I joined this group after reading half way through Suburban CEO an old website from my favorite blogger. It is far time I return to the site and continue reading.
I could make a list of all the crazy things that my kids do for empathy or humor. With Rosie approaching the age of five I am seeing the impact of every little thing I do upon her formation. Let's just say that when I sin, that sin is multiplied.
Most days are rough. Today was especially rough. At the end of the day I called my husband at work and cried. Then I hugged my daughter and asked if I am a good mom. Not the answer I wanted. :-/
I know in my heart there is good in my motherhood. I have been called to the vocation of marriage and the desire for children was imprinted on my being. I prayed and begged God for motherhood for 5 years before I was so blessed with the gift. Now that gift sits on my chest like a massive weight, taking every ounce of my being. I am being poured out and emptied beyond where I ever thought possible.
If it was just me an my motherhood, I would not survive. I am fighting with everything inside of me. Fighting to stay connected. Fighting to stay accountable. Fighting to let the good of my motherhood declare victory over the bad. And most importantly, surrendering to God.
9 comments:
Hang in there! It's a race and races are hard, they take perseverance (didn't someone say that once in a really good Book?). And, as to those other mommy blogs with beautiful crafts and lovely pictures, well, that is only a small part of their life...one story they chose to put out there for the world to see. They aren't going to show you the mess in their entryway or a video of them screaming at their kids because it takes three requests before they brush their teeth before bedtime or how they've cleaned their kitchen FIVE TIMES today and it looks exactly like it did before the first attempt. Personally, that's the blogging I prefer and I tend not to read the here is my perfect Martha-Stewart-mixed-with-Pottery-Barn-and-a-bit-of-Michelle-Duggar-sprinkled-in life. It's a journey and God knows where you are. Be honest with Him and ask Him what He wants you to change TODAY. You can't fix everything at once and He doesn't expect you to. Pick one thing and lay it at His feet. He will make you a new creation. He is the God who calls things that aren't as those they were (Rom. 4:17) and even though YOU don't feel like a good mom, He's calling you a good mom. HUGS!!
OOPS! Meant to say "that's NOT the blogging I prefer"!
I understand. I feel like the same way!
Hang in there. Everyone goes through difficult moments where they question their ability to mother etc. Life is hard. Children are harder :) Motherhood can be impossible. You have chosen a difficult path. God is going to sanctify you through your children. I read on someone's blog that they called their children their little "sanctifiers." Prayers to you during this difficult time.
This is exactly why I think you are a great mom. Hugs to you, my friend.
Thanks so much for all these beautiful responses. I just returned from a quickie vacation and they are nice words to come home too (as I listen to the screaming upstairs or try to drown out the memory of camping with a 2 year old!). :)
You're doing better than you think!
I definitely know what you mean about rough days-- and other moms often seeming so perfect and organized!! (I don't craft, my house is messy, and I describe myself as "organizationally- challenged." ) But I have to believe that our children need and love us *as we are,* and that being present to them is the greatest gift... You're doing a wonderful job!! (Hugs)
You are good mom! Motherhood is soooooooooooooooo hard. It is such a challenge everyday and every minute. Your relationships with the Lord, your DH and your kids are way more important than a craft or a clean house.
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