1st Corinthians 13:7 is the verse echoing in my head today. "(Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
Last month, when we knew baby love's BA (biological aunt) would be fighting for her, we made the decision to continue our relationship with her, no matter the cost. Since then our weekend visits have progressed to week long visits. We have had the joy of having baby love in our home for 15 our of the 31 days this month. At the same time, BA, made the decision to discontinue her visits with BL. A dear friend on an infertility board pointed out that I am the true mother in this case. While humbled and grateful for her words, I am even more grateful to have this baby to love.
She truly is the sweetest thing. A couple things I have learned; she is most content when being held, sleeps best when sleeping next to me (naps included), is content even when she is not meeting her sleep quota. She is adored by all our family. Even Augie, 19 months old, loves to shower her with kisses and love. I also know she (and we) have had enough of this back and forth thing. It is difficult to co-parent when the other parents are in a different house with a different schedule.
August 3rd is court. Today will either be the last day we see her or the last day we have to pass her back to her other foster family. Tomorrow we leave for vacation and will return on the 3rd. We will return to good news or heart breaking news. As I reflected on this point this morning at breakfast, Paul commented that he was grateful to have the opportunity to love her as much as we have.
Please join us in praying that God's will be done for this sweet girl and that August 3rd brings some consistency to her life.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Answering the Adoption FAQs
Fellow blogger, Grace in My Heart recently asked the following questions. As a 2 day new adoptive mama, I am happy to answer!
Questions for Adoptive Mother's for those Discerning Adoption:
(Please feel free to copy and paste and then leave the post link with your answers!)
1. How did you know when to begin the adoption process?
I remember struggling with infertility and wondering about this question for so long. I have heard that most husbands are dragged into the process...and that was pretty true for us. In 2005 I had my first and second surgeries with Dr Hilgers at the Pope Paul VI Institute. I had been inquiring to others about their adoption stories for some time. After our second surgery and several months of not conceiving, I started contacting agencies and getting information packages. We went to two different information sessions and decided on an agency within a couple months. It was a one step at a time process and we know God used each step very deliberately to prepare us for our future.
(for those new to our story, you can see our timeline on the side bar or check out the about us tab)
2. Did you ever feel like you failed at TTC (and were giving up "trying") so that's why you adopted? What suggestions do you have for those working through these emotions?
I would not say we felt we failed TTC; more that adoption was something new to hope in. It was a tremendous relief for me to give up the large amounts of medication, the charting, the timing...the overall stress of TTC.
3. Were you and your husband on the same page about adoption? What suggestions do you have for a spouse who may not be as excited as the other about adoption?
In my experience, husbands have a more difficult time with the idea of giving up on TTC. My suggestion, one step at a time. Each step provided us with such an important opportunity to discuss our feelings and emotions over the adoption process. It was difficult to get my husband to look at the agencies and the paperwork, but I insisted he did. He came to the meetings with me and we had so many difficult conversations following these sessions. Those conversations prepped our hearts.
4. How did you work through figuring out where to adopt from, how open to be, and what type of communication to have with your child's birthparents?
Conversation after conversation after conversation. We decided on domestic adoption due to cost. Our openness grew over time and we learned about the benefits of open adoption from the information sessions we attended. The concept of open adoption was possibly the toughest issue for my husband. He still struggles with the idea of "another parent" out there. I was told, the benefit for the birth parents is they get to know their child is well taken care of (what they truly want). The benefit for the child (in the case of visitation) is they understand who their parents are and they don't fantasize that life would be better with birth family.
5. Adoption can be really expensive. What recommendations do you have to work through the financial aspect of it all?
I can not say enough how thrilled we are for the GIFT of foster care as an avenue to adoption. So many people are afraid of this route. I honestly and truly can not see why people struggle so much with this route. Pregnancy, International/Domestic Adoption, Fostering. Yes, they are all different experiences. They all involve risk. In any of these circumstances, you can loose a child. In our experience with fostering, God prepared our hearts and the training process prepared our minds. The extent of our financial responsibility was providing our background checks (~$150). Foster care provided us with a budget for clothes, monthly stipend (=huge blessing), WIC paid for formula and food, medical assistance covered all medical expenses, and the county covered all our adoption costs. Add to that we will continue to receive a stipend, until Augie is 18 and we are eligible for the adoption tax refund. Honestly, they have paid us to adopt this precious child.
(side note, during our first adoption process, we were committed to debt free adoption and had raised almost 10K through hard work and gifts)
6. Do you truly feel like a mother even though you didn't give birth?
Yes. Ten thousand times yes. Perhaps this is where fostering might be a bit different. With Augie the process of bonding was a balance between bonding and guardedness. It was a slow and deliberate path towards complete and unconditional love. In the beginning, it felt as if I was taking care of someone else's child (I was!). Today, there is not an ounce of difference between my love for Augie and my love for Rosie (who I gave birth to). AND, adding baby love into the mix....as a foster mama you just become a mama. When she is in my care, I am mama.
7. What prayers and/or books do you recommend for those discerning whether or not to pursue adoption?
Hopefully others' will have more helpful answers. Personal witness was key for us. I spoke with many adoptive mamas and then a fantastic foster mom who all helped give me the courage to move forward. I just got the book "Adoption" by Ray Guarendi, but I haven't even opened it yet. We were also just gifted with "God Found us You" which is a melt your heart tear-jerker you will want to share with your child one day.
8. What has been the best part about being an adoptive mother?
Wow. Not sure how to answer this yet. I am such a new one! I am in awe of the process. I am in awe of just how much a gift our son is to our lives. I am still shaking at the thought of sitting in the witness box attempting to tell the judge (through my tears) why I wanted to adopt this child. I guess, in a nutshell, just being able to see God's plan unfolding around me. Through all the painful years of infertility, I was in the dark. Receiving the GIFT of a child is seeing my tears and prayers finally being answered.
Questions for Adoptive Mother's for those Discerning Adoption:
(Please feel free to copy and paste and then leave the post link with your answers!)
1. How did you know when to begin the adoption process?
I remember struggling with infertility and wondering about this question for so long. I have heard that most husbands are dragged into the process...and that was pretty true for us. In 2005 I had my first and second surgeries with Dr Hilgers at the Pope Paul VI Institute. I had been inquiring to others about their adoption stories for some time. After our second surgery and several months of not conceiving, I started contacting agencies and getting information packages. We went to two different information sessions and decided on an agency within a couple months. It was a one step at a time process and we know God used each step very deliberately to prepare us for our future.
(for those new to our story, you can see our timeline on the side bar or check out the about us tab)
2. Did you ever feel like you failed at TTC (and were giving up "trying") so that's why you adopted? What suggestions do you have for those working through these emotions?
I would not say we felt we failed TTC; more that adoption was something new to hope in. It was a tremendous relief for me to give up the large amounts of medication, the charting, the timing...the overall stress of TTC.
3. Were you and your husband on the same page about adoption? What suggestions do you have for a spouse who may not be as excited as the other about adoption?
In my experience, husbands have a more difficult time with the idea of giving up on TTC. My suggestion, one step at a time. Each step provided us with such an important opportunity to discuss our feelings and emotions over the adoption process. It was difficult to get my husband to look at the agencies and the paperwork, but I insisted he did. He came to the meetings with me and we had so many difficult conversations following these sessions. Those conversations prepped our hearts.
4. How did you work through figuring out where to adopt from, how open to be, and what type of communication to have with your child's birthparents?
Conversation after conversation after conversation. We decided on domestic adoption due to cost. Our openness grew over time and we learned about the benefits of open adoption from the information sessions we attended. The concept of open adoption was possibly the toughest issue for my husband. He still struggles with the idea of "another parent" out there. I was told, the benefit for the birth parents is they get to know their child is well taken care of (what they truly want). The benefit for the child (in the case of visitation) is they understand who their parents are and they don't fantasize that life would be better with birth family.
5. Adoption can be really expensive. What recommendations do you have to work through the financial aspect of it all?
I can not say enough how thrilled we are for the GIFT of foster care as an avenue to adoption. So many people are afraid of this route. I honestly and truly can not see why people struggle so much with this route. Pregnancy, International/Domestic Adoption, Fostering. Yes, they are all different experiences. They all involve risk. In any of these circumstances, you can loose a child. In our experience with fostering, God prepared our hearts and the training process prepared our minds. The extent of our financial responsibility was providing our background checks (~$150). Foster care provided us with a budget for clothes, monthly stipend (=huge blessing), WIC paid for formula and food, medical assistance covered all medical expenses, and the county covered all our adoption costs. Add to that we will continue to receive a stipend, until Augie is 18 and we are eligible for the adoption tax refund. Honestly, they have paid us to adopt this precious child.
(side note, during our first adoption process, we were committed to debt free adoption and had raised almost 10K through hard work and gifts)
6. Do you truly feel like a mother even though you didn't give birth?
Yes. Ten thousand times yes. Perhaps this is where fostering might be a bit different. With Augie the process of bonding was a balance between bonding and guardedness. It was a slow and deliberate path towards complete and unconditional love. In the beginning, it felt as if I was taking care of someone else's child (I was!). Today, there is not an ounce of difference between my love for Augie and my love for Rosie (who I gave birth to). AND, adding baby love into the mix....as a foster mama you just become a mama. When she is in my care, I am mama.
7. What prayers and/or books do you recommend for those discerning whether or not to pursue adoption?
Hopefully others' will have more helpful answers. Personal witness was key for us. I spoke with many adoptive mamas and then a fantastic foster mom who all helped give me the courage to move forward. I just got the book "Adoption" by Ray Guarendi, but I haven't even opened it yet. We were also just gifted with "God Found us You" which is a melt your heart tear-jerker you will want to share with your child one day.
8. What has been the best part about being an adoptive mother?
Wow. Not sure how to answer this yet. I am such a new one! I am in awe of the process. I am in awe of just how much a gift our son is to our lives. I am still shaking at the thought of sitting in the witness box attempting to tell the judge (through my tears) why I wanted to adopt this child. I guess, in a nutshell, just being able to see God's plan unfolding around me. Through all the painful years of infertility, I was in the dark. Receiving the GIFT of a child is seeing my tears and prayers finally being answered. Thursday, July 14, 2011
Adopted!!!
It was an amazing day. I cried through the whole 10 minutes of court. We were so blessed to have family and friends supporting us and loving us through every aspect of this process and celebrating with us today.
My dear friend gave us the book "God Found Us You". It was our bedtime story tonight. I completely recommend it to other adopting mamas out there!
Thanks to all for the love and prayers and support through the last 16 plus months!
With love
elisabeth
ps - 20 minutes before our adoption I was dropping off baby love for a visit (first time I have done the drop off). Interesting family, to say the least. It was very amusing to be entering a new chapter with foster situation #2 while literally in the midst of adopting from foster situation #1. stay tuned for details. ;-)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Adoption Eve
My husband's aunt is upstairs bathing Rosie & Augie. Baby Love is asleep in her crib. Our house is a bit busy so this will be a quick reflection.
Tonight is our adoption eve! Tomorrow we will celebrate a moment that we have anxiously awaited for 16 months and 2 weeks (the moment we first met "SBR"). It has been a relatively smooth roller coaster and we are so thrilled to finally make our son an official member of our family. I have been so touched the past weeks by watching family bonds deepen. He loves his Uncle KiKi!
Tomorrow the judge will ask us to verify our information. Then he will ask us individually "why do you want to adopt this child?". I am not sure my eyes will be dry at the end.
Long ago I had wonderful hopes of celebrating this moment with a compliation video of all the moments I couldn't share over the past year. No compilation video set to music (yet) - but I will share a couple of our favorite moments.
Blaise Augustine, we love you so much and we could not imagine our lives without you. Welcome to the family!!! XOXOXO
Tonight is our adoption eve! Tomorrow we will celebrate a moment that we have anxiously awaited for 16 months and 2 weeks (the moment we first met "SBR"). It has been a relatively smooth roller coaster and we are so thrilled to finally make our son an official member of our family. I have been so touched the past weeks by watching family bonds deepen. He loves his Uncle KiKi!
Tomorrow the judge will ask us to verify our information. Then he will ask us individually "why do you want to adopt this child?". I am not sure my eyes will be dry at the end.
Long ago I had wonderful hopes of celebrating this moment with a compliation video of all the moments I couldn't share over the past year. No compilation video set to music (yet) - but I will share a couple of our favorite moments.
 |
| Coming Home, March 1 2010 |
 |
| Sweet Sweet Baby! |
 |
 |
| Kisses from Sissy |
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| Kisses from Cousin |
 |
| Happy 1st Birthday Happy Boy! |
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| My dirt eater...he is such a boy!! |
Saturday, July 09, 2011
foster to adopt resources
On this topic, I would also like to direct anyone who may consider fostering to an awesome blog. Immediate Mom has a beautiful and inspiring story. I hope she doesn't mind a plug. :)
Friday, July 08, 2011
vote for our gerber baby!
I am petitioning for votes, and you can vote every day!
Vote for our Gerber baby!
6 days to adoption and counting down!!
Vote for our Gerber baby!
6 days to adoption and counting down!!
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
it appears that bio aunt wants to fight
At the end of the day I called foster mom (FM). I was dreading that no news is not good news. Apparently social worker (SW) was supposed to call us with the update this morning. Thankfully FM gave me the update. Bio-Aunt (BA) cancelled her visit (not sure why) and told FM she would be hiring an attorney to fight for baby love (BL).
While I am saddened....I trust in God's will for sweet BL.
The county will be petitioning the court (date to be scheduled) over the matter. For the time being, she will continue to reside with FM.
Last night I was stressing out a little bit about how I would do everything this month (Augie's adoption, baptism, hosting a reception, hosting family, etc) with a baby in arms. I am choosing to look at this as a blessing in disguise.
I have yet to discuss details with SW about continuing a relationship with BL over the next month.
Lord, may your will be done!
While I am saddened....I trust in God's will for sweet BL.
The county will be petitioning the court (date to be scheduled) over the matter. For the time being, she will continue to reside with FM.
Last night I was stressing out a little bit about how I would do everything this month (Augie's adoption, baptism, hosting a reception, hosting family, etc) with a baby in arms. I am choosing to look at this as a blessing in disguise.
I have yet to discuss details with SW about continuing a relationship with BL over the next month.
Lord, may your will be done!
Friday, July 01, 2011
baby love's status
Here are the players in our drama:
BL = baby love, the beautiful little 6mo who all this revolves around
SW = social worker for BL
FM = current foster mom (who is our current point of contact)
BA = biological aunt
Monday morning BA was essentially a no-show for her scheduled visit, so that visit was cancelled (good for us). Everything, including important conversation was moved to Thursday. Thursday evening I called FM to check in and got the following report:
The visit happened as scheduled and SW sat down with BA to inform her of their concerns about her raising BL. Primary concerns are BA's health issues and BL's medical needs. BA was very upset. This was the first time she was informed of the possibility BL may not be moving to her house. Incidentally, we have known this since mid-May when we were asked to be a back up family. Essentially, the county was trying to build a case during that time so they have more to hold up in court later if needed. Back to BA. She feels discriminated against related to her age and she is upset because she is kinship while another family (us) are not. She was told she had two options. 1. She can fight, which essentially means being prepared to go to court against the county. 2. She can let go, come to terms with not raising baby love but still maintain her status and relationship as BA. She has until Monday to decide what she wants to do.
As Monday is a holiday, I probably will not know more until Tuesday....and taking into account this is foster world we are talking about, it could even be longer than that.
What I imagine happening....if they choose option 1, BL probably will remain with FM indefinitely. If they choose option 2, BL would probably be transitioning to our home before too long.
We will be picking up BL on Saturday morning and have her through Monday night. Which means I need to get working because I am not going to be getting much done after tomorrow. :)
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Will keep y'all posted! Thanks for the prayers. Oh, and a friend asked who she should pray to for intercession. St Colette of Corbie came to my head, so I am praying for her intercession. AND, it is possible St Gianna has her hand in this too. I met BL for the first time 1 week after praying at her shrine.
BL = baby love, the beautiful little 6mo who all this revolves around
SW = social worker for BL
FM = current foster mom (who is our current point of contact)
BA = biological aunt
Monday morning BA was essentially a no-show for her scheduled visit, so that visit was cancelled (good for us). Everything, including important conversation was moved to Thursday. Thursday evening I called FM to check in and got the following report:
The visit happened as scheduled and SW sat down with BA to inform her of their concerns about her raising BL. Primary concerns are BA's health issues and BL's medical needs. BA was very upset. This was the first time she was informed of the possibility BL may not be moving to her house. Incidentally, we have known this since mid-May when we were asked to be a back up family. Essentially, the county was trying to build a case during that time so they have more to hold up in court later if needed. Back to BA. She feels discriminated against related to her age and she is upset because she is kinship while another family (us) are not. She was told she had two options. 1. She can fight, which essentially means being prepared to go to court against the county. 2. She can let go, come to terms with not raising baby love but still maintain her status and relationship as BA. She has until Monday to decide what she wants to do.
As Monday is a holiday, I probably will not know more until Tuesday....and taking into account this is foster world we are talking about, it could even be longer than that.
What I imagine happening....if they choose option 1, BL probably will remain with FM indefinitely. If they choose option 2, BL would probably be transitioning to our home before too long.
We will be picking up BL on Saturday morning and have her through Monday night. Which means I need to get working because I am not going to be getting much done after tomorrow. :)
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Will keep y'all posted! Thanks for the prayers. Oh, and a friend asked who she should pray to for intercession. St Colette of Corbie came to my head, so I am praying for her intercession. AND, it is possible St Gianna has her hand in this too. I met BL for the first time 1 week after praying at her shrine.
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