Out of left field

Blaise and me in reflection outside of the hospital Friday.

Can I let you in on a secret?? Or three??? 

On Friday night at 4pm I received a phone call. It was my case worker at CYS.  Holding my breath, I prepared myself for her to tell me there was a problem with the termination of parental rights.  TPR was June 11th and we are still in the 30 day window where an appeal could take place. 

But that was not the reason she was calling.  

In our county we can only have six kids in our home.  Our littlest two bring our kid count to six, so we knew we would be closed out as foster parents upon their successful adoption. 

I have been unloaded baby stuff like crazy this past year.  While we have always been open to conception, without the certainty of foster adoption, there was no reason to hold on to anything. 

But God tends to move in our life when we unload stuff (literally and figuratively)!  

My case worker informed me that the day before, Thursday afternoon, a baby was born at the hospital and was a full sibling to my (adopted) son.  And she wanted to know if we would be a placement resource.  

If we said yes, she would have to write out a special waiver to be approved by regional.  But since the baby was a full sibling, we would most likely be approved. 

I knew my husband would say yes.  He later joked "it's like we are addicted!"  

I returned her call quickly with our yes and plans moved forward.  We were told we were on hold, as the grandparents were a primary resource.  If grandparents fell through we were next in line.  

Incidentally, we have had an open relationship with J & R, my son's birth parents, since he was adopted.  We have seen them twice every year and communicate via email.  I hadn't seen them for a year and suddenly understood why.  I asked my social worker if I could bring my son to visit them.  It was a "no", but then I explained my son wanted to meet this new baby, she coincided to "use your best judgment". 

We immediately went down there.  J & R were thrilled and so surprised by our visit.  The baby is seven tiny perfect pounds, fresh from the womb.  But I had to sit with them and pretend like nothing was happening. They tell me how excited they are about the life they are preparing for her and if anything happens, how hard they will fight. During the visit my phone rings twice. I step outside and learn that grandparents cannot be a resource. We need to have our phone at the ready and be prepared to pick the baby up tomorrow. 

I go back inside and spend more time listening to their hopes and dreams. And their fears. I hug mom. My heart is breaking. 

We leave and then we go shopping for some infant necessities.

The next day goes on as normal, with the exception that I took the puppy to the vet to get her boosters and vaccines.  My family comes home from an outing, we lay down for a nap and then the phone rings. 

I go to the hospital and am ushered into a room by myself.  I watch videos about baby safety, then eventually meet with the case worker and the pediatrician.  After 90 minutes, they finally wheel her in.  I get her loaded in the car seat, they get all the security paraphenia taken off and we head out. 

I make the mistake off looking back.  R, dad, is in doorway a few rooms down watching us leave.  Without thinking I reach my hand back in a wave, not the joyful kind, definitely a sorrowful one. 

So, here we are now.  Exceeding capacity thanks to a surprise and a yes. 

I know, without a doubt that our families believe us to be crazy.  And I am grateful for all their love and support anyhow.  Every decision we make, regarding our family, affects our village.  There is no particular motivation in this yes.  We definitely don't make it based on our confidence in ourselves.  More based on our faith in a great big God.  

While we are open, as always, in being an adoptive resource, it would bring me great joy to hand her back to J & R one day with trust in their readiness to be parents that get to keep their child. 

via GIPHY