Adoptive Search Panel

So, last night I was on my own to attend the Search panel discussion (while Paul was teaching). This is where we hear from "the triad." The triad consists of the adoptive parent(s), adopted child and birthparent(s). The search panel consists of one of each of these that have searched and found someone in the last couple years.

The first was an adoptive parent. Her son sought and found his birthmother when he turned 18. Since her son was 7 when he was adopted he did have a memory of his birthmother. In this case the mother and the birthmother formed a friendship and now refer to him as "our son" and joke about how he has two mothers. There always seems to be one case that is a little over the top.

The second was a daughter and birthfather that were reunited last year. This case was unique because it is very rare that a birthfather will keep the agency updated hoping to one day reunite with his child. Hearing from this man gave good insight. He was 15 when his daughter was born. His parents wanted to adopt and raise the baby - he was the one who talked everyone into giving the baby up for adoption. He was very respectful to the desires of the parents - to wait until their daughter turned 18 for her to search. She wanted to wait until she was out of college. Now they both speak of the relationship, the challenges and brought thoughts such as what happens after the reunion. Hearing from the daughter really helped me see that her parents are her parents, regardless of what happened with the search. She also helped me see that some degree of openness (letters, pictures) is not a bad thing. She didn't have any of that and said it has been overwhelming trying to learn names and relationships in her new extended family.

Also, the idea of the fact that the child is going to want to search was addressed. It is not a bad thing. It seems to just be a necessary, "finding oneself" right of passage for a child that is adopted. Even though a percentage of reunions never happen, or rejection may occur, the child will know and have closure on that part of their life.
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On another note...I just accepted a new job as the Director of Campus Ministry for a catholic high school. I am thrilled to finally have the opportunity to do what I want (full time ministry) - but nervous as to how the adoption will play into this change. I know God has this plan that is slowly unrolling. It is just difficult to see directly in front of you when you want to know the big picture. Hopefully the job will be a good distraction from the wait.