joy

Little Miss Sunshine, aka Baby Joy is ONE!  Every day I am grateful that God has chosen me to be her mama.  And every night I am grateful he has chosen my husband to be her Papa :-).  Time for some detachment parenting over here!

I have sat at my desk one hundred times in the last eight months...but with never enough of myself to give to you.  Today, I don't have much, but a few lovely pictures to add.

I am homeschooling a first grader (miracle).  Juggling ten thousand doctors visits for my middle two (with a new ADHD diagnosis in the mix).  Round trips to the pre-school.  Weekly therapy appointments.  Weekly homeschool co-op. And I am more than just treading water, thanks be to Him.

Until next time.

The JOY of the Gospel

If you are in need of lenten reading, consider joining me in reading Evangelii Gaudium...the Joy of the Gospel by Pope Francis.  This one has my name all over it!

giving love

I had a few moments of solitude this afternoon while driving for an errand.  I was contemplating how little I feel right now.  I am pouring all of myself into my children and I have hardly any time to consider my own needs.  I try to make time for prayer...it happens a few times a week.  I stuff food in my face every so often, like a thief having to hide from my preschool beggars.  Hair, make up?  Forget it.  Showers are my sacred time and offer another 10 minutes of stolen solitude.  

precious little moments

Do I need more me time? Sure.  Do I need more date nights?  Yes.  

I have been warned, probably by my father, not to give up too much of myself that I don't know who I am without my children.  I get the gist of this idea.  But we also have a God who wants us to be emptied for love of Him.  He also wants us to find our identity in Him - and I am still working on this.  

I am so grateful to be in a place where I feel all this pouring out it for the good of my soul.  I have been loving my children.  I have been connecting with them.  Sharing special little moments here and there.  Thank you Jesus for taking over my life and guiding me, leading me, one day at a time, closer to your heart.  Thank you for helping me love better, give better, serve better.  

my little man

(planned this for yesterday...and then...there was a problem with my battery...and then....)

What a difference a year has made for my little man...and our ability to survive one another.  I am not even quite sure how to explain this one.  The most lovable, kindest, sweetest kid one minute (especially to everyone else) and then the most challenging, not listening, make you bang your head against a wall kind of kid the next (especially to those he loves most).

so proud to have his white belt

(Blog interrupted to scream after I corrected him for the 1,000,000th time for breaking a toy that does not belong to him by throwing him across the room, an action for which he is corrected 100 times a day)

When I started this blog, yesterday, I had warm glowing things to say.  But now.... This is how my life goes with this one.  

This one.  The one to whom I began yelling.  The one to whom I began spanking.  The one who has overcome every baby proof item known to man.  The one who has been saved by his guardian angel from near death 3 times.  That smile.  That smile keeps this child's heart beating.  

This one, now 4, displays his every little emotion out loud.  And then, he hugs me with his strong little arms and tells me he loves me.  

He is excelling in the preschool environment right now.  His teachers ADORE him.  Even when I drop him off with a big fat question mark of (not) knowing what kind of child I am leaving with them...they adore him.  He is thriving in a very structured environment.   

I am grateful that God has given me this boy to experience raising an XY.  He truly makes life more adventurous...and I will just leave it at that, for now. 

7 Days of Blogging - nursing immunity

I have been riding the baby train...with baby brain...but missing putting thoughts on "paper".

I am going to TRY to join with Jen this week and do 7 posts in 7 days.

Today, I have a pile of bills to sort through so I will be very brief.  Quick intro for anyone new to me.  I have four children, in 6 years, after 5 years of infertility.  #1 bio, #2 & #3 adopted from foster care, #4 bio.  (about us)

Stock via

With my first child, I was convinced of nursing immunity.  I was a stay at home mom and she was never sick.  I was sure breastfeeding protected my child from everything.  #2 and #3 were frequently sick as infants.  Now...with #4, "breastfeeding immunity" is not as huge as I thought.  "Joy" is currently recovering from a cold with bronchiolitis, plus double ear infection.  She hates the antibiotics and it is a trial twice a day to get 5ml of the pink stuff into her little resistant, rasberry spitting, tounge pushing mouth.  Baby Joy is not only here to bring me Joy, but also to teach me that bio does not mean better.  More on these thoughts as the week progresses.

love comes softly

I rarely sit at the computer any more.  The idea of blogging one finger at a time is not as appeling.  When I do sit at the computer, my brain is emptied of any thoughts worthy of a blog post.  Oh, blessed baby brain!

Last week my oldest said something that broke my heart & awakened something deep within.  She commented that her adoptive siblings were not her "real" siblings.  Woooah man.  In retrospect, it was a natural thought process that developed within her.  We have been talking about belly moms & birth siblings.  She did not say it with malice,  merely in conversation.  It sent me into a tailspin of explanations: "we are all adopted by God", "adoption is real family", "we may not share blood but....".  And ultimately, "Rosie, I would give up my life just as fast for them as I would for you."  They are my real children.

I have been seeing Catie with fresh eyes. She is my petitite bebe.  While my others are fierce & loud, Catie is quiet & shy.  She is afraid of most things.  She clings to us when she is shy or scared.  More and more she wants to snuggle.  Always she wants to hold the baby.   

For me...adoption love takes time.  When they are your fosters, they are not yours.  Adoption did not flip the switch for me (with either). The last two years have been hard for us...toddler years are never easy.  Finding my love, digging it out, unearthing & living it is a blessed thing.  With everything inside of me, I wished that love came quicker.  For her sake, most especially.  

I pray PRAY that God's grace covers what was & is lacking in me as her mother.  I pray that God continues to mold me into the mama she so desperately needs & deserves.  Catie, my beautiful girl, I am & will always be your real mama.  You have my whole heart.

(((And as far as my oldest is concerned...we are trying to find the best resources to handle these scenarios.  We have a handful of books - but need more training/info/ideas on bridging the gap.  Happy for any suggestions on processing adoption with kids as they start to understand adoption.)))