Tonight, as I was putting my sweet girl to bed I looked at her and said "YOU came from me. I can't believe you came from me." She told me, as she understands, she came from my belly, but her brother came from another mamma's belly.
Yes, my love. You are so smart!
I adore our foster son. He has a smile and a laugh that can brighten the darkest day. He has such a special place in our lives, in our home. Yet, for now, he remains the child of another. In the hard times, this is most difficult. I fear I give less when it gets tough. Then I have to remember, every mother with a number 1 probably gives less to number 2 - simply because number 1 still needs.
Am I attached? I don't know. I think God has given me a special grace to love and care for this sweet boy - without complete attachment. I fear not having that complete attachment...but if it is meant to be, it will come, I am sure.
We had a foster appreciation banquet tonight. I had another mom that is not in a position to adopt tell me how lucky I am that we can do that. She is facing giving up the infant they have raised for 6 months. Lucky. My hands are full when I leave the house (even on the third time out the door). My daughter has a "brudder", whom she adores. My husband has a son. I have a son. For how long? Will I be "lucky" a year from now? I can only dream that God has led us right here for this reason. That one day I will explain to our child, you came from another mamma's womb, but you have been in my heart forever.
