Recently a fellow foster adoptive mom blogged about the importance of touch to our children. She gushed over the fact that she relished sharing hugs and contact with her kids through the day. Her three oldest are biological, her two youngest are adopted from foster care.
I have been struggling with being maternal. It comes naturally with Rosie (my bio). It is significantly more challenging with Augie & Catie. Augie seeks out hugs and love and is very touch oriented...so he does actually get plenty of affection. Catie is the opposite.
In the bible study I mentioned recently, my resolution for the week was to comfort my children when they fall or get hurt. I had to force myself to pick up and embrace Catie yesterday after she tripped.
Many adoptive families have only grown through adoption...so perhaps they don't experience this to the same extent as myself, for example, with bio & adopted kiddos. While my love does not differ, and while I would truly do anything for any of them...my maternal affections need some help.
I have shared before that I feel deeply that these differences come from the lack of bonding through birth and being deprived of the ability to nurse them. I did not have the physical maternal experience with bonding hormones for Augie & Catie. This is where "love is a choice" comes into the repertoire. I recognize this is something I need to change. Sometimes we have to force change along by doing things that are not natural or comfortable.
I am not sure if the above book has information to this affect. I am hopeful that I will be able to report back with more insight on the topic after I have processed it (and hopefully lived it) further.
2 comments:
I have found the same thing in my experience. I love my adopted daughter and all of my foster children but it isn't quite the same as the son I gave birth to. I've found that to be the case with almost if not every adoptive parent that FIRST gave birth while the opposite has been true of those who adopted FIRST and then gave birth. I find that interesting.
Yes, I have similar feelings and struggles. Because physical touch is not my primary love language (and perhaps even last on my list), I have to be very purposeful about expressing love physically because Little Man is not a physical touch kid but when I offer the affection he falls right into it like he's just been waiting for it.
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