things are not looking good

for them.

Out of confidentiality, I won't disclose why...but the case just took another turn, in our favor.

It is difficult to watch people's lives fall apart. For his sake, I am grateful SBR is in our home. When I learned about the situation I just squeezed him a little tighter and thanked God that we are here to love him. He is starting to favor mama (me). Now that he is crawling, he will crawl over to me an give me the look to pick him up. I love the feeling of the bond slowly developing between us. I hope he stays.

He is laughing in his uncle's arms, playing hide and seek with H as I type this.

In other related news, there is another visit scheduled with the aunt. Clearances have not yet arrived from her state. I am not sure if what happened will make her feel stronger about fighting for him, I hope not.

Meant to Be - Steven Curtis Chapman

This is a beautiful song and Steven Curtis Chapman is an amazing advocate for adoption. It is so touching to see images of his daughter Maria in the video. :*-)

Passing the Case

I mentioned before, our case (for our foster son) is being passed to the adoption unit. We have known about this for awhile and knew that Sep 1st, the 6th month mark, since having "SBR" was a big one for us.

This Wednesday, before dropping SBR off for his weekly visit, his parents were informed the case was passing. I realize there were probably discussions to the same effect with them...but I know the news was very difficult. Though I am not able to share details of the case, mom and dad are both in the picture. As far as biological parents go, in the foster care system, I am told they are up there in terms of being nice/easy to deal with people. I have long grappled with the feeling of taking their baby away and just feeling bad for them. At which point I remind myself the court/county took their baby away and we are the nice family caring for him.

Fostering is such a unique experience. It is not like what I imagine dealing with adoptive biological parents would be like. These are parents who have not decided to give up their child. Yet I have him.

I really have no idea what will happen. When a petition (for termination of parental rights) lands on their door step, will they consider signing, or will they fight? They have not "fought" so far (by making life changes), which is why the case is passing.

Today we went to the park for a picnic. SBR slept in my Ergo carrier while H played. We are feeling more and more like a family of four. I am feeling more and more like a mom of children. Two kids is so much more challenging than one. Our life feels "full" right now. We try not to focus on the outcome, nor do we speak of it much. I am not sure where in the process we are (6 more months before we know, 12? longer?). But I am content. I am content being a mommy to two. I am blessed to have a blessed distraction from every period that arrives and the sting of infertility.

A while ago we turned away an adoption opportunity. Something feel into our laps and we half considered it...then fully considered it. My husband said yes. The decision was left up to me. At that time (and still now) I could not fathom being able to care for another child, yet. God has a plan. I do not know it. But, being content with where we are is all the confirmation we need that fostering is where we are called right now.

Prayer Buddy Reveal

This summer I joined a blogging prayer buddy network.

I am relatively unknown in this blogging network...because I started our blog for family, not for the blogging world. However, in the last year I have started reading other blogs. There are some amazing women with some amazing reflections on infertility, adoption, faith, family, etc. I have recently added a few to my sidebar. I am inspired by their stories, their faith, their parenting reflections...the fact that infertile women can actually have big families.

I received my assignment back in the beginning of July. She is a woman whose blog I had seen once before I received this assignment. The reason I found her blog was because it was sharing such gigantic news. After reading her news - I thought I had seen enough of her blog. She had received what every infertile woman longs for. The irony that she became my prayer buddy, was actually God calling me onward. I am so grateful I was forced to revisit her blog and read more about her.

This is what I have learned: She received NaPro Care (near and dear to my heart) which led to her amazing news and she and her husband were in the adoption process with Catholic Charities before their surprise (like us). She is very creative, loves to camp (wohoo) and is a woman of faith. Her profile is a picture of meeting the Pope with her husband - in their wedding clothes on their honeymoon (so cool). Her prayer intentions had nothing to do with herself, though I am sure her own spiritual needs are great. In the course of a couple of months, she has gone through great joy, great fear, sadness and excitement. Let me explain, after a year and half of infertility, she conceived triplets. Not long after that, she lost one of the babies. Now she moves forward with a twin pregnancy, which is still completely overwhelming, I imagine. Recently she found out that she is gestating twin sons.

Brittany (Picking up Our Cross), it has been a joy to pray for you and your intentions and to get you know you a little better the past month and half. I prayed especially hard for you while I was at the Theology of the Body congress adoration chapel - surrounded by very cool priests and religious. I look forward to following your blog through the rest of your pregnancy (and beyond). Your boys will be blessed to have you as their mama!

Foster Updates

Updates from the world of fostering:

1. Paternity is confirmed. The Senior that my foster son is Juniored after, is the correct Senior. With this we breathe a sigh of relief, because we know what we face...there is nothing unknown.

2. Approval was granted to pass the case to the adoption unit. That pass will happen sometime in the next couple weeks. What this means is "SBR" gets a new social worker, whose goal is to follow through to his adoption. She is the SW that files petitions for termination of parental rights. Parental rights can either be terminated voluntarily or involuntarily. Obviously, voluntary termination will mean a much quicker process moving forward. This particular social worker is VERY familiar with bio mom and has led her through this process twice before. I believe she will sign....bio dad...I am not sure it will be so easy, but I am praying for that.

After petitions are signed, there is a court case to terminate rights. Then it starts to move into adoption.

3. We will be starting an adoption home study within the next month and get a new set of social workers (in addition to the two from the county) who will continue onward with us from there. SO that is a grand total of 4 (5 including some transition time we expect) that we will be dealing with.

4. Great Aunt is still out there. Approved in her state and waiting approval in our state. Expecting approval will be granted. RIGHT NOW, all social workers are in agreement she has not made a strong case to get the baby because she has not been visiting. Words I was SO glad to hear today "every week she does not come is counting as a missed visit." She has come twice in the almost 5 months we have had him. SO, on that end, the prayer is either they will back down or the courts will side in our favor here.

On the way out the door from the visit today I was chatting with the visit supervisor. She looked at me and said "Elisabeth, I wouldn't worry." It is nice to get some reassurance from people who have BTDT.

Meanwhile, SBR's current social worker stated "it could take 6 months, it could take 2 years, I can't predict the future or what might happen."

So we continue to wait...and pray. And discuss how old SBR should be before we say Yes to our next foster child. :)

Update on Melanie

and Praise God...it is GOOD NEWS!

These updates were found online from this morning:

9am (AZ Time) 7/30/10 Kemi Ndolo posted this note to Facebook: “Melanie Pritchard has to be one of the strongest women I know…she has overcome an amniotic fluid embolism, DIC, lung failure and heart failure. The only tube left in her is an iV with saline drip. Incredible turnaround since two night’s ago. She will see her baby for the first time tomorrow morning!!! Continue to pray for Mel, Doug, and their precious children.”


11am (AZ Time) From Brooke Burns: “Chris, this is the website that you can post on your site to financially support Mel and Doug due to insurance not covering all of their costs and Mel will be in recovery for months.
It’s a paypal link that will go directly into Doug’s account. Please spread the word like wildfire.

The latest update on Mel is that she is with her baby Ella right now as we speak…UNBELIEVABLE! My sister and I saw her last night. She is coherent and recognized us and was able to say I love you. She is in a tremendous amount of pain and has a long, long road of recovery from here.”

I went out in a limb on this and actually BELIEVED the prayers would save her. And Holy Smokes...it's working!! Continue to join me in praying in thanksgiving for this miracle in progress. THIS is a website to follow for updates.

Pray for Melanie

This is a woman I have never met. We prayed for her tonight at the Congress. She is suffering complications from childbirth and is near death. She is fiercely pro-life. I found an article about her online

Theology of the Body Congress, Day 1

from an email...I apologize I am a bit too tired to transcribe to the blog world:
What a GIFT and what amazing timing God has to have planned this Congress for this time. Kristin was a little bummed when she saw the online streaming option of $79 over the $500 price tag she is paying...however I KNOW we are here for networking.

What an incredible, amazing, historic event going on right now in Blue Bell. The speakers are...well, this is just blowing me away.
Follow our Schedule!
The day started with a talk from Fr Brian Bransfield. He was fantastic. I totally recommend him. Then Kristin and I split paths and I heard Bill Donahagy speak on "TOB & The Eucharist" while Kristin went to Dr Mango's talk on "Understanding the Opposite Sex." We also split paths for the Panels - she choose the Same Sex 'Marriage' panel while I went to Humanae Vitae and TOB. In my panel I heard Dr Colosi, Dr Waldstien & Dr Pia de Solenni - where we just sat and watched brilliant minds work.

And, again, the reason we are here...networking. Through a conversation, which I misunderstood (Holy Spirit at work) - Kristin and I had a impromptu meeting with Matt Pinto (President of Ascension Press) and Damon Owens. Matt is so excited to help us with whatever we need. He was brainstorming what a "dream' Diocese would look like from top down for Theology of the Body implementation. Kristin and I both got shivers as he mentioned so many ideas that are currently in the works at our Dio (Marriage Prep, high schools, speaking to the priests). He also discussed his dream of having Theology of the Body offices/organizations/affiliates in every diocese. He pulled out a page and starting drawing an outline. He offered us his assistance, including speaking at the Come & See to present JFM and answer questions, and coming up with an aesthetically pleasing strategy for implementation (Diocese Game Plan) - using resources/printing available at Ascension Press - it is great to have friends in high places.

Praise God that I get to have this little "retreat"/amazing conference in the midst of motherhood. Off to bed, then day 2.

so stoked

Tomorrow through Friday I will be attending the Theology of the Body Congress. When I sent in my registration, it was half heatedly. Now, I know, without a doubt, God has intented me to attend this event. I am so stoked! Wonderful, because it is a business expense.

Right now, in our diocese, I am blessed to be a part of some powerful meetings that will altar our marriage prep (and then hopefully many other things). SO, for the next couple of days I will be surrounded by Catholic celebs soaking up the amazing truths of TOB. I can't wait!

who sleeps like this?

I had a friend who ran a "who sleeps like this" series for her little girl. My little girl only slept in designated sleeping area...until now, of course. Our foster bebe, however, sleeps where he falls. Tonight was a good example. He litterally passed out on his own lap. :) Funny kid.

Paternity

under question.

I got an email stating that paternity is under question (foster son was swabbed today). However, can anyone tell me what this would mean: "father is still the legal father, we are trying to figure out if he is the biological father"? If he is not the bio dad, how is he the legal father? Because his name is on the birth cert?

I am also not sure how long results take. Any ideas? If the answer were that dad is not bio dad, it would change the situation on so many levels. One one hand, would now-assumed bio great aunt still pursue him if there was no bio? On the other hand...well, there would be an infinite number of possibilities that could mean an infinite number of months waiting.

watching supernanny

Recently, our daughter has left the "terrible twos" and very poignantly stomped into the torrential threes. Mind you, I am writing this on what began as our infertility blog. I am SOOO grateful to have her. 80% of the time we adore her and can just watch with awe and amazement what God has brought into our lives. The other 20% of the time (maybe just a bit more :) are quite challenging.

Before kids we used to watch Supernanny quite a bit. That was helpful when we started the adoption process and had to write up our plans for discipline. Supernanny was all we really knew, apart from the discipline with which we were each raised. We were both spanked. I don't think either of us were out and out against spanking - but with both home studies, we were encouraged to use non-physical forms of discipline. I feel like time outs are a much better form of parent anger management. Following through with the steps takes more effort and attention than spanking, while encouraging a calm firmness.

Lately, DH & I have both slipped - in follow through and effectiveness. Over the last month I have said multiple times "we need supernanny!" Regarding child rearing, my father has said "it is the parent's job to create the box (the boundries) for the child. It is the child's job to push on the box." Recently, I feel H has steem rolled our box. SO, time to regroup, watch a few episodes of supernanny, dust off The Discipline Book by Dr Sears and come up with a game plan for "the threes". We need a new box!

Tonight I watched The Mann Family episode on hulu. It goes over the time out technique and the sleep technique. We definitely need a refresher on time outs and it is time to kick in the sleep technique. I told my husband that I am really just adding this blog for him so that we can get back on the same page. Child rearing is by far the most challenging job one could ever have....and I am so grateful for it.

Traveling Sleeper

H has been in a big girl bed for about 2 months now. She has been potty trained for well over a year. I tried, a few weeks back, to convince her that when she needed to use the potty, to just get up and go. While this "freedom" has not yet resulted in her leaving her bed to arrive at the potty, she has arrived (and passed out) in a number of new locations. While this may not be Supernanny approved, I don't mind too much...yet. My only complaint is the rush of fear when I go to kiss her in her bed and she is not there. OR, walking into the living room (tonight) and seeing a body on the couch. Her favorite place to land is my side of the bed - and if I try to share, she will fight me for that space.

I do believe this is someone connected from our co-sleeping past (the first year). Perhaps soon we will look up some old Supernanny clips for help...but for now, we enjoy her antics - even the sleep'capades.

Update to add more pictures...an hour after I posted this, I moved her to her bed and went back to chat with my husband. She relocated herself to my bed. Will try again soon to move her back so I can sleep in my bed.

Ergo Wonderful!

Here is a quick pic of me and foster bebe and the Ergo-wonderful I received in the mail as a very unexpected surprise birthday gift.

As I have been struggling with bonding issues and not practicing attachment parenting (as I did with my daughter), this was exactly what I needed. It came at a great time and my daughter, foster baby, hubby and I all love it.

It will be traveling with me to the beach tomorrow. As another friend mentioned...if only I had two, I could carry my 3 year old on my back and be a true sherpa woman...lol.

My Stock Photo Baby

Being new to blog-networking, I thought I would share an old photo. I know many blogger girls are in NaPro care. If you ever see this photo of Dr Hilgers with baby...she is mine! This is my NaPro miracle. She can be found at the top of Dr Hilger's blog as well as recent PPVI mailings.

happy baby

While waiting for "SBR's" parents to show for his visit, I was talking with a visit supervisor - one whom I had not yet met. She had previously worked with SBR's parents and was familiar with his case. She made the comment that he was the saddest baby she had ever met...thin and unhappy. This is not the child we know. Our SBR is the happiest baby you could meet. He is so laid back and loves to smile and talk to people. We recently had pictures done and the photographer had him wrapped up in under 5 minutes because he was smiley.

The visit supervisor was discussing the first time she ever disagreed with a social worker's decision was when SBR's social worker left him with his parents (rather than placing him straight in foster care). This discussion was the first time I ever thought or wondered about the first 2.5 months of his life. And while we were having the conversation, 15 minutes elapsed...his parents did not show for the visit. This was the first no-show visit (there have been two previous canceled visits).

All this makes me feel grateful he is with us, and where he needs to be right now. Tomorrow, however, I am bringing him back for a visit with his great-aunt. "GA" (great aunt) was recently approved in another state to be a foster parent in an attempt to get SBR. From the beginning, we understood her to be our biggest hurdle...so to speak. So far she has not done what she needs to do (visit frequently) but of course I wonder, and fear, he will eventually go to her. I can not see this happening...but the biggest miracle to me would be for her to realize he is where he needs to be as well. If you are following our case, please pray for this visit tomorrow and for her to not have baby fever.

80 months

So I was thinking recently...and doing a little math. I estimate that I have spent approximately 80 months of my life trying to achieve pregnancy. If I had the fertility of a Duggar, I could probably have about 6 kids by now. Granted not all 80 months were spent "TRYING" - but there was not a month we were not open to conception.

Secondary infertility is nothing compared to the pain of primary infertility. I am eternally grateful that God has given us our beautiful daughter and now called us to be foster parents. My heart does still ache, however, to hear updates on fertile growing families and wish we had their fertility. God gave us this life, this cross. I am not crazy about it, but it is mine and I would not trade it.

From my cross comes my mission and I have been blessed to help others carry their crosses this past year. I consider running the infertility retreat a gift. I am speaking more about NaPro and lately, more doors are opening towards our mission in our diocese. I pray that my witness continues to lead others towards answers and blessings in their own lives. I was thrilled last week when I received in the mail the birth announcement for my first infertility client miracle baby.

On another note, I have been reading more infertility blogs and signed up recently to be a part of a summer secret prayer partner group. I am grateful for my assignment, my call to holiness...and someone out there...I will be praying for you!

mama bliss

Last night was a moment of mama bliss. It was my birthday. After dinner at my favorite restaurant and my annual whoppie pie cake, I was actually thoroughly enjoying putting the kids to bed. H loves for us to lay with her and is famous for saying "mamma will you lay wiss me?". SBR was having difficulty getting settled so I moved him over to the big girl bed, cuddling him on one side and her on the other. H kept pulling my face over to her just to make sure she was getting sufficient snuggling. It was a gift to be needed and shared by my kids and just lay there with them feeling the love.

After 5 years of primary infertility and now 2 plus of secondary infertility, I consider it a gift beyond all belief to have experienced that moment.

Yesterday morning we did have another social worker visit. She discussed much more at length what will happen when they "pass the case" this fall. Translation: when they change the goal to adoption SBR will get a new social worker to coordinate termination and adoption. I later asked Paul how he felt about the discussion. His comments were "she feels this is heading towards adoption, but for me, nothing has changed." She also talked briefly about what point we would want to start thinking of names, etc. Bottom line, we are not there yet. As of today SBR has been in our care for 4 months. At 6 months in our care the case CAN be passed. There are still a great deal of things that can happen (bio family get's it together, kinship family work out, bio parents refuse to sign termination and he remains in our care for another year or more without imminent adoption) OR this could go through smoothly and we adopt by the end of the year.

For now...we just keep loving on this little boy.

Wedding Weekend

This weekend was my brother's wedding and we had a wonderful time. H was so grown up and so cute marching around with her purse (from aunt meagan) and her sunglasses and hair done. She did exceptionally well...except for the actual wedding. I spent most of the wedding trying to figure out the appropriate time for momma (a bridesmaid) to take the flower girl to the back to calm her down. In the end, we waited it out. Everyone loved meeting "SBR" and we get so many comments on what a great, laid back baby he is. Thanks be to God! I am so grateful we got a foster son with the personality of a number two. He IS great and it was so nice to be able to introduce him to everyone.

The night ended with the reception and the funniest moment was when someone suggested to H her basket would make a nice hat. She took her flowers right out of the basket, put it on her head and walked out into her introduction like the crazy kid she is.

silly side note

about the new blog, Paul mentioned the fields looked quite fertile. hmmm....not appropriate? Well, I think they are prettier than the desert pictures. Hope wins this time buddy.