes in the wall.  Mainly from the cute things I hang up (like curtain rods and coat rack) being ripped out of the wall.  I picked up paint chips yet and am hoping by summer (age 3.5) we may be over a bit of the hump.  Too soon?

Here is my original pintersty inspiration.  I am dying to do a take 2!

3. While we are talking Pinterest, project uno is to finish our office.  It opens up into our family room, and this is my main inspiration idea:

the source site seems to not be accessible, it is from a site called sawdust and paper scraps

Does anyone have any idea where I can find reasonably priced wood file cabinets to serve as our base??  That is my current shopping challenge.  The pottery barn bedford collection is my dream, but I don't have $600 for those two base cabinets.  

4. So I managed to secure 60 minutes of uninterrupted kid-free shopping time this evening.  It was wonderful.  I did some E-basket shopping...and then came home to discuss the bunny with my husband.  I grew up with a bunny.  He grew up with no bunny.  It is hard to give him up, but he really has nothing to do with the resurrection story.  I think we are going to be a bunny-less family and the baskets are gifts from us. And for the record...we do Santa (justified with lots of talk about the real St Nick).  

5.  Catholic school.  Rosie will be returning to Catholic school in the Fall for Kindergarden.  We are going to have to just do this year by year.  I WISH I had the energy or patience to home school, but with little people at home, I am very grateful for the gift of our parish school.  When it comes down to it, I finally confessed there is no way I want her in public school.  I was raised in public school...but it is very different today than 30 years ago.  The rejection/disrespect of Christianity is one of the biggest issues.  She will not be a girl scout for the same reason.  Still debating about extraneous activities for the Fall.  I would love to enroll her in soccer, but with new baby coming at the same time...we may have to just wait another year.  It is so difficult to say no to so much, but I want to keep our lives as simple as possible in this chaotic world. 

6. Baby Update.  It was incredible to see Timber on ultrasound last Friday.  I only saw him/her briefly as the doctor looked EVERYWHERE inside of me for the fibroid that wasn't.  I wish I had a picture but any 13 week ultrasound image will do.  I am so back and forth about the gender surprise.  I want to know.  Hubby does not.  I am hoping I come around.  :)  

7. Have you been touched by an angel?  I am humbled and grateful for one that touched my life today.  To that angel: I am grateful for you.  I am grateful for the example, leader & mentor you have been in my life. You have always and will always hold a most special place in my heart.  As your babies left your nest, my nest was starting to fill.  Having been right where I am am....all I can say is thank you for knowing.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for being so special. 

 

foster care: why i lament, but still promote

"He could be your perfect disaster but you could be his ever after!"

I read this quote from Foster2Forever and it struck a chord, especially in light of my Quick Take #4.  Two days before I lamented about bonding, I was telling someone I was going to pray for them to consider foster care.

A blog is essentially a public journal.  While I may be very open about my feelings and the challenges, please don't mistake that for lack of gratitude.  I can not for one second imagine my life without each of my blessings.

Parenting is hard as hell.  Some of what I am trying to accomplish in therapy is the transition from the romantic ideas of what kind of parent I thought I would be to becoming the parent God is challenging me to become.  That idea and the "ideal" (ie romanticized notions) are no where near the reality.  This has to be true for every parent...even if their life looks perfect on a blog.

But the thing is, parenting has nothing to do with how pretty your house looks or how perfect your crafts/snacks/parties are.  That type of parenting is rooted in pride & self love.  That type of parent says it is all about how I look.  I am learning the parent God wants me to be is the one who says it is not about me, it is all about God.  Help me decrease so He may increase.  I embrace the fact that my house is a mess.  God you have lent me these children, your children, help me be the kind of mother that desires their holiness above all else.  Above all images of perfection, above desiring to be the perfect mother, above my unworthiness....let me focus on them...and what it takes to get them to heaven.  That is all I seek.

I feel that I type this out every year, but here goes again.

When we were struggling with infertility, and treatment after treatment did not bring about a positive pregnancy test...all I knew was adoption was so darn expensive.  Why did I have to have 10 or 20K to become a mother?  And when I became a foster mom, I learned that foster care is essentially the American Orphanage.  Except, to adopt from this orphanage costs not a cent.  There is no foreign travel, there are no dossiers, no weeks away from your family, no fundraisers, home equity loans or financial set backs.  This orphanage is fully funded by an in debt government.  And for whatever it is worth...well, I can see why the government is so freakishly in debt...this is a viable option for many couples.  But many of those couples...most of those couples...are too afraid to try.

What if we didn't try?

I can not, not for one second, imagine my life without these two most incredible beautiful gifts.  As much as I lament the chaos, I would not trade it for the world.  These two beautiful kids were meant just for me.

I can not imagine my life without the gift of knowing them and the privilege of raising them.  Augie can light up a room like no one else.  He is truly a  crowd magnet  as I watched tonight at a party.  Seriously everyone loves this kid. Catie is spunky like no one's business and I get to see her overcome her challenges every day.  If I sit back and think about her, I am sure I could come up with a very long list of how she inspires me.  

I am so eternally grateful that we signed up to be foster parents and didn't look back.  

Psalm 27:10 "Even if my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will take me in."

Matthew 18:5 "And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me."

To spiritually consider adoption, to wrap your brain around rescuing an orphan, is to see how you have decreased and He has increased in you.  Adoption is truly so supernatural.  Adoption is truly allowing God control of your life and to offer what you have to His child that is most in need.  I get so caught up in wiping bums, that I forget to consider finding joy in the mundane.  I forget that I am like Mother Theresa on the streets of Calcutta with my own poor & needy.  Insight is everything.  

With such a beautiful new pope who cares so deeply about the poor...I pray that his leadership allows you to consider how you can help the poor.  Adoption....adoption through foster care....is certainly answering that call. 

It is not about me, it is all about you.  Lord Jesus, take control.  

and this is why i believe in the power of prayer

thank you for all who prayed!!

Quick Run Down:
Thursday Night - could not pee
Friday - visit to the midwife, in office catheter, something blocking a clear passage
Friday Night - could not pee, referred to Ob Triage in the hospital, received foley catheter
Tuesday Morning - midwife appointment, she called in the doctor because something was not right.  Cervix nearly impossible to find, uterus not in the right spot, a fibroid appears to be pushing down on my uterus causing blockage, catheter stays put
Wed-Friday - pray pray pray pray pray; and start to notice signs of UTI
Friday - definitely UTI, knee chest exercises while praying, and then...
2.30 ultrasound showed no signs of a fibroid, baby looks great, physical exam confirmed everything is right where it should be.  Cervix and uterus are in the normal position.  No more catheter!!

I left my appointment humbled and grateful.  God is big!!  So, I still have to fight off a UTI, but it is so so much better doing it without a catheter.

Quick Takes Friday

1.  So my lent commitment was to stay off facebook and try to avoid excess Internet as much as possible.  I am failing miserably.  I have been spending lots of time in bed since my wonderful news, and especially in the past week.

I had been replacing fb time with my news apps.  And then, between a friend having twins (had to stalk on fb) and then the pope, and then I have just down spiraled from there.  Not sure what I need to do, but I need to do something to make the most of the final two weeks of lent.

2. Thank you to everyone for your prayers.  My two complications are "tilted uterus & can't pee" and a fibroid (or fibroids), which seems to make the matter worse.  I have been catheterized for a week and am trying to offer my sufferings constantly.  The last couple days have been pretty darn uncomfortable.  I am ready to rip that thing out.  Ultrasound at 2.30pm today.  My greatest prayer is that my uterus has returned to the correct position - Sts Gianna & Gerard, pray for me!  I need a break from this bag.

3.  Recently we added sensory therapy to Catie's PT & OT schedule.  It sounds like she may need speech as well.  At 2 years, 3 months she is not identifying animals or animal sounds.  She has a great ability to communicate, but there are some gaps missing in her speech.  While her OT is excited about her progress, add this to the list of things I am not thrilled to add to our schedule.  I feel selfish to say this, but three services a week as we add a new person to our family....this is what I signed up for when I adopted my special needs babe.

4. Adoption and motherhood.  Okay....super honest quick take here.  I know adoptive parents so often talk about how there is no difference between their feelings towards their adopted children and their biological children.  From a supernatural faith based perspective, absolutely, this is/should be true.  Adoption is a higher calling than becoming a parent the old fashioned way.  From a natural perspective (and I know I may be in the minority here, but still feel this on my heart to say) there is a difference, for me, that I connect to the lack of bonding through maternity & nursing.  My adopted children have special needs and they happen to be aged two and three (read: very difficult ages).  I am sure parents of all biological children have toughies that they struggle to love the same way as the easy ones.  In saying that, perhaps adoption becomes a moot point, BUT...I feel the need to meditate on and pray for a supernatural love for my children.

At a natural level, our love is imperfect.  We should love as God loves.  And our relationship to God is as His adopted children.  He has TOUGH children.  But HE loves us all perfectly, no matter where we came from or what challenges we present.

Adoption is a higher calling than becoming a parent the old fashioned way.  This statement came up by my therapist.  On a biological level, we have biological bonding agents - hormones during pregnancy, delivery and nursing that bring about the maternal instincts.  (Note: men do not have this same biological experience and my husband has not had the same bonding challenges as me).  With my adopted kids, I lacked those experiences and that natural/hormonal type of bonding.  So now, in my parenting experience, I am trying to rise above what is lacking and be as maternal as I would be to my biological child.  This can only happen with supernatural grace.   I am on the long road to processing and hopefully changing this in my life.

5.  For the record, I know plenty of biological parents who have admitted to me struggles with not being maternal.  In that, I mean relating to my struggles with anger and personal restraint in punishment, etc.  The above is specific to my experience with parenting.  So again, this could be very common in parenting in general. And, in which case, completely wipes out the struggle in my head about adoption as a reason for the chance in my maternal feelings.  Can you tell this is all just being processed?

6.  My favorite Francis meme:

When I first saw Pope Francis standing there I was like "wave, Dude!!"  When you see this picture, it brings out the humility of our new Holy Father.  It makes me chuckle.

7.  Okay, I will close with a netflix recommendation that has been taking up my time (read #1!).  My mother in law recommended "Call the Midwife".  Very good series.   But someone needs to have words with these British film companies that think 6 episodes constitutes a season!

Happy Weekend!

Or in Spanish: !Tenemos Papa!

I had missed the previous two smoke events so was thrilled that I finally got the hang of smoke watch in time to witness today with my daughter.

Streaming online, we anxiously waited...Rosie asking every two minutes "is that smoke??" After 35 the answer was yes. And I thought it was black. But then it was white!

White Smoke!!

We celebrated and what fun sharing that moment with my daughter, and my mom on the phone.

We brought non-napping Augie into the room to await the answer "who???". Nothing helped me answer that question and honestly EWTN didn't get the info flowing for some time.

Pope Francis!

It wasn't until 8pm that I actually found out what he said in his address.

But he had me when he asked for prayers, took a moment of silence and bowed his head to receive them. I raised my hand and offered a prayer through my tears. God bless Pope Francis! We don't know you, but we love you!!

the good news and the bad news

So, it seems the baby is doing well.  I should get another look of timber on Friday.  After my last us bill came in at $570, I was not planning on another look so soon, none-the-less, it will still be good to see.

What the sonograpger is really going to be looking for us the fibroid which is likely related to my bladder woes.  As soon as fibroid was found in my physical exam the doctor decided to leave the catheter in place.

The midwife said "don't go home and google this".  Of course I did not listen to her.  Depending on the location of the fibroid, it sounds like things could possibly become more painful.  For now, however, I have become cheerleader for my uterus- hoping it will pop up into normal position soon.

prayer request for me - update

I need to ask for your prayers.  I am almost 12 weeks pregnant and dealing with a condition that leaves me often unable to pee.  Mostly in the middle of the night.  Hence the reason this is being posted at 4am.

It is extremely frustrating and getting worse.  I was catheterized briefly in the office yesterday and think it may have to happen again & for longer...and it is no fun!

Apparently my uterus is pushing on my bladder and causing a blockage.  It could also be stones or infection  (which is being looked at).  

Thank you for your prayers!

UPDATE: after many hours without relief I called the midwife and ended up in OB Triage.  Walking in at 12 weeks pg...my heart went to all the women who walk into such a place for more serious reasons.  

I am now the proud owner of a Foley catheter and am living with tubes and a bag.  It is uncomfortable and I am going to be home bound for a bit...but better than the alternative.  Thank you for your kind thoughts & prayers.  My prayer is for this to resolve sooner so I don't need to go weeks with a cath.

Benefit: while waiting an hour for the correct sized bag , rather than the massive hospital one first used...I asked if the nurse had a Doppler.  For the first time I heard Timber's heart beat.  Surely life's most beautiful sound.  More prayers and pain offerings for so many of you.